It is said that Native American Indians name a child after the first thing they see when the baby is born.
In that case why are they not all called Placenta?

Or pussy

Wow, there's so much competition here!

19 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

 

One time an electrician came home drunk at four o'clock in the morning.

"Wire you insulate?" his wife enquired.

"Watts it to you?" he snapped. "I'm ohm, ain't I?"

Can’t you just switch off for a while?

 

His wife must have been amped up for him to put up that much resistance.

 

She was probably coiled up, he switched her starter on and she incapacitored him and got top volts and spiked him.

1 hour ago, billd766 said:

 

His wife must have been amped up for him to put up that much resistance.

 

She was probably coiled up, he switched her starter on and she incapacitored him and got top volts and spiked him.

That's a shocking response.  Watt put you UPS to do it, some light must have clicked on.

We must stop fusing together like this!

Or sparks will fly!!

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2 minutes ago, nikmar said:

Or sparks will fly!!

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A bright spark response, it hertz when I read these illuminating flashes in the pun.

Ohm my God. I must remark on how plugged in you are.

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More shocking One liner electrician joke:

 

What is an electrician’s favourite ice cream flavour?

Shock-o-lot

 

What is another name for an electrical apprentice?

Shock absorber

 

Why are the electricians always up to date?

Because they are "current specialists".

 

Why did Mr Ohm marry Mrs. Ohm?

Because he couldn’t resistor!

 

What kind of car does an electrician drive?

A Volts-wagon

 

What do you call a bad electrician?

A shocking!

　

Two atoms were walking down the street.

Atom One: Oh no - I've lost an electron!

Atom two: Are you sure?

Atom one: Yes… I'm positive.

OK just don’t be so negative about it!

The other day the bank alerted police to their ATM being raided for 100,000 baht. The police checked the machine and they were now looking for the 200,000 baht.

19 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

More shocking One liner electrician joke:

 

What is an electrician’s favourite ice cream flavour?

Shock-o-lot

 

What is another name for an electrical apprentice?

Shock absorber

 

Why are the electricians always up to date?

Because they are "current specialists".

 

Why did Mr Ohm marry Mrs. Ohm?

Because he couldn’t resistor!

 

What kind of car does an electrician drive?

A Volts-wagon

 

What do you call a bad electrician?

A shocking!

　

Two atoms were walking down the street.

Atom One: Oh no - I've lost an electron!

Atom two: Are you sure?

Atom one: Yes… I'm positive.

OK just don’t be so negative about it!

 

I don't know where you get them from but please keep them coming. It is one of the best topics on TVF.

 

Pothead: "Hi officer, how are you?"

Police Officer: It’s not ‘How are you, but how high are you?"

 

What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

 

Cop: "Were going to have to give you a drug test."

Me: "Cool, which drugs are we testing?"

　

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

He said, "Call for backup."

.

Recently, a female sheriff's deputy arrested Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next day, at the County courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Deputy Taylor. "I walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin."

"I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?"

He froze and was clearly very surprised and then he looked me straight in the face and said:

"A pumpkin? Holly S**t ... is it midnight already?"

 

The court (and the judge) could not contain their laughter. Lawrence was found guilty only of public intoxication, fined $10. and sent on his way.

Drunk Driving

A gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.

 

The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed.

 

He was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers. "Are you Mr. Johnson?" the asked? He admitted that he was. "Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?"

Again, the man admitted that was he. "And what did you do then," the troopers asked."

The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed.

"Where is your car now?" the troopers enquired.

The man answered that it was in the garage.

"May we see the car?" asked the troopers.

The man answered, "Sure," and opened the garage.

 

 

Inside the garage was the state troopers car.

 

Gas Station

One day, a Man was filling his gas tank at a Gas Station; he filled the tank so full that gasoline got on his shirt sleeve; unaware that there was gasoline on his sleeve, he lit a cigarette and his sleeve caught fire, so he jumped into his car, waved his arm up and down in an effort to put out the flames.

He looked into his rear view mirror and saw red, white and blue lights flashing and heard a police siren; the Policeman pulled him over, got out of his Patrol Car, and arrested the driver for having an illegal Firearm.

　

Pulled Over

A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night.

The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

 

 

 

The man replied, "That would be my wife."

6 hours ago, billd766 said:

I don't know where you get them from but please keep them coming. It is one of the best topics on TVF.

I don't know if you meant the 'electrifying' comments and the 'sparkling' repartee responses above or just my 'neutral" posts in general!  (more of them are charging their way as we have this current discharge of flash images and flashes of insight and blackouts)

Any earthling might be grounded by the lightning showers, but here are the latest leaks from my output generator!

 

I promise to get rewired and get some more flat rate metered plugs, without charge, for my next inputs!

 

My girlfriend has her own Taser. She's a real stunner but she says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances. Well, she's in for a shock. She also told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change." I did, I'm using a searchlight for a new light of my life!

 

I have discharged too many of these sparkling images of my now dimming beams of insight and do not want a battery of abuse by those of you that have not been polarized by this distillated response?'

 

I pass the torch to the rest of you here to beam down on the rest of us your illuminating answers!

 

PS; I charge you to stay online and generate some more energizing responses!

PPS; That was not my Punaltimate Pun!

 

20 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

I don't know if you meant the 'electrifying' comments and the 'sparkling' repartee responses above or just my 'neutral" posts in general!  (more of them are charging their way as we have this current discharge of flash images and flashes of insight and blackouts)

Any earthling might be grounded by the lightning showers, but here are the latest leaks from my output generator!

 

I promise to get rewired and get some more flat rate metered plugs, without charge, for my next inputs!

 

My girlfriend has her own Taser. She's a real stunner but she says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances. Well, she's in for a shock. She also told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change." I did, I'm using a searchlight for a new light of my life!

 

I have discharged too many of these sparkling images of my now dimming beams of insight and do not want a battery of abuse by those of you that have not been polarized by this distillated response?'

 

I pass the torch to the rest of you here to beam down on the rest of us your illuminating answers!

 

PS; I charge you to stay online and generate some more energizing responses!

PPS; That was not my Punaltimate Pun!

 

 

Give me some time as I am an old fart and it takes a while to get me started as I often suffer from a flat battery and unexpected memory loss. memory loss.

 

I mean that you have rejuvenated the thread just like a flash-o-lite and all of the psts so far have activated my laughter memory banks.

 

What was the question again?