Politeness And Open Doors

[Birdman]

i alway look back before i let the door close ,

and i alway press and wairt for the lift door so everyone can come in safe .

--

this is not a what other do for you thing , is what you can do for others ,

while alot of us expect good deed to be return ,

i say do good deed cos you feel like doing it .

be it how bad ammner other behave , or how impolite otehrs is , we should try out best to be good in our own way

What are you doing if hordes of people want to get on an overcrowded bus at the same time? Or if you are waiting for your turn somewhere and one after another pushes them self forward?

[ACMIKE]

...same thing in Singapore, it's funny because just today I was 3 feet behind a guy, he opened the door just a sliver to squeeze through, in fact a little to much of a sliver, it caught his shoulder and almost knocked him down. This has bugged me forever in Singapore so it's just not Thailand....it's like they are too lazy to open the door a few extra inches ot to hold it.

[Moonrakers]

Walking out of my apartment building the other day, I glanced back through the glass doors and noticed a women whose hands were full. Noticing this I stopped the door from closing and held it open for her so she could pass through easily.

I wasn't expecting to be adored for it, but I got absolutely no acknowledgment whatsoever. Not even so much as a smile.

But that's OK as it didn't set my day back in the slightest and the next time I see her struggling I'll just let the door slam in the ignorant bitch's face.

[bkkjames]

it happens so often I guess I get used to it.

however today I noticed this 30-40 office lady walking ahead of me towards some doors, she slowed down to half pace and me being the generous but spiteful lad that I am - slowed down even more.

"open your own door you lazy*)#$&()!" I said to myself.

the problem stems from security guards always opening doors for these types of people - I think they forget how to do it.

[harrry]

I have encountered more politeness here than in Australia. In Australia disabled parkig bays are often occupied by able drivers while the wheelchair area on busses is full of people who wilol not give up their place to a wheelchair even if other seats are available.

In Singapore without fail the person stepping out of a lift would hold the button till I got in.

In Malaysia there are disabled parking bays and when I asked my driver how they kept them free was met with with a shocked response. "WHy would people park in tem they are for people who need them. That would be wrong."

In thailand I have consistently had assistance offered when it is needed....and sadly because of the built environment that is quite often.

Of course in asian countries children do not give their seats to adults. The culture here means that adults should give their seat to a child as they are more vunerable in a moving vehicle.

However I feel that Moonraker seems to be doing his good deeds so that he can gain benefits from them.

[bkkjames]

I have encountered more politeness here than in Australia. In Australia disabled parkig bays are often occupied by able drivers while the wheelchair area on busses is full of people who wilol not give up their place to a wheelchair even if other seats are available.

In Singapore without fail the person stepping out of a lift would hold the button till I got in.

In Malaysia there are disabled parking bays and when I asked my driver how they kept them free was met with with a shocked response. "WHy would people park in tem they are for people who need them. That would be wrong."

In thailand I have consistently had assistance offered when it is needed....and sadly because of the built environment that is quite often.

Of course in asian countries children do not give their seats to adults. The culture here means that adults should give their seat to a child as they are more vunerable in a moving vehicle.

However I feel that Moonraker seems to be doing his good deeds so that he can gain benefits from them.

great, I feel better already. re the 13 yr old boys that need to sit on a skytrain, rediculous.

[Moonrakers]

However I feel that Moonraker seems to be doing his good deeds so that he can gain benefits from them.

Huh?

[bonobo]

I just spent an unexpected week in Manila, and as I had a lot of free tiem on my hands, I was able to sit and observe a lot.  While Manila makes Bangkok look like a pristine, advanced city, I was taken aback on how polite the workers at restaurants and stores were.  Each entry to a 7-11 was flanked by numerous "Welcome to 7-11, sirs" by the cashiers and managers, and each exit was flanked by "Thank you for coming."  At restaurants, the managers came by mid-meal to make sure everything was OK. And yes, doors were held open.

This really struck me as I rarely get afforded this type of treatment here in Bangkok.  Now I love Thailand and would rather be here than the Philippines for any number of reasons, but the politeness and adherance to traffic laws in the Philippines was a welcome respite.

[bkkjames]

I just spent an unexpected week in Manila, and as I had a lot of free tiem on my hands, I was able to sit and observe a lot.  While Manila makes Bangkok look like a pristine, advanced city, I was taken aback on how polite the workers at restaurants and stores were.  Each entry to a 7-11 was flanked by numerous "Welcome to 7-11, sirs" by the cashiers and managers, and each exit was flanked by "Thank you for coming."  At restaurants, the managers came by mid-meal to make sure everything was OK. And yes, doors were held open.

This really struck me as I rarely get afforded this type of treatment here in Bangkok.  Now I love Thailand and would rather be here than the Philippines for any number of reasons, but the politeness and adherance to traffic laws in the Philippines was a welcome respite.

Well I guess we can blame the Yanks for this.

[JoeThePoster]

Instead of holding the door open for just one second, they would rather slam it in your face.

They are the same people who rush into an elevator and press the door-close button while hogging the entrance.

[tim armstrong]

Manners maketh the man?

Whether it is reciprocated should not be the desired result. Knowing you will open or keep a door open for the gentler sex or the aged. Give your seat up to your elders or an expectant female and always walk on the outside with your partner. Those are fine traits and a good habit to have.

Living here now for 6+years and I have not come across any deliberate rudeness.

Have held the door open for elderly ladies back in the UK who breeze past as if I am the invisble man?

Given my seat up to ladies on the underground when there were young guys around.

Spoke with one of the teenagers later on manners, his reply "Never knew that mate, the old man never said I had too" So it's a parenting or schooling failure.

My GF and her mother beams at times when I show them manners respect by simple things, standing when they leave the table and rejoin, sitting in the back of the pick-up so they can sit inside.

At the end of the day it is a personal thing and makes me feel good to maintain the standards I learnt at sea from 1977 to 1995.

I agree . Culturally, we do have different manners, ways of teaching our children manners, and attitudes to women. But they are ours and not Thai. About the smile thing - I think its a big city phenomenon around the world, where people are too busy or stressed to notice others. I make a point of smiling at almost everyone I see in Thailand. Most of the time it is returned. It does sometimes cause my wife to give me the visual warning signs, but its part of my nature, and very useful with immigration, police, and shop assistants.

So take the initiative and try it for a day, - pretend you're a star or stoned or whatever, you will be surprised at the results. Its also the MOST effective way to lift your own mood in the shortest time possible. So 'Yim' everyone ! I look forward to the feedback.

[phazey]

I have encountered more politeness here than in Australia

That's funny. I remember being over in Freemantle in one of the finest pie shops in town. As i was walking out an elderly couple also approached the door, so i stepped back, held the door and let these two people leave.

The comment of thanks from them....."make your bl@#dy mind up!" .......

But going along with the opening door thing, I find that lift etiquette somewhat iffy aswell. Many a time i've had my exit blocked by some little "big-hair" lady trying to get in without letting people out.

Big Sigh.....

[barky]

Generally speaking, and only generally speaking because there are exceptions. In the whole time I've lived here I have found the average Thai here in Bangkok to be totally dis-courteous, self-absorbed, self-centred and couldn't give a hoot for the convenience and comfort of others. Most seem to have no peripheral anything.

Ranging from footpaths to pedestrian crossings, lifts, escalators, BTS, queue jumping, walking into you, cutting you off both on the road and footpath, the list is endless.

It's not my job to teach the people in question common ettiquete and consideration of others. And , I don't have the time nor inclination to do a survey to discover who is or who isn't courteous and polite.

Even though it goes completely against the grain I seem to often find myself following the "when in Rome do as the Romans do" sort of thing, and just think of myself first.

[Sarpedon]

Walking out of my apartment building the other day, I glanced back through the glass doors and noticed a women whose hands were full. Noticing this I stopped the door from closing and held it open for her so she could pass through easily.

I wasn't expecting to be adored for it, but I got absolutely no acknowledgment whatsoever. Not even so much as a smile.

But that's OK as it didn't set my day back in the slightest and the next time I see her struggling I'll just let the door slam in the ignorant bitch's face.

Same thing happened at my place. I was holding the door open at the basement car park for a woman who had a whole load of bags to carry, no acknowledgement at all, and then when she put the bags down to push the elevator button open,she just left the car park door open while the alarm was going off and walked into the elevator. I had to walk back to actually shut the door to stop the alarm from going off (the alarm goes off when the door is open for too long).

Maybe she thought I was some sort of doorman but her behaviour was pretty dam_n rude.

[TonySoprano]

I agree that there seem to be less smiles these days. I think its probably the economy plus political situation that has people less happy go lucky.

The door thing I have not noticed.

Edited May 4, 2009 by TonySoprano

[Geekfreaklover]

I surprisingly got a thankyou off some top end totty (5 chicks) who looked as if they were down to Pattaya from BKK for the day for opening the door the other day, the only reason i stood there like a plank keeping it open to let all 5 through was to check them out, they really were the only decent looking girls ive seen outside a gogo bar here.

I lived in London for a few years and certain races of people dont try to move in the slightest to get out the way when walking past, one day i got peed off with this and knocked some young rapper kind of kid flat on his backside as i done as he and didnt try moving in the slightest.

This post reminds me of the spin kicking steroid eating TV legend 'The Don.'

[bonobo]

My condo has plenty of parking, yet some guy in a huge pickup will not park 20m away in the open spaces and parks blocking other cars all the time.  I came out one morning when a woman was trying in vain to push his beast out of the way.  I moved it for her, and I then got my secretary to write up a message asking him not to block people in.  The next day, he did it again, and I put the message on his windshield.  Didn't make a difference.  He keeps doing it, even though at least one other person has left a note.

This is one thing which bothers me about many people here.  There is seemingly, at least from my perspective, a serous lack of empathy and a huge degree of willingness to inconvenience others.

[Geekfreaklover]

I just spent an unexpected week in Manila, and as I had a lot of free tiem on my hands, I was able to sit and observe a lot. While Manila makes Bangkok look like a pristine, advanced city, I was taken aback on how polite the workers at restaurants and stores were. Each entry to a 7-11 was flanked by numerous "Welcome to 7-11, sirs" by the cashiers and managers, and each exit was flanked by "Thank you for coming." At restaurants, the managers came by mid-meal to make sure everything was OK. And yes, doors were held open.

This really struck me as I rarely get afforded this type of treatment here in Bangkok. Now I love Thailand and would rather be here than the Philippines for any number of reasons, but the politeness and adherance to traffic laws in the Philippines was a welcome respite.

Yep, you can't beat a good healthy dose of colonisation to civilise the savages.

[whopper]

just remember..."consideration isn't a consideration" in thailand. Especially on the roads FWIW. Thais are generally polite, but I think consideration is a learned exercise and I don't see too much of it here.

[Geekfreaklover]

I think the Thai people are the most polite race that I have ever come across having travelled and lived in many obscure places around the globe. It is a different type of politeness. They will not hold the door open for you but they will sit smiling at you when they completly disagree with what you are saying. - This is in my opinion a form of the highest level of politeness and only works if you speak Thai.

[dsprtliving]

Generally speaking, and only generally speaking because there are exceptions. In the whole time I've lived here I have found the average Thai here in Bangkok to be totally dis-courteous, self-absorbed, self-centred and couldn't give a hoot for the convenience and comfort of others. Most seem to have no peripheral anything.

Ranging from footpaths to pedestrian crossings, lifts, escalators, BTS, queue jumping, walking into you, cutting you off both on the road and footpath, the list is endless.

It's not my job to teach the people in question common ettiquete and consideration of others. And , I don't have the time nor inclination to do a survey to discover who is or who isn't courteous and polite.

Even though it goes completely against the grain I seem to often find myself following the "when in Rome do as the Romans do" sort of thing, and just think of myself first.

Generally speaking I agree 100%! I've adopted the "when in Rome" philosophy as well living here in Bangkok, and thus i find it less annoying when being on the receiving end of bad manners. However, i do find that some days when I'm out and about, especially in shopping centers, that i reach a point after a while that I've had enough of being walked into or cut in front of. I then start to intentionally tense up the shoulder or or elbow and simply allow said self-absorbed Thai the opportunity to think twice about it the next time. My Thai partner is from Issan and the lack of manners of the Bangkok Thais irritates him just as much. He often is quick to remind me that Bangkok is NOT Thailand in regards to culture and manners, and i guess he is right in some regards. If all Americans were painted with the same cultural brush as someone from New York or Los Angles then I'd most likely take issue as well.

[Geekfreaklover]

Generally speaking, and only generally speaking because there are exceptions. In the whole time I've lived here I have found the average Thai here in Bangkok to be totally dis-courteous, self-absorbed, self-centred and couldn't give a hoot for the convenience and comfort of others. Most seem to have no peripheral anything.

Ranging from footpaths to pedestrian crossings, lifts, escalators, BTS, queue jumping, walking into you, cutting you off both on the road and footpath, the list is endless.

It's not my job to teach the people in question common ettiquete and consideration of others. And , I don't have the time nor inclination to do a survey to discover who is or who isn't courteous and polite.

Even though it goes completely against the grain I seem to often find myself following the "when in Rome do as the Romans do" sort of thing, and just think of myself first.

Generally speaking I agree 100%! I've adopted the "when in Rome" philosophy as well living here in Bangkok, and thus i find it less annoying when being on the receiving end of bad manners. However, i do find that some days when I'm out and about, especially in shopping centers, that i reach a point after a while that I've had enough of being walked into or cut in front of. I then start to intentionally tense up the shoulder or or elbow and simply allow said self-absorbed Thai the opportunity to think twice about it the next time. My Thai partner is from Issan and the lack of manners of the Bangkok Thais irritates him just as much. He often is quick to remind me that Bangkok is NOT Thailand in regards to culture and manners, and i guess he is right in some regards. If all Americans were painted with the same cultural brush as someone from New York or Los Angles then I'd most likely take issue as well.

Having lived in Isaan for almost ten years I can tell you that IMHO your Isaan boyfriend is telling you porkie pies.

Bangkok citizens are much more polite than those from the dust bowl. Try going into a post office in Isaan and then compare it to going to a post office in Bangkok.

The concept of Isaaners being more polite is not correct. More friendly yes, more polite no.

[dsprtliving]

Generally speaking, and only generally speaking because there are exceptions. In the whole time I've lived here I have found the average Thai here in Bangkok to be totally dis-courteous, self-absorbed, self-centred and couldn't give a hoot for the convenience and comfort of others. Most seem to have no peripheral anything.

Ranging from footpaths to pedestrian crossings, lifts, escalators, BTS, queue jumping, walking into you, cutting you off both on the road and footpath, the list is endless.

It's not my job to teach the people in question common ettiquete and consideration of others. And , I don't have the time nor inclination to do a survey to discover who is or who isn't courteous and polite.

Even though it goes completely against the grain I seem to often find myself following the "when in Rome do as the Romans do" sort of thing, and just think of myself first.

Generally speaking I agree 100%! I've adopted the "when in Rome" philosophy as well living here in Bangkok, and thus i find it less annoying when being on the receiving end of bad manners. However, i do find that some days when I'm out and about, especially in shopping centers, that i reach a point after a while that I've had enough of being walked into or cut in front of. I then start to intentionally tense up the shoulder or or elbow and simply allow said self-absorbed Thai the opportunity to think twice about it the next time. My Thai partner is from Issan and the lack of manners of the Bangkok Thais irritates him just as much. He often is quick to remind me that Bangkok is NOT Thailand in regards to culture and manners, and i guess he is right in some regards. If all Americans were painted with the same cultural brush as someone from New York or Los Angles then I'd most likely take issue as well.

Having lived in Isaan for almost ten years I can tell you that IMHO your Isaan boyfriend is telling you porkie pies.

Bangkok citizens are much more polite than those from the dust bowl. Try going into a post office in Isaan and then compare it to going to a post office in Bangkok.

The concept of Isaaners being more polite is not correct. More friendly yes, more polite no.

Having spent very little time up in Issan, I can only take your word for it. I have suspected this to be the case actually, but would never let on that this might possibly be the truth. Gotta give him something to be proud of, right?

[Geekfreaklover]

Generally speaking, and only generally speaking because there are exceptions. In the whole time I've lived here I have found the average Thai here in Bangkok to be totally dis-courteous, self-absorbed, self-centred and couldn't give a hoot for the convenience and comfort of others. Most seem to have no peripheral anything.

Ranging from footpaths to pedestrian crossings, lifts, escalators, BTS, queue jumping, walking into you, cutting you off both on the road and footpath, the list is endless.

It's not my job to teach the people in question common ettiquete and consideration of others. And , I don't have the time nor inclination to do a survey to discover who is or who isn't courteous and polite.

Even though it goes completely against the grain I seem to often find myself following the "when in Rome do as the Romans do" sort of thing, and just think of myself first.

Generally speaking I agree 100%! I've adopted the "when in Rome" philosophy as well living here in Bangkok, and thus i find it less annoying when being on the receiving end of bad manners. However, i do find that some days when I'm out and about, especially in shopping centers, that i reach a point after a while that I've had enough of being walked into or cut in front of. I then start to intentionally tense up the shoulder or or elbow and simply allow said self-absorbed Thai the opportunity to think twice about it the next time. My Thai partner is from Issan and the lack of manners of the Bangkok Thais irritates him just as much. He often is quick to remind me that Bangkok is NOT Thailand in regards to culture and manners, and i guess he is right in some regards. If all Americans were painted with the same cultural brush as someone from New York or Los Angles then I'd most likely take issue as well.

Having lived in Isaan for almost ten years I can tell you that IMHO your Isaan boyfriend is telling you porkie pies.

Bangkok citizens are much more polite than those from the dust bowl. Try going into a post office in Isaan and then compare it to going to a post office in Bangkok.

The concept of Isaaners being more polite is not correct. More friendly yes, more polite no.

Having spent very little time up in Issan, I can only take your word for it. I have suspected this to be the case actually, but would never let on that this might possibly be the truth. Gotta give him something to be proud of, right?

Yes, Isaaners are a very proud populace that have been kept in their place for years by the Thai elilte. 'Ya Mor' The Thai female army general who defeated the advancing Laotian army by feeding them beer and laying on women so they were too drunk to fight the next day. The Khymer temples in surin and sisaket evidence of past rulers of Thailand. They have a good past. But it is not a past built on politeness. It is a past built on hard work and aggression.

[rafval]

my view is that it takes a certain intelligence to be able to put yourself in someone elses shoes, its really what makes humans different from animals and many thais just dont have it, its not that they mean to be rude, they are just unaware, they dont have the necessary imagination or curiosity

[rafval]

but I will say that if Im walking in a busy area and someone stands on the back of my shoe its a farang everytime, I had an arab do it three times a little while back and when he walked past he turned and scowled at me, I impulsively said <deleted> you and he exploded, told me to have some manners, I said I wasnt the one that stood on my shoes three times and couldnt apologize and he stormed off

[Heng]

On average someone is holding the door open for me 5-6 times a day. Usually bank guards, but also regular folks too, both Thai and foreign.

On the one hand, it might be politeness, and on the other hand, it might just be that it's just being 'fake.'

It's like when you see a farang picking up trash in front of a bar or club because he/she wants to set an 'example.' It's quite possible that they don't ever pick up trash otherwise from the way they get all disgusted by the slime they find on the trash. In the west, IMO a lot of times holding the door open for someone is the equivalent of when Thais give you a fake smile with no feeling behind it. I've seen plenty of folks hold the door open for good looking sorority gals but then when the gal looks like she might be on the wrestling team, no joy.

Edited May 4, 2009 by Heng

[dragonfly94]

I think the Thai people are the most polite race that I have ever come across having travelled and lived in many obscure places around the globe. It is a different type of politeness. They will not hold the door open for you but they will sit smiling at you when they completly disagree with what you are saying. - This is in my opinion a form of the highest level of politeness and only works if you speak Thai.

You should get out more and see some of the things I do. Daily I see Thais pushing in ahead of others to get served, pushing their way on and off public transport with no regard for the old or infirmed. Last week I saw a crowd pushing to get on a bus when a blind man with a stick was being helped off by the conductor, they just pushed the guy aside. Being Thai I imagined this guy could speak it! Do those who say 'when in Rome' do the same? Thais are some of the rudest people in the world and worst when they are in a group, confront them about it though and they are usually gutless and just look at you as if you are the crazy one.

[dsprtliving]

I think the Thai people are the most polite race that I have ever come across having travelled and lived in many obscure places around the globe. It is a different type of politeness. They will not hold the door open for you but they will sit smiling at you when they completly disagree with what you are saying. - This is in my opinion a form of the highest level of politeness and only works if you speak Thai.

You should get out more and see some of the things I do. Daily I see Thais pushing in ahead of others to get served, pushing their way on and off public transport with no regard for the old or infirmed. Last week I saw a crowd pushing to get on a bus when a blind man with a stick was being helped off by the conductor, they just pushed the guy aside. Being Thai I imagined this guy could speak it! Do those who say 'when in Rome' do the same? Thais are some of the rudest people in the world and worst when they are in a group, confront them about it though and they are usually gutless and just look at you as if you are the crazy one.

Absolutely! Was just talking about this over the weekend. It's that bewildered angry look you receive when they bumble into you, like you've intentionally stepped into their path and purposely caused them to stumble! I've noticed 9/10 times it is Thai females that exhibit this behavior.

[Geekfreaklover]

I think the Thai people are the most polite race that I have ever come across having travelled and lived in many obscure places around the globe. It is a different type of politeness. They will not hold the door open for you but they will sit smiling at you when they completly disagree with what you are saying. - This is in my opinion a form of the highest level of politeness and only works if you speak Thai.

You should get out more and see some of the things I do. Daily I see Thais pushing in ahead of others to get served, pushing their way on and off public transport with no regard for the old or infirmed. Last week I saw a crowd pushing to get on a bus when a blind man with a stick was being helped off by the conductor, they just pushed the guy aside. Being Thai I imagined this guy could speak it! Do those who say 'when in Rome' do the same? Thais are some of the rudest people in the world and worst when they are in a group, confront them about it though and they are usually gutless and just look at you as if you are the crazy one.

I do go out everyday and I dare say that I have seen similar things to the things that you say you have seen.

I guess we have to determine what being polite is. If being polite is bassed on non verbal simple physical actions, then I have to concede that Thailand fails in that department. Have you noticed that banks, medical clinics and post offices have recently introduced a ticket system to handle the queues (lines) Thais do like to cut in front, I perosnally speak to them in their own language and they soon get back in line.

The point I was struggling to make was that if you actually speak Thai and speak Thai with Thai people you will be shocked by the politeness of the language. It is a language built on respect ( written language developed by a past king of Thailand) . Every person is considered to part of a big family within the vast rich fabric of Thai society. They do have a very polite way of speaking and interacting here.

But if you are just a newbie Farang walking fromn your condo to Big C I guess to be honest you wouldn't have have a Danny (clue).

Reason for edit - the use of Cockney slang.

Edited May 4, 2009 by Geekfreaklover