Drunken Relatives - Pain In The A**

[loong]

Hi, I'm sure that others have been in the same situation and would like to knoe if anybody has managed to resolve it.

My other half's sister is a drunken lazy loudmouth and has always been a pain, but lately it's been getting much worse.

Now, practically every day she's drunk early morning and picking fights and arguments with other people in the village. She has physically attacked some of the village men and to be honest, I'm amazed at their restraint. Although they will defend themselves, they do not hit back. Somewhere in her fuddled brain is a little bit of sense as she only argues with women, maybe as they are likely to give her a taste of her own medicine.

She's often at our house shouting and screaming, even when there is nobody there to listen. I have been inside the house and looked out and seen this.

My gf and I find it extremely stressful, but it seems that there is nothing that we can do. I've suggested a family meeting, but they've tried that before and it makes no difference.

If she is at her house being abusive and noisy, it's no good telling her to go as she will get more abusive and not leave. She will sometimes pick things up and throw them around.

When I've had drunk men come to the house, I've been able to remove them from the premises. I can't do this with the sister because she is a woman.

She also tries to use my stepdaughter. She will take her to the shop and give her sweets etc and not pay. So my gf has to pay later. Littl'un asks me to buy her kanom or coke and if I think that she's had enough for the day, I will refuse. Of course she thinks that her aunt is wonderful because she always buys her things. Her young mind doesn't realist that we are paying, not her aunt. So the sister almost hijacks the toddler at times and then demands cash for looking after her when she is supposed to be with her grandfather.

Littl'un loves her aunt, not surprising as she thought that she was her real mother before as my gf, after being left with a son and a baby in her belly by her husband, went to Pattaya to look for a farang husband, while she was still very small. She left the baby with her sister to take care.

Now the sister uses this love for her own purposes.

The sister's husband has to work away sometimes and we have a really good and happy life when she is not here. It's just when they return to the village, but this time it's much more stressful as she is so much worse than before.

Incidentally, it's not just me who is p***ed off with her, most of the village including my girlfriend is.

So anybody else had a similar situation? Any luck in sorting it out without packing your bags and leaving?

I'm off to Laos soon, so may not be able to read your replies for a few days.

[Moonrakers]

Hide the bottles.

[loong]

Hide the bottles.

I don't think that the local shop would like it if I hid their stock

Wow, quick reply though!

[WaiWai]

Certainly a difficult situation.

Steer her gently to the wat? You need Thai advice on this, or advice from foreigners who know how Thais have successfully dealt with similar situations. Unfortunately, I suspect the usual response might be to do nothing, until something sufficiently drastic happens to cause a change . (I hope I am wrong,)

It seems she may have problems in addition to the drinking, too. If someone could get to the root of those problems, it might provide a clue as to how to begin to help.

[Geekfreaklover]

Sounds like the sister is mentally ill, and the drink is a side issue. The only real sensible option is to move. Other than that you could make complaints with the local police (I understand after three reports action is taken to address the situation by putting her in a hospital), but that would upset your girlfriend. There is no social welfare system in the villages as you know. Personally I would move.

Good luck

[Lancelot]

Hi, I'm sure that others have been in the same situation and would like to knoe if anybody has managed to resolve it.

My other half's sister is a drunken lazy loudmouth and has always been a pain, but lately it's been getting much worse.

Now, practically every day she's drunk early morning and picking fights and arguments with other people in the village. She has physically attacked some of the village men and to be honest, I'm amazed at their restraint. Although they will defend themselves, they do not hit back. Somewhere in her fuddled brain is a little bit of sense as she only argues with women, maybe as they are likely to give her a taste of her own medicine.

She's often at our house shouting and screaming, even when there is nobody there to listen. I have been inside the house and looked out and seen this.

My gf and I find it extremely stressful, but it seems that there is nothing that we can do. I've suggested a family meeting, but they've tried that before and it makes no difference.

If she is at her house being abusive and noisy, it's no good telling her to go as she will get more abusive and not leave. She will sometimes pick things up and throw them around.

When I've had drunk men come to the house, I've been able to remove them from the premises. I can't do this with the sister because she is a woman.

She also tries to use my stepdaughter. She will take her to the shop and give her sweets etc and not pay. So my gf has to pay later. Littl'un asks me to buy her kanom or coke and if I think that she's had enough for the day, I will refuse. Of course she thinks that her aunt is wonderful because she always buys her things. Her young mind doesn't realist that we are paying, not her aunt. So the sister almost hijacks the toddler at times and then demands cash for looking after her when she is supposed to be with her grandfather.

Littl'un loves her aunt, not surprising as she thought that she was her real mother before as my gf, after being left with a son and a baby in her belly by her husband, went to Pattaya to look for a farang husband, while she was still very small. She left the baby with her sister to take care.

Now the sister uses this love for her own purposes.

The sister's husband has to work away sometimes and we have a really good and happy life when she is not here. It's just when they return to the village, but this time it's much more stressful as she is so much worse than before.

Incidentally, it's not just me who is p***ed off with her, most of the village including my girlfriend is.

So anybody else had a similar situation? Any luck in sorting it out without packing your bags and leaving?

I'm off to Laos soon, so may not be able to read your replies for a few days.

Tough situation Loong and a very nasty problem.

The only possible things I can think of are:

1) Move FAR away

2) Tell the gf she can make a choice-either the sister goes or you go.

I'm not trying to be smart or clever or give offence. The sister sounds nasty and those types of people only understand equally harsh treatment.

On the other hand, if you can grit your teeth and wait it out, I would say the thais will give her some street justice and deal with the problem.

Sorry. Wish I had the magic answer but I don't.

Lance

[spysee]

Just get drunk with her and then abuse her back. She will then steer clear of you

[G54]

Not directly related, but I was chatting with a friend over the weekend and her son had a serious drugs problem. It was so bad he became abusive, violent, used to steal from everyone to fund the habit.

She went to see the local police and actually paid them to have her son taken away and put in an institution (I use the word institution as my own, as it was not prison, nor a hospital). He was there for 2 years under a very strict regime and came back drug free. Since then he has, apparently, been a normal son. Now helpful and family orientated.

I understand it was a hard decision to make initially but she has said it was one of the best decisions she made.

Maybe worth a thought?

edit typo

Edited May 27, 2009 by G54

[loong]

Wai Wai,

thanks for the response, usually people who go crazy with drink are male and the locals think nothing of giving them a good beating when they get out of order. They don't do the same with women.

She has a really good husband, a real diamond and I feel very sorry for him. He's a hardworking, teetotal man whose only aim in life, it seems is to work hard and take care of his family. If he wasn't such a nice guy, maybe he would lose his temper. One time she was hitting a man and he went to try to calm her down. The man was so riled up that he hit the husband!

If there is another root to the sister's problem, I don't know what it would be, she should be grateful to have such a fine, hardworking husband.

GFL,

My gf doesn't want to move and neither do I. I'm really happy and content with my life here when the sister is away with her husband working. But if it gets much worse, I may well have to consider it. I must admit that I have concluded that I may end up with no choice.

Being a farang and getting frustrated, I sometimes feel like beating the s**t out of this woman. If I ever feel that I'm in real danger of losing control, I will have to leave here before I do something stupid like that.

[babuhavas]

talk with her when she is not drunk and may be you can convince her to see doctor

[mrkennedy]

you stay out of it. its yr gfs problemm.

if yt gf do nothing you leave, simple!

it become yr problem when you marry gf.

Edited May 27, 2009 by mrkennedy

[loong]

Just get drunk with her and then abuse her back. She will then steer clear of you

She has yet to abuse me physically or verbally, but plenty of verbal aimed at my gf.

Haven't had a drink myself for a while now, I'm on an extended break and besides, when I've been drunk before, I've never been aggressive.

Thanks for the replies and advice so far guys. Not time now to respond to everyone.

I will look again in a couple of days, when I get back from Laos, or if I find a decent internet there.

Thanks again.

Edited May 27, 2009 by loong

[Samuian]

stun gun - once!

[sassienie]

Hi, I'm sure that others have been in the same situation and would like to knoe if anybody has managed to resolve it.

My other half's sister is a drunken lazy loudmouth and has always been a pain, but lately it's been getting much worse.

Now, practically every day she's drunk early morning and picking fights and arguments with other people in the village. She has physically attacked some of the village men and to be honest, I'm amazed at their restraint. Although they will defend themselves, they do not hit back. Somewhere in her fuddled brain is a little bit of sense as she only argues with women, maybe as they are likely to give her a taste of her own medicine.

She's often at our house shouting and screaming, even when there is nobody there to listen. I have been inside the house and looked out and seen this.

My gf and I find it extremely stressful, but it seems that there is nothing that we can do. I've suggested a family meeting, but they've tried that before and it makes no difference.

If she is at her house being abusive and noisy, it's no good telling her to go as she will get more abusive and not leave. She will sometimes pick things up and throw them around.

When I've had drunk men come to the house, I've been able to remove them from the premises. I can't do this with the sister because she is a woman.

She also tries to use my stepdaughter. She will take her to the shop and give her sweets etc and not pay. So my gf has to pay later. Littl'un asks me to buy her kanom or coke and if I think that she's had enough for the day, I will refuse. Of course she thinks that her aunt is wonderful because she always buys her things. Her young mind doesn't realist that we are paying, not her aunt. So the sister almost hijacks the toddler at times and then demands cash for looking after her when she is supposed to be with her grandfather.

Littl'un loves her aunt, not surprising as she thought that she was her real mother before as my gf, after being left with a son and a baby in her belly by her husband, went to Pattaya to look for a farang husband, while she was still very small. She left the baby with her sister to take care.

Now the sister uses this love for her own purposes.

The sister's husband has to work away sometimes and we have a really good and happy life when she is not here. It's just when they return to the village, but this time it's much more stressful as she is so much worse than before.

Incidentally, it's not just me who is p***ed off with her, most of the village including my girlfriend is.

So anybody else had a similar situation? Any luck in sorting it out without packing your bags and leaving?

I'm off to Laos soon, so may not be able to read your replies for a few days.

You people make me crease up.

I know someone else exactly like you.

The long suffering boyfriend/husband who has to put up with all the crap because you are so hopelessly in love with your partner to do anything construction about the problem, but prefers to moan about your miserable situation to everyone else.

At the end of the day, you would still give your partner’s sister priority over anyone else who tried to help and drop them first if they tried to interfere.

Everyone has choices, pal, you can just walk away from the situation, it’s that simple and if you prefer to stick this out, than better to do it in silence because there are only 3 ways to deal with this:

1. Stay with it and say no more

2. Move far away with your girlfriend, beyond the reach of her family.

3. You leave altogether and start afresh somewhere else.

What I have said may seem hard, but these are the facts.

Your girlfriend’s sister is not going to see the errors of her ways over night or perhaps never.

So either accept your lot or change the situation, only you have the options to do that.

Wishing you good luck and success for the future.

Edited May 27, 2009 by sassienie

[Pierrot]

Just get drunk with her and then abuse her back. She will then steer clear of you

Best advise.

And if anybody complains later, you have the excuse to be drunk at the time.

[neverdie]

perhaps she could have a little accident & fall down really hard, never to wake up again .

Edited May 27, 2009 by neverdie

[ozzydom]

Question .... Is there such a thing as the equivalent to a restraining order under Thai law.??

Under these orders (in the west) a court orders that the person must stay a certain distance away from the complainant or their property.

[mrkennedy]

perhaps she could have a little accident & fall down really hard, never to wake up again .

murder is always good!

Tis guy should be banned!

[TheLaughingMan]

Wai Wai,

thanks for the response, usually people who go crazy with drink are male and the locals think nothing of giving them a good beating when they get out of order. They don't do the same with women.

She has a really good husband, a real diamond and I feel very sorry for him. He's a hardworking, teetotal man whose only aim in life, it seems is to work hard and take care of his family. If he wasn't such a nice guy, maybe he would lose his temper. One time she was hitting a man and he went to try to calm her down. The man was so riled up that he hit the husband!

If there is another root to the sister's problem, I don't know what it would be, she should be grateful to have such a fine, hardworking husband.

GFL,

My gf doesn't want to move and neither do I. I'm really happy and content with my life here when the sister is away with her husband working. But if it gets much worse, I may well have to consider it. I must admit that I have concluded that I may end up with no choice.

Being a farang and getting frustrated, I sometimes feel like beating the s**t out of this woman. If I ever feel that I'm in real danger of losing control, I will have to leave here before I do something stupid like that.

I'm surprised that you and I share so many opinions and yet our lives are so completely different and we are opposite in most ways. Both you are her husband aren't really nice, you are just weak. He lets her abuse him and he takes it, that is not called being nice. I would never let a drunk anywhere near my child, that is a tragedy just waiting to happen. She should not be allowed in your house or near your family.

[Geekfreaklover]

Question .... Is there such a thing as the equivalent to a restraining order under Thai law.??

Under these orders (in the west) a court orders that the person must stay a certain distance away from the complainant or their property.

I think there is, but the problem with a restraining order here or in the west is that they only have teeth if the person restrained complies to the ruling. This individual seems to be not the type to comply.

[neverdie]

perhaps she could have a little accident & fall down really hard, never to wake up again .

murder is always good!

Tis guy should be banned!

how dare you, I never suggested anyone should be MURDERED. Accidents happen all the time in Thailand, some days you are lucky, somedays you arn't lucky. SIMPLE.

Give yourself an uppercut mrkennedy. Who are you really? Which recently banned member?

[barky]

Honestly, I don't know how or why you put up with it. Tell your g/f to sort it out pronto. You want this problem solved by your g/f yesterday no if's but's or maybies . If your g/f won't then tell this low class sister to GTFO. If that doesn't work either move with g/f well away from sister or you dump g/f and look for a g/f who comes from a better social class!

Edited May 27, 2009 by barky

[GuestHouse]

Isn't this the bit where you tell your wife to keep her sister out of the house?

If that's not an option - move.

[soic]

I know this is childish, but who knows, it may work. When she comes over drunk and flipping her lip. Get a super-soaker water gun or just a spray bottle and start spraying her with water when she gets out of line. If it happens everytime she's drunk, who knows she might stop coming over. If she tries to get abusive with you, then you can call the cops for her attacking you on your property.

We had a senile old lady that lived across the street. She had been taken to the WAT for help, been fenced in her yard and herded home from neighbor to neighbor. She used to follow the kids around and then come into the yard picking up bird crap, sticks and the kids toys, she would also start talking crap to my mother-in-law. My wife and sister-in-laws would drag her back home, with her yelling and screaming. We started spritzing her with water and next thing you know, she avoided us, rather than tormented us. Not a soaking, but a spritzing just to make her want to stay away.

[Macx]

You could have the wife make a side arrangement with the local Bib. Every time the sister shows up drunk, your wife calls the Bibs. They pick her up and put her somewhere to rest up till sober. Pay them a nominal fee or a bottle whiskey.

Good luck

[ozzydom]

loong, you have my utmost sympathy, as you may remember I have an ongoing serious problem with the stepson, at least in my case I can use a certain amount of physicality but with a problem female it cant be to easy ,in fact it would be bloody frustrating.

About 3 months ago our 23year old dregs of humanity gave his mother a hiding and when I came home he pointed a gun at me ,so he got to endure much pain.

I learnt from my previous experience when his drunken uncle came at me with a machette and I re-arranged his facial features,the problem was that I was in <deleted> with the BiB because I was unmarked but he was a mess.It cost me hospital fees and pay off to both him and the coppers to get out of it.

Anyway this time the stepson was unmarked as his pain came from arm bars,finger locks and a squirrel grip that had him bawling, the cops were called they found him down the farm sucking on a bong.

He never did get done for the assault on his mother or pointing a gun at me ,but got 3 months in a "phsyciatric training facility " as a first offence drug offender.

He was released about 10 days ago and came and prostrated himself at my feet pleading forgiveness and promising he had changed his ways (it was bloody embarassing , having a grown man grovel at your feet ).

Well it lasted a whole 4 days , and now he is back on the bottle and stealing etc , except on Sundays ,because he has to report every Monday at Sakhon Nakhon for therapy which includes drug testing .

So we are back where we started, I have suggested to T/W that we sell up and go start afresh far away, which to her is unthinkable.

As the situation is untenable ,it looks very much like I will have to depart for pastures anew.

[bikerman]

Hi, I'm sure that others have been in the same situation and would like to knoe if anybody has managed to resolve it.

My other half's sister is a drunken lazy loudmouth and has always been a pain, but lately it's been getting much worse.

Now, practically every day she's drunk early morning and picking fights and arguments with other people in the village. She has physically attacked some of the village men and to be honest, I'm amazed at their restraint. Although they will defend themselves, they do not hit back. Somewhere in her fuddled brain is a little bit of sense as she only argues with women, maybe as they are likely to give her a taste of her own medicine.

She's often at our house shouting and screaming, even when there is nobody there to listen. I have been inside the house and looked out and seen this.

My gf and I find it extremely stressful, but it seems that there is nothing that we can do. I've suggested a family meeting, but they've tried that before and it makes no difference.

If she is at her house being abusive and noisy, it's no good telling her to go as she will get more abusive and not leave. She will sometimes pick things up and throw them around.

When I've had drunk men come to the house, I've been able to remove them from the premises. I can't do this with the sister because she is a woman.

She also tries to use my stepdaughter. She will take her to the shop and give her sweets etc and not pay. So my gf has to pay later. Littl'un asks me to buy her kanom or coke and if I think that she's had enough for the day, I will refuse. Of course she thinks that her aunt is wonderful because she always buys her things. Her young mind doesn't realist that we are paying, not her aunt. So the sister almost hijacks the toddler at times and then demands cash for looking after her when she is supposed to be with her grandfather.

Littl'un loves her aunt, not surprising as she thought that she was her real mother before as my gf, after being left with a son and a baby in her belly by her husband, went to Pattaya to look for a farang husband, while she was still very small. She left the baby with her sister to take care.

Now the sister uses this love for her own purposes.

The sister's husband has to work away sometimes and we have a really good and happy life when she is not here. It's just when they return to the village, but this time it's much more stressful as she is so much worse than before.

Incidentally, it's not just me who is p***ed off with her, most of the village including my girlfriend is.

So anybody else had a similar situation? Any luck in sorting it out without packing your bags and leaving?

I'm off to Laos soon, so may not be able to read your replies for a few days.

Had similar situation with my wife’s uncle, my wife spoke to him and it stopped .We heard no more from him until we found out he was hospitalized due to liver problems.

He still is having drinking problems but don’t come near us….ask your wife to be firm as they all can when they want to be!!!!!!!! Good luck, hope it work out OK for you.

[CWMcMurray]

First go to all of the local stores and tell them in no uncertain terms you will not pay for anything they allow her to take, even for your duaghter. So that if they do not make her pay in cash then they should understand that this will go on her "Account" not yours.

Then when she is sober tell her in no uncertain terms, that she is welcome to spend time with your daughter when she is not drunk, but you will not give her any money for spending time with her niece under any cercumstance. Also inform her about the instructions you have given all of the local stores.

I am sure she will be angry, but I bet you will see a whole lot less of her and the "Gifts" for your daughter will stop all together.

[Geekfreaklover]

First go to all of the local stores and tell them in no uncertain terms you will not pay for anything they allow her to take, even for your duaghter. So that if they do not make her pay in cash then they should understand that this will go on her "Account" not yours.

Then when she is sober tell her in no uncertain terms, that she is welcome to spend time with your daughter when she is not drunk, but you will not give her any money for spending time with her niece under any cercumstance. Also inform her about the instructions you have given all of the local stores.

I am sure she will be angry, but I bet you will see a whole lot less of her and the "Gifts" for your daughter will stop all together.

Ever heard the Thai phrase 'like playing the fiddle for the buffalo to listen' - Roghly translates like throwing pearls before swine. A waste of time trying to talk to her, if she is violent it won't work. I've been there. If the OP could involve the village headman and the local policeman maybe a firm 'talking to' might work.

If it were I, I would leave the home for a while leaving the sister a nice present - a whiskey bottle filled with urine. See how that goes down.

But seriously, a tricky situation and a simple talking to probably won't resolve anything

[bravingbangkok]

stun gun - once!

Exactly, I would go for the electric dog collar myself, much more control over the bitch.