Do Not Touch A Thai Lady?

[neverdie]

the echos of grandmothers voice rings aloud now "Don't touch her, you don't know where shes been" .

If only I had applied this rule to more of the ladies I had come across, I would be at least twice as wealth.....make that 45 times more wealthy.....doh!

or 'dont touch what you cant afford"...............now i bet that's happened to you

No SBC, you would be wrong, its more like I'm too tight to pay that much for that.

[rixalex]

I only speak for myself, but if i'm being tactile it's usually because i fancy the girl and there's a bit of sexual tension in the air (imagined or otherwise ).

And likewise, if a girl is being tactile with me i tend to take that as a signal. Not always, but usually.

Edited April 10, 2009 by rixalex

[samuibeachcomber]

the echos of grandmothers voice rings aloud now "Don't touch her, you don't know where shes been" .

If only I had applied this rule to more of the ladies I had come across, I would be at least twice as wealth.....make that 45 times more wealthy.....doh!

or 'dont touch what you cant afford"...............now i bet that's happened to you

No SBC, you would be wrong, its more like I'm too tight to pay that much for that.

good for you ND,i'm always touching...........usually just when i've run out of enough money,but i always ask"will this be enough?

[rgs2001uk]

The touching part wouldn't be what bothered me, but the guy saying "you are a farang, she is Thai..not good" would make me ask him some questions back. That has nothing to do with it. Some slack should be given to farangs for now conforming to Thai social etiquette sometimes, but in Thai culture certainly guys do not touch girls they hardly know anywhere (that is in the middle plus classes). Even RCA, drunk youngsters getting together, you don't see handholding or touching of arms/backs when talking, even though they may go home with each other at the end of the night!

not just middle classes carl. all classes.

Yes, he probably should have been cut some slack as an ignorant farang, But for the poster who think she is "stuck up", hardly. It is not polite in Thai culture for a man to touch a woman he hardly knows.

Is it polite in UK, USA for men to touch women they don't know?

Lol the ingnorance in this thread! In many countries men and women KISS each other on the cheek when bthey first meet.

Get out of here with that no touch bs, this isnt Saudi Arabia.

What we got here is just a jealous racist thai, who probably is to shy to initiate something romantic with the girl he like. It seems to be a common affliction for thai males.

At last, someone who can see what took place.

The op was used by an immature jealous man to check up on a woman.

The woman knew what was going on and didnt take kindly to being spied on and to enrage the man even more, let him know the farang touched her.

The op should have done what a Thai would have done in this situation, lie, tell the man he went to the club but couldnt see the woman, everybody saves face.

Next time dont get involved in other peoples love life or affairs.

[AceCafe]

I think where the man puts his hand below the lower back to 'guide' or show 'support'........ I've seen some "Me cool macho farang please love me" jocks who do this repeatedly around the BTS, Siam, Pattaya, thinking it radiates charm, or some kind of charisma.

Hahaha.. you just reek of being one of the 'nerds' that come to Thailand and find even nerds get laid here.

How is putting your hand on the back of a woman 'macho' or 'jock' as you say in a negative way?

Real men protect their women, and do small things like this naturally in their home country, and normal women appreciate it. If a thai woman feels this makes her look like a prositute then she must have incredibly low self esteem.

I agree you have to be more careful here, but it is perfectly normal thing to all over the world.

Hear hear, well said that man. Y'know, there are still some Gentlemen left...... even in Pattaya!

[Tywais]

the order of safe to dangerous goes like this:

1. elbow or handshake

2 forearm or a pat on the head

Excuse me? Would put that in the most dangerous category. Ok, just realized you may have meant "hand".

[t.s]

Not so much his reaction. It is she who has stated it is improper for me - a white man - to have touched her in the club and she does not like it. He has simply passed it on to me so I am aware.

Yes she and he are in an on/off relationship but that is all I'll say on that for reasons of tact and discretion

All things said, I will be careful around her even though I have known her - through him - for a year or so.

id tell her to go <deleted> herself. you were there doing her a favour, if she cant get past the contact part to the fact you went out of your way to enter the club and speak to her, she certainly isn't worth even the effort of an apology.

as for your freind, tell him to talk to her himself.

this may be an ettiquette issue, but it is certainly one i have not encounrtered in my 12+ years here.

[Travel2003]

Well from a womans point of view, maybe she was eyeing someone up, and when the guy saw you, he might have thought she had a boyfriend and went off the scene. Maybe explains the Telephone call you got today, maybe she lost the guy.

I agree with you there.

For OP, was this a place where sometimes some sort of ladies go together with their customers maybe? If that happens there, then I can understand the lady.

But still, she over reacted.

She probably lost a prospect due to the conversation and touch she got from OP.

I know one particular place where they do not like "farangs" anymore.

Too bad, as this place used to be one of my favorite places with several local quality bands playing every night.

In the weekends quite a few foreigners appear, trying to pick up the local womem, acting as all Thai ladies have wet dreams about Farangs.

Pathetic behavour really.

This resulting in all the regular customers there starting to stereotype us foreigners.

Again, if this also happens at the place OP went to, then I understand the reaction. But not the over reaction.

[coconutmonkey]

Story is, I was asked to pass a message on to someone, a Thai lady, after she was not answering her phone and the belief was she could not hear it because she was in a club and the music was blasting. It was on my way home, so was no problem for me to pass on the message.

I know this lady as she is a good friend of a Thai male I know. ( I have known her about a year or so. She will stop and talk to me if she sees me out. ) It was in a club, the music was loud and she was there with her female friends.

I touched her on the arm to get her attention and had to stand close to hear her talk.

I am finding it a bit strange that I received a phone call today and have been 'told off' for holding that Thai lady last night.

The conversation went along the lines of, 'You understand last night you hold lady. You are a Farang and she is Thai. This is not good for her.'

So to be told I am not allowed to do that because I am a Farang seems crazy. If I was a total stranger to her and her friends, I could understand it.

On recollection, I did put my fingertips on her back for a second or two as I spoke to her, but have never had a problem with this before. It was not a cuddle type touch or anything romantic. I was in the club about 10 minutes in total and most of that time was spent locating her. The whole conversation took maybe two minutes.

Is this such a bad thing all things considered?

Thoughts anyone?

there is only one acceptable place to touch a woman you dont know or not really aquainted with, that is a gentle touch on her ELBOW. it is a very non personal region of the body compared to the other bits.

the order of safe to dangerous goes like this:

1. elbow or handshake

2 forearm or a pat on the head

3. fingers, upper arm, shoulder

4. hair, anywhere on the back

5. breasts or ass

6. you get the idea.

Opps, Okay you meant to write "HAND" thanks to the other poster, apology.. I would edit that post before another lunatic like me overlooks the typo!

Edited April 10, 2009 by coconutmonkey

[BigSnake]

Was it a man or a woman that call you?? If a guy he might just be an ex-boy friend, are a wanna be boy friend, if a woman caller may this was a girl girl club, don't want to use the L word here but could have been the case, Anyway what ever the case from what you SAID here, from my long stay in the kindgom I don't think you did anything inapproppriate in the club, my god over the my many years here I have seen much much worse touching in public by Thai and Farangs, bottom line whoever call you had another motive than speak out about rules for touching a Thai Lady. HOGwash PURE HOGWASH.

[kaorop]

does the original messenger know about sms's?

[edwardandtubs]

You said, you were just 10 minutes in the club. So you just came to the club to tell her the message of her on/off boyfriend. Are you their employee? How long did you drive to the club and back home? What message? Why did not he tell her that message? Does he wants that you apologizes to her?

Read back :-

I did say it was on my way home. So I was not put out to pass on a message. This for a man who has helped me out on previous occasions. Also I have said why I passed on the message.

Come on, G54. First you mess up a fledgling relationship with a Thai woman by strolling into her place of work to give her a load of fruit. Now you p- off another Thai woman by strolling up to her in a club to spy on her/pass on messages on behalf of an on/off boyfriend. Don't you learn from your mistakes? Generally women don't appreciate a lot of attention being drawn to their private lives as it leads to gossip and rumours.

[G54]

You said, you were just 10 minutes in the club. So you just came to the club to tell her the message of her on/off boyfriend. Are you their employee? How long did you drive to the club and back home? What message? Why did not he tell her that message? Does he wants that you apologizes to her?

Read back :-

I did say it was on my way home. So I was not put out to pass on a message. This for a man who has helped me out on previous occasions. Also I have said why I passed on the message.

Come on, G54. First you mess up a fledgling relationship with a Thai woman by strolling into her place of work to give her a load of fruit. Now you p- off another Thai woman by strolling up to her in a club to spy on her/pass on messages on behalf of an on/off boyfriend. Don't you learn from your mistakes? Generally women don't appreciate a lot of attention being drawn to their private lives as it leads to gossip and rumours.

Get your facts right. Was not me with the fruit. I do not know where you got that from.

She was not being spied on. The message was in answer from her original call and that is all I will say. Your speculation is so way off the mark it is incredible.

Edited April 10, 2009 by G54

[G54]

Well from a womans point of view, maybe she was eyeing someone up, and when the guy saw you, he might have thought she had a boyfriend and went off the scene. Maybe explains the Telephone call you got today, maybe she lost the guy.

I agree with you there.

For OP, was this a place where sometimes some sort of ladies go together with their customers maybe? If that happens there, then I can understand the lady.

But still, she over reacted.

She probably lost a prospect due to the conversation and touch she got from OP.

I know one particular place where they do not like "farangs" anymore.

Too bad, as this place used to be one of my favorite places with several local quality bands playing every night.

In the weekends quite a few foreigners appear, trying to pick up the local womem, acting as all Thai ladies have wet dreams about Farangs.

Pathetic behavour really.

This resulting in all the regular customers there starting to stereotype us foreigners.

Again, if this also happens at the place OP went to, then I understand the reaction. But not the over reaction.

No, not that sort of place at all. Just a standard club out here in Nakhon Nowhere.

If she did lose a possible boyfriend.

I made a further phone call to ask some questions and he says she is simply not happy that I touched her. Apparently if it had been a Thai then there would not be a problem. That is why he used the term Farang. It was her word.

Who knows, maybe she did not want people in the club to think she and I were an item. Maybe people started talking, asking questions. I do not know.

Thinking back, I have never touched her before and now never will again

[edwardandtubs]

You said, you were just 10 minutes in the club. So you just came to the club to tell her the message of her on/off boyfriend. Are you their employee? How long did you drive to the club and back home? What message? Why did not he tell her that message? Does he wants that you apologizes to her?

Read back :-

I did say it was on my way home. So I was not put out to pass on a message. This for a man who has helped me out on previous occasions. Also I have said why I passed on the message.

Come on, G54. First you mess up a fledgling relationship with a Thai woman by strolling into her place of work to give her a load of fruit. Now you p- off another Thai woman by strolling up to her in a club to spy on her/pass on messages on behalf of an on/off boyfriend. Don't you learn from your mistakes? Generally women don't appreciate a lot of attention being drawn to their private lives as it leads to gossip and rumours.

Get your facts right. Was not me with the fruit. I do not know where you got that from.

She was not being spied on. The message was in answer from her original call and that is all I will say. Your speculation is so way off the mark it is incredible.

Apologies for the mistake (originally made by another poster) about the fruit. As for this message, why didn't he just call her or send her an SMS? Can't you see how a woman might not want some guy wondering up to her in a club? It seems this "friend" of yours is using you. You need to tell him where to go.

[zzdocxx]

Maybe she was trying to make the "on again off again" boyfriend jealous with a bit of exaggeration. Pure speculation here, but it has been known to happen

Oh, I just learned how to spell exaggeration properly, thanks to spell check!

[KhaoNiaw]

I once worked in an office where the Thai ladies got very upset with another farang because he was a friendly touchy type when he was talking to them about work or just chatting. Nothing more in it than that and they understood that. But they didn't like it at all and it contributed to his contract not being renewed.

[rixalex]

Thinking back, I have never touched her before and now never will again

Never say never. There may come a time when needs must. One never knows.

[Birdman]

Well from a womans point of view, maybe she was eyeing someone up, and when the guy saw you, he might have thought she had a boyfriend and went off the scene. Maybe explains the Telephone call you got today, maybe she lost the guy.

I agree with you there.

For OP, was this a place where sometimes some sort of ladies go together with their customers maybe? If that happens there, then I can understand the lady.

But still, she over reacted.

She probably lost a prospect due to the conversation and touch she got from OP.

I know one particular place where they do not like "farangs" anymore.

Too bad, as this place used to be one of my favorite places with several local quality bands playing every night.

In the weekends quite a few foreigners appear, trying to pick up the local womem, acting as all Thai ladies have wet dreams about Farangs.

Pathetic behavour really.

This resulting in all the regular customers there starting to stereotype us foreigners.

Again, if this also happens at the place OP went to, then I understand the reaction. But not the over reaction.

No, not that sort of place at all. Just a standard club out here in Nakhon Nowhere.

If she did lose a possible boyfriend.

I made a further phone call to ask some questions and he says she is simply not happy that I touched her. Apparently if it had been a Thai then there would not be a problem. That is why he used the term Farang. It was her word.

Who knows, maybe she did not want people in the club to think she and I were an item. Maybe people started talking, asking questions. I do not know.

Thinking back, I have never touched her before and now never will again

It looks like, that she probably said this Farang, not a Farang.

[ray23]

Pretty simple really nothing to you stay away from her. Every Thai teacher I have had gave me a hug at the end of the term.

Don't be friendly with anyone who can not respect you. In the end what does it hange for you nothing that you don't do to yourself. Touching is different to everyone, if she does care for it and you not much left to talk about. Your just different people find people that are more like you and you will happier and so will she.

I tease Thai People all the time 99% of the time they just laugh if they don't, I appologize tell them I was joking and move on. Don't make it more then it is. People are just different. Office touchy touchy, your there to work simple as that.

[sinewave]

This is Thailand, do as the Thais do and dont try to do what you think is supposed to be ok in your own country.

[GayGordon]

Almost sounds racsist to me, "you farang, she thai," so what ?....sounds like one of them has a low opinion of farang,.unless there is something more to this story, i see it as bit odd,.

[GuestHouse]

It's been my long observation that whenever a Thai person starts lecturing a foreigner on something not being the 'Thai way' what is actually being is said is 'I shall make the rules here'.

There are too many women in the world who don't give out this kind of crap for you to even consider it.

My advice, ditch her, even as a casual aquaintance she's not worth putting up with that kind of garbage.

[sibeymai]

Had a weird experience in a Singapore club once. A girl was being playful with eye contact but we did not speak. I decided to make verbal contact but she was in a circle of friends at the time so only her back was to me. I patted her on the backside once so she would turn around so I could speak with her. Turned out she had a boyfriend in the club who came over when he saw me speaking with her. She started screaming that I had groped her. I apologised for any misunderstanding and swiftly left the club while the boyfriend was calling the police.

Has turned me off clubs ever since and I haven't been to another for over 10 years.

[TonySoprano]

Had a weird experience in a Singapore club once. A girl was being playful with eye contact but we did not speak. I decided to make verbal contact but she was in a circle of friends at the time so only her back was to me. I patted her on the backside once so she would turn around so I could speak with her. Turned out she had a boyfriend in the club who came over when he saw me speaking with her. She started screaming that I had groped her. I apologised for any misunderstanding and swiftly left the club while the boyfriend was calling the police.

Has turned me off clubs ever since and I haven't been to another for over 10 years.

You did.

[rixalex]

I patted her on the backside once so she would turn around so I could speak with her.

Wouldn't the shoulder have been more appropriate, if a little less direct?

[G54]

How many more times? I was not asked to check up on her or spy on her or do anything underhand!!!!!!

It was a message in reply to a phone call she had made earlier while I was at his place of work. Done for a friend and I knew what it was about.

As for her actions? Is she a racist? I do not know. But she has made it plain I should not have touched her. Nothing romantic. Nothing untoward by our 'western standards'. But to be told because I am a 'Farang' I should not have touched her as she is a Thai lady and must never do so again seems over the top.

Maybe she is simply old fashioned as has been suggested earlier. Age about 36. Some Thai families do hold on to tradition. The point is I do not know.

I too have touched females before on meeting. Some hold out there hand, others Wai. If I am in a club I often touch a woman on the back or the arm if she is blocking the way so she knows I am there and wanting to get past. They do not throw a wobbler over the touch.

Please do not turn this into a slanging match over a relatively simple question.

[sibeymai]

I patted her on the backside once so she would turn around so I could speak with her.

Wouldn't the shoulder have been more appropriate, if a little less direct?

In hindsight, obviously. Lesson learned. just an illustration that what may be acceptable elsewhere may not be similarly regarded in Asia.

Given the previously mentioned eye contact I feel like I was used to raise the interest of the boyfriend as he was nowhere to be seen for some time prior. Possible to OP was used in the same manner.

[ronz28]

"On recollection, I did put my fingertips on her back for a second or two as I spoke to her, but have never had a problem with this before. It was not a cuddle type touch or anything romantic."

That was your problem! Now you have been told again. Delivering a message to someone or otherwise talking to them doesn't give you license to be touching other people especially once you have their attention and are talking to them. Perhaps that's acceptable in some cultures but not in most and not in Thailand.

Its understandable that someone called you after the fact to tell you this. Now you know. Sorry if this is too repetitious but that is how most of us learn what we need to know.

[G54]

I once worked in an office where the Thai ladies got very upset with another farang because he was a friendly touchy type when he was talking to them about work or just chatting. Nothing more in it than that and they understood that. But they didn't like it at all and it contributed to his contract not being renewed.

There you go. Maybe some women simply do not like being touched by us

It's been my long observation that whenever a Thai person starts lecturing a foreigner on something not being the 'Thai way' what is actually being is said is 'I shall make the rules here'.

There are too many women in the world who don't give out this kind of crap for you to even consider it.

My advice, ditch her, even as a casual aquaintance she's not worth putting up with that kind of garbage.

It will be difficult to avoid being in her presence but the touch is definitely out