Informal Term Of Address

[Jeddah Jo]

Occasionally I get chatty with my local som dtam seller as she is happy and friendly and never rips me off. The thing is she is of slightly indeterminate age. I am in my early 40s and she is around the same but probably a little younger.

My question is which of the following terms of address would be the most appropriate to a lady who is probably of a similar age? Using คุณ all the time sounds a little unfriendly and stilited but not sure first name terms are appropriate either.

ป้า - Aunty

แม่ - Mother

แก - Slightly less formal version of you?

เจ๊ - Elder sister (might she take offence at this?)

พี่ - Just assume she is older even if she isn't as a mark of respect

น้อง - No way I am calling her this

Which would be best and are there any others?

TIA

JJ.

[Rikker]

I'm assuming you're a farang, Jeddah Jo.

ป้า แม่ and แก are out.

เจ๊ will seem unnatural with a ส้มตำ seller -- originally it's a Chinese pronoun, and even when Thais use it in a general sense, other Thais may take it as an affectation, or slightly odd.

พี่ could work, unless you're obviously older, but avoid it if she is likely to assume you are much older (and Thais tend to think ฝรั่ง look older than they are, so judge whether you have a "baby" face or not )

You're already against น้อง, which I can understand. Especially if you're consistently using คุณ already, it might send the wrong message.

Another option that Thais commonly go for is to avoid pronouns wherever possible. I assume you're familiar with this technique. Use คุณ or another choice where necessary, but most of the time you can avoid the issue.

Or you could learn her name and use that as a pronoun.

The other side of this issue is what to use to describe yourself. I assume you use ผม. If you want to be less formal you could try พี่ on for size when talking about yourself. See if she opts to call herself น้อง or something else. Or try เรา. Or whatever. Thais struggle with this same concept.

สารพัดทางเลือก...

[Wanida]

I used to help my brother in his shop and got greeted by familiar customers เป็นไงมั่งแม่ค้า วันนี้ขายดีไหม I sometimes call other sellers who I don't know their names แม่ค้า / พ่อค้า in a friendly way too.

[Johpa]

น้อง - No way I am calling her this

If you see this woman on a frequent basis and have established a friendship then using น้อง is not out of the question. When a man and a woman are close in age, many women will refer to themselves as น้อง just as many western women prefer to understate their age. But to be safe, just follow her example as to how she refers to herself in your presence and use the same pronoun.

[Jeddah Jo]

If you see this woman on a frequent basis and have established a friendship then using น้อง is not out of the question. When a man and a woman are close in age, many women will refer to themselves as น้อง just as many western women prefer to understate their age. But to be safe, just follow her example as to how she refers to herself in your presence and use the same pronoun.

That's interesting. I don't know why but I always assumed น้อง could be used in a slightly patronising way if not careful and was generally used for people of a youngish age.

Are you saying that if a customer was in their 50s and there was someone serving him who was in her 40s it would be acceptable for him to call her น้อง?

Apologies for my ignorance in this matter.

JJ.

[DavidHouston]

In the situation you describe with the age of the serving person being in their 40's, I have heard older women call the serving person "หนู". And this was a Thai person doing the calling. I thought this was very insensitive. Is it?

[Barabbas]

In the situation you describe with the age of the serving person being in their 40's, I have heard older women call the serving person "หนู". And this was a Thai person doing the calling. I thought this was very insensitive. Is it?

It's actually the sign of establishing oneself, and in case of serving person/patron situation it's used sometimes by the Thai, although it's a clear message of "I'm the boss here" (one version). Still, there are so many factors, which might cause the use of หนู in this situation - i.e. the patron is close friends with the owner of the place, the serving person being from North-East and the patron from Bangkok (clearly patronizing), the patron using over-affectionate language, like with her own small child etc...(good thing). I myself would avoid using the word with anyone but a kid less than 10yo.

As for JeddahJo's problem - พี่ would be the most acceptable option in my opinion, given they have known each other for a while. Sometimes I address to the people I know in slightly over-polite sort of way: like คุณกบ - but both of us know that it's just a sign of friendly respectful address.