Worst Joke Ever

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[tifino]

after being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said:

 

"50 years ago we had a cheap house,

a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10"black'n'white TV,

but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23 year old girl.

 

NOW ... I have a $75,000 home,

a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV,

but I'm sleeping with a 73 year old woman.

It seems you are not holding up your end of the bargain."

 

My wife is a very reasonable woman.

She told me to go out and find a hot 23 year old girl,

and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house,

driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed,

and watching a 10" black'n'white TV.

Edited September 27, 2016 by tifino

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[tifino]

Hiking:

 

a father came home from a long business trip,

to find his son riding a brand new bike.

 

"where did you get the money for that?" he asked.

"It must have cost over 300"

 

"I earned it hiking" replied the boy.

 

"Hiking??? Come on Son; tell your dad the truth.

Nobody can make that sort of money HIKING.

Where did you get the cash from?"

 

"I'ts like this Dad.Every night when you were gone,

Mr Goldberg from the Bank would come over to see Mum,

and he'd give me a $20 bill,

and tell me to take a hike"

 

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Could this be the best idiots guide to sex....?
1. There is no need for dice in role playing.
2. Intercourse doesn't happen on a motorway.

3. If you engage in oral sex first, it's not called a head start.
4. If she says she's into bondage, don't show her your financial portfolio.
5. You can lie down during a one-night stand.
6. When a woman talks about waiting for the "right time," she's not referring to a commercial break

[tifino]

 

two nuns are out for a walk together side by side.

 

Coming the other way, a staggering drunk.

 

The wary nuns, getting all the more closer by now to the drunk,

drift apart, and...

 

the drunk passes though, between them

 

all of a sudden he starts!!

wide eyed

 

"how she do that?"

 

[Ace of Pop]

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

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Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No!
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates daughter
Son:.....OK
Dad goes to Bill Gates
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son
Bill Gates: No!
Dad: My son is CEO of World Bank
Bill Gates: ok
Dad goes to president of World Bank
Dad: Employ my son as CEO
President: No!
Dad: He's Bill Gates son-in-law
President:......ok
THIS IS BUSINESS PEOPLE

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12 hours ago, Ace of Pop said:

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

 

It was funny the first time at post 5341 on the previous page.....

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[riceyummm]

[Ron19]

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party...  After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy.He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.

He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon
began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the
president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his
best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.' 

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my
pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went
to flight school to become a pilot.

Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he
owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his
best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the
best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his
own construction company and is now a multimillionaire...

 

He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his
best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked:
'What are all the congratulations for?'
One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel
for the successes of our sons...
What about your son?'
The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living
dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

 
The three friends said: 'What a shame... What a
disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son
and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks
ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a

top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

[Ron19]

G randpa's Drink

There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table.

Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom.


When he returned, however, his trousers are wet all over.
'What happened, Grandpa?' he is asked by his concerned children.


'Well,' he answered, 'I don't really know. I had to go to the bathroom. So I took it out and started to pee, but then I saw that it wasn't mine, so I put it back!'