Unable To Get A Date

[Ijustwannateach]

^I would add that there are some lovely, loving radical feminists who are not anti-male or unpleasant and don't deserve to be painted as objectionable simply for being feminist (it smacks of prejudice and stereotyping). Perhaps feminists who engage in certain behaviours might be objectionable depending on your point of view. I consider myself a feminist, for example, and it is one of the reasons I am against 'gay marriage.' The marriage model itself is so flawed- especially when one considers the traditionally inferior role of the 'wife'- that the last thing I would want would be for gay couples to follow the same example.

[eek]

I know at times things i write in this forum may not go down well, as I have some strong opinions and at times stir things up or write emotionally rather than logically, but I write what I believe. At the same time, i am always open to discussion. My opinions are not set in stone.

But sorry, im way off topic.

----

Expatlady, thank you for generating a really interesting thread!

[Alwaysright]

Very simple answer,if you see someone you would like to meet,ask them out.

It`s the same newbie Troll as always.

Amazing how many of you fall for this load of nonsense.

I wager we will never hear from this OP again, until he signs up again with a different name and dreams up another topic and you all to chew on.

I'd actually rather deal with the trolls themselves than the know-it-alls that shout troll without any real clue as to the veracity of the post. I wouldn't blame them for not coming back when they are so rudely treated. If you think its a wind up you are more than welcome to ignore it and move on. Real or not, the opening post's validity is determined by the discussion that ensues, as there are obviously people out there who find merit in the discussion regardless of the author's intent. The troll callers add nothing to the discussion, save for drawing negative attention on themselves. They are the same goofs who sit watching a movie moaning "That's fake...." when the rest of the audience already knows that but is at least intelligent enough to understand that its all part of the entertainment.

[Ulysses G.]

^I would add that there are some lovely, loving radical feminists who are not anti-male or unpleasant and don't deserve to be painted as objectionable simply for being feminist (it smacks of prejudice and stereotyping). Perhaps feminists who engage in certain behaviours might be objectionable depending on your point of view. I consider myself a feminist, for example, and it is one of the reasons I am against 'gay marriage.' The marriage model itself is so flawed- especially when one considers the traditionally inferior role of the 'wife'- that the last thing I would want would be for gay couples to follow the same example.

Actually, I agree with you, but we are talking about male and female relationships here and I don't think that marrying a radical feminist would leave many men happy.

Edited August 4, 2009 by Ulysses G.

[Birdman]

Don't know your target group. But I am sure you will find a decent man here.

Don't worry about some comments here. Many are simple stunned and lost to see a woman looking for a man. That's just something that cannot get into their brains. A no no in their understandings of life, 'cause finding a partner is exactly the impossible in their lives back home and the MAIN FORCE, WHY THEY CAME TO THAILAND.

I think you are smart and I don't have to give you that advice, anyway: check out the places where expats go, who are here on the full (company) package...

[mrtoad]

It`s the same newbie Troll as always.

Amazing how many of you fall for this load of nonsense.

I wager we will never hear from this OP again, until he signs up again with a different name and dreams up another topic and you all to chew on.

Do you have this phrase on a repeat button, because you seem to use it in pretty much any thread.

Clearly, by reading the OP's further comments she is not a troll, and even if she was it's a rather interesting topic, considering that this is a pretty much male dominated forum.

There have been a few good suggestions, and things like clubs and interest groups are always a good start, as well as getting to know work colleagues. Wish the OP well.

[dondraper]

Hi I have a nice brother in law who is looking he is thai and a really nice man alas he lives in Korat at the moment and he has children but if that doesnt bother you at all then feel free to reply to me

lee.

Atleast let her know how much he makes.

[venturalaw]

^I would add that there are some lovely, loving radical feminists who are not anti-male or unpleasant and don't deserve to be painted as objectionable simply for being feminist (it smacks of prejudice and stereotyping). Perhaps feminists who engage in certain behaviours might be objectionable depending on your point of view. I consider myself a feminist, for example, and it is one of the reasons I am against 'gay marriage.' The marriage model itself is so flawed- especially when one considers the traditionally inferior role of the 'wife'- that the last thing I would want would be for gay couples to follow the same example.

Your statement "the traditionally inferior role of the 'wife'" is an oxymoron. In a traditional (Western) marriage, the role of the 'wife' is anything but 'inferior'. As a matter of fact said role is most important.

My apologies for being off topic.

Edited August 4, 2009 by venturalaw

[dondraper]

You have seen it 100 times before. The same old stuff about how feminism has ruined American/Western women and how Thai women really know how to treat a man.

There are some elements of truth to what he said, but there are also a lot of wonderful Western women out there who do not deserve to be equated with radical feminists.

I did not feel that he was especially rude or nasty about his feelings, but I am not a woman and I am not a moderator, so what do I know?

Western and Thai society is different therefore it produces people with different personalities, goals, and life outlooks. There seems to be this weird desire to halt any speech that suggests people are different, that men and women are different, or that certain cultures and Ethnic personalities can viewed by an individual as more desirable. So we must like everyone equally and insist that everyone is the same. I am just happy that we are still allowed to prefer different Ethic foods. It probably won't be too long now before you will be getting in trouble for claiming Pad Thai tastes better to you than Tacos... such harsh words could deeply offend any Mexicans viewing the thread!

The funny thing is, all the Western women I know in Thailand are either involved with Western men or very Westernized Asian men, so that alone would suggests that they themselves find certain traits these men possess more desirable than certain traits local men possess.... If that is the case, is it really that terrible to also observe, that, perhaps, Western men prefer Thai women to Western women?

Obviously, saying all Thai women or all Western women are inferior is dumb. Please, lets move out of this ridiculous reactionary mode of being offended and trying to censor any differing opinions.

Edited August 4, 2009 by dondraper

[dondraper]

^I would add that there are some lovely, loving radical feminists who are not anti-male or unpleasant and don't deserve to be painted as objectionable simply for being feminist (it smacks of prejudice and stereotyping). Perhaps feminists who engage in certain behaviours might be objectionable depending on your point of view. I consider myself a feminist, for example, and it is one of the reasons I am against 'gay marriage.' The marriage model itself is so flawed- especially when one considers the traditionally inferior role of the 'wife'- that the last thing I would want would be for gay couples to follow the same example.

Could you elaborate on this? Does it have anything to do with the 9 month gestation period and proceeding 1.5 year child care period which traditionally falls in the woman's lap?

Edited August 4, 2009 by dondraper

[Birdman]

...............................

The funny thing is, all the Western women I know in Thailand are either involved with Western men or very Westernized Asian men, so that alone would suggests that they themselves find certain traits these men possess more desirable than certain traits local men possess.... If that is the case, is it really that terrible to also observe, that, perhaps, Western men prefer Thai women to Western women?

No that's not funny and it is NOT the case.

Wasn't you the one looking for beaches with (semi) naked Asian females?? btw

Edited August 4, 2009 by Birdman

[dondraper]

...............................

The funny thing is, all the Western women I know in Thailand are either involved with Western men or very Westernized Asian men, so that alone would suggests that they themselves find certain traits these men possess more desirable than certain traits local men possess.... If that is the case, is it really that terrible to also observe, that, perhaps, Western men prefer Thai women to Western women?

No that's not funny and it is NOT the case.

Wasn't you the one looking for beaches with (semi) naked Asian females?? btw

What does one thing have to do with the other? And yes, it is the case. I think I have a better idea of whom the Western Women I know are involved romantically with. Perhaps, you wish to comment on whom the Western women you know involve themselves with romantically.

Edited August 4, 2009 by dondraper

[MJo]

What is wrong with bars ???

For Ian and others not in the know Bangkok has many good bars, clubs and restaurants where prostitution is not practised. Normal places for normal people thai and farang alike to have fun and maybe meet people. Yes they do exist and are not hard to find...

Be it bar or social club just get out there, you can not find it by working 24 hours or spending evenings and weekends home in front of the telly.

[Birdman]

...............................

The funny thing is, all the Western women I know in Thailand are either involved with Western men or very Westernized Asian men, so that alone would suggests that they themselves find certain traits these men possess more desirable than certain traits local men possess.... If that is the case, is it really that terrible to also observe, that, perhaps, Western men prefer Thai women to Western women?

No that's not funny and it is NOT the case.

Wasn't you the one looking for beaches with (semi) naked Asian females?? btw

What does one thing have to do with the other? And yes, it is the case. I think I have a better idea of whom the Western Women I know are involved romantically with. Perhaps, you wish to comment on whom the Western women you know involve themselves with romantically.

If someone knows that 4+4=8 does not make him an Einstein.

[Boo]

no one denies that different nationalities have different traits or really cares that some posters prefer a particular nationality over another but none of us should have to read the bitter ramblings of someone who hates western women for whatever their own reasons are.

This forum isn't a sounding board for some posters to vent their hate against women & those kinds of posts will not be tolerated.

[mahtin]

Could you elaborate on this? Does it have anything to do with the 9 month gestation period and proceeding 1.5 year child care period which traditionally falls in the woman's lap?

Gestation is not traditionally the woman's role, it's a requirement.

See birds, bees.

[dondraper]

Could you elaborate on this? Does it have anything to do with the 9 month gestation period and proceeding 1.5 year child care period which traditionally falls in the woman's lap?

Gestation is not traditionally the woman's role, it's a requirement.

See birds, bees.

But its not fair!

Edited August 4, 2009 by dondraper

[dondraper]

no one denies that different nationalities have different traits or really cares that some posters prefer a particular nationality over another but none of us should have to read the bitter ramblings of someone who hates western women for whatever their own reasons are.

This forum isn't a sounding board for some posters to vent their hate against women & those kinds of posts will not be tolerated.

Cool! I missed that post anyways!

[expatlady]

I had no intention of generating a debate. Difficult as it is to believe, I simply wanted advice. Concrete and specific advice. And I did get many on the forum, and through private messages. I also received a request for a meeting from a 60-year-old gentleman who lives outside of Bangkok. I agreed, and we had an hour of open exchange that taught me a number of things.

He was visiting Bangkok, and simply wanted someone to talk to.

He is in a 5-year relationship with a Thai woman in her thirties, and she did not work in a bar. He met with me because he missed being able to talk about the opera, the arts and Woody Allen movies. His partner did not share these interests, and did not understand them.

I asked if he admits that he has settled for less, and he answered in the affirmative, adding that given the chance to do things differently, he would, and that he asks himself the same hard questions I am asking of him.

Would I settle for a man half my age with whom I cannot communicate with about the things that enrich my life? No.

Given the chance to do things differently, I would lead my life exactly the way I have. No regrets at all. I am complete on my own. I have no desire to make whole any man's life. I only want to share my passion/interest for the finer things in life.

We agreed that we are both in effect alone. The difference is that he is alone even while in a relationship. And that he admits.

To leave, or to stay...

The meeting goes under the "to leave" column.

And considering that I am beginning to think I am just plain unattractive, I did ask him what he thought. He would like to see me again...

I have written about the meeting with his permission, and this post is for the benefit of the women who find themselves in the same predicament.

[mahtin]

I am in an eleven-year relationship with a Thai woman, and I would not do it differently had I the opportunity.

She is the mother of my son and I am proud of her.

I mention this for all the happy men who do not miss what a farang woman has to offer.

Edited August 4, 2009 by mahtin

[Boo]

I am in an eight-year relationship with a Thai man, and I would not do it differently had I the opportunity.

He is the father of my son and I am proud of him.

I mention this for all the happy women who do not miss what a farang man has to offer.

[sbk]

I think this needs to be repeated:

I had no intention of generating a debate. Difficult as it is to believe, I simply wanted advice. Concrete and specific advice. And I did get many on the forum, and through private messages.

so, per the OP, any further off topic diatribes will be deleted.

[mahtin]

I am in an eight-year relationship with a Thai man, and I would not do it differently had I the opportunity.

He is the father of my son and I am proud of him.

I mention this for all the happy women who do not miss what a farang man has to offer.

Cool.

[IanForbes]

I know at times things i write in this forum may not go down well, as I have some strong opinions and at times stir things up or write emotionally rather than logically, but I write what I believe. At the same time, i am always open to discussion. My opinions are not set in stone.

But sorry, im way off topic.

----

Expatlady, thank you for generating a really interesting thread!

I think I've read most of what you've posted the past 6 months, eek, and I can't say I've ever seen anything of yours that was controversial or insulting. In fact I think I've agreed with most of what you've written, with only a few points in contention. And yes, it has been an interesting thread. I'm also happy to hear that expat lady actually had a person to person discussion with a man through this thread. Often it is hard to express one's feelings through the impartiality of a forum.

[Ta22]

i used to think that i can live alone and never do need anyone as i can jolly well control my emotion as well

of cos that is till i met my wife and i knew i want to spend my life with her and the how we got married in 6 days thing blah blah blah go search my old thread if you want to know more .

anyway .

as much as age maybe the problem for some . real understanding come with age .

is not easy to understand someone , and is even harder to open oneself to let others understand you .

the very brave choice to meet people is one great step .. giving yourself the window to more possible event in life .

.

" the answer is in the walk , taken the path it will show "

all the best .

[Datsun240Z]

i used to think that i can live alone and never do need anyone as i can jolly well control my emotion as well

of cos that is till i met my wife and i knew i want to spend my life with her and the how we got married in 6 days thing blah blah blah go search my old thread if you want to know more .

anyway .

as much as age maybe the problem for some . real understanding come with age .

is not easy to understand someone , and is even harder to open oneself to let others understand you .

the very brave choice to meet people is one great step .. giving yourself the window to more possible event in life .

.

" the answer is in the walk , taken the path it will show "

all the best .

Miss understanding is the biggest problem, or not wanting to understand. Offcourse you never know someone really, but I must say this differens on a person. One is very open about itself, while the others just let's it out slowly.

[PingManDan]

I am a single Chinese-American woman working for a multinational in BKK. I am in my forties, and in extremely good shape. Trim, fit and fashionable. And I am financially independent. My problem is I cannot seem to find any man to date me. And I know I am not bad to look at because I do get asked out everywhere else except in BKK!

I truly enjoy my work, but being a single foreign woman in BKK is tough. Should I ask my company to relocate me, or am I just not trying hard enough to meet men?

It would be interesting to hear from both men and women.

Thanks.

Like I said before if you are looking for a Thai gal go to craigslist

[chiangmaibruce]

I had no intention of generating a debate. Difficult as it is to believe, I simply wanted advice. Concrete and specific advice.

With respect, Expatlady, perhaps the number one rule of online forums is "if you want specific advice then provide specific information". In this case: about you (your likes/dislikes etc, about the type of guy you are looking for (thai or farang & desired characteristics), about what approaches you have already tried and the results, etc. You provided only sparse general info and you received only general responses as a result.

I asked if he admits that he has settled for less, and he answered in the affirmative, adding that given the chance to do things differently, he would, and that he asks himself the same hard questions I am asking of him.

I don't doubt he might have made that observation, as I have certainly encountered other men who mention that abundant general knowledge and intellectual curiosity are not strong points in many Thais. I do have a sneaking suspicion however that you might have inserted your own conclusion based on his observation. I myself have never encountered a Ferrari owner who considered that they "settled for less" because they couldn't fit a big suitcase in the trunk.

Edited August 4, 2009 by chiangmaibruce

[IanForbes]

I myself have never encountered a Ferrari owner who considered that they "settled for less" because they couldn't fit a big suitcase in the trunk.

I didn't buy the Ferrari because excessive speed was not necessary when driving over gravel logging roads and I can only drive one vehicle at a time.

Like some women, Ferraris are fun to play with for the short time, but for the long term something more practical makes more sense. But, if you have a big pocketbook then it's often possible to have both.

[MiG16]

Would I settle for a man half my age with whom I cannot communicate with about the things that enrich my life? No.

Given the chance to do things differently, I would lead my life exactly the way I have. No regrets at all. I am complete on my own. I have no desire to make whole any man's life. I only want to share my passion/interest for the finer things in life.

and thats really what you need to remember Expatlady. I understand it is in human nature to want companionship [the computer nerds that you watch about in Hollywood movies aside ], but companionship can come in many forms. sure, it is much better if it is one person that you can always count on to be by your side, but if its not the right person, isnt it better to surround yourself with a few good friends?

dont get me wrong, Im not discouraging you from trying to find a partner. by all means do so, but dont make that the quest or the ultimate goal. if you look at it as a process, part of a journey...and along the way you may find other interesting things

And considering that I am beginning to think I am just plain unattractive, I did ask him what he thought.

no woman (or man) should ever feel that about themselves.

women in particular seem to have this issue of feeling inadequate (I know some very attractive women who think they dont look good enough, or parts of their body are this or that, or the very thin women who still think they are too fat cos their boyfriends say they have put on weight!!! this coming from men who do absolutely no exercise and have a beer gut, it makes me mad!!!)

anyhow, my rant aside - attractiveness is more than a physical appearance. there are things like intellectual compatibility, or often times its simply the care and affection one shows each other. and even with physical appearance, everyone has different taste.

you come across as intelligent, and most importantly, level headed. to me, these 2 in itself are already great qualities that will allow you to form a solid relationship, when you meet the right/appropriate partner.

all the best