Dear employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas,

we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan,

older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting

the retention of younger people who represent our future

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the next

fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as S.L.A.P. (Severance of Late-Aged Personnel).

Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs

outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before

actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program will be

called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Elderly Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an

appeal with

upper management.

This appeal is called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following

Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once,

SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems

appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to

get: H.E.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance)

or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As H.E.R.P.E.S. and C.L.A.P. are considered benefit plans, any employee

who has received H.E.R.P.E.S . or C.L.A.P. will no longer be SLAPPED or

SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that

the company will continue its policy of training employees through our:

Special High Intensity Training ( S.H.I.T.).

We take pride in the amount of S.H.I.T. our employees receive. We

have

given our employees more S.H.I.T. than any company in this area. If any

employee feels they do not receive enough S.H.I.T. on the job, see your

immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure

you receive all the S.H.I.T. you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of loyal service with us!

The Management

That's very funny !

Love the way those technical terms been used:

S.L.A.P - S.C.R.E.W - S.H.A.F.T. - H.E.R.P.E.S. - C.L.A.P. - S.H.I.T. ha..ha..ha