Unable To Get A Date

[cdnvic]

Well, I'm thinking this topic will have been most helpful to the OP. After reading many of the replies and seeing what's out there she probably doesn't want a date now.

[F1fanatic]

Many men come to Thailand hoping to find a full time partner. Unfortunately, they get taken in by the dazzling array of lovelies working in bars. Never having experienced anything like that in the western world they don't know how to react when they truly do meet a nice woman who doesn't work in the "trade". What they see in the bars they take as the norm in Thailand... it's not. From the mens point of view the bars are an obvious place to meet women, and most of the available men go there. Unfortunately, the odds of finding Mr Right or Miss Right in a bar is highly suspect. Only a small percentage of the bar women will make a good, long term partner. The most attractive, sexy ones will be the least likely to make good, long term partners. Their hearts have been broken too many times and they are usually hard as nails.

This makes it difficult for any western woman to compete in Thailand... even if they are attractive. The only solution is to go outside the bar scene and join clubs or social groups where it's possible to meet similar minded men on a casual basis. Any woman over the age of 40, and trying to compete with the younger gals in the bar scene is a hopeless adventure.

Yes, I've met dozens of lovely women who worked in bars, but I had to sort through hundreds to find the nice ones that suit me. I certainly wouldn't want to be a 40ish woman hoping to meet a nice man in a bar. The tourists are only there for a short time and the expats already know the scene.

Its not as difficult as you suggest for a 40 year old woman to find a Western male! There are quite a few expat men who have been here for a long time and had more than enough of being thought of as an ATM. The problem is that they are genuinely bitter - and not an attractive prospect for the OP!

Of course there are some truly lovely women amongst the bg's, but if they're doing that job they're doing it for one reason only - money. In Thai society they are 'women giving their body for money', but Thai society is far more forgiving where money is involved!

The OP definetely has a hurdle in front of her, but she may be lucky!

Edited August 2, 2009 by F1fanatic

[thaiman]

Bar girls are not the only group she has to compete with.

[F1fanatic]

Bar girls are not the only group she has to compete with.

Yes, you're absolutely right. The majority of T women will do anything to get a farang.

But the OP is not competing with them, she's (presumably) looking for a male who knows and understands the scene and is looking for a woman who's not looking for an ATM.

[473geo]

Bar girls are not the only group she has to compete with.

Yes, you're absolutely right. The majority of T women will do anything to get a farang.

But the OP is not competing with them, she's (presumably) looking for a male who knows and understands the scene and is looking for a woman who's not looking for an ATM.

Who according to you are "genuinely bitter".......she's probably moved on already....

[dondraper]

cant believe so many fell for it.

[dondraper]

I don't think there is any grovelling that needs to be done. It is a supply and demand issue. For the expat women, supply is low, and well, demand exceeds supply! (Trust me, me and my NZ wife met here in BKK...she and a bunch of her friends agrees). I think an ex.expat woman has recently written a book about her dryspell in BKK.

When supply becomes available, very little grovelling needs to be done (the expat girl can be rather agressive actually...), and no 1950's throwback-ing needed!

I hate to stir the kettle, but generally, very attractive Western women don't tend to live in third world countries. Those who do, usually came here with a husband... Now I am sure I will be eating alive for this comment, but that won't reduce the truth of it.

Of course, looks don't really matter to men. Its whats inside that counts!

[Datsun240Z]

[neil324]

I don't think there is any grovelling that needs to be done. It is a supply and demand issue. For the expat women, supply is low, and well, demand exceeds supply! (Trust me, me and my NZ wife met here in BKK...she and a bunch of her friends agrees). I think an ex.expat woman has recently written a book about her dryspell in BKK.

When supply becomes available, very little grovelling needs to be done (the expat girl can be rather agressive actually...), and no 1950's throwback-ing needed!

I hate to stir the kettle, but generally, very attractive Western women don't tend to live in third world countries. Those who do, usually came here with a husband... Now I am sure I will be eating alive for this comment, but that won't reduce the truth of it.

Of course, looks don't really matter to men. Its whats inside that counts!

Thats a terrible thing to say.

[cdnvic]

Yes, you're absolutely right. The majority of T women will do anything to get a farang.

What a complete load of BS

[MaryGee]

It is definitely quite hard to get a date here. A great deal of men who came to live here did so, because they lacked of certain qualities which they can now substitute with smaller economical effort than in their country. Recent examples:

[britmaveric]

^handsum lads need love too!!!

[GungaDin]

First post of OP, This is serious?

Yes, quite serious. Definitely not a troll. Just looking for advice. And many thanks to all those who replied.

As you are serious, I would suggest that you have a few nights out with some workmates. Once people get to know and understand you better and realise you are single and looking you might get a few responses.

A SWF in BKK who cannot get a date seems odd to me. Especially as I have SWF friends 20 years your senior who come over here and have no problems finding male company.

No offence intended but are you coming across as some fierce harridan, even though you may be beautiful and sexy? Many a man can quake in his boots at the thought of an independent lady on the prowl too. It can do the power of the small head a lot of damage and turn it into a shrinking (wilting) violet for some men

What a crock.

The OP has said very little.

Topics like this one, are sure to bring the cave-dwellers out into the light, & there's no shortage in this thread.

[expatlady]

First post of OP, This is serious?

Yes, quite serious. Definitely not a troll. Just looking for advice. And many thanks to all those who replied.

As you are serious, I would suggest that you have a few nights out with some workmates. Once people get to know and understand you better and realise you are single and looking you might get a few responses.

A SWF in BKK who cannot get a date seems odd to me. Especially as I have SWF friends 20 years your senior who come over here and have no problems finding male company.

No offence intended but are you coming across as some fierce harridan, even though you may be beautiful and sexy? Many a man can quake in his boots at the thought of an independent lady on the prowl too. It can do the power of the small head a lot of damage and turn it into a shrinking (wilting) violet for some men

What a crock.

The OP has said very little.

Topics like this one, are sure to bring the cave-dwellers out into the light, & there's no shortage in this thread.

Yes, I have said very little...hoping that silence will encourage serious response...

Many thanks to those who have given great advice, and to those who have chosen to treat this as a joke...well, I can live with that...

BTW, I did hear from a few women who are in the same predicament. They are grateful for the advice as well.

Again, thanks.

[venturalaw]

Maybe many of the single men (or not so single) are too lazy to try conventional dating. Why bother trying to be charming and interesting to an articulate educated woman, when you can pop down the local and have some silly bint laugh at your ridiculous sense of humour and lack of social graces? Physically you may appeal to these blokes, but as soon as you open your mouth and demonstrate that you are able to string two sentences together and, worse, it comes out that you are part American, you may already be labeled as too challenging for the Bangcockanderthals. Or..maybe you are just looking in the wrong places? As for where to look, im sorry, i dont live in Bangkok, so i dont know. Maybe ask in the Ladies forum?

Good luck

Being that she is educated and accomplished in her profession, perhaps she is not interested in finding men who would be regulars at the 'local'. My recommendation - and it worked for me since I don't go out and drink (use to, but that's a different story), is finding singles at the local gym, or at professional organizations to which I belonged. The advantage is that the likelihood that you would meet someone with similar interests is much greater, and you are enjoying yourself in the process.

Good luck to her.

[bkkdawg]

Be nice to people. Old, young, farang, Thai...just be nice. Smile. Offer a hand in help when one is needed. There isn't enough of this in the country lately (or any country for that matter) and the smallest things get noticed by someone who is looking for a caring love interest. I think you will get a lot of propositions with this very simple method, and in the meantime you not only feel good yourself but you also have a positive impact on people.

Politics are a mess right now, tourism is down, jobs are at stake and life is hard for people here. Everyone notices a mushroom growing out of the dung or a bright soft swatch of fabric in an otherwise crusty feedsack texture city. I am no prize- overweight, not rich, and I am crabby sometimes. But I managed to hook a lovely woman who will be my bride soon, and not only is she beautiful outside with pouty lips and big dark eyes, but she laughs easily and sees the good all around her. It will happen for you. I would bet on it.

That is the best advice given so far in this thread! Seconded

[futureexpat]

To the OP, I think age is probably the biggest factor. If you're looking for a possible long-term relationship, most single, professional guys like me who look forward to starting a family some day are interested in someone significantly younger than you. If you're looking for something less serious, again, there are plenty of young, beautiful, fit women here that you have to compete with. It doesn't help that their standards are probably lower than yours.

You say you are in your forties. Many posters are talking about 40 when it is much more likely to mean somewhere between 44 and 49. I never hear people who are 31, 41, 51, 61, etc. say they are in their 30's, 40's...

The women I've had the longest relationships with in Thailand have been women who were either born in the West or were educated there for a significant period of time. Back home, I mostly dated Chinese American women. I'm actually looking forward to going home soon and meeting more women like you. If you're not too happy with your selection here, you may need to do the same. Still, if you looked at any of the online dating sites, there are probably a lot of local guys who would be very interested in you. The question is whether or not you'd be interested in them as well.

Edited August 3, 2009 by futureexpat

[Bakeman]

Maybe many of the single men (or not so single) are too lazy to try conventional dating. Why bother trying to be charming and interesting to an articulate educated woman, when you can pop down the local and have some silly bint laugh at your ridiculous sense of humour and lack of social graces? Physically you may appeal to these blokes, but as soon as you open your mouth and demonstrate that you are able to string two sentences together and, worse, it comes out that you are part American, you may already be labeled as too challenging for the Bangcockanderthals. Or..maybe you are just looking in the wrong places? As for where to look, im sorry, i dont live in Bangkok, so i dont know. Maybe ask in the Ladies forum?

Good luck

Not fair EEK. Not all people on this web site are as you say "LAZY". I am a well educate man working abroad with an additional business in BKK. Many men such as myself are working too much to have time for a relationship. It is a known fact that most relationships occur in the work place for these very reasons.

To the OP;

Quit looking for a man. This is the only way you will find a man is when you focus on your job and act like you dont care. Then you are a real challenge. The lady I date happens to be an educated woman who puts everything into the task at hand. Not that it matters but we met in the mall. I would not date a lady in a club so pick your places carefully. Something to think about.......If you go to the circus you will find clowns but if you go to a University you will find a scholar.

Good luck.

[lordsux]

The OP could always pay a few barfines to keep her ticking over until Mr/Mrs Right comes along. It might even loosen her up a bit.

[jtp]

Maybe many of the single men (or not so single) are too lazy to try conventional dating. Why bother trying to be charming and interesting to an articulate educated woman, when you can pop down the local and have some silly bint laugh at your ridiculous sense of humour and lack of social graces? Physically you may appeal to these blokes, but as soon as you open your mouth and demonstrate that you are able to string two sentences together and, worse, it comes out that you are part American, you may already be labeled as too challenging for the Bangcockanderthals. Or..maybe you are just looking in the wrong places? As for where to look, im sorry, i dont live in Bangkok, so i dont know. Maybe ask in the Ladies forum?

Good luck

Not fair EEK. Not all people on this web site are as you say "LAZY". I am a well educate man working abroad with an additional business in BKK. Many men such as myself are working too much to have time for a relationship. It is a known fact that most relationships occur in the work place for these very reasons.

To the OP;

Quit looking for a man. This is the only way you will find a man is when you focus on your job and act like you dont care. Then you are a real challenge. The lady I date happens to be an educated woman who puts everything into the task at hand. Not that it matters but we met in the mall. I would not date a lady in a club so pick your places carefully. Something to think about.......If you go to the circus you will find clowns but if you go to a University you will find a scholar.

Good luck.

You certainly are....NOT.

[GungaDin]

The OP could always pay a few barfines to keep her ticking over until Mr/Mrs Right comes along. It might even loosen her up a bit.

And you, pal, are a Banker.

[lordsux]

Nah, I haven't had the need to bank at barclays for many years pal.

[eek]

Maybe many of the single men (or not so single) are too lazy to try conventional dating. Why bother trying to be charming and interesting to an articulate educated woman, when you can pop down the local and have some silly bint laugh at your ridiculous sense of humour and lack of social graces? Physically you may appeal to these blokes, but as soon as you open your mouth and demonstrate that you are able to string two sentences together and, worse, it comes out that you are part American, you may already be labeled as too challenging for the Bangcockanderthals. Or..maybe you are just looking in the wrong places? As for where to look, im sorry, i dont live in Bangkok, so i dont know. Maybe ask in the Ladies forum?

Good luck

Not fair EEK. Not all people on this web site are as you say "LAZY". I am a well educate man working abroad with an additional business in BKK. Many men such as myself are working too much to have time for a relationship. It is a known fact that most relationships occur in the work place for these very reasons.

To the OP;

Quit looking for a man. This is the only way you will find a man is when you focus on your job and act like you dont care. Then you are a real challenge. The lady I date happens to be an educated woman who puts everything into the task at hand. Not that it matters but we met in the mall. I would not date a lady in a club so pick your places carefully. Something to think about.......If you go to the circus you will find clowns but if you go to a University you will find a scholar.

Good luck.

No worries Bakeman, i was just stirring the pot a little bit. I honestly do believe there are some very lovely men around, just hope the OP finds one and doesnt lose her sparkle in the process, just because their arent as many men paying her attention.

I think being in Bangkok there are more opportunities to meet men who are interested in an educated attractive lady. Someone gave really good advice about just focusing on making friends and joining groups. Getting out and about and being places and doing things that keep you feeling good about yourself should attract the opposite sex to you. Usually when you least expect it.

[samran]

I don't think there is any grovelling that needs to be done. It is a supply and demand issue. For the expat women, supply is low, and well, demand exceeds supply! (Trust me, me and my NZ wife met here in BKK...she and a bunch of her friends agrees). I think an ex.expat woman has recently written a book about her dryspell in BKK.

When supply becomes available, very little grovelling needs to be done (the expat girl can be rather agressive actually...), and no 1950's throwback-ing needed!

I hate to stir the kettle, but generally, very attractive Western women don't tend to live in third world countries. Those who do, usually came here with a husband... Now I am sure I will be eating alive for this comment, but that won't reduce the truth of it.

Of course, looks don't really matter to men. Its whats inside that counts!

haha.

No, I haven't seen Heidi Klum living here either, but, I think we may live in different worlds. Many single girls working in law firms, NGO's, embassies or multinationals, as well as the international schools. Late 20s and early 30's is the median age. They are out here for adventure. In the model department, Thailand doesn't fare too badly, and there is a bit of a base for the modelling community.

Plenty of sports clubs and social networks where you meet most of the above as well.

[ThaiBasil]

On many occaisions I found women who clearly enjoy their freedom more attractive than women "looking" for a date. Not sure what to give you for advice as "stop looking for a date" sounds a bit silly. Maybe just be patient. Go out with some friends and when going out try to meet new people. Maybe thats the best I can tell you but you probably got that yourself already .....

[eek]

I don't think there is any grovelling that needs to be done. It is a supply and demand issue. For the expat women, supply is low, and well, demand exceeds supply! (Trust me, me and my NZ wife met here in BKK...she and a bunch of her friends agrees). I think an ex.expat woman has recently written a book about her dryspell in BKK.

When supply becomes available, very little grovelling needs to be done (the expat girl can be rather agressive actually...), and no 1950's throwback-ing needed!

I hate to stir the kettle, but generally, very attractive Western women don't tend to live in third world countries. Those who do, usually came here with a husband... Now I am sure I will be eating alive for this comment, but that won't reduce the truth of it.

Of course, looks don't really matter to men. Its whats inside that counts!

haha.

No, I haven't seen Heidi Klum living here either, but, I think we may live in different worlds. Many single girls working in law firms, NGO's, embassies or multinationals, as well as the international schools. Late 20s and early 30's is the median age. They are out here for adventure. In the model department, Thailand doesn't fare too badly, and there is a bit of a base for the modelling community.

Plenty of sports clubs and social networks where you meet most of the above as well.

At first i wasnt gonna comment on dondrapers post because its so dam_n trollish. The fact is that Thailand appeals to many young western women, plenty who are attractive young women, and some who happen to be VERY physically attractive.

As a side note..some men who may be attracted to the more superficial side of Thailand may wonder why others (men too, not just women) would come to Thailand. They may not see or know another side to Thailand. Their lives are in the tourist hotspots and perched on various barstools. If they actually got out there and looked around the place, they may see another side. A side where people actually treat each other with some respect, dont have a huge chip on their shoulder, and dont pigeon hole at every opportunity.

I originally came to Thailand as a single woman and i still got checked out. Im no Heidi Klum, far from it, and im no model. But i dont feel any less attractive if a man doesnt look at me or ask me out, i realise that those men who check me out may not be interested in a relationship with a Western woman, as they find Thai women more appealing. Im self-assured enough to not be bothered by that. My self-esteem isnt wrapped up in male attention.

But anyway..im waffling..so to cut it short..with regards to no attractive western women in Thailand.. I think most normal people with eyes and brains can see its utter <deleted>. I also think that those men with huge chips on their shoulders will nit pick every detail on a western woman and find flaws even in normal pretty girls, whereas the sun shines out of every Thai girl that smiles at them. But, that is their problem, not ours.

Edited August 3, 2009 by eek

[Boo]

amen Eek. Sadly it will fall on mostly deaf ears.

[thaihome]

My sense is the OP read the first page of replies and said fuc_k this. There’s no hope of any worthwhile help here.

TH

[chiangmaibruce]

They step off the plane in Thailand, and all of a sudden, they can't get a date, and most of the male populous ignores them. This freaks the women out, when the reality is, they are only experiencing the life of most males back home!!!

Spot on, you

[verydumbubba]

Wrong - ya left out one word - decent

Bubba

They step off the plane in Thailand, and all of a sudden, they can't get a date