The Best Story You've Ever Heard In A Thai Bar ?

[longballlarry]

I've heard a few . Used to ask for the bill and walk out , but some are worth sticking out for pure entertainment.

My top three ;

1. I met a guy who couldnt see further than his nose with his milk bottle glasses , said he was former SAS , that he was sent to a building site in London to infiltrate the IRA. Had to go undercover for 6 months , practising his Irish accent and growing a beard. He was rumbled , and as he tried to escape, was shot in the back. He managed to return fire , and make it back to his commanding officers base. There , with one punch , he knocked out the officer for putting him in such a compromising position . He then went on to play for Leicester City, before moving to BKK in a 6000 bt a mth room.

2. One bar owner told me the story of the Scot who wore a kilt everywhere. because Kilts were known to 'open doors' for him. He said that the customer claimed he met Tiger Woods , who gave him a lift when he was playing in the Open , when noticing him walking outside the course with his Kilt . He said that when in the Clubhouse at a different golf club, Bill Clinton walked in , admired his kilt, swapped it for his trousers and Clinton went out and finished his round wearing the kilt. He then said that wearing his kilt , he met the POPE at a garden party. The Pope spoke highly of his kilt . All apparently was said withy a straight face .

3. One guy in a bar in Udon Thani, dressed in a Miami Vice style white Linen suit , and pork pie hat, about 26yrs old with long clown style shoes, said he was touring Thailand after making his first million , racing pigeons in the UK. His most famous apparently was 'Top Gun', a world beater by all accounts .

Priceless stuff .

[MSingh]

My favourites are generally told by Men who are trying to re invent themselves in Thailand & be people who they really aren't, there's loads of times i can remember people in Bars ( not the Girls ) when sometimes i have to pinch myself to really realise they are actually thinking that i believe what they are saying..

It's incredibly sad..

Much like the Pigeon Fella you mention...

[Geekfreaklover]

The farang pattaya bar owner who got arrested for painting the outside of his house without a work permit.

[rgs2001uk]

The, short ass, slap head, beer gutted, southerner in his mid 50s, who was telling me he had Thai citizenship because he had live here for 18 years, but was unable to string two Thai words together.

Funnily enough he looked a lot like the avtar of someone who posts here on a regular basis, didnt realize at the time that i was in the presence of greatness.

[OxfordWill]

Me and some mates knew a guy, who before running away from Thailand for legal reasons, used to live in a world where everything he did was based around the sum of $10 000 USD. By this I mean, he would impress us with new deals he was making, new business ideas he had sold at profit, or new investment he had convinced someone to give him for a project, and even though the scope and size of these projects, ideas, creations etc was always very different, in each case the amount of money involved was... $10 000 USD.

Edited May 3, 2009 by OxfordWill

[Ta22]

i once went to a toilet in a Small Bar in Hatyai .

some 10 years ago .

the line go ..

Slightly translated .

Before entering the toilet Door a Sign on the door say " NO GRAPHTTI on the DOor "

" you F%^*%^ P#$%^& -- Don't you know Wrriting on toilet door IS bad ..-- %&@%%$$ what had your Parant teaches you all this

%&*( -- if i ever Catch you you will die %$^*() "

sign - Shop owner

Reply --

" @&*%#&*%@ you Shop owner - #&&@& you never catch me #^@!^#%"

Unkown writter

Reply --

" #^*(^@(#*@^** you die %@"

Shop owner

Reply --

" #$^&@# I will Burn your Shop &*%#&*@%&*# "

unknow writter

Reply -

" You #%*@%#*%*% can stop working tomorrow #*%@*%#*@% "

Shop owner .

reply

" YOUR PAID SUCK ^$#&$^#@%$#%* --"

Waitress

whahhaahahhahahhhahahahahha

one of those small bar with a shared toilet .

Edited May 3, 2009 by Ta22

[gbt71fa]

I was teaching at a university in Nakhon Sawan for awhile and met a British ex-pat who told me his story over a bottle of cheap whiskey. He has been big-time professor at Cambridge and another leading school of academia. His father had been a flyer durring the Battle of Britain and had been shot down and lost. He had written several books that had been used by many academic institutions some time ago and written historical accounts of leading historical figures that had been well-received. Most of the time, durring his story-telling, he was drunk off his seat and his usual state was a state of intoxication. I really didn't take any of it seriously until he showed me the books he had written, with his picture in the back no less, his academic credentials touting his background and met a sober friend of his who confirmed his father's story. I guess he had a toss with his family when they found out he was a homesexual, he turned to the bottle to comfort himself, burned out and was forced to leave his teachings posts and ended up in Thailand jumping from one illicit affair to the other with always a bottle in tow. The crazy part is not what he purpoted to be true, because it turned out to be indeed true but that he had let alcohol take everything away from him and turned him into hollow shadow of his former self. Wow, now I am depressed. Ok, somebody cheer me up.

[jacobbells]

"I know my bird works the bar, but she's different"

As for some of the 'true' historical interpretations you here in the bars here (sometimes worse than even at thaivisa forums) they make even some of the guys in these videos look like they got a PhD.

Mahalo: Drunkard's History

Edited May 3, 2009 by jacobbells

[sanook2me]

An old retired German dude

"why should I learn Thai its only spoken by 60 million people - where English is spoken by 6000000 (est) million - jah I will speak only English and German"

erh dude you are living in Thailand not England or Germany.....it may make life easier!

[GrahamF]

I was teaching at a university in Nakhon Sawan for awhile and met a British ex-pat who told me his story over a bottle of cheap whiskey. He has been big-time professor at Cambridge and another leading school of academia. His father had been a flyer durring the Battle of Britain and had been shot down and lost. He had written several books that had been used by many academic institutions some time ago and written historical accounts of leading historical figures that had been well-received. Most of the time, durring his story-telling, he was drunk off his seat and his usual state was a state of intoxication. I really didn't take any of it seriously until he showed me the books he had written, with his picture in the back no less, his academic credentials touting his background and met a sober friend of his who confirmed his father's story. I guess he had a toss with his family when they found out he was a homesexual, he turned to the bottle to comfort himself, burned out and was forced to leave his teachings posts and ended up in Thailand jumping from one illicit affair to the other with always a bottle in tow. The crazy part is not what he purpoted to be true, because it turned out to be indeed true but that he had let alcohol take everything away from him and turned him into hollow shadow of his former self. Wow, now I am depressed. Ok, somebody cheer me up.

Have a drink, that will help! Seriously though, that is a sad story!

[Moonrakers]

Just the box standard ex-sas story.

The guy claimed to be in barracks on the final night of training when the officers upon fire on them using live rounds, some died but it was "all part of the training".

He was then taken out into the middle of the outback (he was Aussie), and was left there with no means to get back except a chicken.

Oh, but he couldn't actually tell me that of course.

[gbt71fa]

I was teaching at a university in Nakhon Sawan for awhile and met a British ex-pat who told me his story over a bottle of cheap whiskey. He has been big-time professor at Cambridge and another leading school of academia. His father had been a flyer durring the Battle of Britain and had been shot down and lost. He had written several books that had been used by many academic institutions some time ago and written historical accounts of leading historical figures that had been well-received. Most of the time, durring his story-telling, he was drunk off his seat and his usual state was a state of intoxication. I really didn't take any of it seriously until he showed me the books he had written, with his picture in the back no less, his academic credentials touting his background and met a sober friend of his who confirmed his father's story. I guess he had a toss with his family when they found out he was a homesexual, he turned to the bottle to comfort himself, burned out and was forced to leave his teachings posts and ended up in Thailand jumping from one illicit affair to the other with always a bottle in tow. The crazy part is not what he purpoted to be true, because it turned out to be indeed true but that he had let alcohol take everything away from him and turned him into hollow shadow of his former self. Wow, now I am depressed. Ok, somebody cheer me up.

Have a drink, that will help! Seriously though, that is a sad story!

I know, yea!!! I should have told the one about the dog and the cat who walk into a bar.....

[gbt71fa]

Just the box standard ex-sas story.

The guy claimed to be in barracks on the final night of training when the officers upon fire on them using live rounds, some died but it was "all part of the training".

He was then taken out into the middle of the outback (he was Aussie), and was left there with no means to get back except a chicken.

Oh, but he couldn't actually tell me that of course.

Live chicken or dead chicken? That makes a big difference. I the U.S. army, of course, we use live ones....

[TerryTibbs]

This smelly northerner half his teeth missing and breath like a ash tray came into a bar we was in drunk out his mind, he starting waffling on how he made his money, he said he used to race horses on the motorway 'tup north" I said how did you do that? He said we used to block the slip roads and junctions so nobody could get in our way, he said we always finished the race and got away before the, in his words, 'bizzies' got there. I said blimey i thought you lot only raced whippets and pigeons you learn something everyday, turned around and carried on drinking with the sane people.

[mahtin]

left there with no means to get back except a chicken.

Unusual means of transport?

[egg6447]

;

1. I met a guy who couldnt see further than his nose with his milk bottle glasses , said he was former SAS , that he was sent to a building site in London to infiltrate the IRA. Had to go undercover for 6 months , practising his Irish accent and growing a beard. He was rumbled , and as he tried to escape, was shot in the back. He managed to return fire , and make it back to his commanding officers base. There , with one punch , he knocked out the officer for putting him in such a compromising position . He then went on to play for Leicester City, before moving to BKK in a 6000 bt a mth room.

.

mmn, strange as it seems this story actualy happened. in the uk news as i recall. of course maybe he read it to. as for his glasses , well i didnt wear glasses when i was sas iether, so no detriment there. are you the same man you were 30/40 yrs ago.

[F1fanatic]

"She was not a bar girl, she worked in a bar - there is a difference".

[OriginalPoster]

I've heard a few . Used to ask for the bill and walk out , but some are worth sticking out for pure entertainment.

My top three ;

1. I met a guy who couldnt see further than his nose with his milk bottle glasses , said he was former SAS , that he was sent to a building site in London to infiltrate the IRA. Had to go undercover for 6 months , practising his Irish accent and growing a beard. He was rumbled , and as he tried to escape, was shot in the back. He managed to return fire , and make it back to his commanding officers base. There , with one punch , he knocked out the officer for putting him in such a compromising position . He then went on to play for Leicester City, before moving to BKK in a 6000 bt a mth room.

2. One bar owner told me the story of the Scot who wore a kilt everywhere. because Kilts were known to 'open doors' for him. He said that the customer claimed he met Tiger Woods , who gave him a lift when he was playing in the Open , when noticing him walking outside the course with his Kilt . He said that when in the Clubhouse at a different golf club, Bill Clinton walked in , admired his kilt, swapped it for his trousers and Clinton went out and finished his round wearing the kilt. He then said that wearing his kilt , he met the POPE at a garden party. The Pope spoke highly of his kilt . All apparently was said withy a straight face .

3. One guy in a bar in Udon Thani, dressed in a Miami Vice style white Linen suit , and pork pie hat, about 26yrs old with long clown style shoes, said he was touring Thailand after making his first million , racing pigeons in the UK. His most famous apparently was 'Top Gun', a world beater by all accounts .

Priceless stuff .

It wasn't exactly a story but I had a guy who claimed to be an ex-Navy Seal (and to be a bad-ass in general) decided that I must be CIA because I didn't fit into the local environment at all, that I didn't fit the profile of the type of person who hangs out in bars in Thailand. He wouldn't buy my story at all that I was just a salaryman spending a vacation in Thailand. Seems that he initially thought that I must be a first time visitor to Thailand, as he interpreted my question about what time bars close to be incredibly naive (because of course everyone knows that they don't close until the last customer goes home). Then he heard me order a Singha in poorly spoken "tourist Thai" and tell the girl to make sure that it was cold, and he smelled a rat - for some reason he thought that I spoke fluent Thai and was pretending not to. He wasn't about the give it a rest either; I think that he wanted to pick a fight with a CIA guy but didn't because in the back of his might he thought that I might really be one and would have been trained in how to snap someone's neck in two.

Edited May 3, 2009 by OriginalPoster

[Kan Win]

Just the box standard ex-sas story.

The guy claimed to be in barracks on the final night of training when the officers upon fire on them using live rounds, some died but it was "all part of the training".

He was then taken out into the middle of the outback (he was Aussie), and was left there with no means to get back except a chicken.

Oh, but he couldn't actually tell me that of course.

but, I Kan show you ............................... why he couldn't tell you since it has now been declassified....

left there with no means to get back except a chicken.

Unusual means of transport?

No really, standard issue in them days way back when for the SAS Aussie troops was

The 'olden car in Australia

The manufacture of the first all-Australian motor vehicle in 1948 not only signified an important moment in the country's industrial development it also produced a brand of vehicle - the 'olden - that occupies a special place in the hearts of many ex-SAS Australians.

Yours truly,

Kan Win

Edited May 3, 2009 by Kan Win

[BigSnake]

I've heard a few . Used to ask for the bill and walk out , but some are worth sticking out for pure entertainment.

My top three ;

1. I met a guy who couldnt see further than his nose with his milk bottle glasses , said he was former SAS , that he was sent to a building site in London to infiltrate the IRA. Had to go undercover for 6 months , practising his Irish accent and growing a beard. He was rumbled , and as he tried to escape, was shot in the back. He managed to return fire , and make it back to his commanding officers base. There , with one punch , he knocked out the officer for putting him in such a compromising position . He then went on to play for Leicester City, before moving to BKK in a 6000 bt a mth room.

2. One bar owner told me the story of the Scot who wore a kilt everywhere. because Kilts were known to 'open doors' for him. He said that the customer claimed he met Tiger Woods , who gave him a lift when he was playing in the Open , when noticing him walking outside the course with his Kilt . He said that when in the Clubhouse at a different golf club, Bill Clinton walked in , admired his kilt, swapped it for his trousers and Clinton went out and finished his round wearing the kilt. He then said that wearing his kilt , he met the POPE at a garden party. The Pope spoke highly of his kilt . All apparently was said withy a straight face .

3. One guy in a bar in Udon Thani, dressed in a Miami Vice style white Linen suit , and pork pie hat, about 26yrs old with long clown style shoes, said he was touring Thailand after making his first million , racing pigeons in the UK. His most famous apparently was 'Top Gun', a world beater by all accounts .

Priceless stuff .

Some tall tells here

[patklang]

A pissed up guy starting to chat with me and said he pulled a lady form the bar we were drinking in and shagged her 3 times in the night,2 hours kip and 2 more shags.his lungs were rattling with so much smoking and he was about 4 stone overweight.

when he went i asked the girl did she enjoy all the shags.she looked puzzled then said he have no power pmsl.

[waza]

Some friends and I met a Yank in a bar who claimed to be George Bush,s son. He was secretly in BKK so didnt need any security, but shhhh dont tell anyone. I said I dont think Bush has a son, he replied thats just what the secret service want the world to think. He joined us on a pub crawl telling all sorts of tales, boring us to tears, accepting beers as we took turns shouting. But when it came to his turn to shout he said he doesnt do that.

[Jim's_a_Thai_Fox]

I was once in Angel Witch in Nana Plaza watching their dancing show when I struch up a conversation with an American guy who told me he used to work for DARPA (Defence Advanced Projects Research) which is basically a super black ops division of the US Dept of Defence... he didn't claim anything amazing, but was impressed that a young Brit knew what DARPA was. Anyway, he told me his team of people had disappeared and he was hiding in Bkk, doing various nefarious dealings with local money traders and keeping below the radar... apparantly, whatever he knew back in the states was a little too sensitive.

He wasn't bragging or anything and I did have a tendancy to believe him.

The Angel Witch erotic dance that happens after 10.30pm is quite good too.

[gaipad]

One guy (typical sexpat, bold, some missing teeth, drunk) told me that he f#cked the female Thai head of the police some years ago after the police and this lady were searching his apartment (forgot the reason). He also told him how his buddy the interior minister of Thailand used to pick him up from Don Muang to drive him to his apartment.

Edited May 3, 2009 by gaipad

[geriatrickid]

If you send money I go home, ok. I promise I not go with customer if you send money. Only you. The word "darling" is added multiple times for emphasis.

Make an unanounced visit to the bar where you met him or her and lo and behold the apple of your eye is sitting with John #489.

Ok, it's not the best in terms of originality but in terms of profitability and effectiveness, I think it's the best because it is believable to those that need to believe.

[Moonrakers]

I have lost count of how many farangs have told me that they are friends with the chief of police, he must be a popular chap.

[colino]

My best story I heard was

An old American guy reckons he was at Area 51 and was orderd to destroyed an Alien Teleport system.

and that the aliens live on the dark side of the Moon. and are in league with major leaders on Earth, he went on to explain that there are no Natural Disasters just culls by the space men.

colino

[mauGR1]

I have lost count of how many farangs have told me that they are friends with the chief of police, he must be a popular chap.

I don't go to bars quite often,but happened i met some farang who claimed to be friends with police..what can you say..bye bye,nice to meet you..and good luck

[Texpat]

Never heard better tales than the ones I tell.

[kurnell]

Did anyone ever meet the ex-US military guy that was here 4-5 years ago that dressed in Miami Vice type outfits, claimed he fought in Panama and Iraq and had killed between 17-26 people (depending on his mood at the time), including women and children? Went by the name of "Rock". Hung out in Gullivers Sukhumvit.