The Sick Cow Story

[Thaddeus]

When the cow dies, carve it up into small chunks, package it and sell it under the name "I can't believe it's not better"

genius, if I had a hat I would take it off

it beats the post I was going to write about telling them you like veal

Is that Chris Fairclough in the photo?

I think you mean David.

[Samuian]

Here I am married for almost two months, ready to go back today to the USA for 3 weeks and my wife just gave me the sick cow story. One of her dads baby cows is sick and they need money to give it medical attention.

I thought this only happens to Farang suckers who dont live here and are in telecommunication relationships but I was wrong. I guess all the money I have given her and her family doesnt mean anything. They are trying to get every nickel out of me before I go back to the USA.

Needless to say I am not giving her or her family any more money. I already paid sin sid and 3 bahts gold two months ago.

For a culture as polite as the Thais seem to have, they have alot of nerve and are rude in many other respects.

Forget the Sin Sod money - but check for the 3 Baht Gold - if it is gone with the wind.... you're in serious trouble mate!

[redscouse]

yes it's david fairclough

[easethesqueeze]

What about your dreams?

You seem like a very generous guy, with the best of intentions.

I wish you good luck with your relationship, but it sounds very one sided.

Honestly if you think she's taking you for a ride get out while you still can, i'm sure you won't have any trouble meeting another, more appreciative lady.

all the best.

[InSiSongkram]

rideswings thats some reply there awesome my friend. I think apart from the jokes here most people want to put you on the right path as you really do sound like a nice person who does not deserve this and just wants to be happy.

I think your going to have to really stand your ground now on the money situation, if you then see her not happy or pulling tricks get out as quick as you can.

There are plenty more fish in the sea especially here in LOS.

[RAZZELL]

rideswings thats some reply there awesome my friend. I think apart from the jokes here most people want to put you on the right path as you really do sound like a nice person who does not deserve this and just wants to be happy.

I think your going to have to really stand your ground now on the money situation, if you then see her not happy or pulling tricks get out as quick as you can.

There are plenty more fish in the sea especially here in LOS.

Exactly. You sound a good guy and you're taking all the hard knocks on the chin.

But listen, don't be a punch bag!

All the best and good luck for the future

RAZZ

[jts-khorat]

Exactly. You sound a good guy and you're taking all the hard knocks on the chin.

But listen, don't be a punch bag!

All the best and good luck for the future

I really don't understand why everybody is feeling sorry for the OP; he started it by giving out of his free will money to the family; not just sin sot but while staying there threw in a tractor and a motorbike in the mix. That must have been hundreds of thousands of Baht of investment.

Then, without obvious reason while leaving for his home country he put in the brakes and is refusing money. Expectations will have been raised, plans be made, and a minor thing like a sick cow lets him throw an (for the Thai side) absolutely unexplainable and unreasonable fit. As the saying goes: 'asking costs nothing'.

So very often I read on this forum that the Thais are masterminds in pulling money from foreigners pockets; I actually have not seen that many real clever scams -- but much more often foreigners who literally forced money onto their spouses to 'buy' their love or 'rescue' them from their 'hard life'.

Most people who come to me to cry themselves out after such a story I ask, if they were not happy in their relationship and felt loved. Mostly, the answer is yes, and bingo, that is exactly what they paid for.

Normally money can't buy love, so they actually got a pretty good deal and should see it as such.

[MiG16]

please keep personal attacks out of the discussion

also no generalisations/sweeping statements

there are only so many of these threads I have to keep closing for the same reasons.

if you want to continue discussions, please abide by forum rules

cheers

[ALFREDO]

-rideswings-

Your age, her age? Thank you.

Anyway, if you love her, give the relationship a chance, try to talk to her, that you have to be on the brakes with the spending-the whole world is on the brakes!

If she is reasonable and likes-loves you also, she will try to understand. If not, she has to suck another body.

I know what I am talking about, I am the typical butterfly and to keep the mia luang (one child together) quiet, I gave her money, borrowed it to her, short before she left me she took a big loan on the car I had purchased, which was in her name (6 years ago, i had only a Tourist Visa).

Will I get some money back? Not easy!

The mia neu, (upgraded herself to mia luang) bought a leasing car, paid 1 year leasing herself in the front and ment to me,

if you not pay than in a year the monthly installments, I go back to bar and will look for the money there.

I have two young children with her, so I pay?

Ting tong are they and ting tong are we, many of us and I!

[Deke]

The OP should lay it our for his wife something like this:

We need to keep our money for our life together. We need to think about building a house, educating our kids, etc., etc. I don't mind helping your family occasionally, in an emergency, but that help is limited to the health of your mother and father. Miscellaneous relatives, friends, livestock and burned down houses are not my concern.

Make her understand your way of thinking and don't accept the "Thai way" argument. You are the one earning the money and she needs to accept that you want to build a future for the two of you. That's the way to make the marriage work. Otherwise, there will be no end to requests for "help".

Good luck.

[Sabum]

-rideswings-

Your age, her age? Thank you.

Anyway, if you love her, give the relationship a chance, try to talk to her, that you have to be on the brakes with the spending-the whole world is on the brakes!

If she is reasonable and likes-loves you also, she will try to understand. If not, she has to suck another body.

I know what I am talking about, I am the typical butterfly and to keep the mia luang (one child together) quiet, I gave her money, borrowed it to her, short before she left me she took a big loan on the car I had purchased, which was in her name (6 years ago, i had only a Tourist Visa).

Will I get some money back? Not easy!

The mia neu, (upgraded herself to mia luang) bought a leasing car, paid 1 year leasing herself in the front and ment to me,

if you not pay than in a year the monthly installments, I go back to bar and will look for the money there.

I have two young children with her, so I pay?

Ting tong are they and ting tong are we, many of us and I!

Illiterate and crazy!

[Thai at Heart]

Contrary to popular Falang wisdom, Thai bovines do from time to time need a veterinarian's hand and aren't blessed with eternal life.

I think that the Khwai has made an udderly good point here.

kaboom ching. post of the year so far.

[Loaded]

... I have known her since last July. we met on an internet Thai dating site.

... she doesnt drink or smoke, and she did not come from a bar. Just an Issan farm.

Doh...

[technocracy]

... I have known her since last July. we met on an internet Thai dating site.

... she doesnt drink or smoke, and she did not come from a bar. Just an Issan farm.

Doh...

Issan farms have Computers and Internet links in the paddy fields these days!

[Thaddeus]

Issan farms have Computers and Internet links in the paddy fields these days!

Maybe not in the fields, but in the houses, yes, some do.

[lingnoi34]

My Thai wife says that Isaan people do not take their regular vua (cow) to the vet unless it's a special (valuable) one. I think she means the bulls that they can rent to others for impregnating...

L

[Lickey]

Rideswings, you have done a majestic job in your long reply, you have choices to make im sure, I havent heard the "house burned down" story yet, but that could have been a "cassino debt" card playing for big money is rife here in Issan, specially if there is a falang in the background, Best to do as you say as a test, get her over to the states and get her working, then she will know what it is like to send money every month to mum & Dad, and that you are not a bottomless pit of cash,

Good Luck, Lickey..

[goodheartman]

-rideswings-

Your age, her age? Thank you.

Anyway, if you love her, give the relationship a chance, try to talk to her, that you have to be on the brakes with the spending-the whole world is on the brakes!

If she is reasonable and likes-loves you also, she will try to understand. If not, she has to suck another body.

I know what I am talking about, I am the typical butterfly and to keep the mia luang (one child together) quiet, I gave her money, borrowed it to her, short before she left me she took a big loan on the car I had purchased, which was in her name (6 years ago, i had only a Tourist Visa).

Will I get some money back? Not easy!

The mia neu, (upgraded herself to mia luang) bought a leasing car, paid 1 year leasing herself in the front and ment to me,

if you not pay than in a year the monthly installments, I go back to bar and will look for the money there.

I have two young children with her, so I pay?

Ting tong are they and ting tong are we, many of us and I!

2 kids with a girl from the bar?

I dont you think you qualified to give advice sir .

on a downer........can someone tell me what the future holds for these 2 young uns.

ps will you people stop with the talk to the girl try to understand them nonsense. go by their actions!

Edited April 26, 2009 by goodheartman

[rideswings]

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I have decided that I will not give any more money to her family, but I also decided that any money my wife earns from a job can go to them. She will probably earn around 4,000 baht per month after she finds a job, and her parents will have that much more to live on per month. I was also indirectly asked if I could help send her sister to university, I replied that her sister can get a job and pay for college herself.

I confess to "building her up" and buying many new things and spending alot of money on her and her family. But my mom told me the same thing one of the posters did, if you build someone up like that, its not fair to just stop. It might not be fair, but its better to do it now before my money runs out.

I worked my way through school while taking a full courseload, her sister can do the same. Maybe I have had it with my own generosity. I am guilty.

Thanks again for the advice and humor.

[samuibeachcomber]

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I have decided that I will not give any more money to her family, but I also decided that any money my wife earns from a job can go to them. She will probably earn around 4,000 baht per month after she finds a job, and her parents will have that much more to live on per month. I was also indirectly asked if I could help send her sister to university, I replied that her sister can get a job and pay for college herself.

I confess to "building her up" and buying many new things and spending alot of money on her and her family. But my mom told me the same thing one of the posters did, if you build someone up like that, its not fair to just stop. It might not be fair, but its better to do it now before my money runs out.

I worked my way through school while taking a full courseload, her sister can do the same. Maybe I have had it with my own generosity. I am guilty.

Thanks again for the advice and humor.

nice conclusion rideswings.It is hard to stop "the giving" but as you've said it has to be done and as mom seems to be saying "dont knock back every request" otherwise there withdrawal symptoms could be bad you'll feel good in the end "saying no".

[goodheartman]

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I have decided that I will not give any more money to her family, but I also decided that any money my wife earns from a job can go to them. She will probably earn around 4,000 baht per month after she finds a job, and her parents will have that much more to live on per month. I was also indirectly asked if I could help send her sister to university, I replied that her sister can get a job and pay for college herself.

I confess to "building her up" and buying many new things and spending alot of money on her and her family. But my mom told me the same thing one of the posters did, if you build someone up like that, its not fair to just stop. It might not be fair, but its better to do it now before my money runs out.

I worked my way through school while taking a full courseload, her sister can do the same. Maybe I have had it with my own generosity. I am guilty.

Thanks again for the advice and humor.

another one bites the dust! so sad!

you didnt build her up sir. she saw a live one(meaning you a chump) and took advantage of the situation.

and you still want her...................GOD HELP US ALL!

ALTHOUGH los is more fun w guys like these around

[goodheartman]

Rideswings, you have done a majestic job in your long reply, you have choices to make im sure, I havent heard the "house burned down" story yet, but that could have been a "cassino debt" card playing for big money is rife here in Issan, specially if there is a falang in the background, Best to do as you say as a test, get her over to the states and get her working, then she will know what it is like to send money every month to mum & Dad, and that you are not a bottomless pit of cash,

Good Luck, Lickey..

you think this girl is cut out for working in usa....... .

[Birdman]

you used BOUGHT - and i take that as insult -

but then again .. i'm the one being happy not you .

i;m the one that so far after i got married made about 4 million after i got married .

and everyone is happy and i am buying my new cars soon which i will still put in my wife name ..

is a matter of trust . which i do not expert you to try to understand .

.

i hope you do find true love some day . if your poor sence of relationship is about who own what .. then i think you are better off bumping around bars and paid for yoru love life .

just a little info for your sorry statement .

my wife is richer then me .

-

and till now i can tell you right away . i love my wife , on first sight . and we got married .

you are open to your own view . bt then again . i do not expect someone like you to understand what love is .. cos chances is you would never find one with your state of mind .

good luck .

when i fall in love , the last thing i consider is where she is from . -

pardon me . if i got abit too strong on my words .

but what i want to say is .

what is there to lose in life ..

one fine day we all die .. and if we do not try and get stuck up with how much you spend or how much you earn . at the end of the days all thoss paper you collected is not even worth a moment of happiness .

.

money can do alot of thing if you use it rightly . i hardly carry any with me nowaday ...

i entrust all to my wife . - if you ask me if i worry she run away with it .

well . my reply to you or anyone who ask would be ,, if she want to run away with my money .. - she do not need to run .. just let me know and she can walk away .. slowly with every cent i have .

and i can alway start again .. and i will not give up if such day happen ..

cos as simple as .. i love my wife - and if she do choose money over me .. i am more then happy to grant her that .

---

after all when the time come .. only the memory of happiness can go with you .

not those money you save .

Don't be foolish, be aware.

Because the OP seems to be one step ahead of your fate

Edited April 26, 2009 by Birdman

[RAZZELL]

-rideswings-

Your age, her age? Thank you.

Anyway, if you love her, give the relationship a chance, try to talk to her, that you have to be on the brakes with the spending-the whole world is on the brakes!

If she is reasonable and likes-loves you also, she will try to understand. If not, she has to suck another body.

I know what I am talking about, I am the typical butterfly and to keep the mia luang (one child together) quiet, I gave her money, borrowed it to her, short before she left me she took a big loan on the car I had purchased, which was in her name (6 years ago, i had only a Tourist Visa).

Will I get some money back? Not easy!

The mia neu, (upgraded herself to mia luang) bought a leasing car, paid 1 year leasing herself in the front and ment to me,

if you not pay than in a year the monthly installments, I go back to bar and will look for the money there.

I have two young children with her, so I pay?

Ting tong are they and ting tong are we, many of us and I!

Illiterate and crazy!

Three kids by two different women...Sounds like a class act...

RAZZ

[jts-khorat]

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I have decided that I will not give any more money to her family, but I also decided that any money my wife earns from a job can go to them. She will probably earn around 4,000 baht per month after she finds a job, and her parents will have that much more to live on per month. I was also indirectly asked if I could help send her sister to university, I replied that her sister can get a job and pay for college herself.

I confess to "building her up" and buying many new things and spending alot of money on her and her family. But my mom told me the same thing one of the posters did, if you build someone up like that, its not fair to just stop. It might not be fair, but its better to do it now before my money runs out.

I worked my way through school while taking a full courseload, her sister can do the same. Maybe I have had it with my own generosity. I am guilty.

Thanks again for the advice and humor.

This is a much more balanced view; you seem to start to understand that expectations need to be managed very carefully, as communication with the extended family of your wife will be very difficult; they do not really understand why we would be generous, they also do not understand when we are not.

However, setting clear rules now (and adhering to them) is the only way trough this minefield after the damage has been done. I still would not advocate to give nothing as you are automatically responsible for her family. I myself give from time to time when the need seems genuine, but I do understand at such times that I give as much to help my partner as much as it is for my own happiness (and ego maybe).

I have found from experience, as most Thais will not understand large sums anyway:

making many small presents and on many occasions is better than one big one, give lots of stuff to the children and most important of all, give those little presents unasked (your partner will learn to communicate the real needs over time, but if you give by yourself you will be seen as generous instead of just reacting to any request).

[rideswings]

jts - that sounds like good advice. lots of small gifts. i can go on like that forever, 100 baht here, 100 baht there. but the big gifts are history.

GHman - yeah i still want her because i love her. I loved her from the first time i saw her as a person that would take care of me and that I would like to take care of. maybe she doesnt love me the same way, but neither did my ex-wife of 16 years. thats life.

SamuiBC - saying no feels good and might insure a longer relationship if she truly is a good one. but her mom is a big factor, and a greedy one at that.

thanks for everyones input.

Edited April 26, 2009 by rideswings

[abdulrahman]

jts - that sounds like good advice. lots of small gifts. i can go on like that forever, 100 baht here, 100 baht there. but the big gifts are history.

GHman - yeah i still want her because i love her. I loved her from the first time i saw her as a person that would take care of me and that I would like to take care of. maybe she doesnt love me the same way, but neither did my ex-wife of 16 years. thats life.

SamuiBC - saying no feels good and might insure a longer relationship if she truly is a good one. but her mom is a big factor, and a greedy one at that.

thanks for everyones input.

Congratulations,rideswings,

you seem on the right way now.Good luck.

[ALFREDO]

-Sabum-

Yes, illiterate and crazy, but nobody is perfect.

-goodheartman-

I not qualfied to give advice, you write.

I think, -as been there and done that-, I very much qualified to write about that what I know,

it seems more likely that you are not qulified to write here, just falling from the tree in that forum

and maybe never have been in Asia. Yes sir?

By the way, you read, write but not all comes to your brain.

I have 3 boys from 2 GF here in TH (I wrote that) and 2 more boys with a Ex GF in Austria.

I not order one of the childs to be made, but when a woman want to get pregnant she will get.

So, maybe ask them what they had been thinking-they wanted to catch a falang with a "good heart", (the same happened in my home country)

and not only one same you, who gives himself this, in reality -I am sure completely unfitting name,

you are that kind of guy who only thinks for himself and NOBODY else!

I take care my children, what problem do you have with children from other people,

go back in the whole where you come from one or two days ago!

No, better go to hel_l, there are already some of your friends who breeth now hot air,

before they, same you wrote hot, thin air sentences into that otherwise and normaly good forum!

-razzell-

You know what happens when you make love?

That is the act you make so woman get pregnant,

when you now only make shorttimes or are such an a.....le that woman do not want to have a child with you, or when you do not f...

So how should you get children?

I am so a nice guy, that everybody wants children from me.

Bob Marley died with 36 or 38 and had 13 children from I think 9 wifes and GF.

Clint Easwood has 6 or 7 children from 5 or 6 wifes, GF, similar the black guy from 'Miami Vice"

So I am in good company with my 5 sons from 3 woman.

-rideswings-

You mean 4.000.- Baht in the month she will make in the US if she gets a job? What kind of job is that? Is there a 0 missing, not?

[Maizefarmer]

I think the OP gets the message guys: he can console himself in the knowledge that he is not the first and won't be the last in this situation.

If every ex-pat who found himself in this situation wrote his story up on the forum - we'd be here all day replying to their misfortune.

You'd be highly suspect of a girl in West you'd known for a few months, who smiled and said "thanks honey" if you offered to buy her a house (or land). Not withstanding that the cost in Thailand is much more affordable, the principal is no less different, and its no less a Thai girl, than it is Western girl who takes up an offer like that at face value (without telling you you're a mug).

The rule has to be this: if its not how you would behave in a relationship towards a new found girlfriend in the West - then don't do it in Thailand. God only knows why so many ex-pats perceive Thai girls any differently when it comes to things like this - then rue the day they did.

[goodheartman]

its not their misfortune! its their lack of judgement!