Do Not Touch A Thai Lady?

[TonySoprano]

perhaps you carry yourself in a way that she does not like therefore she was very angry at being associated with you in any sort of way. many western guys here spend so much time around girls whose job it is to pretend they like them that they think all Thai girls are the same. its very hard to comment about this incident without knowing you.

[Ijustwannateach]

Among very 'properer' women I have seen this rule carefully observed- but we're talking married Thai educators. Though it is getting more common, the presence of the woman in a nightlife zone (disco) puts her out of this category, at least situationally. Something about the incident or story is definitely out of proportion.

I wonder that they couldn't simply have used mobile phone SMS's?

[valentinob29]

Story is, I was asked to pass a message on to someone, a Thai lady, after she was not answering her phone and the belief was she could not hear it because she was in a club and the music was blasting. It was on my way home, so was no problem for me to pass on the message.

I know this lady as she is a good friend of a Thai male I know. ( I have known her about a year or so. She will stop and talk to me if she sees me out. ) It was in a club, the music was loud and she was there with her female friends.

I touched her on the arm to get her attention and had to stand close to hear her talk.

I am finding it a bit strange that I received a phone call today and have been 'told off' for holding that Thai lady last night.

The conversation went along the lines of, 'You understand last night you hold lady. You are a Farang and she is Thai. This is not good for her.'

So to be told I am not allowed to do that because I am a Farang seems crazy. If I was a total stranger to her and her friends, I could understand it.

On recollection, I did put my fingertips on her back for a second or two as I spoke to her, but have never had a problem with this before. It was not a cuddle type touch or anything romantic. I was in the club about 10 minutes in total and most of that time was spent locating her. The whole conversation took maybe two minutes.

Is this such a bad thing all things considered?

Thoughts anyone?

typical nonsense from hi-so wannabee desperate for attnetion

forget /ignore it insert the word" stupid" between thai and lady

[TheWalkingMan]

One more thing... As visitors to any country we are bound to make social mistakes, these things happen. When locals (anywhere) get overly bent out of shape relating to a social faux pas, it makes me think that they are a bit classless and lack manners. Or that they consider themselves so far above the offender that the offender needs to be scolded like a small child.

TheWalkingMan

[GungaDin]

Story is, <snip>

typical nonsense from hi-so wannabee desperate for attention

forget /ignore it insert the word" stupid" between thai and lady

Exactly! & 36 years old.......?

[MidoriApple]

Hmm... many reasons IMO...

- How do you look like? Keanu Reeves? I guess she gets hit on you, so exaggerated told she called your friend.

- Your male friend is jealous of you, he gets hit on her?

- How old is she? An old Thai lady who never had BF? Sorry, I am irony..but if so, it is no surprise...

- What is your message about? Sexy one? If so..haha..

- You said just your few fingertips on her back...but where on her back? upper or lower?

I think this is funny for her complaint, person can be close by accident at least...

she was in club and that place could be really easy to get touching and I can be sure it would not be only fingertips as you did also..

Well, whist you been blamed, next time touch her ass leii...OK? lol...haha..

Edited April 10, 2009 by MidoriApple

[ray23]

Ok again the simple answer is she does not want touched by a farrang, stay away from her. Doesn't matter what her reasons are. But, you can not associate with every Thai that you think is a friend.

It works two ways I have That guys drunk with friend grab the other guys Crotch and tell him he is strong or weak, That sound look good social behavior? Don't think they won't do it to a farrang, cause I have had it happen to me. My first reaction was to drive the heel of my hand into his nose. Thank goodness I had seen it before. At a shop where I was getting some work done on my bike. Didn't know the man from Adam. He was drunk to this day I'm glad I know about this and didn't hit him. Turns out he was local Police Capt out getting drunk. Now me I brushed his hand away and told hiom that was not good. He stopped. Difference I'm not Thai and heck of a lot more direct.

My answer don't get work done on the bike there anymore that is his shop as far as I'm concerned. I have plenty other to get work done at all.

The other side of the coin my teachers give me a hig. Heck I'm 62 they were hugging their Grandfather, they all know I'm married dont mess around and know me well.

I will say this again don't make a big deal out of this. Are you really surprised that she didn't say something to your face and had someone else do it thats the Thai way. Relax. You know her rules move on and enjoy your life.

[photojourn]

Sounds to me like the use of the word "friend" is totally inappropriate in this instance and that neither are your friends. Also sounds like a case of jealousy from the "Thai male I know".

If that happened to me I wouldn't be associating with either of them again.

Let him find another lackey to pass on his messages in future. Very typical show of gratitude for you going out of your way.

[neverdie]

She most likely only upset because you put a potential customer off & she missed out on 1,000 baht ....she had a burning desire to be touched in a different way & prosper from it

[sassienie]

Story is, I was asked to pass a message on to someone, a Thai lady, after she was not answering her phone and the belief was she could not hear it because she was in a club and the music was blasting. It was on my way home, so was no problem for me to pass on the message.

I know this lady as she is a good friend of a Thai male I know. ( I have known her about a year or so. She will stop and talk to me if she sees me out. ) It was in a club, the music was loud and she was there with her female friends.

I touched her on the arm to get her attention and had to stand close to hear her talk.

I am finding it a bit strange that I received a phone call today and have been 'told off' for holding that Thai lady last night.

The conversation went along the lines of, 'You understand last night you hold lady. You are a Farang and she is Thai. This is not good for her.'

So to be told I am not allowed to do that because I am a Farang seems crazy. If I was a total stranger to her and her friends, I could understand it.

On recollection, I did put my fingertips on her back for a second or two as I spoke to her, but have never had a problem with this before. It was not a cuddle type touch or anything romantic. I was in the club about 10 minutes in total and most of that time was spent locating her. The whole conversation took maybe two minutes.

Is this such a bad thing all things considered?

Thoughts anyone?

G54, I have read your posts before.

Very entertaining your tall stories.

I wonder how many fools take you seriously?

[KhaoNiaw]

I once worked in an office where the Thai ladies got very upset with another farang because he was a friendly touchy type when he was talking to them about work or just chatting. Nothing more in it than that and they understood that. But they didn't like it at all and it contributed to his contract not being renewed.

There you go. Maybe some women simply do not like being touched by us

I don't think this was an 'us' and 'them' thing - not because he was a foreigner. The farang in our office also persisted when he knew that that the ladies didn't like it. Sometimes it was natural but I think he liked to annoy them too.

In the OP's story, I wonder if it wasn't just laziness of explanation on his friend's part. Did the girl really object because he's a foreigner? Was that just something that the friend thought would mean end of subject (like 'You're not Thai so you wouldn't understand.')?

[G54]

OK, opinions and ideas read and digested - Burp!

Sometimes we go through life doing the things we do without thinking about them and also without realising there may be repercussions. Forget others do not always like, want or desire the same.

Life is a continuous learning curve. I suppose that is part of the fun of life.

Thanks for the input

[MiG16]

I read some of the replies, and see some feel it might be overreaction on the ladies part

so thought Id add another element into the mix for you to consider

we have to admit that in many clubs around bangkok you do also find girls of the profession. (especially in bars and clubs that are frequented by foreigners). I have a thai woman friend who loves to go to these clubs, but prefers me going with her. her reason? she says she doesnt want the foreigners there to assume she is available for business.

unfortunate, but true, many men tend to make all kinds of assumptions. and for women this can be quite unpleasant.

the chance of this might be remote, but still a possibility. she might have felt that others seeing a foreign man touch her might give them the idea that she is 'available' ?

cant say if this IS the reason....but one possibility

dont take offense. it is certainly not directed against you simply because you are a farang. (and no Im not using the term in a derogatory manner!)

[TonySoprano]

the friendly touch thing is complete bs. its just a way for the guy to hit on the girl. you dont see men doing the friendly touch thing with fat ugly women do you? its called flirting. get the fuc_k out of here.

[loong]

Story is, I was asked to pass a message on to someone, a Thai lady, after she was not answering her phone and the belief was she could not hear it because she was in a club and the music was blasting. It was on my way home, so was no problem for me to pass on the message.

I know this lady as she is a good friend of a Thai male I know. ( I have known her about a year or so. She will stop and talk to me if she sees me out. ) It was in a club, the music was loud and she was there with her female friends.

I touched her on the arm to get her attention and had to stand close to hear her talk.

I am finding it a bit strange that I received a phone call today and have been 'told off' for holding that Thai lady last night.

The conversation went along the lines of, 'You understand last night you hold lady. You are a Farang and she is Thai. This is not good for her.'

So to be told I am not allowed to do that because I am a Farang seems crazy. If I was a total stranger to her and her friends, I could understand it.

On recollection, I did put my fingertips on her back for a second or two as I spoke to her, but have never had a problem with this before. It was not a cuddle type touch or anything romantic. I was in the club about 10 minutes in total and most of that time was spent locating her. The whole conversation took maybe two minutes.

Is this such a bad thing all things considered?

Thoughts anyone?

G54, I have read your posts before.

Very entertaining your tall stories.

I wonder how many fools take you seriously?

I have to say that I'm starting to wonder if G54 is actually the King of the Trolls

[MidoriApple]

I just taken time reading each post...(and OP had more of his details...well, you have replied my Qs...)

Umm...she is individual.. but may be the social there at your Nakorn nowhere..can be not up-to-date,

many local will think bad way when have seen Farang male and Thai female interact each other...

Just don't become too scare to socialize with other Thais...

.............................................................................

Well, your story made me think of time when I was Uni-student, I had one campus's activity...

To assist International Master-grad from Japan who come to survey Issaan's lifestyle..

To help communicate when these foreign students talked to get info from the local villagers...

We (big bunch of Thais+foreigners...50 persons in total..I guess) been to Roi-Et for more three weeks, stay all in a hotel. It was fun and good experience,

because we Thais were not to call fluent in English but willing to practice, and they, foreigners ...most were Japanese, none of white races, but few coloured..

Japanese at that time, was rarely capable in English spoken, also too-shy..I guess....a bit complex...in communication.. well, but we are capable eventually...

We all socialized....sometimes go Karaoke (by Governor-son's invitation), go sighseeing..., go around..

there was a Nigerian man in group... was so friendly since the first..

One night..we, 4-5 Thai girls been in our room in hotel, watching TV and girlie talking...., had called him to come joining us at our room...

He came and stayed about an hour...but when next day, I have no idea what was wrong, he just stopped talking to us all...less smile...

My friends and I were really surprised, we didn't do anything wrong in night before.. just watching TV, talking general...no touching. He sat on the floor while we sat onto bed...

Someone thought ba ba.. (silly), I guess.. but who? I have no idea..so far.. I don't think it was Thais who thought and told him to avoid us....

Ridiculous!! So we lost a friend in trip... saaaa-tuuuu-pidddd, really...

Well, too long story now.. I just want to show...sometimes foreigners can be crazy, not only Thais..

So every nations are individual... I hope you will not feel too hard living here...you will be fine..

[samuibeachcomber]

nice post midori.stupid man not to smile at the extended hand of friendship.who knows what goes through peoples minds.

[Travel2003]

I read some of the replies, and see some feel it might be overreaction on the ladies part

so thought Id add another element into the mix for you to consider

we have to admit that in many clubs around bangkok you do also find girls of the profession. (especially in bars and clubs that are frequented by foreigners). I have a thai woman friend who loves to go to these clubs, but prefers me going with her. her reason? she says she doesnt want the foreigners there to assume she is available for business.

unfortunate, but true, many men tend to make all kinds of assumptions. and for women this can be quite unpleasant.

the chance of this might be remote, but still a possibility. she might have felt that others seeing a foreign man touch her might give them the idea that she is 'available' ?

cant say if this IS the reason....but one possibility

dont take offense. it is certainly not directed against you simply because you are a farang. (and no Im not using the term in a derogatory manner!)

More or less what I wrote in my post.

[Miserere]

I also had the misfortune to recieve a rather angry phonecall after talking to some school girls recently.

I distinctly remember not touching them but can't for the life of me remember if my errect penis was showing?

Maybe some kind of faux pas particular to Thai society?

Edited April 11, 2009 by Miserere

[dave111223]

I also had the misfortune to recieve a rather angry phonecall after talking to some school girls recently.

I distinctly remember not touching them but can't for the life of me remember if my errect penis was showing?

Maybe some kind of faux pas particular to Thai society?

Dude combined with your avatar that leaves a seriously bad mental image.

[jimbo38]

Ok, I have worked in the Grand Canyon USA with several hundred different Thai girls over several years.

Whenever I took them to the Bus, train, Airport etc. in the USA, they always give me a nice hug to say goodbye.

When I came to Thailand for a visit. Most didn't want a hug in public but would give me one in private.

Some would want a hug in public and they say they don't care what other people think. Usually when that happens I'm with at least two or more girls and give them all a hug.

So now I always ask if they want a hug or not.

BTW, I am 70 years old. So the deadbeats will always think the wrong thing no matter what we do. And when I touch a girl it is strictly in friendship. I am NOT making a move on her.

What gets to the deadbeats is that sometimes I will have a meal with 4 or 5 girls at the same time. That really messes with their minds.

But I have observed that usually Thai men don't touch Thai women so that's the rule that I follow. I would never touch a stranger to me. When in Rome, etc.

[neverdie]

I also had the misfortune to recieve a rather angry phonecall after talking to some school girls recently.

I distinctly remember not touching them but can't for the life of me remember if my errect penis was showing?

Maybe some kind of faux pas particular to Thai society?

Based on your previous form Miserere, I would be guessing that they were really primary school aged little boys.

[t.s]

I patted her on the backside once so she would turn around so I could speak with her.

Wouldn't the shoulder have been more appropriate, if a little less direct?

In hindsight, obviously. Lesson learned. just an illustration that what may be acceptable elsewhere may not be similarly regarded in Asia.

Given the previously mentioned eye contact I feel like I was used to raise the interest of the boyfriend as he was nowhere to be seen for some time prior. Possible to OP was used in the same manner.

where else would it be appropriate to tap a strange woman on the ass to get her attention?

[PeaceBlondie]

My, my. Much ado about something. I take a slightly conservative approach, since some locals are that way, too. I never make the first touch. Male or female, young or old, even in a gay sauna with nearly naked Thais, I wait for them.

There's a new waiter at a restaurant that I frequent. He started playfully touching me on the hand, poking me on the side. I do the same now. It matters not if he's gay or has any 'intentions.' He started it, and therefore it's okay.

[Travel2003]

the friendly touch thing is complete bs. its just a way for the guy to hit on the girl. you dont see men doing the friendly touch thing with fat ugly women do you? its called flirting. get the fuc_k out of here.

And if a guy touches another guy on the shoulder, arm, back?

Same rule?

[edwardandtubs]

I also had the misfortune to recieve a rather angry phonecall after talking to some school girls recently.

I distinctly remember not touching them but can't for the life of me remember if my errect penis was showing?

Maybe some kind of faux pas particular to Thai society?

Dude combined with your avatar that leaves a seriously bad mental image.

Funniest two posts I've seen on thaivisa for a long time. Just irony I hope...

[Huey]

mole hill.

mai pen rai.

*shrug* Barely an ant hill even. Why even care? I woulda closed the phone in their face its like who ever called just said you were dirty and some how lower than them.

[dsprtliving]

This brings to mind a funny Thai commercial most have probably already seen before, but it highlights how a large percentage of Thai females feel about being touched for a prolonged period of time by a guy. I have to agree with PB that the conservative approach is generally safer in all situations, in that I never initiate any physical contact with anyone other than those nearest and dearest to me.

[NCFC]

I once worked in an office where the Thai ladies got very upset with another farang because he was a friendly touchy type when he was talking to them about work or just chatting. Nothing more in it than that and they understood that. But they didn't like it at all and it contributed to his contract not being renewed.

There you go. Maybe some women simply do not like being touched by us

It's been my long observation that whenever a Thai person starts lecturing a foreigner on something not being the 'Thai way' what is actually being is said is 'I shall make the rules here'.

There are too many women in the world who don't give out this kind of crap for you to even consider it.

My advice, ditch her, even as a casual aquaintance she's not worth putting up with that kind of garbage.

It will be difficult to avoid being in her presence but the touch is definitely out

So next tme you see her, ask what the problem was? Sorted.

[waza]

Cross-gender touching.....In our culture, for a man to touch a woman is considered not polite and for some conservative woman, it is very insulting.

www.apmforum.com/columns/thai8.htm