So, We Have A Wonderfull Babygirl!

[belden]

So, we've had a wonderfull babygirl saturday a weak ago. Pregnancy and delivery all went pretty normal, no complications whatsoever and she was being taken care off well in a BKKhospital-branch. Needless to say we are all very excited and happy!

There is one thing that is bothering me though. When she was out of the hospital I advised to let the local people know that they could come and visit during certain hours of the day so she could rest and get back up on her feet, which is pretty normal where I am from. Apparently, this was a no go, as it would have been very impolite(in Thai culture?). Now a week later however, my wife is feeling totally exhausted and experiences a loss of appetite. In general she's not feeling too well. You should know that atm due to circumstances (out of the country) I can't be with her, which is a real shame. Now I felt I had to demand that the family would keep everyone out, and to just lock the door when (during daytime) my wife and baby are sleeping/resting, and make sure to keep things calm. I am a bit troubled by the lack of opportunity to get rest for my wife, and would hate to see her condition worsening all because of wanting to please the locals according to Thai culture.

Am I just being overworried as a new father? or does anyone recognize some of this?

Edited June 6, 2009 by belden

[babuhavas]

congutatulations

well i would suggest that let it go how it is going,i can understand you are worriedand its a very normal thing,but these are her relatives and friends who are visiting her,so she dont wont to be impolite or spoil relation with them,ofcorse rest is an issue but visirot will stop after few days.....

[belden]

Thx for the congratulations. I wanted to just let it go, but felt that some sort of limit had been reached when my wife's having the complaints she has now. I was just wondering if it really is/would have been so rude in Thai culture to put restrictions on visiting hours. As in the West this is quite normal, and well respected by most.

Edited June 6, 2009 by belden

[babuhavas]

but what other options do you have?we are not in west,

lets put it this way for chinese- 50% of the thingsin this world are lucky and rest 50% of the things are unlucky

for thai-50% of the things are polite and rest 50% are impolite

for them its just black or white...gray dose not exist

Edited June 6, 2009 by babuhavas

[Jungian]

congratulations! My mother in law came from Chiang Rai and stayed with us for a month so I could go to work and my wife had help around the house she also helped with our then 6 year old. It was a great experience for us (I love my mother in law) but could you ask something like that?

[belden]

thx again, Jungian. My mother in law actually lives next door, my wife does have all the help she needs, and is getting a lot of attention. I would argue, perhaps too much, from all and sundry.

I agree to some extent that things can be a bit black/white in Thailand. And I do see now the differences and/or a different approach from Thai towards the mother and her newborn compared to what I'm used to in the West. But where to draw the line, prefferably in a polite way, right?

[emma08]

Congratulations! as mother of a 5 month-old baby, I wish that my husband had been as concerned and considerate when my baby was born as you are. The first few weeks after delivery I was also very tired and also very overwhelmed with all the people in the house. Up to this day my in-laws think that I was being "rude" towards them for not being in a better mood in those days. And my in-laws are westerns.

Bottom line: I think that you're wife and baby should be your only concern, and you seem to be doing just fine.

[coventry]

I personally haven't seen any difference in the ways Thai behave to new born's compared to a farang country.

[bina]

that too shall pass....

if her mother is around her, if she really wanted, she would ask her mother to deal, the second week is always worse since all the andrenalin high is wearing off and the reality is setting in as is her milk supply and hormonal stuff ... it will fall in to routine soon... dont worry too much. and congrats.

bina

israel

[MJo]

Hi and congrats !

Bina is right here, first couple of weeks are the hardest for your wife. Lot to do with the hormones etc but it get's better fast. Constant flow of friends and family will soon die down and you as well as your baby start to develop routine.

Ours is 7 weeks now and i'm having a good laugh now when i look back to the first two weeks. Same with my wife, she was so tired at the times that she fell a sleep while feeding the baby

[gunnyd]

Congrats!

It comes with the territory. Your wife (and you when you get back) are going to be exhausted pretty much all of the time for a while. Everybody want to see your new baby, it's great but does get tiresome after a while. Sounds like you need a close relative to run interference for your wife.

This is the beginning you deal but you stay tired a lot!

[AbelMagwitch]

I allowed people to sit in the living room area and wait about, if mother and baby showed up they were lucky, if not........

I shusshed the kids and could care less for the mutterings. Thais are fine if they understand that you are different and if not, so what? They are not strangers they know you.

Congrats, and yes it does get easy quickly.

Abel.

[Brigante7]

Stick to your guns, do what is best for your wife and daughter, if that means insisting that she isn't disturbed between certain hours of the day then so be it.

Brigante7.

P.S. Congratulations on your new arrival, you and your wife will have a ball, it's the greatest feeling in the world being a dad, enjoy every moment.

[torrenova]

I was lucky I could be there 24/7 and we were distant from her outlaws but I made sure her friends and other well wishers were marshalled when it was convenient for her, the baby and me irrespective of whether it was convenient for them. Priorities.

I also guess that with the MIL next door then all the necessary will be catered for but I think you are perhaps rightly worrying that she is being forced to show off the new addition when she should be resting. If you are not there, you will have to get her to curtail this and allow her to get some rest.