For My 1000 Post I'll Ask A Question

[MiG16]

i have a different but perhaps related question?

i always wonder about people that proclaim so much love for each other

then for whatever reason they break up/divorce

and they go from the undying love to so much hatred. how is that possible.

they do and say things to each other that I wouldnt to my enemy. how can 2 people that loved each other so much do something so hurtful to each other (and it seems, intentionally!)? i just cannot imagine how thats possible

[isanb]

i have a different but perhaps related question?

i always wonder about people that proclaim so much love for each other

then for whatever reason they break up/divorce

and they go from the undying love to so much hatred. how is that possible.

they do and say things to each other that I wouldnt to my enemy. how can 2 people that loved each other so much do something so hurtful to each other (and it seems, intentionally!)? i just cannot imagine how thats possible

this is one explanation between many

The feeling of love is wanting to possess the object of our desire. This possession is already a form of violence that quickly can turns into hate as soon as this object don't comply with the realization of this desire.

and yes you are off topic did i need to make a report ?

[elibangkok]

I don't see why you couldn't love more than one woman at a time, as long as your definition of love did not include being committed to that person exclusively.

I wouldn't be able to "love" more than one woman at a time, but that is based on my definition of love and how I choose to express it.

[trogers]

YES!!! I love 3 women at the same time - my grandmother, my mum and my wife.

Next question?

[IanForbes]

There are some good, well thought out replies here, as well as some funny ones.

Only a few people ever meet someone they are truly head over heels in love with. But, that total absorbtion with one person can only last so long before it starts to fade. That doesn't mean you are no longer in love with that person; it just means that you eventually get more on an even keel and start to include other things in your life.

Certainly if your partner is giving you more sex than you can handle then it's not likely you will stray in that way. But, sex can only occupy your mind for so long before you need some other form of stimulation. That is one thing I think is missing when a much older man marries a much younger women. Everything might be fine in bed, but without having someone to have serious conversations with, or sharing other interests, the "love" part is going to quickly fade.

I know a few older couples that are truly in love with each other and yet there is no longer any sex at all. I think a lot depends on each individual's libido. I would find it very hard to stay completely in love with one person if there was no sex involved, but it wouldn't mean I didn't love them in a different way.

On the topic of love I can't speak for other people. I only know how I feel myself. As I already stated, I do have a genuine affection for more than one woman and when I'm with any one of them they are all that is on my mind at that time. I like them all for different reasons and very often it is some little intangible thing that is hard to put a finger on. It might be the way they make love, but more often it's the way they look at me, or react with some form of affection. It could be some intimate way they flirt or tease me. However, most often it's that they will actually listen when I speak, and they'll ask questions pertaining to what I've said, which tells me they are actually listening. And, when they choose to contact me when I'm away somewhere tells me they are thinking of me.

[Lopburi99]

I'd like to love more than one at a time but the threat of my bodily extinction makes me not do so

yes, and the threat of your bodily excretion deters the rest of us.

[Lopburi99]

I believe it is not possible to have true love for more than one woman at one time. I mean spousal love. I realize there may be debate about the meaning of the word "true", especially since many of us may have never experienced it. In the case of having a wife and mia noi, again I believe only one can be truly loved. Maybe the mia noi has become a man's new love, but often she merely satisfies other needs common with an aging man.

I believe for someone who truly loves his wife, it is not possible to similarly love a different woman. If he thinks he can, then I would suggest he is not experiencing true love. Not his fault of course, just the way it is.

IMHO

[MJP]

Is it possible to love more than one woman at same time? Or, for that matter, is it possible for a woman to love more than one man at the same time?

I know that I can love a child, a sibling, my parents or even my friends (of the same sex) all at the same time. Why would it not be possible to love one or more women at the same time? Didn't the ancient King of Siam have many wives? They couldn't all have just been sexual concubines.

I also understand that once sex is involved it changes things entirely. Some people are very jealous and can't tolerate anyone else with their spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend even if no sex is involved.

I have to believe that there are many different types of love. I have a genuine affection for 5 different ladies in Thailand. And, I know that they DO like me in return. I know it's not just a money paid for services rendered type of thing. Two lady friends (different than the 5 mentioned above) are always saying "I love you", but I find that hard to believe judging by some of the things they do.

But, maybe I'm just confusing "like" with "love". Only twice in my life have I ever been totally infatuated with a woman to point where I couldn't think of anything else. But, in both situations that infatuation only lasted about a year before the bloom wore off the rose.

One thing I'm always very conscious of is being totally honest with everyone. I may not always tell the whole truth, but I never tell a lie.

My Uncle in LA did this, Ian.

Married 26 years and had the same girlfriend for 23 of those years. One day he sent the GF to a shrink to sort out her issues. Shrink told her 'he owed her', so the GF marches off to see his wife. They both divorced him at the same time, courts ruling the GF was in effect a common law wife (bigamy aside*)

This carnage left him $2,000,000+++ out of pocket in the same year he retired, thus he's still working.

In answer to your question old chap, yes it is "possible" to love two women at the same time, but it's gonna cost you!

*Never understood bigamy. I mean, how many shelves does a man actually want to put up?

[Harcourt]

I would answer the original question, Yes. I think if we asked ' Could you hate more than one person at a time?' everyone could think of a instance where this is not only possible but probable. So why would not the opposite also be true?

"hate" is not the opposite of "love"...."indifference" is. "Hate" and "Love" are actually two very closely related emotions... and thus the above argument still stands

[Datsun240Z]

i have a different but perhaps related question?

i always wonder about people that proclaim so much love for each other

then for whatever reason they break up/divorce

and they go from the undying love to so much hatred. how is that possible.

they do and say things to each other that I wouldnt to my enemy. how can 2 people that loved each other so much do something so hurtful to each other (and it seems, intentionally!)? i just cannot imagine how thats possible

1 of the 2 changes mind, the other gets offended ?

[Datsun240Z]

I would find it very hard to stay completely in love with one person if there was no sex involved

Kissing, cuddling, whatever... is also showing love. The actual "deed" also.

[losworld]

Is it possible to love more than one woman at same time? Or, for that matter, is it possible for a woman to love more than one man at the same time?

I know that I can love a child, a sibling, my parents or even my friends (of the same sex) all at the same time. Why would it not be possible to love one or more women at the same time? Didn't the ancient King of Siam have many wives? They couldn't all have just been sexual concubines.

I also understand that once sex is involved it changes things entirely. Some people are very jealous and can't tolerate anyone else with their spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend even if no sex is involved.

I have to believe that there are many different types of love. I have a genuine affection for 5 different ladies in Thailand. And, I know that they DO like me in return. I know it's not just a money paid for services rendered type of thing. Two lady friends (different than the 5 mentioned above) are always saying "I love you", but I find that hard to believe judging by some of the things they do.

But, maybe I'm just confusing "like" with "love". Only twice in my life have I ever been totally infatuated with a woman to point where I couldn't think of anything else. But, in both situations that infatuation only lasted about a year before the bloom wore off the rose.

One thing I'm always very conscious of is being totally honest with everyone. I may not always tell the whole truth, but I never tell a lie.

QUOTE

Of course it's called a threesome and you could get counseling at the Eden club?

[MiG16]

The feeling of love is wanting to possess the object of our desire. This possession is already a form of violence that quickly can turns into hate as soon as this object don't comply with the realization of this desire.

and yes you are off topic did i need to make a report ?

LOL I did put in a disclaimer that its kinda related. we are still talking about love, so

1 of the 2 changes mind, the other gets offended ?

from your 2 reasoning, sounds somewhat similar i suppose. you feel you own something, suddenly you dont, so you get upset.

hasnt happened to me, but I would feel it was then never love. i can understand feeling hurt and upset and not being able to deal with each other, but to be at each other's throat cos they are no longer with you is just not right

i look at some relationships that end like that and it scares me. I then think Id rather continue to be only friends with the guys around me than risk getting into a relationship that has a chance of ending so violently (emotional or otherwise).

loving 2 people at the same time? I didnt have an opinion either way until i read someone said something about thinking of the woman they are with at that moment in time.

maybe Im naive, but what I imagine of love is - when you are in love you think of that person and that person only. no matter who you are with. Im not talking crazy over the top obsession where all you do is think of them all day long. but shouldnt it be that every little thing you do brings up thoughts of the other person? like if you see the food she likes you think of her

if you see someone wear a hat she commented on, it makes you laugh thinking of what she said?

and the list goes on?

I cant imagine being with another woman, completely blocking out my first woman, and then can feel i love each of them.

whatever that feeling is for the 2 woman, im sure nice thoughts and nice feelings, but i have to wonder if it is love.

and if it WERE love, you would feel torn. cos you'd want to do the right thing by both (or all 4!) of them, but realise its not possible to do so.

not saying this is right or wrong. just my idea of it and I did add a disclaimer that perhaps I am naive......

[toybits]

There is a need to clarify the TRUE meaning of LOVE and not confuse it with LUST or DESIRE.

i have a different but perhaps related question?

i always wonder about people that proclaim so much love for each other

then for whatever reason they break up/divorce

and they go from the undying love to so much hatred. how is that possible.

they do and say things to each other that I wouldnt to my enemy. how can 2 people that loved each other so much do something so hurtful to each other (and it seems, intentionally!)? i just cannot imagine how thats possible

this is one explanation between many

The feeling of love is wanting to possess the object of our desire. This possession is already a form of violence that quickly can turns into hate as soon as this object don't comply with the realization of this desire.

and yes you are off topic did i need to make a report ?

[toybits]

What IanForbes is feeling is not True Love - because it is so much more than just SEX.

I would find it very hard to stay completely in love with one person if there was no sex involved

Kissing, cuddling, whatever... is also showing love. The actual "deed" also.

[G54]

I'd like to love more than one at a time but the threat of my bodily extinction makes me not do so

yes, and the threat of your bodily excretion deters the rest of us.

Oi, leave my rear end out of this, I am old and incontinent, so my excretions are my problem. Not my fault the pampers are too small

[MiG16]

i just saw there is already another topic running on the same discussion?

with a poll

[Unfaithful]

I guess it works for us.Me and both Thai 'husbands.'

[jubby]

Ian, What can I say, you've mentioned 5 ladies that you have affection for at the same time, and another two who you don't but who appear to Love you. Lucky you , you died and went to heaven maybe ;-) . Would I be right in thinking this situation would not occur in your native country.

I've just had an experience involving 'Love' for another woman besides my wife. Its going to take sometime before I'm thinking straight for sure.

It wasn't a sexual affair as such and would probably not have occured in my home country either. The Hysteria it created would certainly not have occured in my home country either. Talk of Mia Noi's; Financial implications; Black Magic etc. etc.. and I would almost definately be facing divorce proceedings in my home country also. I wouldn't have dreamed of getting into the same situation back home but here I couldn't really see what the fuss was about because Love's all good right ! . Maybe I'm delusional or the place gets under your skin if you know what I mean ;-)

So what am I trying to say here, Love for more than one woman does seem to be more possible in Thailand than back home.

Good Luck with it. ;-)

[PeaceBlondie]

I guess it works for us.Me and both Thai 'husbands.'

Gay men don't make babies. They can't get married here. Unofficial polygamy is tolerated here.

[toybits]

Ahhh...you can have similtaneous affairs with other women - but I guess you cannot really call that love.

Ian, What can I say, you've mentioned 5 ladies that you have affection for at the same time, and another two who you don't but who appear to Love you. Lucky you , you died and went to heaven maybe ;-) . Would I be right in thinking this situation would not occur in your native country.

I've just had an experience involving 'Love' for another woman besides my wife. Its going to take sometime before I'm thinking straight for sure.

It wasn't a sexual affair as such and would probably not have occured in my home country either. The Hysteria it created would certainly not have occured in my home country either. Talk of Mia Noi's; Financial implications; Black Magic etc. etc.. and I would almost definately be facing divorce proceedings in my home country also. I wouldn't have dreamed of getting into the same situation back home but here I couldn't really see what the fuss was about because Love's all good right ! . Maybe I'm delusional or the place gets under your skin if you know what I mean ;-)

So what am I trying to say here, Love for more than one woman does seem to be more possible in Thailand than back home.

Good Luck with it. ;-)

[WaiWai]

Unofficial polygamy is tolerated here.

(But I wonder about legal implications, as per the experience of the poster's uncle in LA?)

However, culturally, this is certainly true. This made me check the definition of polygamy. (Wiki came up at the top of the search list -- have a look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy if you have a chance. It's quite interesting.)

Anyway, I verified that polygamy is a one-way street.

Wiki says:

In social anthropology, polygamy is the practice of marriage to more than one spouse simultaneously. Historically, polygamy has been practiced as polygyny (one man having more than one wife), or as polyandry (one woman having more than one husband), or, less commonly as group marriage (husbands having many wives and those wives having many husbands).

In the Thai context, a wife is traditionally seen as having fulfilled her marital duties primarily by the production of children and will remain the core of the man's family. The (usually) younger "minor wives are for fun, for "romantic" play, for sex, for escape and entertainment. Sometimes this develops into something "deeper", but the distinction in thinking about kinds of love (wife/mother and lover) remains. In fact, some Thais will say that an "appropriate" wife & mother should not be an overtly sexual person but rather the opposite; a motherly, modest person and good good homemaker and role model of the virtuous Thai woman. (This may be more Thai/Chinese thinking, or the result of Thai influence on Thai culture ?). In other words, I think Thai culture does consider it possible to love different women in different ways, but I am not sure if they think of it as equally, and I do not know what the differentiation between different mia nois might be made.

In any case, Thai women are still seen as having a sexual "expiry" date -- post-production of children or at menopause (though the right to play with others at whim seems to be commonly accepted at almost any point.) This has changed in many countries, with the advent of hormonal therapies for women and the whole "60 is the new 40" thing. This has needed to occur since women now live many decades past their fertile years. (Forget the statistics but it's extraordinary if you look them up -- just how short lifespans were even a century ago.) I don't think many Thai women have such access and, even if they did, male/culturally instilled attitudes would probably override the options they open up.

In this case, the culture supports the "biology" of male desires ... but how do Thai men and women see the role/s of love amidst all this?

[sassienie]

A man can have as many relationships with women as he wishes, providing he has the funds to accommodate that sort of lifestyle.

Each lady is going expect 100% dedication to her and will not understand why the guy is unable to spend on her what she expects, because the guy has to spread his money between all his lovers.

My wife is middleaged now and has told me that she has no objections to me having a minor wife, or bits on the side, so to speak, on condition that I still support her and it doesn`t breakup the family.

So the answer is yes, a man can be in love with more than 1 woman, but the question is: does he have enough money for having the luxury of several women in his life?

[IanForbes]

What IanForbes is feeling is not True Love - because it is so much more than just SEX.

I would find it very hard to stay completely in love with one person if there was no sex involved

Kissing, cuddling, whatever... is also showing love. The actual "deed" also.

I don't disagree with you, toybits. My question was just a general one that tries more to define actual love and the kinds of love. I certainly don't have the same kind of love for a girl friend as I would with my children or siblings. There are people I WOULD give up my life for in an emergency; and I guess that is a form of love. And yes, love IS much more than just sex. But I think I had already said that. I can certainly be attracted enough with a woman to want to have sex with her, but I could never fall in love with her.

However, there are several women that I know intimately where our friendship is NOT based on sex, even though that is a part of it. I just enjoy their company and the talks we have. I do believe it's almost impossible to love somebody who does not love you in return. Love seems to feed on itself and the more it is given the more it is received in kind.

It is a funny, complex subject that is written about extensively in hundreds of books, magazines and technical manuscripts. I've yet to read a definitive answer.

I enjoy the company of a lot of different people, but only a very few have touched me so emotionally that I can't think of anything else. I know it never lasts more than a few years, but maybe that is because any love I give it is not returned.

[bkkjames]

What IanForbes is feeling is not True Love - because it is so much more than just SEX.

I would find it very hard to stay completely in love with one person if there was no sex involved

Kissing, cuddling, whatever... is also showing love. The actual "deed" also.

I don't disagree with you, toybits. My question was just a general one that tries more to define actual love and the kinds of love. I certainly don't have the same kind of love for a girl friend as I would with my children or siblings. There are people I WOULD give up my life for in an emergency; and I guess that is a form of love. And yes, love IS much more than just sex. But I think I had already said that. I can certainly be attracted enough with a woman to want to have sex with her, but I could never fall in love with her.

However, there are several women that I know intimately where our friendship is NOT based on sex, even though that is a part of it. I just enjoy their company and the talks we have. I do believe it's almost impossible to love somebody who does not love you in return. Love seems to feed on itself and the more it is given the more it is received in kind.

It is a funny, complex subject that is written about extensively in hundreds of books, magazines and technical manuscripts. I've yet to read a definitive answer.

I enjoy the company of a lot of different people, but only a very few have touched me so emotionally that I can't think of anything else. I know it never lasts more than a few years, but maybe that is because any love I give it is not returned.

your last few words says it all and finally we get to the heart of the matter...now tell us what's really on your mind.

[IanForbes]

your last few words says it all and finally we get to the heart of the matter...now tell us what's really on your mind.

I've already explained it, bkkjames. If you show affection for a person, whomever it might be, and no affection is returned then nothing more will come of the relationship other than an impersonal transaction. Instant attraction on the part of BOTH parties only happens occasionally. What happens after that is what matters.

I highly doubt if you are interested in what's really on my mind. Right now it's about getting up in 4 hours to go fishing early in the morning. It's going to be another great day like yesterday and the day before.

Most people like to be liked, and some people more than others. Too much rejection can turn someone bitter. Getting burnt by people who SAY they like you, but their actions prove otherwise, can also scar a person's personality. I believe it would be very hard for a bar girl to really fall in love with some man. They've been burned too many times and their hearts have been scarred too often to open up to someone who actually MIGHT care for them.

[a2396]

Ian, you may ask the mods to move this to the women's section to get some insightful responses.

You mean "inciteful" !! They will eat him alive. He sounds like he's about 14 though.

[a2396]

A man can have as many relationships with women as he wishes, providing he has the funds to accommodate that sort of lifestyle.

Each lady is going expect 100% dedication to her and will not understand why the guy is unable to spend on her what she expects, because the guy has to spread his money between all his lovers.

My wife is middleaged now and has told me that she has no objections to me having a minor wife, or bits on the side, so to speak, on condition that I still support her and it doesn`t breakup the family.

So the answer is yes, a man can be in love with more than 1 woman, but the question is: does he have enough money for having the luxury of several women in his life?

"Each lady is going expect 100% dedication to her"!! Ain't necessarily so. I have had a "sidedish" lady of 25 for two years now and she complains if I think about "loving her to much", as she decribes it. She says she doesn't care if I have other ladies. Generally speaking, as long as they (Thai ladies) get their money, love as we know it in the western world, does not exist.

[ozzieovaseas]

to anwer your question Ian..

YES

Its called Ménage à trois

[jubby]

Ian, Just noticed in another post you mention your 69 years Old !

5 Ladies on the Go and two potentials ! What happened to the Pipe and Slippers Scenario ?

Good on yer