Difficulties Meeting Nice Girls In Thailand

[Travelmate]

Does anyone else on in this forum have experience of dating "normal" Thai girls? I have spent the past couple of weeks wining and dining some of them but it's not been too successful. I am 41 years old, still look reasonably young, but I'm beginning to think I'm too old for them.

I don't know quite what happened but a couple of weeks ago I suddenly had several 'dates' to go out with - maybe I was just in the right place at the right time. However, none of them have turned out to have much in the way of warmth or compassion. Contrast this with my previous Isaan girl - there is no comparison.

The best one was a girl I met at the bank. She comes from a fairly rich, educated family and speaks fluent English. She is not in the slightest bit "Thai" in her outlook. She has lived and studied abroad.

I have been dating her for a week and we've had tremendous fun. We went to Sirocco restaurant at the top of State Tower. We had lots of nice days together. Last week she was talking of introducing me to her family. She started speaking about the future and including me in it.

But today she's had a go at me for spelling her name incorrectly in my text messages (I write Thai but this was in English, so my mistake I guess). Yesterday I took some fruit to her office as a romantic gesture. She really didn't like me coming to the office. Now she's suddenly stopped replying to me.

Is this par for the course with normal Thai girls with slightly older foreigners like me? Are they simply not interested? Admittedly this girl is not conventional Thai. She doesn't go to the temple and she doesn't like the "Thai institution". She is 26 years old and slightly old-fashioned in outlook.

Any advice as to how to 'win her' back would be appreciated!!! Feeling pretty sh**ty about it at the moment. I can't understand why my two misdemeanours are so bad.

You went to the office with out her permission?? And you are 41?? You are a failure at this game.

Advice?

Send flowers and cards.

Wait for reply.

None received, then move on.

[dbrenn]

According to the OP the girl is not the slightest bit Thai and lived and worked abroad?

So why does she now have a massive hangup on Thai culture? If she was more of an international person then the visit to her work place would not have been offensive to her culture!

She just probably thought that it was a little desparate, play it cool old man and maybe her interest will pick up...

Things aren't always as they seem. The OP perceives this girl as "not Thai", but that's just his perception. Fact is, she is Thai, and seems to be behaving like a typical mainstream Thai girl in her mid twenties from a decent family.

Just because a Thai spent time abroad and speaks English doesn't mean that they can discard the culture of their mother land, even though they might say they can. This works both ways - I lived in Thailand for 18 years, love the place and became naturalised as a Thai. Although I have the greatest respect for Thai culture, I am still an Englishman at heart, and I behave like an Englishman. You do get farangs who pretend that they can be Thai, but it just doesn't look right. One's original culture is indelible, no matter how much time you spend abroad.

Edited March 18, 2009 by dbrenn

[Ricardo]

I have been dating her for a week and we've had tremendous fun...

We had lots of nice days together...

You are trying too hard, coming across as desperate, and she has gone off you.

I would agree that the OP seems to be taking things very quickly, why the great hurry, jai yen yen. Things like this may well take years, not days or weeks, here.

Been with her for only 1 week and already invaded her workplace?

NOT-A-SMART-THING-TO-DO

Agreed that to have a farang invade her workplace, when she probably hasn't even mentioned him to her colleagues yet, may well have embarrassed her, leading to her reaction so far. What might they have thought her relationship was, with this large smelly strange farang, who suddenly appears in their midst bearing fruit ?

A letter by post, perhaps to her home rather than office (!), might apologise for any embarrasment caused, and explain that this was due to cultural-ignorance, not intentional. That might get a second-chance, but if not then after a few weeks, move on.

[bkkjames]

41 is too old for a respectable 26 year old educated, westernised Thai women to take seriously. From the sounds of it you're lucky you got so far with her. Plenty of older businesswomen here who would be more appreciative and have more in common. Contrary to others, you certainly don't have to try hard to keep things going usually. You could try the personal ads in BK mag etc.

Really...Better tell my wife that. Me 41 - She nearly 25.

[adjan jb]

That sounds like a good advice.

i wasn't aware that advice fit into the countable noun category.

English being the second foreign language I had to learn, do you think it's forgivable?

[dbrenn]

No I didn't say that is the "deciding factor", but rather "one of the main factors" for consideration of the family in this circle, and of course higher occupation is a bonus too.

You know....every QUALITIES you have will be on the points system, and working as matrix....FOR or AGAINST YOU

The fact is.......It's just-not-so simple......like dating a simple girl from a simple family ---in this society.

You arr right - it's a points system - not only based on one factor

Each girl and her family has their own ideal points matrix, and "pass mark" and there are many qualities of a potential suitor that are subconciously taken into consideration.

The OP was dumped because he did not get the minimum points in key areas like perhaps age, challenge factor and possibly others.

[patklang]

According to the OP the girl is not the slightest bit Thai and lived and worked abroad?

So why does she now have a massive hangup on Thai culture? If she was more of an international person then the visit to her work place would not have been offensive to her culture!

She just probably thought that it was a little desparate, play it cool old man and maybe her interest will pick up...

I agree,think Teacup is way off the mark on this one.

[patklang]

41 is too old for a respectable 26 year old educated, westernised Thai women to take seriously. From the sounds of it you're lucky you got so far with her. Plenty of older businesswomen here who would be more appreciative and have more in common. Contrary to others, you certainly don't have to try hard to keep things going usually. You could try the personal ads in BK mag etc.

Really...Better tell my wife that. Me 41 - She nearly 25.

Carl,are you experienced then or BS

[teacup]

No I didn't say that is the "deciding factor", but rather "one of the main factors" for consideration of the family in this circle, and of course higher occupation is a bonus too.

You know....every QUALITIES you have will be on the points system, and working as matrix....FOR or AGAINST YOU

The fact is.......It's just-not-so simple......like dating a simple girl from a simple family ---in this society.

You arr right - it's a points system - not only based on one factor

Each girl and her family has their own ideal points matrix, and "pass mark" and there are many qualities of a potential suitor that are subconciously taken into consideration.

The OP was dumped because he did not get the minimum points in key areas like perhaps age, challenge factor and possibly others.

And

If she’s decent in …education, look, and personalities, one thing I’m very surprised is that…..she’s still “available”.

Usually these thai girls who have oversea education, will come home with either their oversea-thai teerak, or oversea-farang teerak ---w/ similar age………this is just the norm.

"in this circle that is"

[TonySoprano]

how can you write Thai but not know that bringing fruit to her workplace was a bad move?

[Kf6vci]

Mmh, I would second Texas Ranger. Women do not like men who are plain desperate.

Seems she took your faux pas as excuse to interrupt / end / test the friendship.

I would wait a few days, then show that you remain interested without pestering her or showering her with gifts. Standing on equal footing is so important! Good luck!

[t.s]

That sounds like a good advice.

i wasn't aware that advice fit into the countable noun category.

English being the second foreign language I had to learn, do you think it's forgivable?

merely pointing it out. sorry if i struck a nerve.

[teacup]

According to the OP the girl is not the slightest bit Thai and lived and worked abroad?

So why does she now have a massive hangup on Thai culture? If she was more of an international person then the visit to her work place would not have been offensive to her culture!

She just probably thought that it was a little desparate, play it cool old man and maybe her interest will pick up...

I agree,think Teacup is way off the mark on this one.

depends on your and my..... angle of perspective

[bkkjames]

how can you write Thai but not know that bringing fruit to her workplace was a bad move?

quite easy, alot of so-called Thai experts can read and write the language but err in thinking that this alone makes them accepted (as they put their feet up on a table).

too much time studying the language - not enough time learning (experiencing) the culture.

[Fore Man]

I also totally disagree with another poster's suggestion to give her money...she will take this as a sign that she can be bought and may resent it. Money in the form of meaningful gifts is far more appropriate.

Good luck!

I really really appreciate your reply. I know it's not money she's after. She is the sort of girl who is really particular about manners and appearance.

I accept that I've made a stupid mistake in going to the office. Sadly I seem to have blown my chances. I have now written her a letter and I am planning to have it delivered to her desk tomorrow. Hopefully I might be able to rescue the relationship although I'm worried I might be comitting yet another faux pas by doing so. Do you think this is a good idea?

Thanks again Fore Man.

Sambai, sorry for the delay in replying; I've been doing important things...playing golf! Since you sent your reply to my original message, there have been several well-meaning responses and a few crass ones that you can certainly ignore. I think the advice most have offered you is good--don't appear desperate and give things a chance to calm down. I also believe that after a week's time, if there has been no contact on her part, you have the option of sending a short note explaining your reasons for bringing fruit to her office....without getting too smarmy on apologies. I don't believe that an attractive (are you?) 41-year old farang is a turn-off to a modern 26-year old girl. A 15-year age difference is common here. It is how you are perceived that matters more...are you matched education and social caste-wise? Do you dress smartly? Would her family see you positively in sum or subtract points? This kind of Thai family is not going to be pleased if their daughter falls in love with a man that they believe is beneath their dignity. They aren't sure about farangs to begin with and you have to be really a 'catch' for them to support the relationship. Get in good with Mae and that's half the battle.

On the other hand, one of my friends is a 45-year old American CPA who attracted and married an educated and cosmopolitan 25-year old and they are very happy and content together. I am 16 years older than my wife. Many Thai girls don't care for the recklessness and brashness of Thai men closer to their own age and prefer a gent who has experience in life and can fully support them. Love has no age limits, and in Thailand there are differing attitudes on what constitutes love and motivations to marry.

If the lass in question fails to respond to you after that week has elapsed, and perhaps after you've sent a short note (addressed in Thai and penned by a Thai person on the outer envelope) it is time to move on. There is no need to go the BG route unless you really relish the idea...and to be frank, life is too short to miss out on all the fun. Get it well out of your system if you must. And then go to work tracking down the right lady of your dreams. They are everywhere in this society. And the next time out the chute, try to be a bit more debonair and less desperate in your approach. Women can't stand a guy who cares too much for them, too early; they also can't resist a mystery man who pushes their subliminal buttons.

Chok dee!

Edited March 18, 2009 by Fore Man

[Marksamui]

A lot of the time on here I read about how this is not Thai culture and/or he/she has been made to lose face, blah, blah, blah.

What the OP has done I don't think has much to do with culture (I would be intrigued to see some evidence that taking a fruit basket to a workplace is a massive no-no to a Thai person....)

This is not a culture thing why she has given him the cold shoulder it is more to do that a guy old enough to be her father, turning up at a girls work after knowing her for a week with a basket of fruit is just plain odd. It shows desperation and it would unnerve most girls be it that they are Thai or not. Try doing it in the UK and you will get the same response, probably with a fair bit of piss take extra!

[hhgz]

"Is this par for the course with normal Thai girls with slightly older foreigners like me?"

You're 41, and she's 26 - you're not "slightly older" than her. Try dating someone a decade older. Too, I'm not sure why you thought it was appropriate to invade her privacy by going to her place of work. That's right: you thought it was a "romantic gesture". "Hi, Baby Doll, it's me, your older boyfriend. All of your co-workers can see that you're dating an older white guy. I bet they will be jealous of you!" Get over you dang self!

[WinnieTheKhwai]

how can you write Thai but not know that bringing fruit to her workplace was a bad move?

Well, wait a minute. It's obviously a bad move in the short term. In the long term however she would have to take to the idea of having a foreign partner no matter what, and be proud of it also towards friends, family and co-workers.

So if she does come around even after this then she's made a step in the right direction. But if this was the reason for the relationship being broken off then that may have been for the better, not to mention speedyer. (if that's a word)

Edited March 18, 2009 by WinnieTheKhwai

[redscouse]

Do not send the letter, I know you are not taking the letter yourself but its still invasive and to be honest mate a bit too on top, you will chase her away. you have made the move with the sms and its up to her to reply.

One way to go would be to send her sms and tell her you will be in a certain restaurant at a certain time and invite her, tell her you would like to see her. if she doesn't turn up then forget her

That sounds like a good advice.

i wasn't aware that advice fit into the countable noun category.

beyond that it sounds like lousy advice.

From the OP:

Admittedly this girl is not conventional Thai. She doesn't go to the temple and she doesn't like the "Thai institution". She is 26 years old and slightly old-fashioned in outlook.

Is it only me that views this statement as contradictory?

quit being so desperate. its unbecoming.

Judging by your avatar I wouldn't have thought giving advice on woman problems as your forte

[TonySoprano]

Has OP told us what made him decide to go to her workplace? I am curious.

[redscouse]

Has OP told us what made him decide to go to her workplace? I am curious.

I don't know the OP but his action in going to her workplace after knowing her such a short time, and then posting on here for advice reeks of desperation on his part, and possibly that will be her perception as well

[ajarnmark]

Does anyone else on in this forum have experience of dating "normal" Thai girls? I have spent the past couple of weeks wining and dining some of them but it's not been too successful. I am 41 years old, still look reasonably young, but I'm beginning to think I'm too old for them.

I don't know quite what happened but a couple of weeks ago I suddenly had several 'dates' to go out with - maybe I was just in the right place at the right time. However, none of them have turned out to have much in the way of warmth or compassion. Contrast this with my previous Isaan girl - there is no comparison.

The best one was a girl I met at the bank. She comes from a fairly rich, educated family and speaks fluent English. She is not in the slightest bit "Thai" in her outlook. She has lived and studied abroad.

I have been dating her for a week and we've had tremendous fun. We went to Sirocco restaurant at the top of State Tower. We had lots of nice days together. Last week she was talking of introducing me to her family. She started speaking about the future and including me in it.

But today she's had a go at me for spelling her name incorrectly in my text messages (I write Thai but this was in English, so my mistake I guess). Yesterday I took some fruit to her office as a romantic gesture. She really didn't like me coming to the office. Now she's suddenly stopped replying to me.

Is this par for the course with normal Thai girls with slightly older foreigners like me? Are they simply not interested? Admittedly this girl is not conventional Thai. She doesn't go to the temple and she doesn't like the "Thai institution". She is 26 years old and slightly old-fashioned in outlook.

Any advice as to how to 'win her' back would be appreciated!!! Feeling pretty sh**ty about it at the moment. I can't understand why my two misdemeanours are so bad.

I NEVER dated any bargirl. Why should I? I can find some nice girls who have never been to any naughty bar before, either as a customer or employee. (I know some sad <deleted> will think I am boasting, but this is true.)

Age in my opinion does not play any big role in dating. I am 33 but I look much older I dont think at 41 you are old for any girl, unless you are dating teenage or girls in their early 20's.

You had many dates in the past week maybe because you had spent some time to set them up and all of them came at once, nothing unusual.

As far as dating Isaan girls is concerned, I cant comment, coz I never dated any Isaan girl so far.

As for the girl you mentioned in your OP, I dont think Thai girls get angry on such petty issues like name or something. Tell us honestly, what exactly have you done wrong.

If you were in her future plans and she also intended to let you meet her family, you were in dude. BUT, you did something terribly wrong and she was pissed off.

Even if she is not a traditional girl, I will tell you some rules:

1. Never goto her office, as she might have not told anyone about u, this would result in embarrassment. Keep in mind you are in Asia, where any Asian girl visited by a foreigner male means there is something wrong (means having physical/sexual relations with the foreigner). In fact, I never visited my ex-gf's school, unless she asks me to come and whenever I go, I always call her beforehand.

2. Never criticise Thailand or any other thing like temple etc., coz you may insult something unintentioanlly, which she will never tell you.

3. There is a slight possiblity that she thought about you and her and decided that this relationship may not work (here I am just making some assumptions based on your OP). Such thought may have come to her mind due to various factors such as your language (in)ability, communication problems, difference in background, your status in Thailand etc.

For me, I never had problems with any girls in the past because I know what they are looking for and I treat them properly. Sometimes, I cook for them (they love it), we go out etc.

Dont listen to other people who are talking about money, coz these people know only one type of girls in Thailand.

[MSingh]

Does anyone else on in this forum have experience of dating "normal" Thai girls? I have spent the past couple of weeks wining and dining some of them but it's not been too successful. I am 41 years old, still look reasonably young, but I'm beginning to think I'm too old for them.

I don't know quite what happened but a couple of weeks ago I suddenly had several 'dates' to go out with - maybe I was just in the right place at the right time. However, none of them have turned out to have much in the way of warmth or compassion. Contrast this with my previous Isaan girl - there is no comparison.

The best one was a girl I met at the bank. She comes from a fairly rich, educated family and speaks fluent English. She is not in the slightest bit "Thai" in her outlook. She has lived and studied abroad.

I have been dating her for a week and we've had tremendous fun. We went to Sirocco restaurant at the top of State Tower. We had lots of nice days together. Last week she was talking of introducing me to her family. She started speaking about the future and including me in it.

But today she's had a go at me for spelling her name incorrectly in my text messages (I write Thai but this was in English, so my mistake I guess). Yesterday I took some fruit to her office as a romantic gesture. She really didn't like me coming to the office. Now she's suddenly stopped replying to me.

Is this par for the course with normal Thai girls with slightly older foreigners like me? Are they simply not interested? Admittedly this girl is not conventional Thai. She doesn't go to the temple and she doesn't like the "Thai institution". She is 26 years old and slightly old-fashioned in outlook.

Any advice as to how to 'win her' back would be appreciated!!! Feeling pretty sh**ty about it at the moment. I can't understand why my two misdemeanours are so bad.

Words fail me...

[MSingh]

Dont listen to other people who are talking about money, coz these people know only one type of girls in Thailand.

Trouble is Mark, the VAST majority of Foreigners who come here only meet " that " type of Girl...

[t.s]

Dont listen to other people who are talking about money, coz these people know only one type of girls in Thailand.

Trouble is Mark, the VAST majority of Foreigners who come here only meet " that " type of Girl...

no, trouble is those peole are taking the piss and you are too obtuse to see it.

[Maizefarmer]

Does anyone else on in this forum have experience of dating "normal" Thai girls? I have spent the past couple of weeks wining and dining some of them but it's not been too successful. I am 41 years old, still look reasonably young, but I'm beginning to think I'm too old for them.

I don't know quite what happened but a couple of weeks ago I suddenly had several 'dates' to go out with - maybe I was just in the right place at the right time. However, none of them have turned out to have much in the way of warmth or compassion. Contrast this with my previous Isaan girl - there is no comparison.

The best one was a girl I met at the bank. She comes from a fairly rich, educated family and speaks fluent English. She is not in the slightest bit "Thai" in her outlook. She has lived and studied abroad.

I have been dating her for a week and we've had tremendous fun. We went to Sirocco restaurant at the top of State Tower. We had lots of nice days together. Last week she was talking of introducing me to her family. She started speaking about the future and including me in it.

But today she's had a go at me for spelling her name incorrectly in my text messages (I write Thai but this was in English, so my mistake I guess). Yesterday I took some fruit to her office as a romantic gesture. She really didn't like me coming to the office. Now she's suddenly stopped replying to me.

Is this par for the course with normal Thai girls with slightly older foreigners like me? Are they simply not interested? Admittedly this girl is not conventional Thai. She doesn't go to the temple and she doesn't like the "Thai institution". She is 26 years old and slightly old-fashioned in outlook.

Any advice as to how to 'win her' back would be appreciated!!! Feeling pretty sh**ty about it at the moment. I can't understand why my two misdemeanours are so bad.

You say you write Thai (?), but everything else in your notes suggests that you cannot "communicate" [in Thai] with her (?)

In any case, a quick response to the title of your thread would be - learn to speak Thai - like you speak English (and throwing in the ability to read and write is a great help as well) - you will discover that Thai girls are little different to Western girls of the same socio-economic background and experiance of life. They become human - preconceptions vanish and differances you see come down to character and personality - you begin to deal with them just like you do with Western girls - and the sooner you get into that frame of mind, the better.

My other half says (to whom I have been married now around 20years and have 2 kids with), says: back off - throw the ball into her court and give her the oppurtunity to take the initiative. If she wants to she will - if she doesn't, persuing her will be a waste of time. Don't read anything "cultural" into her response to your turning up at her place of employment - she may not have said much to anyone at work, she may not have wanted folk at work to know, she may not have told you about "the guy at work" ...... could be any one of a number of reasons, but in more likely hood it will turn out to be no different from any of the possible reasons a Western girl may have been caught off gaurd with you turning up at her place of employment. And lastly, don't be "serious" - let things develope at their own natural pace.

[LooseCannon]

Does anyone else on in this forum have experience of dating "normal" Thai girls? I have spent the past couple of weeks wining and dining some of them but it's not been too successful. I am 41 years old, still look reasonably young, but I'm beginning to think I'm too old for them.

I don't know quite what happened but a couple of weeks ago I suddenly had several 'dates' to go out with - maybe I was just in the right place at the right time. However, none of them have turned out to have much in the way of warmth or compassion. Contrast this with my previous Isaan girl - there is no comparison.

The best one was a girl I met at the bank. She comes from a fairly rich, educated family and speaks fluent English. She is not in the slightest bit "Thai" in her outlook. She has lived and studied abroad.

I have been dating her for a week and we've had tremendous fun. We went to Sirocco restaurant at the top of State Tower. We had lots of nice days together. Last week she was talking of introducing me to her family. She started speaking about the future and including me in it.

But today she's had a go at me for spelling her name incorrectly in my text messages (I write Thai but this was in English, so my mistake I guess). Yesterday I took some fruit to her office as a romantic gesture. She really didn't like me coming to the office. Now she's suddenly stopped replying to me.

Is this par for the course with normal Thai girls with slightly older foreigners like me? Are they simply not interested? Admittedly this girl is not conventional Thai. She doesn't go to the temple and she doesn't like the "Thai institution". She is 26 years old and slightly old-fashioned in outlook.

Any advice as to how to 'win her' back would be appreciated!!! Feeling pretty sh**ty about it at the moment. I can't understand why my two misdemeanours are so bad.

Words fail me...

You would have thought at 41 years old....... How do these people manage to function?

'dating her for a week' .... 'win her' back - you never had her, mate.

[phebe]

From my experience. There are few things Thai girls worry about foreigner bf.

- Whether bf serious with her or just playful.

- Rumor from her friends if she has foreigner or old bf.

She might really love you and don't care about your age but who knows what her friends gonna talk behind? Thus, it would be better if wait until she wants to introduce u to her friends instead of u just suddenly come like that.

When I was dating with my foreigner boyfriend, I won't even hold hand in public area when we are in Thailand coz I worry that some ppl might look down on me like they look down on some type of Thai girls (I think you know what I mean).

My bf went to my office once but I ask him to wait somewhere else instead of come to my office.

My case, I heard a lot that foreigners bluff Thai girl just for fun. So I only think that my bf serious with me after he introduce me to his parent.

If you want to win her back, u have to show how u serious with her and study Thai culture more. If possible, find one Thai friend who can guild you on this matter.

Good Luck to you

[bkkjames]

From my experience. There are few things Thai girls worry about foreigner bf.

- Whether bf serious with her or just playful.

- Rumor from her friends if she has foreigner or old bf.

She might really love you and don't care about your age but who knows what her friends gonna talk behind? Thus, it would be better if wait until she wants to introduce u to her friends instead of u just suddenly come like that.

When I was dating with my foreigner boyfriend, I won't even hold hand in public area when we are in Thailand coz I worry that some ppl might look down on me like they look down on some type of Thai girls (I think you know what I mean).

Are you that insecure? No wonder that in every major office building in Bangkok are thousands of mid to late 20s Thai girls who are single.

My bf went to my office once but I ask him to wait somewhere else instead of come to my office.

Understandable

My case, I heard a lot that foreigners bluff Thai girl just for fun. So I only think that my bf serious with me after he introduce me to his parent.

You mean Thai guys don't bullshi* thai girls?

If you want to win her back, u have to show how u serious with her and study Thai culture more. If possible, find one Thai friend who can guild you on this matter.

Perhaps he should just grow a pair and move on...my guidance to him.

Good Luck to you

[DaleBlue]

There are also many Farang women looking for Farang men here in Thailand. Please do not count them out.