An impending birthday of an ex lover, the first since her marriage to a western guy, has me thinking about a suitable present. We are close, always have been, her husband knows most things about me but does not know a lot about his wife. She made it clear to him that we would remain friends and we have, though I suspect some underground worries. Let's say I don't think he'd be too keen on her and I going away for a weekend and I don't think he'd sleep if we went out for dinner and were just a little late

Seriously, it is no good asking the guys because they fall into two camps. Either they say do what you want or don't send her a present now as she is married.

What would I get her normally ? well we'd normally go out, probably twice, once with all the friends and once alone and I'd be clued up on what would fit into her life more than I am now. Previously a helicopter flight, the perfume cliche, perhaps something you cannot get in Thailand (though now she is in Europe), spa stuff.

I was thinking about a luxury hotel for her and her husband, well for her but you know what I mean. I've got heaps of some airline points I have converted in Marriott rewards as they were going to expire and a night in a 5* hotel with spa would cost me nothing and would likely be a welcome treat for her. She could take a girlfriend, I don't mind.

I want you ladies to perhaps not offer just suggestions but how I should consider her changed circumstances, if I should, given the fact that we are still good friends but respecting the guy's feelings (not that much, he's not a baby) etc.

Honestly, torrenova, it seems a bit of an OTT present for a married exlover. Anything extravagant is bound to raise some hard feelings on the part of the husband. I can't think of too many people who don't mind their wife or husband being close to an ex.

I agree with SBK, even if it costs you nothing & even if the gift includes the new husband I would say it may come across to the new husband as you (possibly unintentionally) stirring up trouble & still marking your territory with your ex.

Here is a question: Would you go on a trip to a fancy hotel paid for & arranged by your wife ex bf?

I am not a jealous person & have always been nice & in some cases become friends with my ex's new gf's or my husbands ex's but if one of them did as you suggested I would consider it a piss take & look at what is motivating them. As she is no longer in Thailand I don't see that a gift is necessary. Maybe just a call to wish her the best & an offer of a nice dinner for you all next time they are in Thailand.

sbk, my thoughts exactly!!!

keep it a bit more neutral. think SISTER. so no sexy undies, no hotels for them both either (i would think thats wierd if i was in the guy's shoes). your present has to be 'less' than what her husband might give her, or 'less' sexy, personal, whatever. no exclusive jewelry etc ...

BUT even a book with a personal note written in the cover (keep it clean and poetic not romantic) could be personal but not construed in the wrong way. u dont want to create friction in to her marriage as u want her to have a good life (dont you?) .

so a cashmere sweater/jacket/, or a beautiful scarf, or a photo album (not the plastic regualr types but something special from wood, or engraved, or whatever), something with a personal touch but not TOO intimately personal , showing that u know her tastes, still are fond of her, but are respecting her new status. i do have a friend in that category and that is the sort of thing he finds for me ... even a cd set with a note written on the cover label .. but i am not the 'spa' set nor the perfume type. even a picture of her with her husband, enlarged in an unusual/beautiful/antique whatever frame, with an inscription on it could be nice. this acknowleges her, her husband and shows u wish her full happiness.

UP TO U. or give her nothing at all but some flowers and a card.

bina

israel

An impending birthday of an ex lover, the first since her marriage to a western guy, has me thinking about a suitable present. We are close, always have been, her husband knows most things about me but does not know a lot about his wife. She made it clear to him that we would remain friends and we have, though I suspect some underground worries. Let's say I don't think he'd be too keen on her and I going away for a weekend and I don't think he'd sleep if we went out for dinner and were just a little late

Seriously, it is no good asking the guys because they fall into two camps. Either they say do what you want or don't send her a present now as she is married.

What would I get her normally ? well we'd normally go out, probably twice, once with all the friends and once alone and I'd be clued up on what would fit into her life more than I am now. Previously a helicopter flight, the perfume cliche, perhaps something you cannot get in Thailand (though now she is in Europe), spa stuff.

I was thinking about a luxury hotel for her and her husband, well for her but you know what I mean. I've got heaps of some airline points I have converted in Marriott rewards as they were going to expire and a night in a 5* hotel with spa would cost me nothing and would likely be a welcome treat for her. She could take a girlfriend, I don't mind.

I want you ladies to perhaps not offer just suggestions but how I should consider her changed circumstances, if I should, given the fact that we are still good friends but respecting the guy's feelings (not that much, he's not a baby) etc.

Sorry to be so dreadfully honest but the sappy drivel leads me to believe you are still hanging on. I think the most appropriate move would be to not give a gift and move on.

An impending birthday of an ex lover, the first since her marriage to a western guy, has me thinking about a suitable present. We are close, always have been, her husband knows most things about me but does not know a lot about his wife. She made it clear to him that we would remain friends and we have, though I suspect some underground worries. Let's say I don't think he'd be too keen on her and I going away for a weekend and I don't think he'd sleep if we went out for dinner and were just a little late

Seriously, it is no good asking the guys because they fall into two camps. Either they say do what you want or don't send her a present now as she is married.

What would I get her normally ? well we'd normally go out, probably twice, once with all the friends and once alone and I'd be clued up on what would fit into her life more than I am now. Previously a helicopter flight, the perfume cliche, perhaps something you cannot get in Thailand (though now she is in Europe), spa stuff.

I was thinking about a luxury hotel for her and her husband, well for her but you know what I mean. I've got heaps of some airline points I have converted in Marriott rewards as they were going to expire and a night in a 5* hotel with spa would cost me nothing and would likely be a welcome treat for her. She could take a girlfriend, I don't mind.

I want you ladies to perhaps not offer just suggestions but how I should consider her changed circumstances, if I should, given the fact that we are still good friends but respecting the guy's feelings (not that much, he's not a baby) etc.

Move on-give the relationship every chance leave them alone.

be a nice guy and buy her whatever would put her new husbands mind at ease about you.

Why get her anything, remaining friends on speaking turns should be gift enough in my view, now that she has another husband. Now question for you, Do you have a new lady? If yes ask her opinion on the ex-lover give you a happy birthday gift, and likewise you give the ex-lover one in return.

Edited April 25, 200917 yr by BigSnake