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Posted

After his recent stay in the hospital, Pa was particularly irritable, especially regarding food. At a nearby restaurant he stopped for a quick meal and the waiter provided a bowl of soup.

As the waiter turned away to return to the kitchen Pa stopped him, calling: "Waiter!"

"Yes ,sir, is there something wrong?"

"The soup. Taste it," replied Pa.

"I beg your pardon, Sir?"

"Taste it."

"But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."

"Taste it," Pa persisted.

"Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients."

"Taste it!"

The exasperated waiter finally relented. "All right, Sir, I'll taste it." Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"

To which Pa replied triumphantly, "Ah ha ... "

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Posted

Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen.

Admiring her neighbour's garden, which had beautiful bright red tomatoes, she went one day and enquired of him his secret.

"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."

Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants twice daily.

Two weeks passed and her neighbour stopped by to check her progress. "So", he asked, "Any luck with your tomatoes?"

"No", she replied excitedly, "But you should see the size of my cucumbers!"

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Posted

An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking.

"Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice.

"Yes, ma'am."

"And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice.

"Yes, ma'am."

"How do you turn them off?"

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