Is This Common With Thai Women?

[mrt273nva]

My wife has a trait which I find quite undesirable. Whenever I am depressed or have the blues it seems that she tries her hardest to make me feel worse. It's like she's kicking me when I'm down.

On the flip side to this whenever I am going through a really good time she is right there to ride that wave with me.

The fact that I can not rely on her in my moments of need really depresses me. Is this common in other Thai women as well or did I just wind up with a cold hearted b*tch?

[TEFLMike]

I think you will find that it is not just Thai ladies, it is the same worldwide. They can all have similar traits.

[Kimera]

My wife has a trait which I find quite undesirable. Whenever I am depressed or have the blues it seems that she tries her hardest to make me feel worse. It's like she's kicking me when I'm down.

On the flip side to this whenever I am going through a really good time she is right there to ride that wave with me.

The fact that I can not rely on her in my moments of need really depresses me. Is this common in other Thai women as well or did I just wind up with a cold hearted b*tch?

Just discussed this at length with the wife! could be one of a number of things, most likely is ,she does not love you! or you do not give her enough money! or you care for her to much and she wants rid of you! or or or is that the reply you wanted ? or your last sentence could be true

[mahtin]

How long did you know your wife before you took the plunge into marriage?

[Sabum]

My wife has a trait which I find quite undesirable. Whenever I am depressed or have the blues it seems that she tries her hardest to make me feel worse. It's like she's kicking me when I'm down.

On the flip side to this whenever I am going through a really good time she is right there to ride that wave with me.

The fact that I can not rely on her in my moments of need really depresses me. Is this common in other Thai women as well or did I just wind up with a cold hearted b*tch?

You made a horrible choice in wives, divorce immediately. Next time take better care to choose wisely.

[mhatami]

My wife has a trait which I find quite undesirable. Whenever I am depressed or have the blues it seems that she tries her hardest to make me feel worse. It's like she's kicking me when I'm down.

On the flip side to this whenever I am going through a really good time she is right there to ride that wave with me.

The fact that I can not rely on her in my moments of need really depresses me. Is this common in other Thai women as well or did I just wind up with a cold hearted b*tch?

Just discussed this at length with the wife! could be one of a number of things, most likely is ,she does not love you! or you do not give her enough money! or you care for her to much and she wants rid of you! or or or is that the reply you wanted ? or your last sentence could be true

Well I think if this continues and when you are down again make yourself feel good by going to a shower massage and let her know you will do that if she make you worse

That most likely will stop her for sure. If not will fee good anyways

Edited April 18, 2009 by mhatami

[brianinbangkok]

Pretty easy one.

She wants to be happy in life so when ur happy and enjoying life she is happy because this is whats she wants in life with you.

However when ur down with maybe real life problems she is in a unhappy environment and thats not what she wants in her life so she get angry and takes it out on you.

Usually I see this with girls who selected a husband on his capacity to take care and provide for her.

On the other hand if your depressed often and maybe try and share your problems with her she may think your blaming her for the problems if your not all sweet and smiling when ur talking to her.

Either way chances are she will leave you if she can find somebody else to give her a happy life.

Her goal is to have a happy life , with or without you and she will do whatever is needed including leaving you to find a new guy if this leads to a happy life for her.

Thai or Farang woman makes no difference.

[sanook2me]

My wife has a trait which I find quite undesirable. Whenever I am depressed or have the blues it seems that she tries her hardest to make me feel worse. It's like she's kicking me when I'm down.

On the flip side to this whenever I am going through a really good time she is right there to ride that wave with me.

The fact that I can not rely on her in my moments of need really depresses me. Is this common in other Thai women as well or did I just wind up with a cold hearted b*tch?

Have you spoke to her about this? It maybe of more help than thinking TV is Majorie Poops...

Here we just want to take the p1ss out of peoples sadness - the worse you are - the better it makes us feel

To inflate ones ego deflate another ..

Now go and talk too her in perfect Thai/English/Pidgeon/Yoda ...... whatever it takes...

[thithi]

talking to each other is the best way to solve the problems....

[wasabi]

I am depressed frequently. My wife doesn't kick me while I'm down but she also doesn't understand or offer much support other than suggesting I go to the doctor or take some Tylenol LOL. To be honest I don't fully understand it either. I think it's mostly a chemical thing so maybe she is on to something. She never seems to get depressed and i haven't met many Thai who do. My wife is actually Lao but close enough. I basically just try to keep it to myself. She offers me a lot of support and is a good person but this is something she just doesn't know how to deal with.

[a2396]

I am depressed frequently. My wife doesn't kick me while I'm down but she also doesn't understand or offer much support other than suggesting I go to the doctor or take some Tylenol LOL. To be honest I don't fully understand it either. I think it's mostly a chemical thing so maybe she is on to something. She never seems to get depressed and i haven't met many Thai who do. My wife is actually Lao but close enough. I basically just try to keep it to myself. She offers me a lot of support and is a good person but this is something she just doesn't know how to deal with.

I have had some similar experiences. Many of these relationships are so superficial here that there is little empathy between the partners. It is usually about money from the beginning. I am convinced that many of these women have no capacity for a loving relationship, particularly with a foreign man. If there is an argument or disagreement, they are unable to understand the basis for what started it & will admidt no responsibility for their part in the problem. Wait a few days and they will restart as if nothing ever happened.

[sceadugenga]

Most people don't understand depression or have any idea how to cope with it in someone close to them.

Most Thais share the commonly held opinion that it's not an illness, just a cop out.

Get professional treatment, don't expect your wife to know what to do to help you.

[Martian]

What you're experiencing is way above the average Thai's ability to comprehend, let alone deal with. Address this yourself through counseling and/or medication if necessary. Don't put it on yourself and your wife to deal with it.

[thaiwanderer]

What you're experiencing is way above the average Thai's ability to comprehend, let alone deal with. Address this yourself through counseling and/or medication if necessary. Don't put it on yourself and your wife to deal with it.

calling racist on that - unless you mean Thais can't comprehend moaning about how you feel inside - oops

[GuestHouse]

Whatever, I'd get this sorted before you hit old age and/or ill health.

[LadyHeather]

Well, interesting responses here. From the trite "thai women lack the capacity to care" to "all women are bad". Or rather not so interesting and rather boring. Get over yourselves guys, men can be just as unsupportive and unsympathetic as women.

It could be that she does not understand what is going on and thinks, like many people do, that you should stop moaning and pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Perhaps you do have depression, if so, then you need to have it looked into and stop looking to your wife to solve your problems for you.

[G54]

I am depressed frequently. My wife doesn't kick me while I'm down but she also doesn't understand or offer much support other than suggesting I go to the doctor or take some Tylenol LOL. To be honest I don't fully understand it either. I think it's mostly a chemical thing so maybe she is on to something. She never seems to get depressed and i haven't met many Thai who do. My wife is actually Lao but close enough. I basically just try to keep it to myself. She offers me a lot of support and is a good person but this is something she just doesn't know how to deal with.

I have had some similar experiences. Many of these relationships are so superficial here that there is little empathy between the partners. It is usually about money from the beginning. I am convinced that many of these women have no capacity for a loving relationship, particularly with a foreign man. If there is an argument or disagreement, they are unable to understand the basis for what started it & will admidt no responsibility for their part in the problem. Wait a few days and they will restart as if nothing ever happened.

Have to agree with that.

[GuestHouse]

While I agree entirely with LH on the generalizations being made about Thai women and women in general. It is to be noted that OP is reporting the response of his wife to 'Whenever....." suggesting this her standard response to his problem.

Regardless of whether he suffers depression, or one might argue, especially if he suffers depression - the response of his wife is seemingly not acceptable to him.

LH's assertion that the OP expects his wife to solve his problems is just as much an unfounded assumption as that against which she complains.

The OP has not said he expects his wife to solve his problems, he has said he finds his wife's habit of 'kicking him when he's down' unacceptable. He juxtapositions this against her behavior when things are going well.

I'm inclined to agree with him.

Fair weather friends are one thing, fair weather wife/husband.... Nah...... Not acceptable.

[sceadugenga]

Well, interesting responses here. From the trite "thai women lack the capacity to care" to "all women are bad". Or rather not so interesting and rather boring. Get over yourselves guys, men can be just as unsupportive and unsympathetic as women.

It could be that she does not understand what is going on and thinks, like many people do, that you should stop moaning and pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Perhaps you do have depression, if so, then you need to have it looked into and stop looking to your wife to solve your problems for you.

So thank you for repeating what has already been said in such a non-boring manner.

The opportunity to take as slap at the male sex was there as well wasn't it?

[khunjake]

Something doesn't sound good here. How long have you been with your wife before you decided to marry? Under what circumstances did you meet her. I hate to say it but if you wed up with a BG then the is likely only interested in your upswings (ie, when you are more likely to fund her). If she kicks you further down when you are depressed, then she is sending you message that you better get back on the up or else! My wife (is thai) is actually much more supportive when I am down and does a lot more for me and expects less during those times. When I am "serious" or down she really understands and tries to get me back up again. Then again I married a self-sufficent thai woman who supported herself and mother for about 7 years before we met.

My wife has a trait which I find quite undesirable. Whenever I am depressed or have the blues it seems that she tries her hardest to make me feel worse. It's like she's kicking me when I'm down.

On the flip side to this whenever I am going through a really good time she is right there to ride that wave with me.

The fact that I can not rely on her in my moments of need really depresses me. Is this common in other Thai women as well or did I just wind up with a cold hearted b*tch?

[wasabi]

What I said got spun just a little bit. My wife definitely has empathy. As an example once we were in a very loud Issan club and I started having a panic attack. The reason and my reaction were all very clear. She grabbed my hand and walked me outside and said we could leave even though she was enjoying the show. I asked if she was mad and she said no, she didn't want me to suffer. Thai's seem to have an incredible tolerance for loud noises and I don't know how everyone didn't go deaf in that club but it seems to be the norm. It's just that depression is this silent killer and if you haven't felt it yourself it's hard to relate. Thai's definitely can feel sad like anyone but persistent ongoing depression or ennui is not a common feature of society here and with many you are not going to get any sympathy. You most likely need to find sympathy and help for this particular problem elsewhere. Since I know my wife does care about me and does help me whenever she can I personally can live with this and don't think it means our relationship is fake in anyway.

However going back to the OP. If your wife is actually trying to make you feel worse, that appears very juvenille and malicious and you may need to explore this more deeply.

Edited April 19, 2009 by wasabi

[mrt273nva]

My wife has a trait which I find quite undesirable. Whenever I am depressed or have the blues it seems that she tries her hardest to make me feel worse. It's like she's kicking me when I'm down.

On the flip side to this whenever I am going through a really good time she is right there to ride that wave with me.

The fact that I can not rely on her in my moments of need really depresses me. Is this common in other Thai women as well or did I just wind up with a cold hearted b*tch?

You made a horrible choice in wives, divorce immediately. Next time take better care to choose wisely.

I can't just up and do that. I love her very much as well as the son that we have together. She is just a bitch when I need her most which to me saddens me even further.

[skippybangkok]

nothing to do with Thai's.

[Geekfreaklover]

My wife has a trait which I find quite undesirable. Whenever I am depressed or have the blues it seems that she tries her hardest to make me feel worse. It's like she's kicking me when I'm down.

On the flip side to this whenever I am going through a really good time she is right there to ride that wave with me.

The fact that I can not rely on her in my moments of need really depresses me. Is this common in other Thai women as well or did I just wind up with a cold hearted b*tch?

You made a horrible choice in wives, divorce immediately. Next time take better care to choose wisely.

I can't just up and do that. I love her very much as well as the son that we have together. She is just a bitch when I need her most which to me saddens me even further.

I think (hope) Sabum's response was a tongue in cheek reactionary comment.

But It is plain and clear that you do not get the best from somebody, husband/wife/employee/friend by kicking them whilst they are down. It is not the way for a marriage or any realtionship to work.

It sounds to me that there are abusive control issues within the realtionship and she has you just where she wants you. Abusive relationships often occur between thai and farang marraiges expecially once one of the parties have what they have set out to acheive financially, and become disinterested if there is little more left to take.

But, I could be wrong. More details would help.

Edited April 19, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[sbk]

Lets do drop the derogatory generalizations, shall we? Not only is it insulting and unnecessary, but does not contribute in any kind of helpful way to this poster's specific problem.

To the OP:

Have you considered seeking professional help to find out if this is, in fact, clinical depression, or just being down in the dumps? We all have down periods but if yours are chronic then perhaps she has just as much difficulty dealing with it as you do.

[Boksida]

I can't just up and do that. I love her very much as well as the son that we have together. She is just a bitch when I need her most which to me saddens me even further.

[keithlee]

What you're experiencing is way above the average Thai's ability to comprehend, let alone deal with. Address this yourself through counseling and/or medication if necessary. Don't put it on yourself and your wife to deal with it.

Are you saying the average thai is mentally challenged?

[Inthai]

U need to get out of this relationship sooner then later, as this is not going anywhere in long run........eventough right now it seems impossibe.

I had similar experience wth my GF and she was from a middle class family and UNI educated, but everytime I was down she blamed me and gave me silent treatment which made things just worse.....I dont think it has anything to do with her personal background but there are some ladies who simply are so dependend on your mood, that they will react this way.

Here is just a simple example: On a Sunday morning i went to bath room and on way touched our fridge and a huge empty ashtray fell from fridge on to my foot. Immediately it hurt like hel_l and i started to shout (not really loud) in pain. Guess what reaction was of my GF: She blamed me, because i was not being careful enough otherwise ashtray would have not fallen on my foot...so I was problem, but she could not feel any empathy for pain I had that moment.....

So, after a loooong time I decided to break up as I was with somebody who had no clue, empathy or anything like that. Only during happy times she was also happy, but totally unable to show any empathy in bad times....

For whatever reason you are still together......sooner or later you need to change something....better try to do it soon and you will feel better.....

[Sabum]

U need to get out of this relationship sooner then later, as this is not going anywhere in long run........eventough right now it seems impossibe.

I had similar experience wth my GF and she was from a middle class family and UNI educated, but everytime I was down she blamed me and gave me silent treatment which made things just worse.....I dont think it has anything to do with her personal background but there are some ladies who simply are so dependend on your mood, that they will react this way.

Here is just a simple example: On a Sunday morning i went to bath room and on way touched our fridge and a huge empty ashtray fell from fridge on to my foot. Immediately it hurt like hel_l and i started to shout (not really loud) in pain. Guess what reaction was of my GF: She blamed me, because i was not being careful enough otherwise ashtray would have not fallen on my foot...so I was problem, but she could not feel any empathy for pain I had that moment.....

So, after a loooong time I decided to break up as I was with somebody who had no clue, empathy or anything like that. Only during happy times she was also happy, but totally unable to show any empathy in bad times....

For whatever reason you are still together......sooner or later you need to change something....better try to do it soon and you will feel better.....

EXACTLY, good for you man, get rid of the useless waste of space. No I was not tongue in cheek earlier, I told him to get rid of such a horrible wife and I meant it! I know so many men that are completely miserable and yet stay with abusive or energy sucking women (yes of course it goes the other way too but we arent talking about the other way, it is just human beings that behave badly, not men or women in particular)... why do they stay? They claim they love them... I suggest they dont know what love is. I choose my serious partners VERY carefully and I got an amazing woman, of course she isnt a sex bomb teenager but she is supportive and always there for me and I know I can count on her for anything.

[Boo]

In what situations are you down in the dumps op? Is it a regular thing for you to have mood swings or little or nothing/moody for no reason or is it more like "you've had a bad day at work, come home pissed off & she doesn't show you any sympathy?

TBH there is not enough info in your op.

I for example will nod & make the relevant noises when my husband comes home from work in a strop over something or if he has an actual greivance or something has upset/annoyed him etc but if he just wakes up in a bad mood & creates an atmosphere I'll ignore him or tell him to get a grip cause I don't need to be tiptoeing around him in case he has a strop over something stupid.

So if it is just you being a miserable git or creating over something stupid then I can't blame her but if it is an actual problem that you would like support over then you should probably ask her outright why she behaves that way. She might not even be aware that she is like it or if she is, that you would like her to show more concern.