Would You Lie For Your Wife Or Gf?

[daveh]

The question is, would you lie for your wife or girfriend, but really the question is, would you lie as an indirect face saving issue for your girlfriend?

I'm sure that many people here have experienced a Thai significant other telling a "white lie" in order to save face. But at what point would you be willing to propagate the lie in order to save face?

In my case, it would not be my wife's face that I would be saving, it would be that of a friend of hers. I have a bit of a dilema as I don't have a relationship with my wife's friend, so I don't feel she has a right to expect me to lie about her. Also, it is not exactly a "white lie".

I told my wife I am taking a "don't ask, don't tell" stance. Meaning, she shouldn't put me in a position where I would be expected to lie for her friend and I won't make an effort to expose the lie her friend is living with. But this seems to have upset my wife.

Of course, my wife would prefer that I simply lie for her, and through her, for her friend as well. But I value my integrity too much for that.

What would you do?

[Simbo]

The question is, would you lie for your wife or girfriend, but really the question is, would you lie as an indirect face saving issue for your girlfriend?

I'm sure that many people here have experienced a Thai significant other telling a "white lie" in order to save face. But at what point would you be willing to propagate the lie in order to save face?

In my case, it would not be my wife's face that I would be saving, it would be that of a friend of hers. I have a bit of a dilema as I don't have a relationship with my wife's friend, so I don't feel she has a right to expect me to lie about her. Also, it is not exactly a "white lie".

I told my wife I am taking a "don't ask, don't tell" stance. Meaning, she shouldn't put me in a position where I would be expected to lie for her friend and I won't make an effort to expose the lie her friend is living with. But this seems to have upset my wife.

Of course, my wife would prefer that I simply lie for her, and through her, for her friend as well. But I value my integrity too much for that.

What would you do?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The other night, I was sitting watching TV with my longtime G/F, when the phone rang. I answered it to find it was a girl I had known yonks ago. She was just phoning to see how I was. Knowing how jealous my girl is, I proceeded to talk with her like I was talking to a farang mate. Said I wasn't going out tonight, but I would give him a bell and hung up. She asked who had called. " oh, some mate"

'' Gohawk", she didn't believe me and accused me of carrying on.

In the end, I came clean, telling her why I lied, because I knew she would go off her trolley. It went from bad to worse, ending up with me telling her to go home the next day, which she did. Sometimes we have to be economical with the truth, as they are with us. Who said George Washinton never told a lie?

[pnustedt]

I tend to say it as it is and this sometimes embarrasses my wife - she will steer conversations to avoid me being asked direct questions which she doesn't want answered!

I would not tell a blatant lie but perhaps I would avoid answering the question.

[toastwars]

Ask why as a buddhist, She is even concidering lying, never mind asking you to do it also, I hate lies and when you look at the amount of lies told here it kind of makes you question the integrity of everything. How long is it until the wife and her friends are telling you lie, Take a stand for decency and honesty, make it clear to her that lying is wrong and you find it unacceptable.

[LaoPo]

If you lie for someone else you will, sooner or later, end up in a bigger mess...

Just tell you won't do it, culture differences or not.

Your wife (and g/f) has to respect YOUR feelings about this as much as you do respect their feelings.

Integrity is worth a lot more than telling lies for someone elses case

LaoPo

[nokmdk]

If you lie for someone else you will, sooner or later, end up in a bigger mess...

Just tell you won't do it, culture differences or not.

Your wife (and g/f) has to respect YOUR feelings about this as much as you do respect their feelings.

Integrity is worth a lot more than telling lies for someone elses case

LaoPo

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well said.

Its your reputation that is being put on the line if the lie is found out. The person lied to will not think bad of the wife's gf but rather think of how bad her farang husband is. I do not even have to tell me wife not to lie for others or myself, she has the same values as i do and that was a big reason why i fell in love with her.

[Pattaya_Fox]

The question is, would you lie for your wife or girfriend, but really the question is, would you lie as an indirect face saving issue for your girlfriend?

I'm sure that many people here have experienced a Thai significant other telling a "white lie" in order to save face. But at what point would you be willing to propagate the lie in order to save face?

In my case, it would not be my wife's face that I would be saving, it would be that of a friend of hers. I have a bit of a dilema as I don't have a relationship with my wife's friend, so I don't feel she has a right to expect me to lie about her. Also, it is not exactly a "white lie".

I told my wife I am taking a "don't ask, don't tell" stance. Meaning, she shouldn't put me in a position where I would be expected to lie for her friend and I won't make an effort to expose the lie her friend is living with. But this seems to have upset my wife.

Of course, my wife would prefer that I simply lie for her, and through her, for her friend as well. But I value my integrity too much for that.

What would you do?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I seems to me that you need to have a serious talk with your wife.

You have told her that you don`t want to be put into a position where you have to lie for her friend and she does not seem to want to accept that.

She should realise that your relationship should comprise of respect and understanding from you both to each other.

You are right to protect your integrity, because lies can only harm your self esteem and will definitely not solve your wife`s friends problem whatever it is.

Stick by your guns and tell her no...

[sriracha john]

I think it's all situational and depends on what the lie is and without any specifics given, it's difficult to fully assess how much tarnish to a "gold standard" integrity there is.

[Boon Mee]

The question is, would you lie for your wife or girfriend, but really the question is, would you lie as an indirect face saving issue for your girlfriend?

I'm sure that many people here have experienced a Thai significant other telling a "white lie" in order to save face. But at what point would you be willing to propagate the lie in order to save face?

What would you do?

A "no-brainer" this one. Of course I'd lie. When in Rome, do as the Romans etc and when one is in Thailand, the "truth" is a slippery substance for sure.

[Oleg_Rus]

if saying lie could save face than what kind of face is it?

if do as Romans in Rome, how about some greek in Greece?

if gf cannot deal with truth of everyday life than what does she worth then ? Candy wrap?

yes, saving face is the weakest point of thais, well sorry they reveal it so easy.

[Rolo Tomazi]

Without knowing what the lie is about there's no way anybody can give you good advice. Generally I'd say: show your girlfriend that you don't lie easily, don't open that door, you don't know where iy may lead.

Then again I remember I lied for a friend of my girlfriend. A "boyfriend" just arrived, ready for a great vacation with his "girlfriend", who I know was working in a bar even though he sent money and she needn't to. My girlfriend asked me not to tell the guy that she had been working, we went out for dinner and I didn't have the heart, when I saw how much in love he was. I would have ruined his vacation, but then again, maybe later he got hurt more?

[chanchao]

> In my case, it would not be my wife's face that I would be

> saving, it would be that of a friend of hers. I have a bit of a

> dilema as I don't have a relationship with my wife's friend, so

> I don't feel she has a right to expect me to lie about her. Also,

> it is not exactly a "white lie".

Okay, ok.... don't tell, don't tell....: you had sex with her?

Cheers,

Chanchao

[daveh]

Without knowing what the lie is about there's no way anybody can give you good advice. Generally I'd say: show your girlfriend that you don't lie easily, don't open that door, you don't know where iy may lead.

Then again I remember I lied for a friend of my girlfriend. A "boyfriend" just arrived, ready for a great vacation with his "girlfriend", who I know was working in a bar even though he sent money and she needn't to. My girlfriend asked me not to tell the guy that she had been working, we went out for dinner and I didn't have the heart, when I saw how much in love he was. I would have ruined his vacation, but then again, maybe later he got hurt more?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I don't want to go into too much detail as I don't know if he reads this forum. But, this is fairly similar with what's up. If I told the guy what I know, it would definitely hurt him. But not telling him could hurt him in the long run. All parties involved are in the States now.

[aughie]

Without knowing what the lie is about there's no way anybody can give you good advice. Generally I'd say: show your girlfriend that you don't lie easily, don't open that door, you don't know where iy may lead.

Then again I remember I lied for a friend of my girlfriend. A "boyfriend" just arrived, ready for a great vacation with his "girlfriend", who I know was working in a bar even though he sent money and she needn't to. My girlfriend asked me not to tell the guy that she had been working, we went out for dinner and I didn't have the heart, when I saw how much in love he was. I would have ruined his vacation, but then again, maybe later he got hurt more?

I don't want to go into too much detail as I don't know if he reads this forum. But, this is fairly similar with what's up. If I told the guy what I know, it would definitely hurt him. But not telling him could hurt him in the long run. All parties involved are in the States now.

What are the odds?

I don't fk with people's livelihood. I wouldn't get involved with the lie. "Oh Lek has been a good girl while you were away. Isn't that right aughie?" My wife would know better than to pull that crap if I had to sit at the table with the guy

If it bothers a person to see people get fleeced by a BG then don't run with them. Asking a BG not to get involved in her friend's lies and fleecings is asking her not to support the friends who have supported her when she needed help for rent or anything else. They count on each other and look out for each other. That's what I have noticed from my exposure.

[Jai Dee]

I don't want to go into too much detail as I don't know if he reads this forum. But, this is fairly similar with what's up.  If I told the guy what I know, it would definitely hurt him. But not telling him could hurt him in the long run. All parties involved are in the States now.

I think you've answered your own question already.

How would you feel if you found out in a couple of months that he was hurt and you could have prevented it?