Children

[adanac1]

I,ve been with my Thai GF for over a year now and she says she don't have a child and her body shows no signs of her having a child (strech marks).

Ok, when we go to her home her sister who is 20 years younger just gets me thinking...She's 30 and her parents 20 years later have another child, I have asked her abot this and if it was possible if her sister was her daughter--come on guys do the math, just about every 30 year old Thai has a 10 year old living back home.

I 99% believe her but there is that 1%, I'm looking at the future and getting married she has said she would have a blood or DNA test done to prove that it is her sister but I don't want the family to get too involved.

My question is--If we go to a doctor and she gives premission to have the doctor tell me can a doctor tell from an examation if she had a child or not.

Everyone here knows of guys that have been lied to in worst ways so keep your smart ass comments to your self.

Thanks

[coventry]

I have 2 sons aged 33 & 31. I have now a daughter aged 18 months and twins, boy/girl, aged 4 weeks. Okay I'm a man, but what does it matter that your G/F has a daughter ? I can't see a problem. What do you want at her age ? A virgin ? That isn't meant to offend.

Whether it's her sister or her daughter a DNA test will prove nothing to your advantage.

Edited May 8, 2009 by coventry

[CharlieB]

A thorough examination by a doctor of your girlfriends cervix can probably determine if it's likely she has had a baby. Honestly though, why are you making this demand on her and what difference does it make your relationship? If she's not telling you the truth and you are persisting in this, doesn't that say something about you and your relationship with her that she would rather lie than tell you if she had a child and you don't believe her, so you are forcing her to be examined by a doctor....

[Livinginexile]

I have 2 sons aged 33 & 31. I have now a daughter aged 18 months and twins, boy/girl, aged 4 weeks. Okay I'm a man, but what does it matter that your G/F has a daughter ? I can't see a problem. What do you want at her age ? A virgin ? That isn't meant to offend.

I think the OP was refering to the years of continual lies and deception if this is true.

Not a good start to a good marrage don't yout think?

I believe that only a hair is needed for a DNA test and I'm sure Thai labs will not ask for written permission from the recipiant.

Good luck mate, get the test done for your own peace of mind.

Oh and a tip. Organise to get the test done yourself, in Thailand one can pay for the results one requires.

[coventry]

I believe that only a hair is needed for a DNA test and I'm sure Thai labs will not ask for written permission from the recipiant.

A DNA test will not prove that it's her daughter. It will only prove that they are related ie sisters or any family member. They cannot define the daughter to be hers. Correct me if I'm wrong. Edited May 8, 2009 by coventry

[JohnGotti]

i think its very unlikely that (i assume) a poor Isaan woman gave birth to 2 children twenty years apart. that lifestyle is not healthy and i would imagine that conception + the desire to have the baby + the baby making it through are an unlikely combo, but others can elaborate if 40+ (??) year old women having babies is common in Isaan... its also weird that she never had any other babies during that 20 year period, then at 40 years old out comes child #2???

id put the odds at like 25:1 giving the information stated.

Edited May 8, 2009 by JohnGotti

[CharlieB]

i think its very unlikely that (i assume) a poor Isaan woman gave birth to 2 children twenty years apart. that lifestyle is not healthy and i would imagine that conception + the desire to have the baby + the baby making it through are an unlikely combo, but others can elaborate if 40+ (??) year old women having babies is common in Isaan... its also weird that she never had any other babies during that 20 year period, then at 40 years old out comes child #2???

id put the odds at like 25:1 giving the information stated.

My wife's brother had a baby with his girlfriend last year. She is about 37 and has 2 daughters who are around 10 - 12 years old. She would be classed as poor and doesn't lead a healthy lifestyle.

[goodheartman]

just tinking like u do should give u the answer!

RUN FOREST RUN!

[G54]

If you have made love to her and seen no stretch marks that may be an indicator. My wife has 2 kids and not a stretch mark in sight. Yet one ex g/f had 1 child and ravaged with stretch marks.

I presume she does not have a caesarian scar? An obvious give away here in Thailand in most cases

Or as another poster said, get her examined, but that shows one hel_l of a lack of trust and maybe not a good basis for a marriage?? On the other hand you would know she is (is not) lying to you.

Catch 22 really.

Edited May 8, 2009 by G54

[MJo]

Well for a starters ask to see their birth certificates. Easy to see if they indeed have same parents.

[snuggzzz]

What does it matter....??? If your fiancee has told you no then accept it. There are no Western Countries who's Women would put up with your request at all, especially after telling you that it was not their daughter and for you to continue going on about it and eventually demand a DNA test.

For the record, some women display stretch marks and others do not, again to get a Doctor to internally examine your wife to see if she has had a child is again insulting and degrading.

What is the real problem here....??

[mauGR1]

What does it matter....??? If your fiancee has told you no then accept it. There are no Western Countries who's Women would put up with your request at all, especially after telling you that it was not their daughter and for you to continue going on about it and eventually demand a DNA test.

For the record, some women display stretch marks and others do not, again to get a Doctor to internally examine your wife to see if she has had a child is again insulting and degrading.

What is the real problem here....??

Well,i think the OP has a BIG problem,i would not like to be in his shoes.Whatever OP chooses to do can be wrong or painful for both him and the girl.Perhaps asking for a birth certificate is the best advice so far.Good luck.

[adanac1]

Well for a starters ask to see their birth certificates. Easy to see if they indeed have same parents.

Thank you very much that seems to be the best answer--again to all the others thanks for their interest. For those who had to put love, trust and bla bla bla into it--they don't know much about Thai and Thai ways... I'm only doing what I've been told since getting of the plane for the first time by senior men "I am checking everything before marriage'. Remember guys this is a 1% nag in the back of my head that I want clear when I say I do..... I'm sure many will agree and say that more guys should be like me and then there won't be so many sob stories here on this board.

Thanks again

[h90]

I,ve been with my Thai GF for over a year now and she says she don't have a child and her body shows no signs of her having a child (strech marks).

Ok, when we go to her home her sister who is 20 years younger just gets me thinking...She's 30 and her parents 20 years later have another child, I have asked her abot this and if it was possible if her sister was her daughter--come on guys do the math, just about every 30 year old Thai has a 10 year old living back home.

I 99% believe her but there is that 1%, I'm looking at the future and getting married she has said she would have a blood or DNA test done to prove that it is her sister but I don't want the family to get too involved.

My question is--If we go to a doctor and she gives premission to have the doctor tell me can a doctor tell from an examation if she had a child or not.

Everyone here knows of guys that have been lied to in worst ways so keep your smart ass comments to your self.

Thanks

There are DNA tests....I think you can send a sample of her and of the child. I think something very small (a pulled out hair is enough).

You can do that without they know!

After the test

If not her child: you can tell her that you trust her

If her child: you know they lie shameless

[MSingh]

I have 2 sons aged 33 & 31. I have now a daughter aged 18 months and twins, boy/girl, aged 4 weeks. Okay I'm a man, but what does it matter that your G/F has a daughter ? I can't see a problem. What do you want at her age ? A virgin ? That isn't meant to offend.

Whether it's her sister or her daughter a DNA test will prove nothing to your advantage.

Would he be wrong for wanting his potentially future Wife to just tell the truth about something as important as " Have you got any Children " ??

Not too much to ask really i don't think & it wouldn't be a bad start for a Relationship really...

& i suppose telling a lie about something like that would hopefully lead you NOT to marry that specific Woman OP...

[longstebe]

Yeah it would get me thinking too. At least the OP is making sure before he ties the knot. I say get the test done. Then this will be cleared up once and for all especially if she has no problem with it. As for the birth certificates,great idea but wont they be in Thai? Could be anyones! Honestly I'm not paranoid

[thithi]

Having DNA tested does not show you if they are mother and daughter. It does say that they are related.

And there is some lotion for strech marks ..... so the only thing you can do is trusting what she said since she is yr fiancee or break up if you are scared.

the 10 y/o sister might be adopted or cousin or even neighbor...

I called my cousins who are girls as Nong [sisters] and most Thai people usually do that. It also depends on the girl's english skill. I have heard so many Thai people introduce their cousins as their brothers or sisters. I know the meaning is not the same in English between "cousin" and "siblings". So sometimes you might understand what she trys to tell you wrong.

Edited May 8, 2009 by thithi

[slaninaj]

I,ve been with my Thai GF for over a year now and she says she don't have a child and her body shows no signs of her having a child (strech marks).

Ok, when we go to her home her sister who is 20 years younger just gets me thinking...She's 30 and her parents 20 years later have another child, I have asked her abot this and if it was possible if her sister was her daughter--come on guys do the math, just about every 30 year old Thai has a 10 year old living back home.

I 99% believe her but there is that 1%, I'm looking at the future and getting married she has said she would have a blood or DNA test done to prove that it is her sister but I don't want the family to get too involved.

My question is--If we go to a doctor and she gives premission to have the doctor tell me can a doctor tell from an examation if she had a child or not.

Everyone here knows of guys that have been lied to in worst ways so keep your smart ass comments to your self.

Thanks

Did you ask if the sister is a child of her mother? With my wife she calls everyone sister and brother and her family has taken in kids from other relatives that can not care for there kids.

I am sure a doctor can tell if she had a child. but where does that leave your trust in your GF ?

Edited May 8, 2009 by slaninaj

[sanook2me]

I,ve been with my Thai GF for over a year now and she says she don't have a child and her body shows no signs of her having a child (strech marks).

Ok, when we go to her home her sister who is 20 years younger just gets me thinking...She's 30 and her parents 20 years later have another child, I have asked her abot this and if it was possible if her sister was her daughter--come on guys do the math, just about every 30 year old Thai has a 10 year old living back home.

I 99% believe her but there is that 1%, I'm looking at the future and getting married she has said she would have a blood or DNA test done to prove that it is her sister but I don't want the family to get too involved.

My question is--If we go to a doctor and she gives premission to have the doctor tell me can a doctor tell from an examation if she had a child or not.

Everyone here knows of guys that have been lied to in worst ways so keep your smart ass comments to your self.

Thanks

Dude, how can you marry someone you think has told you a lie and all her family are lieing too.... Will your paranoia stop? NO

Your own paranoia will eat away inside like cancer slowly creeping up taking over and you will make both of you very miserable like this.

Better to cut free now and save you both the hardship of a painful split later on.

Why is it you don't believe her has she told lies in the past, why are you stuck on this?

If she is going along with your DNA/Doctor method she must be sure it's her sister or do you think she is going to blag it?

Most woman would tell you to <removed> right off this one is obviously very keen to stay in a relationship with you - is this what you really really want?

[coventry]

I have 2 sons aged 33 & 31. I have now a daughter aged 18 months and twins, boy/girl, aged 4 weeks. Okay I'm a man, but what does it matter that your G/F has a daughter ? I can't see a problem. What do you want at her age ? A virgin ? That isn't meant to offend.

Whether it's her sister or her daughter a DNA test will prove nothing to your advantage.

Would he be wrong for wanting his potentially future Wife to just tell the truth about something as important as " Have you got any Children " ??

Not too much to ask really i don't think & it wouldn't be a bad start for a Relationship really...

& i suppose telling a lie about something like that would hopefully lead you NOT to marry that specific Woman OP...

Show me one Thai that is completely honest and I'll call them a liar. Lies are second nature.

[slaninaj]

I have 2 sons aged 33 & 31. I have now a daughter aged 18 months and twins, boy/girl, aged 4 weeks. Okay I'm a man, but what does it matter that your G/F has a daughter ? I can't see a problem. What do you want at her age ? A virgin ? That isn't meant to offend.

Whether it's her sister or her daughter a DNA test will prove nothing to your advantage.

Would he be wrong for wanting his potentially future Wife to just tell the truth about something as important as " Have you got any Children " ??

Not too much to ask really i don't think & it wouldn't be a bad start for a Relationship really...

& i suppose telling a lie about something like that would hopefully lead you NOT to marry that specific Woman OP...

Show me one Thai that is completely honest and I'll call them a liar. Lies are second nature.

Every country has liars and honest people.

[PeaceBlondie]

Back home, good girls got pg, had abortion, had it adopted, or it was raised as 'sister' or 'cousin.' Older mothers have practiced birth control for years and then gotten pg.

This is presented by the OP not as a 1%, but as definite likelihood. I am surprised he is still with the lady.

[mistresserika]

Well for a starters ask to see their birth certificates. Easy to see if they indeed have same parents.

I think you'll find, that many Thais do not have birth certificates. I know of many who do not, especially the over 30's. Maybe in rural areas they still don't.

[Heng]

Nothing says "I love you" like a request for a paternity test.

[GuestHouse]

You are not married yet, so it's really not a problem.

If you do plan to get married then you are undoubtedly going to get dragged into the old Sin Sod trick - Now at that point we step over the line between Western Romantic Love as the basis of marriage into Thai 'Pragmatic' Considerations - put bluntly - A Commercial Contract.

If you plan to marry and the subject of Sin Sod comes up then it is at that time you want to start asking for a medical examination and DNA Testing.

The problem you'll face then is, if your suspicions are proven correct do you want to go forward with what has been a deception - If incorrect you might find the hike the Sin-Sod

------

A Thai alternative is to wait until you have a down pour in the rainy season and ask her to go out and stick some lemon grass in the ground to see if she can make the rain stop - but I'm guessing you're relationship has got past that point.

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Oh and Medicals/DNA Testing - Make sure you choose the doctor!

[robbiecia]

You obviously care about the lady in question

I can understand a niggling doubt

You really need to ask yourself............What are you going to do if it is her child???????

The answer may set you free

[LadyHeather]

Amazing Thailand indeed. If you don't know her well enough to trust her on this then why do you plan on marrying her?

[Cuban]

I 99% believe her but there is that 1%, I'm looking at the future and getting married she has said she would have a blood or DNA test done to prove that it is her sister.....

That might be a 'test' on your relationship, and consider that the Thai 'family' bond is very strong, be aware of that when you come to test that link.

Are there other family members that could be the parents?

Can you get a relative drunk and question them - I used that technique recently to great affect with a BIL.

[duchovny]

I agree with looking at the birth certificate.

I had this very problem with a Thai ex-gf. She was only a young girl, about 19.

I started dating her but not having sex, and a friend of a friend told me she had a husband and a kid.

I asked her about this and she very convincingly lied to be about it, saying she didn't.

When the time come to have sex, she insisted on the lights being out and the room being very dark.

Eventually I found out, and when I confronted her about it she said, "OK, well, you know about it now so can't we just forget about it and carry on?"

I thought her attitude was bizarr, and of course I knew I couldn't trust her any more so I didn't see the point in carrying on. I did see her for sometime after that but on a casual sex basis, all the while referring to her as my ex-gf, even to her face. She seemed OK with it, as though I was joking. I never pursued her, she always pursued me.

I wonder now if she was lying to me simply because she was embarrased about her situation and she did actually like a lot and thought that I wouldn't give her a chance if I knew she had a kid, but after I got to know her I would be OK with it.

The Thais think very differently to us. I think that's why the OP is asking the questions. Someone said you wouldn't ask the same question back home. Of course not, but we aint back home, are we?

[G54]

I agree with looking at the birth certificate.

I had this very problem with a Thai ex-gf. She was only a young girl, about 19.

I started dating her but not having sex, and a friend of a friend told me she had a husband and a kid.

I asked her about this and she very convincingly lied to be about it, saying she didn't.

When the time come to have sex, she insisted on the lights being out and the room being very dark.

Eventually I found out, and when I confronted her about it she said, "OK, well, you know about it now so can't we just forget about it and carry on?"

I thought her attitude was bizarr, and of course I knew I couldn't trust her any more so I didn't see the point in carrying on. I did see her for sometime after that but on a casual sex basis, all the while referring to her as my ex-gf, even to her face. She seemed OK with it, as though I was joking. I never pursued her, she always pursued me.

I wonder now if she was lying to me simply because she was embarrased about her situation and she did actually like a lot and thought that I wouldn't give her a chance if I knew she had a kid, but after I got to know her I would be OK with it.

The Thais think very differently to us. I think that's why the OP is asking the questions. Someone said you wouldn't ask the same question back home. Of course not, but we aint back home, are we?

Two things strike a chord with me from your post.

1) I have a lady friend I took her and her son various places. Told me she was no longer with her husband. Very convincing too until someone told me I have actually met her husband at a football tournament!!!

We are now friends yet she insists she is single and this has been going on for a long time, maybe a year and a half, even though I have told her I know where her husband works and that I occasionally talk to him.

She seems to not even take any notice when I tell her i know her husband.

2) Had a lady insisted she did not have any children yet when I took her, mother, father and two children out to dinner the children kept calling her mother!! I could see reasons for that but it took a long time to find out for certain they were her children and not a nephew and niece as she had stated they were. Reason for her not wanting me to know was - she thought I would not want her if she already had children.

A Thai lie never seems to rate the same as a 'Farang' lie

Once they sow the seeds of doubt it is hard to acquire a level of trust for a future relationship with one who does 'lie'.