IMPORTANT NOTICE

RE: SWINE FLU

As you were advised through an earlier Department advisory letter, there is a distinct possibility of an outbreak and epidemic of Swine Flu in your town...

To facilitate identification and in order that you may be on the alert for indications that you or members of your family may have contracted the virus, you should be aware of the following symptoms:

1. Sore throat

2. Persistent slight headache

3. Nausea or upset stomach

4. An uncontrollable urge to fornicate madly in the mud!

Swine Flu Update

I called the Swine Flu hotline … all I got was crackling

I heard that the first symptom is that you come out in rashers.

Another is that you get the trots.

The doctor asked me how long I'd had the symptoms of Swine Flu. I said it must have been about a Weeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Apparently my mate's got Swine Flu, I think he's just telling porkies, though.

The only known cure for Swine Flu in humans has been found to be the liberal application of oinkment.

Swine flu, however, is not a problem for the pigs because they're all going to be cured anyway.

News Flash .... this just in. The world's religious leaders have issued a joint declaration that the Swine Flu pandemic is the start of the aporkalypse.

Swine flu has now mixed with bird flu. Scientists say they will find a cure when pigs fly.

I just heard on the news that, "Swine Flu could potentially be a threat to every single person in the world". Well it’s a good thing I’m married then, isn’t it?

Last but not least: This is not a time for panic. It is no pig deal. It is a mild hamademic, don't believe the spam you're getting.

I thought yours were better Pete, thanks for passing them on.

It flew indeed