Does Anyone Have A Thai Male Friend?

[eek]

I think that Thai men are intimidated by farang men.

[Junglejumbo]

My closest friends here are three Thai males. I've been here for a bit longer than the topic starter, and frankly I've found most of my fellow English and US friends totally unreliable and often over opinionated, albeit good drinking pals from time to time, but only when it suits them...

I am not especially chummy here with Thai woman by themselves. I tend to find that they're for relationships only. Having said that the girl friend and wife of two of my friends would consider me a real friend. I tried making friends with a Thai girl in the same neighborhood who was educated and in the same line of business, but ultimately she wanted a relationship, and then came the money help. No to both and I got the cold shoulder.....

Depends on your age, I suspect. I made my best male friends 15 years ago, when I was 23 years old and shortly after arriving here. These include my three closest friends today. However, some other male friends I made at that time who I had a great time with decided to exit the friendship after some years for one reason or another.

I find that new friends I make now in my late 30's come with more baggage. I've met a few Thai male friends who I've thought I've got on with, but then they're asking me for money (even when they've got decent jobs like doctors or accountants), or they're emotionally disturbed or they want to get into your pants. Certainly have to pick more carefully when you get older. But if you keep to friends of friends, there's plenty of friendly guys around who've worked in foreign companies and enjoy a beer and fish and chips, at least in Bangkok. However, I am just think at around my age, we tend to just keep with what we've got already rather than venturing a new. But then you say that you've made friends from so many other countries--but I would say that's far too many people to really be good friends....

Another thing is once people have children which many do by their late 30's, they don't have enough time or need for new friends but again that's pretty much the world over.

[dave_boo]

I've been here 16 years and have never had a Thai bloke that I would call a 'mate.'

To be honest I've nothing in common with them, and in the early days I tried to make an effort.

They are generally immature, selfish and (if you play golf you'll understand) have no etiquette.

Find one that will admit a mistake and take responsibility for his actions and I'll give you 50 quid.

Ask most long-term ex-pats if they enjoy the company of the Thai blokes here and you can see their face cringe.

If I can get that in THB, I'll bring my friend down and we can contrive a story to earn it.....)

But seriously, I do understand what you're saying. Perhaps my standards are too low for some of the board members that are comfortable in haute coutre, but I have yet to see any evidence of overwhelming selfishness. In fact, on the few occasion I did attend those 'parties' that I alluded to earlier it was quite a struggle to convince them that if they bought one bottle it was my responsibility to buy one. I.E., they took it upon themselves to provide for the invited guest (me). I have yet to have anyone, with the exception of family who the wife shot down, ask for money. What some call immaturity I see as love for life, and the conditions that a large percentage of Thais live in (at least where my baan is) only have that. Who actually is more satisified; those who work hard and play hard, tell off-colour jokes, etc. or those hi-so's who are miserable keeping up with (the Thai equivalent) of the Joneses?

After reading about the apparently miserable social lives of some members here, I'm glad I'm not located in Bangkok or *shudder* Pattaya. Having made the decision to make a small little town in the middle of nowhere (not so different from where I grew up come to think of it) the place I currently call home seems to have been one of the few smart things I've done in the course of my life. Of course those same board members would probably decide they have nothing in common with me, and both parties would probably be better off not trying to reconcile that!

[Heng]

A friend, a true friend, is best defined as somebody you can call at 1 am to say you just killed somebody and need to bury the corpse. Friend replies, "I'll be there ASAP - should I bring a shovel?"

In many families here, those folks are also called employees.

[kiakaha]

A friend, a true friend, is best defined as somebody you can call at 1 am to say you just killed somebody and need to bury the corpse. Friend replies, "I'll be there ASAP - should I bring a shovel?"

In many families here, those folks are also called employees.

In America they are called HillBilly Rednecks.

[neverdie]

Perhaps the OP is getting confused betweeen 'hostile looks' and just plain ugly ones .

for the record I have made numerous thai male friends & I have had a few ugly looks too & whenever I receive one, I always make sure to return it

[coventry]

I have yet to see any evidence of overwhelming selfishness.

Have you never driven on Thai roads ? Queued in a supermarket ? There's loads more but I can't be bothered as this has been discussed before. Yes they will share food and drink but that's it and they will expect you to do likewise.

[brahmburgers]

The Thai men that I know - there's often a money element to companionship. Because I'll always be the farang in their view, and (they think) a farang can go to an ATM any time, day or night, to withdraw money: All Thais have an indelible impression that farang have deep pockets.

With few exceptions, every time I do something substantial with a Thai person, male or female, I always feel some money compensation is expected (whether expressed or insinuated), and I always come through to pay - at least a token amount. Perhaps friendship can grow in such situations, but it's like trying to grow a lily in dry soil.

[dave_boo]

I have yet to see any evidence of overwhelming selfishness.

Have you never driven on Thai roads ? Queued in a supermarket ? There's loads more but I can't be bothered as this has been discussed before. Yes they will share food and drink but that's it and they will expect you to do likewise.

I've driven on Thai roads....haven't seen anything I'd call selfish-perhaps road rage, but not selfish

I've queued at

[Tilokarat]

I have lots of Thai friends, male and female although the women outnumber the men. I try to get along with everyone.

[dave_boo]

I have yet to see any evidence of overwhelming selfishness.

Have you never driven on Thai roads ? Queued in a supermarket ? There's loads more but I can't be bothered as this has been discussed before. Yes they will share food and drink but that's it and they will expect you to do likewise.

I've driven on Thai roads....haven't seen anything I'd call selfish-perhaps road rage, but not selfish

I've queued at supermarkets and haven't noticed anybody jumping line-if you really want examples of that go to Korea or the Middle East.

And my experience with the food and drink....I guess I've been lucky because EVERY Thai that has invited me out has paid. I've, of course, almost always returned the favour but never felt that it was expected other than by my Western upbringing. And that's to include both meals in Bangkok while visiting with the sister in law's family and up north.

[neverdie]

I have yet to see any evidence of overwhelming selfishness.

Have you never driven on Thai roads ? Queued in a supermarket ? There's loads more but I can't be bothered as this has been discussed before. Yes they will share food and drink but that's it and they will expect you to do likewise.

I've driven on Thai roads....haven't seen anything I'd call selfish-perhaps road rage, but not selfish

I've queued at supermarkets and haven't noticed anybody jumping line-if you really want examples of that go to Korea or the Middle East.

And my experience with the food and drink....I guess I've been lucky because EVERY Thai that has invited me out has paid. I've, of course, almost always returned the favour but never felt that it was expected other than by my Western upbringing. And that's to include both meals in Bangkok while visiting with the sister in law's family and up north.

You would have to be joking dave?

I would call drivers in this country, very selfish, amoungst other things.

[unforgiven]

I've lived and worked in Thailand for 14 years, am married to a Thai, have 2 kids meet many Thai males through work and socially but have never had a friendship with a Thai male. I have or have had friends from Australia, England, France, New Zealand, USA, Sweden, India, Germany, Philippines, Singapore, Canada, West Indies, Chile, Italy, Greece, China, Equador, Poland, Fiji, Japan, Norway, Russia, Serbia, South Africa, Ireland, Wales, Scotland, Zimbabwe etc and probably more. In addition I don't think that any of my expat friends have Thai male friends either. The closest I have to a Thai friend is a half English bloke, who is very Thai but we haven't so much as had a beer in 10 years. If I meet Thai blokes I find that I don't have anything in common at all.

I bought a house in a mooban that is 97% Thai and while I have friendships with the Thai women, I do not get along with the males at all. In fact, when I go for a walk I get smiles etc. from the women and hostile suspicious stares from the men. I don't have parties, play loud music, my place is tidy and I am respectful to neighbors.

In conclusion, I can only assume that I am committing some major cultural no-no or that Thai men are almost an entirely different species to every other race on earth.

I am sure that some of the TV members have Thai male friends, but I bet that most don't.

I've been here 17 years never had a thai male friend,they see us a buffalo ATM"s..............it's to bad,but that's the way it is.

[unforgiven]

The Thai men that I know - there's often a money element to companionship. Because I'll always be the farang in their view, and (they think) a farang can go to an ATM any time, day or night, to withdraw money: All Thais have an indelible impression that farang have deep pockets.

With few exceptions, every time I do something substantial with a Thai person, male or female, I always feel some money compensation is expected (whether expressed or insinuated), and I always come through to pay - at least a token amount. Perhaps friendship can grow in such situations, but it's like trying to grow a lily in dry soil.

It's parasitic,not friend like bavior

[neverdie]

I've been here 17 years never had a thai male friend,they see us a buffalo ATM"s..............it's to bad,but that's the way it is.

Like anything, you would be wrong to think 100% of thai males think this way.

[Heng]

A friend, a true friend, is best defined as somebody you can call at 1 am to say you just killed somebody and need to bury the corpse. Friend replies, "I'll be there ASAP - should I bring a shovel?"

In many families here, those folks are also called employees.

In America they are called HillBilly Rednecks.

Nah, they're called friends or employees there as well. Although OMMV.

[Heng]

I've been here 17 years never had a thai male friend,they see us a buffalo ATM"s..............it's to bad,but that's the way it is.

Yeah, Thai gals never see folks as buffalo ATM's.

Kind of a crappy bank IMO though... the workers tend to look a bit depressed. "Doh! Time to go to Central/Carrefour/Lotus again!?" "How many plastic containers do you need!!?"

[PeaceBlondie]

Let's see...Thai males usually have friends, and some of them are very long-term and close. We farang do not have many Thai male friends. Maybe Thais are not selfish, cliquish, unfriendly. Maybe we are.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Yes, I did read yours perhaps you should re-read mine. As I said, could be he was just watching you and thinking of something else, or nothing at all. A lack of a smile doesn't indicate hostility in my book.

Maybe not in Bangkok or some hard core tourist spots, but it does in the real Thailand.

[kurnell]

Perhaps I should ask my wife to invite her friends families along to dinner. We have kids, they have kids, there must be something in common.

[BFD]

Let's see...Thai males usually have friends, and some of them are very long-term and close. We farang do not have many Thai male friends. Maybe Thais are not selfish, cliquish, unfriendly. Maybe we are.

A bit of a faulty syllogism here, I think (at least, if I'm using that term correctly!). I don't think anyone here is saying that 'we farang' don't have any close friends, just that we infrequently have close Thai friends. Conversely, Thais infrequently have close farang friends, so I guess the result is that both groups are selfish, cliquish and unfriendly.

Which really sucks, you know? I'd like to expand my experiences in the culture to include having Thai drinking buddies and fellas to watch soccer with. However, all of my attempts have lasted roughly one bottle of Sangsom, at which point my new friends realize my Thai is a little too good for them to make fun of me and I realize that there is very little chance of having a meaningful conversation (at least, meaningful for me).

The fact of the matter is that I can have these sorts of conversations with my girlfriend, and some girls at work, and these are held entirely in Thai. I'll admit that I have to run for my dictionary every now and then to clarify a point, but I just find that women are more willing to talk to me than men are. While I won't cry myself to sleep over this, it is puzzling.

Edited March 16, 2009 by BFD

[OxfordWill]

I have over 10 thai male "friends" but only 3 of them are very close. All three were educated outside of Thailand, two of them in the same university as me. One is called Mark.

Life here without these 3 close friends would be very difficult I think. I strongly suggest looking for Thais educated overseas, you get the best qualities of both countries.

Edited March 16, 2009 by OxfordWill

[Junglejumbo]

I agree that most Thai males make their only lifelong friends in their own village during childhood, or early in their working career. Everything else is hierarchy.

This is more or less true, especially for career orientated guys, but about 10% are lonely creatures, whether its because they're stuck in a location they don't like or just didn't make those friends at an early age....and they need you.

[Maizefarmer]

I've lived and worked in Thailand for 14 years, am married to a Thai, have 2 kids meet many Thai males through work and socially but have never had a friendship with a Thai male. I have or have had friends from Australia, England, France, New Zealand, USA, Sweden, India, Germany, Philippines, Singapore, Canada, West Indies, Chile, Italy, Greece, China, Equador, Poland, Fiji, Japan, Norway, Russia, Serbia, South Africa, Ireland, Wales, Scotland, Zimbabwe etc and probably more. In addition I don't think that any of my expat friends have Thai male friends either. The closest I have to a Thai friend is a half English bloke, who is very Thai but we haven't so much as had a beer in 10 years. If I meet Thai blokes I find that I don't have anything in common at all.

I bought a house in a mooban that is 97% Thai and while I have friendships with the Thai women, I do not get along with the males at all. In fact, when I go for a walk I get smiles etc. from the women and hostile suspicious stares from the men. I don't have parties, play loud music, my place is tidy and I am respectful to neighbors.

In conclusion, I can only assume that I am committing some major cultural no-no or that Thai men are almost an entirely different species to every other race on earth.

I am sure that some of the TV members have Thai male friends, but I bet that most don't.

Do you speak Thai - I mean speak it properly? No - well, learn to speak it like you speak English (and throw in reading and writing as well) and that will quickly change.

Its about communication - ex-pat males are motivated to communicate with females, but those same motives dont apply to communicating with guys (unless you are gay) - and thats the trap a lot of long term ex-pats get caught in: they see/understand "communication" and relationships with Thai's only against the background of those motives. Thai's - and this is a big failing on their part (though they can hardly be blamed for it quite frankly) often see ex-pats only interested in communication with the girls. And the reason why those perceptions persist on both sides is because neither can communicate with the other beyond that level, or see each other in any other light.

The inability to communciate well, is without doubt the explination behind a lot of the false perceptions we read about on this forum vis a vis how ex-pats see Thai's, feel about them and their attitudes ect ect ...... Well, take it from me (against the background of spending a large part of childhood here, getting married to a Thai and then living all but a very small part of my adult professional life here) - Thai's (guys and girls) are humans just like us Westeners, and and been friendly with them is no different really than been friendly with other ex-pats.

Learning to speak the language well (like you speak English - and after 14 years here you should be pretty close to that by now) will open the door if you make the effort.

Thats my take on the subject ........

[LadyHeather]

14 years is long enough to develop some fluency but I have met quite a few Western men who have lived in Thailand for many years and still speak very rudimentary Thai.

Edited March 16, 2009 by LadyHeather

[Maizefarmer]

14 years is long enough to develop some fluency but I have met quite a few Western men who have lived in Thailand for many years and still speak very rudimentary Thai.

Some fluency (???) - hel_l, one may not have mastered the tonal aspects but as for the words and rules - no excuse!

Yes - youre quite right - and I can never understand why?

[coventry]

I strongly suggest looking for Thais educated overseas, you get the best qualities of both countries.

You've more chance of finding rocking horse shit, up here in Isaan.

[Ulysses G.]

I have a Thai man who I consider a friend, but I have to admit that I am also one of his best customers as he designs all my signs and advertising and all my friends use him as well. However, we were friends when I did not have a business and very little money and he treats me the same now as he did back then.

[Underbelly]

17 years?

I have been here 6 weeks and I have a few Thai male friends. Also back in Australia I have 2 very close Thai male friends.

I find Thai's to be very friendly and once you get to know them they are very loyal. Ofcourse there might be a few bad apples, but I havent met one yet. But I have only been here 6 weeks so time will tell.

I have also found out they love to drink, one of my mates is tall and skinny but drinks me under the table, he is a machine.

I think you should invite your wife's friends husbands over for dinner at your place, have a drink and something might kick off from there. There are many good Thai's out there, dont listen to some of the miserable posters on here that will curse them all

Edited March 16, 2009 by Underbelly

[henryalleman]

I have a number of Thai male friends and they are kind and helpful.

As a general rule, men don't have a lot of friends, especially as they get older. Most men limit their social circle to people they work with. Women, on the other hand, are very gregarious and they will drag the hubby/boyfriend along who will be forced to be friends with her girl friends' partners. It's the way life is.

There are drinking buddies, golf buddies etc. But over the years, friendships become fewer and fewer. \

It's in the nature of men, I guess.

couldn't describe it better