laislica Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post laislica Posted April 25, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted April 25, 2016 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post lemonjelly Posted April 25, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted April 25, 2016 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Ron19 Posted April 26, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2016 A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But, officer,” the man began, “I can explain” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!” A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chiefs at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.” “Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Ron19 Posted April 26, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2016 Two policemen call the station on the radio. "Hello. Is that you Sarge?” "Yes?” "We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean.” "Have you arrested the woman?” "No sir. The floor is still wet." 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post White Christmas13 Posted April 26, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2016 WICOE (Women In Charge Of Everything) Is proud to announce the opening of its EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN! OPEN TO MEN ONLY ALL ARE WELCOME Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include: DAY ONE HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS Step by step guide with slide presentation TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? Roundtable discussion DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics) DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? Debate among a panel of experts. REMOTE CONTROL Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS Starting with looking in the right place Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum DAY TWO EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN? Group discussion and role play HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH PowerPoint presentation REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST Real life testimonial from the one man who did IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS? Driving simulation LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE Online class and role playing HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE Bring your calendar or PDA to class GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME Individual counsellors available 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post White Christmas13 Posted April 26, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2016 Dear Abby, My husband hasn't worked for the last 14 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies. I know he's cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his granddaughters. I know because he brags about this to me. He smokes fancy cigars and drinks the most expensive Champagne day and night. We sleep in separate beds because he`s always telling me he knows I'm a lesbian and my varicose veins and ugly face turn him off! Should I clobber him with my frying pan, or should I leave him, Abby? Your advice would be appreciated. Mad as Hell ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear Mad as Hell, You don't have to take that kind of treatment from any man. I suggest you pack your bags and move out ASAP! Don't resort to clobbering him with the frying pan, and try to act like a lady! Remember ....... you`re running for President of the United States, so try acting like it! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Christmas13 Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Three elderly women are talking about their troubles. “Sixty is the worst age to be,” said Ruth, the 60-year-old, “You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time nothing happens.” “Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70-year-old, Maxine. “When you’re 70, you don’t have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens.” “Actually,” said Gilda, the 80-year-old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.” “Do you have trouble peeing too?” asked Ruth. “No, I pee every morning at 6 a.m. I pee like a racehorse; no problem at all.” “Do you have trouble with your bowel movements?” Maxine questioned. “No, I have one every morning at 6:30 a.m,” Gilda responded. Puzzled with this, Ruth said, “Let’s get this straight. You pee every morning at 6 a.m. and poop every morning at 6:30 a.m. So what’s so tough about being 80?” “I don’t wake up until 7.” Old one but good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Ron19 Posted April 27, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted April 27, 2016 (edited) A kindergarten teacher was helping one of her students put his boots on. He had asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn’t want to go on. When the second boot was on, she was nearly out of breath. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, “Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.” She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as they worked together to get the boots back on – this time on the right feet. He then announced, “These aren’t my boots.” She bit her tongue rather than scream, “Why didn’t you say so earlier?” like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, “They’re my brother’s boots. My Mom made me wear them.” She didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, Now, where are your gloves?” He said, “I stuffed them in the toes of my boots…” Edited April 27, 2016 by Ron19 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Ron19 Posted April 27, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted April 27, 2016 My wife and I were married for 50 years. One day, I took a careful look at her and said, “Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black-and-white TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl every night. “Now, I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large-screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 69-year-old woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.” My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black-and-white TV. Aren’t older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy’s problems. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 They say Shakespeare used marijuana. To Be, Or Not To Be... What was the question? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Rob13 Posted April 29, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted April 29, 2016 (edited) They say Shakespeare used marijuana. To Be, Or Not To Be... What was the question? Doobie or not doobie? Edited April 29, 2016 by Rob13 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikmar Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Alas poor wotisname 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crossy Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Alas ... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Christmas13 Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But, officer,” the man began, “I can explain” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!” A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chiefs at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.” “Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Christmas13 Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Two policemen call the station on the radio. "Hello. Is that you Sarge?” "Yes?” "We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean.” "Have you arrested the woman?” "No sir. The floor is still wet." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NiwPix Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 White Christmas13, I enjoy reading the jokes you post, however, I noticed you fairly often repost jokes that have just recently been posted...just like your two jokes above this post...they have both been posted on the previous page. While it may seem like a minor "issue" to just not read this, it does take a couple of sentences until you realize you know the joke. This makes the joy of reading the jokes section more and more frustrating. Are you maybe signed up to receive some sort of daily joke, which maybe others are signed up to and post the joke here before you do? Again, I ( and probably the others too ) enjoy reading your jokes...just not the recently repeated ones. So please don't take it the wrong way. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob13 Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 A blonde girl was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriend's dandruff problem. The redhead says, "Why don't you give him Head and Shoulders?" The blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AhFarangJa Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Ron19 Posted April 30, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted April 30, 2016 A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reducedaltitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted,"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet himan hour ago but I don't know where I am."The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hoveringapproximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.""You must be a technician," said the balloonist."I am," replied the man."How did you know?""Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me isprobably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make ofyour information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you'venot been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my tripwith your talk."The man below responded, "You must be in management"."I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?""Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or whereyou're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a largequantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no ideahow to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in beforewe met, but now, somehow, it's my <deleted!> fault!" 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob13 Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? "Put it on my bill." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob13 Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 (edited) An Asian lady at the bank was exchanging yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!" Edited May 1, 2016 by Rob13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaiwine Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 It's taken me days to read through this thread I did notice a couple of the doctor doctor jokes that were missed So... "Doctor doctor people keep ignoring me" "NEXT" !! "Doctor doctor I'm constipated" "No S##t" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riceyummm Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riceyummm Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riceyummm Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post riceyummm Posted May 2, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted May 2, 2016 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Popular Post White Christmas13 Posted May 2, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted May 2, 2016 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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