1 hour ago, ddavidovsky said:

I designed a new kind of toilet - but the market pooh-poohed it.

They put the lid on it did they and told you to P*ss off

 

What did the poo say to the fart?

You blow me away.

 

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

He wanted to get to the bottom.

 

If your American in the living room what are you in the bathroom?

European

 

Whats thirty feet long and smells like urine?

Line dancing at a nusing home.

 

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack!

 

Why did the cop sit on the toilet?

To do his duty.

 

What do you call a bathroom Superhero?

Flush Gordon.

 

Where do bees go to the bathroom?

At the BP station!

　

Why won't blondes take their iPhones to the bathroom?

Because they don't want to give away their IP address!

 

What would you find in Superman's bathroom?

Superbowl.

 

Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?

Because he was pissed off.

 

Why don't they have any toilet paper in KFC?

Because its finger licking good!

 

 

 

What's white and glides across the floor?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Celebrity cum dancing!

The lone ranger and his Indian friend are walking through the desert
When the lone ranger exclaims "I'm starving where's that held of cow you promised "
Then the Indian put his ear to the ground and shouts out "buffalo cum"
And the lone ranger replies "How on gods earth did you know that"

"Ear stuck to ground with it " He says
'

Once there was a sperm named Bob.

When all the other sperm were just swimming around, Bob was doing sprints and lifting weights.

One day, all the other sperms asked him, "Why don't you just swim around like us?"

Bob replied, with a smirk, "Well, when the time comes, I'm gonna be the first one there."

The others told him it was just destiny, but he said it wasn't.

So, the day finally came when they were called upon. They were swimming along when Bob pulled ahead of the rest. Suddenly he stopped and turned around and headed back.

The others asked him why he turned around and he said,

 

"Back up boys, it's a BLOW JOB!"
 

Q: What do you call a guy who cries while he masturbates?
A: A tearjerker.

Q: What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
A: Beef strokin' off.

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q: What do a Rubix cube and a d*ck have in common?
A: The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

A dad tell his son "Stop masturbating! if you do it too long you will go blind."
The son replied "Dad, I'm over here"

If you masturbate on a plane do they charge you with "hi-jacking"?

I was so many inches away from making a masturbation joke.

There was a young man from Hein

who invented a wanking machine

on the very last stroke

the b*stard thing broke

and whipped his balls to cream.

If uncle Jack helped you off a horse would you help uncle jack off a horse

Masturbating is for d*cks.
 

Change of subjects - It's Wimbledon time of year again!-start grunting again!

 

Q: What do you serve but hope nobody eats?

A: A Tennis Ball.

 

Q: What do you call a girl standing in the middle of a tennis court?

A: Annette

 

Q: Why are fish never good tennis players?

A: They don't like getting close to the net.

 

Q: How many tennis players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: "What do you mean it was out, it was in!"

 

Q: What did one tennis ball say to the other tennis ball?

A: "See you round.."

 

Q: Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player?

A: To them, "Love" means nothing.

 

Q: Where do ghosts play tennis?

A: On a tennis corpse!

 

Q: What is the definition of endless love?

A: Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis

 

Q: Why is tennis a noisy game?

A: Because each player raises a racket.

　

Q: What did the tennis ball say when it got hit?

A: Who's making all the racquet?

　

Q: What time does Andy Murray got to bed?

A: At Tennish.

　

Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?

A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

　

Q: So did you hear about the tennis ball and the battery that got into a fight?

A: The battery was charged and the tennis ball is waiting to go to court.

 

Recreational Preferences (BALLS);

 

After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.

3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.

6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.

 

Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls you have to play with.

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing no one around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.

"What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh," said the blonde sympathetically,

 

"that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once."