Father In Laws Funeral

[jubby]

OK, I've been to a few Thai funerals as a token farang on the sidelines but now the father-in-laws liver has given up and the Doctors are going to turn off the machines. I just wondered whats expected of me as a minimum. So far I've kept out of it, had an excuse to look after the children.

to say I've never got on with him would be an understatement. Obviously I know I need to support the wife but I haven't really got a clue , I really can't just turn on the smile and sit for three days by the coffin drinking Lao Khao which will have been the main factor in his death. I suspect its going to be a frugal affair as I have no intention of assisting financially. He will be leaving his wife with debts which hopefully she can pay from the village death insurance. Its going to test whats left of my sanity.

Anyone have any experience ?

[JohnGotti]

luckily, no.

[slapout]

Your not expected to set by the casket. If they have meals served during the wake time, your presence is kind of anticipated/expected by the villagers and family. The wife/mother and other siblings take care of everything in my experience. No money was asked from me. My fil had village insurance also and if it was not enough the kids must have kicked in. You are expected to walk with the procession from the house to crematorium, wife should instruct you on that, if your healthy. You will be given bits of wood to place on body (maybe) when you and the family pay last respects just prior to cremation. Whiskey being served is up to the family, many times only after the cremation itself and everyone returns to the house. The night time activities of gambling etc, the drinks are usually not furnished by family, in my experience, people bring their own. All of this does depend upon which area of Thailand your in, family wishes, social standing of FIL, etc. The only time I drink alcohol at a funeral is when it was a friend or I am with friends but that is just one of my many vices.

[sbk]

I guess it depends on what your wife wants from you. You might try asking if she would like your help.

I have attended numerous funerals of close family relatives, from my husband's grandfather, to uncles, aunts and cousins. (he has an extremely large, very close extended family). If I felt close to the family involved then I would help out with the chores involved in the funeral; wash dishes, wash glasses, help serve food, help serve the hot drinks and khanom after the monks are finished in the evening, help collect glasses and plates. Just pitch in wherever necessary. I didn't bother helping with food prep as there always seems to be a core group of men and women who run these things at most funerals.

I can't say that I have seen any funerals with heavy drinking and the current abbot of our Wat has forbidden gambling at funerals as well as alcohol. And yes, people still come and people still stay with the family all night. But, I am sure other people's Wats are different since many people seem to report drinking.

For me it isn't so much showing respect for the dead but showing respect for my husband and his loved ones.

[sbk]

Off topic responses as well as trollish posts have been deleted. Perhaps I should suggest a re-read of the OP

[G54]

Apart from what else has been said, there is often a lot of 'Trucking' involved. Going to get plates & utensils, the big cooking dishes, food, water and so much more. This driving is where I was involved at the g/fathers funeral. The rest was left up to the Thai members.

A donation to the expenses was expected but it did not amount to much.

Showing my face each day and evening was also required.

Taking photos of everything was also requested.

In the main I was directed to what help was needed by me and I happily helped out and left the logistics to those who knew best.

There was some gambling but that was stopped after the 2nd night. Drinks were available every night.

[mhatami]

Off topic responses as well as trollish posts have been deleted. Perhaps I should suggest a re-read of the OP

I got involve in the grand mother of my wife and was not fun at all .Too much work and too expensive. I recommend to stay out of it even if your wife decided to make the arrangement.

[johna]

Where in the pecking order does your wife stand, she (you) will be expected to contribute financially. It's what you signed on for with marriage.

Stay visible, but in the background.

The cost of the funeral is defrayed by contributions made by mourners.

good luck.

[Texpat]

If you are asked to contribute significantly to the expense of the funeral, ask one very important question defore digging into your wallet.

What has the deceased left to the family?

It is your business if you're forking out cash for the funeral.

I paid for my FIL's funeral about five years ago (almost exclusively) only to find out later he left a few thousand dollars to his sons who should have paid for their father's funeral, but contributed nothing.

[jubby]

texpat, The Barsteward has left only debts. One day into it and its a nightmare, money's going left right and centre. Even the Monks are asking wether I want to make Tambon ;-)

[lannarebirth]

texpat, The Barsteward has left only debts. One day into it and its a nightmare, money's going left right and centre. Even the Monks are asking wether I want to make Tambon ;-)

I think the decision you need to make, isn't how much respect/money you're willing to give the deceased FIL, whom you say you never liked. What you need to consider is how much respect you're willing to show your wife upon the occasion of her father's death.

[jubby]

I guess thats about the strength of it Lannarebirth. Thanks for that.

Anyway we're having fun. One of the locals has decided to don a shirt with security written on it. He's took control of the events, and he seems very fond of me. he only needs his low Kow which he refers to as his 'Nam' . I think he's trying to tell me he's burmese or he's killed some burmese or something like that. maybe he's Thai equivalent for SAS or something. he's just playing with the Kids right now ;-) . He Had us all in hysterics last night during the religious ceromony. Nice to see the inlaws laughing I suppose, equally nice to see a few of the elders who weren't laughing take offence and the Monks played on regardless.

I'm going to show some respect and money tonight by buying a few box's of Whiskey which I just know will be appreciated.