A penis must be the lightest thing in the world, just a thought can raise it.

　

What is a quicker way to transfer money out of your account other than electronic banking?               Marriage.

 

"What are you going to be when you graduate?"

"At your rate of teaching - An old man"

　

"I spent three years in college taking medicine."

"Are you well now?"

　

A guy was setting up a password for his computer. He tried "My penis" but the computer rejected it,               It wasn't long enough.

 

Why is a vagina like the weather?

Because when it's wet, it's time to go inside.

 

What fits between breasts, gets longer when you pull, inserts smoothly in a hole, and works great when jerked?

A seatbelt.

　

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

He wiped his a*se.

　

After asking what his son wanted in a girlfriend, why did the dad high five and ground his son all at the same time?

The son had answered "my d*ck".

+ Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

 

+ There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

 

+ Virginity can be cured.

 

+ Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

 

+ Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready .

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply , "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."

 

 

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south unaided so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked in their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons in plastic bags.

"Do you wish to check those raccoons through as hold luggage?" she asked.

 

"No, thanks," replied the vultures in unison. "They’re carrion."

+ I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

 

+ My wife likes mobile sex a lot; she puts it on vibrate and tells me to keep ringing her.

 

+  Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

 

+. Q: What's an Australian kiss?

     A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

 

+ A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......

22 hours ago, owl sees all said:

My wife likes mobile sex a lot; she puts it on vibrate and tells me to keep ringing her.

I'm home from work. "Hi love, I'm starving. Fish for dinner; smells so nice?!"

 

"That's my mobile; chicken tonight."

+ Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?

    A: Life sucks, job sucks, but not the wife.

 

+ Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

    A: Breasts don't have eyes.

 

+ Despite the old saying, 'Don 't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!

 

+ Breasts are proof that men can focus on 2 things at a time.

 

+ What did fish smell of before women started going in the sea?