Help About A Girl I Met

[stylz]

Hi I am new to these forums and found it whilst I was trying to get a grasp of the whole farang-thai relationship.

Ok let me break down the situation for you guys and hopefully someone can give me some advice as to what to do.

Firstly im a young guy in his early 20's and was recently in Phuket for my 2nd time. Now im a pretty clued on kind of guy but I am just really confused about this whole situation.

I met a girl in a bar during my stays there, she is 20 and very nice. We danced, we drank, we kissed.. her older sister (mid 20's) asked me when I was leaving if i was taking her back to my hotel. Now because I am new to the whole situation I was taken aback and declined, more so because I was rooming with a female relative so as you can imagine it would have been impossible. I freaked out a bit because from her demeanor and the way she acted she DID NOT seem like a stereotypical prosititute. I replied with, "I am not paying for anything", and her older sister laughed and said "no no you werent going to, its not like that". The girl (younger sister) seemed to like me very much, more than one would presume if you were after someone for money. Now I met with these girls again the next 3 nights at the same bar.

The second night in particular was strange because I turned up 2 hours after our predetermined time and she was still waiting for me albeit not happy at the start .

Her older sister stated that she had many "customer but she wait only for you", in broken english which again freaked me out. We danced kissed etc and myself and my female relative walked her and her older sister back to their hotel. The older sister seemed to open up a bit, saying that yes she sometimes goes to bed with foreign men for money but she doesnt like it. Told me how much she got paid, spoke to me about her distaste for thai men and that she wanted to meet a nice foreigner to take care of her and her child. She has a daughter showed us photos etc. It was a pretty in depth conversation for us not knowing them very well. The younger sister said she had never been with a man for money unlike her sister and that she had no job and got money off her sister. They were in phuket to get some money and live in a town in the North east of the country. I had arranged to see her during the day and she asked if her sister could come with her, im not sure if that has any significance but im including it incase it does!

I have kept in contact with her over the last couple of weeks and I have already penciled in that I will be back to Phuket in January. She calls my mobile almost daily, sends me messages and emails on a daily basis. My friends and family think I am gonna get taken for a ride and are making sure I dont fall for this girl! She never asked for money off me even when I offered to give her some (testing the water). My question to you guys is how would I be able to know if I am going to get played. I dont want to get my feelings hurt, nor do I want to hurt hers. I also dont want to miss out on the opportunity of knowing if this girl is actually legit. She said that night she saw me in the club was the first time she had been there.

What should I say to her? Is 5 months too long to hold onto something that was built in 4 nights? Please help me out... this farang is confused

[mrtoad]

Oh dear.

[thesunset75]

No I can not help sorry

[stylz]

ok i think i know what that means

[mrnosey]

Shes my sister - I met her last week

I don't like Thai men - Except for my Thai Boyfriend

You not same customer - You same customer.

Shall I go on?

I do hope this troll has legs.

Edited August 17, 2009 by mrnosey

[Atmos]

"My friends and family think I am gonna get taken for a ride"

maybe they know you better than you know her. read these forums, you're not the first

[bifftastic]

Hi I am new to these forums and found it whilst I was trying to get a grasp of the whole farang-thai relationship.

Ok let me break down the situation for you guys and hopefully someone can give me some advice as to what to do.

Firstly im a young guy in his early 20's and was recently in Phuket for my 2nd time. Now im a pretty clued on kind of guy but I am just really confused about this whole situation.

I met a girl in a bar during my stays there, she is 20 and very nice. We danced, we drank, we kissed.. her older sister (mid 20's) asked me when I was leaving if i was taking her back to my hotel. Now because I am new to the whole situation I was taken aback and declined, more so because I was rooming with a female relative so as you can imagine it would have been impossible. I freaked out a bit because from her demeanor and the way she acted she DID NOT seem like a stereotypical prosititute. I replied with, "I am not paying for anything", and her older sister laughed and said "no no you werent going to, its not like that". The girl (younger sister) seemed to like me very much, more than one would presume if you were after someone for money. Now I met with these girls again the next 3 nights at the same bar.

The second night in particular was strange because I turned up 2 hours after our predetermined time and she was still waiting for me albeit not happy at the start .

Her older sister stated that she had many "customer but she wait only for you", in broken english which again freaked me out. We danced kissed etc and myself and my female relative walked her and her older sister back to their hotel. The older sister seemed to open up a bit, saying that yes she sometimes goes to bed with foreign men for money but she doesnt like it. Told me how much she got paid, spoke to me about her distaste for thai men and that she wanted to meet a nice foreigner to take care of her and her child. She has a daughter showed us photos etc. It was a pretty in depth conversation for us not knowing them very well. The younger sister said she had never been with a man for money unlike her sister and that she had no job and got money off her sister. They were in phuket to get some money and live in a town in the North east of the country. I had arranged to see her during the day and she asked if her sister could come with her, im not sure if that has any significance but im including it incase it does!

I have kept in contact with her over the last couple of weeks and I have already penciled in that I will be back to Phuket in January. She calls my mobile almost daily, sends me messages and emails on a daily basis. My friends and family think I am gonna get taken for a ride and are making sure I dont fall for this girl! She never asked for money off me even when I offered to give her some (testing the water). My question to you guys is how would I be able to know if I am going to get played. I dont want to get my feelings hurt, nor do I want to hurt hers. I also dont want to miss out on the opportunity of knowing if this girl is actually legit. She said that night she saw me in the club was the first time she had been there.

What should I say to her? Is 5 months too long to hold onto something that was built in 4 nights? Please help me out... this farang is confused

Ok you've got some research to do mate!

Thing is, she may have some 'customers' but don't necesarily let that put you off! If you like her and she likes you then you need to establish that honesty is the best policy. go see her again and enjoy yourself :-)

In the mean time try and find out as much as you can about Thailand and everything that happens there.

Some people will tell you you're going to be taken for a ride but if you understand how the game works you can't get burned, just the same as it is in your home contry.

Try and understand how these girls life has been and what has motivated them to end up in a bar in phuket. Get your head around the idea that there may well be other guys in the picture as well but that doesn't have to mean she doesn't have feelings for you.

Read as much as you can and try and get your head around it all.

there will be people on here that tell you they wouldn't touch a bargirl for longer than a couple of hours but you have to make your own mind up, you are both young so just enjoy your self mate. Sounds like she's a lot of fun and she's interested in you as well.

tell me, have you sent her any money?

if you do start doing that then only do it like you would if she was here, like to buy her something for her birthday or send her some flowers or something, don't get into the whole sending her half your wages every month and have her tell you ' honey i not work bar same same like other lady only sell drink and wait for you'

Make sure you get the whole truth and that you can get your head around it.

She might not understand that you value the truth so highly, but talk to her gently and if you can get an honest relationship going then great!

Be ready for the idea that she may well be working in the bar and has customers like the other girls do. It's just a fact of life. Doesn't make her a bad person, just makes her a bar girl.

Hope it goes well and you get some thing out of it, when i say get some thing out of it i mean a beautiful Thai girl who treats you well when you're there and makes you feel good.

Good luck mate :-)

[basjke]

The second night in particular was strange because I turned up 2 hours after our predetermined time and she was still waiting for me

I suggest on your next appointment you turn up 2 years late.

[Birdman]

Short version:

they are not sisters - they are looking for foreigners only for monetary reasons - you stay with her, you have to pay sooner or later - you don't, problems will come - you do, problems will arise later.

advice: look at that as a holiday hanky-panky and forget it.

[dumbnewbie]

Well, what I can tell you is that Thai prostitutes in general are nothing like prostitutes anywhere else. OK, not that I have experience with them anywhere else - what I mean is that they're nothing like the stereotypical Western prostitutes that you see in the movies (nasty!). Thai prostitutes tend to be sweet, and are almost like girlfriends - thus the term "the girlfriend experience", which as far as I know is pretty unique to Thailand. Not sure why that is... maybe due to the tolerant, gentle Buddhist culture? I feel like I just said something very naive, but I really would like to know the reason for this difference.

The girl you met appears to be what they call in Thailand a "bar girl" (her sister told you she had lots of "customers", right? So she works there... but I'm not exactly clear on the difference between a prostitute and a bar girl.)

Doesn't mean she's a bad person. Doesn't mean she's not genuinely interested in you. My guess is that a lot of these girls would like nothing better than a real Western boyfriend who will marry them and take care of them so they don't have to be bar girls anymore.

But I'm probably not the best person to give advice about this - I don't have much experience in this area. I hope you get some kind replies, because I'd like to learn more myself.

[mrnosey]

Hi I am new to these forums and found it whilst I was trying to get a grasp of the whole farang-thai relationship.

Ok let me break down the situation for you guys and hopefully someone can give me some advice as to what to do.

Firstly im a young guy in his early 20's and was recently in Phuket for my 2nd time. Now im a pretty clued on kind of guy but I am just really confused about this whole situation.

I met a girl in a bar during my stays there, she is 20 and very nice. We danced, we drank, we kissed.. her older sister (mid 20's) asked me when I was leaving if i was taking her back to my hotel. Now because I am new to the whole situation I was taken aback and declined, more so because I was rooming with a female relative so as you can imagine it would have been impossible. I freaked out a bit because from her demeanor and the way she acted she DID NOT seem like a stereotypical prosititute. I replied with, "I am not paying for anything", and her older sister laughed and said "no no you werent going to, its not like that". The girl (younger sister) seemed to like me very much, more than one would presume if you were after someone for money. Now I met with these girls again the next 3 nights at the same bar.

The second night in particular was strange because I turned up 2 hours after our predetermined time and she was still waiting for me albeit not happy at the start .

Her older sister stated that she had many "customer but she wait only for you", in broken english which again freaked me out. We danced kissed etc and myself and my female relative walked her and her older sister back to their hotel. The older sister seemed to open up a bit, saying that yes she sometimes goes to bed with foreign men for money but she doesnt like it. Told me how much she got paid, spoke to me about her distaste for thai men and that she wanted to meet a nice foreigner to take care of her and her child. She has a daughter showed us photos etc. It was a pretty in depth conversation for us not knowing them very well. The younger sister said she had never been with a man for money unlike her sister and that she had no job and got money off her sister. They were in phuket to get some money and live in a town in the North east of the country. I had arranged to see her during the day and she asked if her sister could come with her, im not sure if that has any significance but im including it incase it does!

I have kept in contact with her over the last couple of weeks and I have already penciled in that I will be back to Phuket in January. She calls my mobile almost daily, sends me messages and emails on a daily basis. My friends and family think I am gonna get taken for a ride and are making sure I dont fall for this girl! She never asked for money off me even when I offered to give her some (testing the water). My question to you guys is how would I be able to know if I am going to get played. I dont want to get my feelings hurt, nor do I want to hurt hers. I also dont want to miss out on the opportunity of knowing if this girl is actually legit. She said that night she saw me in the club was the first time she had been there.

What should I say to her? Is 5 months too long to hold onto something that was built in 4 nights? Please help me out... this farang is confused

Ok you've got some research to do mate!

Thing is, she may have some 'customers' but don't necesarily let that put you off! If you like her and she likes you then you need to establish that honesty is the best policy. go see her again and enjoy yourself :-)

In the mean time try and find out as much as you can about Thailand and everything that happens there.

Some people will tell you you're going to be taken for a ride but if you understand how the game works you can't get burned, just the same as it is in your home contry.

Try and understand how these girls life has been and what has motivated them to end up in a bar in phuket. Get your head around the idea that there may well be other guys in the picture as well but that doesn't have to mean she doesn't have feelings for you.

Read as much as you can and try and get your head around it all.

there will be people on here that tell you they wouldn't touch a bargirl for longer than a couple of hours but you have to make your own mind up, you are both young so just enjoy your self mate. Sounds like she's a lot of fun and she's interested in you as well.

tell me, have you sent her any money?

if you do start doing that then only do it like you would if she was here, like to buy her something for her birthday or send her some flowers or something, don't get into the whole sending her half your wages every month and have her tell you ' honey i not work bar same same like other lady only sell drink and wait for you'

Make sure you get the whole truth and that you can get your head around it.

She might not understand that you value the truth so highly, but talk to her gently and if you can get an honest relationship going then great!

Be ready for the idea that she may well be working in the bar and has customers like the other girls do. It's just a fact of life. Doesn't make her a bad person, just makes her a bar girl.

Hope it goes well and you get some thing out of it, when i say get some thing out of it i mean a beautiful Thai girl who treats you well when you're there and makes you feel good.

Good luck mate :-)

Spoken like a true pimp.

Look, the kids only 20. He needn't be running around with hostess girls.

Plenty of time in later life for that.

[MrHammer]

Hey,

I dont think there's a right or wrong answer in this situation. Sure, she could just be looking for a meal, but since you seem like a normal, intelligent guy, she could just as well be genuine.

In my opinion, it's not that you should worry about being taken for a ride. You probably understand to cut your losses and run if she asks for money, but what you really have to consider is if you want to be her knight in white shining armor.

She has a kid. Are you ready to be a step dad? Support her financially? Also, I dont want to sound like an asshol_e but 1 year down the line, what are you going to think about the fact that she worked in a bar? Bar girls are not bad people in my opinion, but working there for longer periods of time does seem to have it's effect.

Why don't you buy a ticket and fly to see her again. Spend some time together outside of the bar, then decide what to do. Just remember that she probably comes from a poor background and no matter how much she loves you, money is important.

[stylz]

No i havent given her any money and I dont plan on it.. not in a bad way its just I wouldnt want to create a habit if you know what I mean.

According to her she has left phuket (she was only there for a while) and gone back to her village and is starting a new job. She never actually worked in the bar.. I am a really skeptical guy though and I dont know if I would trust her even if she WAS telling the truth.. the more I read these forums the more i feel ive got a mozzaball hanging out of my mouth.

Should i just put communication on ice till i see her again in 5 months? If so how? The thing is I dont want to lead her on over that period because if she is being truthful she has to catch a coach from her village which is 900km's away to see me... oh why am i so cynical.

[MrHammer]

The second night in particular was strange because I turned up 2 hours after our predetermined time and she was still waiting for me

I suggest on your next appointment you turn up 2 years late.

I laughed!

[gvallee2]

retard alert

She clearly said: she wants foreign man(any) to take care of her and her kid.

HOW is that not asking for money?

'she no like boomboom for money'

Well why isnt she selling streetfood and making 5times her salary?

<snip>

so yes you are being taken.

Edited August 18, 2009 by raro
some defamatory statements deleted

[MrHammer]

No i havent given her any money and I dont plan on it.. not in a bad way its just I wouldnt want to create a habit if you know what I mean.

According to her she has left phuket (she was only there for a while) and gone back to her village and is starting a new job. She never actually worked in the bar.. I am a really skeptical guy though and I dont know if I would trust her even if she WAS telling the truth.. the more I read these forums the more i feel ive got a mozzaball hanging out of my mouth.

Should i just put communication on ice till i see her again in 5 months? If so how? The thing is I dont want to lead her on over that period because if she is being truthful she has to catch a coach from her village which is 900km's away to see me... oh why am i so cynical.

5 months is a long time to wait for a girl you hardly know, dont you think? Thai or not.

And I want to agree with what the other poster said. As a young guy, don't be hanging out with bargirls. You can easily meet a normal girl.

[dumbnewbie]

they are not sisters - they are looking for foreigners only for monetary reasons -

But... isn't that too cynical? Do you really know they're doing it only for money? Don't a lot of these girls want a real relationship so they don't have to do this kind of work? I'm sure you're right about a lot of them, maybe most of them. But all or even nearly all? I hope that's not true.

you stay with her, you have to pay sooner or later - you don't, problems will come - you do, problems will arise later.

What sort of problems will come if he doesn't pay her? (I agree he shouldn't give her money if it's a real relationship).

[Geekfreaklover]

No i havent given her any money and I dont plan on it.. not in a bad way its just I wouldnt want to create a habit if you know what I mean.

According to her she has left phuket (she was only there for a while) and gone back to her village and is starting a new job. She never actually worked in the bar.. I am a really skeptical guy though and I dont know if I would trust her even if she WAS telling the truth.. the more I read these forums the more i feel ive got a mozzaball hanging out of my mouth.

Should i just put communication on ice till i see her again in 5 months? If so how? The thing is I dont want to lead her on over that period because if she is being truthful she has to catch a coach from her village which is 900km's away to see me... oh why am i so cynical.

This is a wind up right?

The girl you met has not gone back to her villiage to think about you. She was calling you from a quiet area in the bar in between servicing other clients. The girl that claims to be her sister isn't her sister shes a fellow bargirl. You are being LIED to.

Throw in a greedy isaan family, a kid, a Thai boyfriend / Husband lurking in the distance and you'll be in for a whale of a time..

Edited August 17, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[stylz]

retard alert

She clearly said: she wants foreign man(any) to take care of her and her kid.

No she doesnt have a child, her sister does. Her sister openly said she has been with guys for baht. But her younger sister didnt.

I am really reluctant to think that she is a bargirl.. ive seen the girls that work there.. this was a club too.. does that change anything?

I like this girl.. the stupid thing is I can easily get a nice girl in my country.. but this one is awesome haha oh dear

Either way what should i say to her to cool it off til i come back....

[dumbnewbie]

And I want to agree with what the other poster said. As a young guy, don't be hanging out with bargirls. You can easily meet a normal girl.

Good advice, but how's he supposed to know who's a "normal girl" in Thailand? Bargirls don't just work in bars.... they go to clubs too, as customers... they go shopping, they walk down the street... do you see what I mean?

Let me ask it this way - if he wanted to meet a normal Thai girl, where should he go, and how should he go about it? I heard normal Thai girls don't want to be seen with foreigners, lest they be mistaken for bargirls or prostitutes. Is this true?

[sanook2me]

Hi I am new to these forums and found it whilst I was trying to get a grasp of the whole farang-thai relationship.

What should I say to her? Is 5 months too long to hold onto something that was built in 4 nights? Please help me out... this farang is confused

its so hard.. i remember my first holiday here and couldn't work out if i was sleeping with prostitutes girls who fancied me.... very difficult situation for a young man out here.

Try doing a search on the internet like msn or similar for Thai girls to date and make sure they are at or have been to university...if they have you will not look back....

jackpot! (young, sexy, well educated) think of lucy lui!

Ignore these poor little farmers daughters because it will end in tears....

[dumbnewbie]

The girl you met has not gone back to her villiage to think about you. She was calling you from a quiet area in the bar in between servicing other clients. The girl that claims to be her sister isn't her sister shes a fellow bargirl. You are being LIED to.

Throw in a greedy isaan family, a kid, a Thai boyfriend / Husband lurking in the distance and you'll be in for a whale of a time..

Well, if she ever says anything about a "sick buffalo" all bets are off.

[Geekfreaklover]

retard alert

She clearly said: she wants foreign man(any) to take care of her and her kid.

No she doesnt have a child, her sister does. Her sister openly said she has been with guys for baht. But her younger sister didnt.

I am really reluctant to think that she is a bargirl.. ive seen the girls that work there.. this was a club too.. does that change anything?

I like this girl.. the stupid thing is I can easily get a nice girl in my country.. but this one is awesome haha oh dear

Either way what should i say to her to cool it off til i come back....

Hang on mate, what about the part in your post where the sister says - 'She have many customer but she wait for you' ?????

[soic]

No i havent given her any money and I dont plan on it.. not in a bad way its just I wouldnt want to create a habit if you know what I mean.

According to her she has left phuket (she was only there for a while) and gone back to her village and is starting a new job. She never actually worked in the bar.. I am a really skeptical guy though and I dont know if I would trust her even if she WAS telling the truth.. the more I read these forums the more i feel ive got a mozzaball hanging out of my mouth.

Should i just put communication on ice till i see her again in 5 months? If so how? The thing is I dont want to lead her on over that period because if she is being truthful she has to catch a coach from her village which is 900km's away to see me... oh why am i so cynical.

My advice for what it's worth is, treat it like any other holiday/vacation romance. Stay in touch via email, phone calls occassionally if possible, but keep your money in your pockets. Get to know each other better... be friends and see where it leads next time you're there. If you really want to see what she's like; the next time you go, tell her that you're coming on a certain day and then arrive about a week earlier and visit the bar or her old haunts and just watch. Don't let yourself get too deep; take it for what it is; and that was a great time with a nice lady that you barely know. There's nothing wrong with friends first and see what develops after that...

Good luck!!!!

[Geekfreaklover]

And I want to agree with what the other poster said. As a young guy, don't be hanging out with bargirls. You can easily meet a normal girl.

Good advice, but how's he supposed to know who's a "normal girl" in Thailand? Bargirls don't just work in bars.... they go to clubs too, as customers... they go shopping, they walk down the street... do you see what I mean?

Let me ask it this way - if he wanted to meet a normal Thai girl, where should he go, and how should he go about it? I heard normal Thai girls don't want to be seen with foreigners, lest they be mistaken for bargirls or prostitutes. Is this true?

No such thing as a 'normal girl' but I think he refers to those that work 9am to 5pm rather than 9pm to 5am. - Of course both do sometimes work overtime.

[Birdman]

they are not sisters - they are looking for foreigners only for monetary reasons -

A ) But... isn't that too cynical? Do you really know they're doing it only for money? Don't a lot of these girls want a real relationship so they don't have to do this kind of work? I'm sure you're right about a lot of them, maybe most of them. But all or even nearly all? I hope that's not true.

you stay with her, you have to pay sooner or later - you don't, problems will come - you do, problems will arise later.

B ) What sort of problems will come if he doesn't pay her? (I agree he shouldn't give her money if it's a real relationship).

A ) chances are 90:10

B ) any kind you can imagine - from she's not interested any more to a kill

[gvallee2]

retard alert

She clearly said: she wants foreign man(any) to take care of her and her kid.

No she doesnt have a child, her sister does. Her sister openly said she has been with guys for baht. But her younger sister didnt.

I am really reluctant to think that she is a bargirl.. ive seen the girls that work there.. this was a club too.. does that change anything?

I like this girl.. the stupid thing is I can easily get a nice girl in my country.. but this one is awesome haha oh dear

Either way what should i say to her to cool it off til i come back....

I lived in phuket for a year, theres no a single girl that hangs around the bars 3nights in row in patong that isnt a prostitute

Also theres not a decent thai girl that would befriend herself with bargirls. Most NORMAL girl, even those that bang a bunch of foreigners for free, would spit on the face of any prostitute since to them they're lower than nazi's to most westerns.

Also bargirls's slang for friend is sister

also theres more hookers in clubs than gogobars

Also what kind of 'nice girl' would want u to take care of her while she watches tv for the rest of her life?

[dumbnewbie]

Hang on mate, what about the part in your post where the sister says - 'She have many customer but she wait for you' ?????

Is it possible that she just serves drinks like a waitress at a bar in the West? Are all these girls prostitutes? Does it depend on what kind of bar it is? (I don't know - I'm asking).

[Geekfreaklover]

Hang on mate, what about the part in your post where the sister says - 'She have many customer but she wait for you' ?????

Is it possible that she just serves drinks like a waitress at a bar in the West? Are all these girls prostitutes? Does it depend on what kind of bar it is? (I don't know - I'm asking).

Not a snowballs chance in hel_l mate.

Hoe, pure and simple.

Edited August 17, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[stylz]

thanks for everyones help..

looks like i know what must be done..

just have to figure out how to wire 1,000,000 baht to Thailand

hahah

seriously tho guys much appreciated from those who have been around the block a few more times than me

ps. does this sound ok.. not too hurtful or anything.. i dont know thai womens psyche..

I have been thinking about this for a couple of days. 5 months is a long time to wait to see each other. We barely know each other either, so it would be quite silly for us to wait that long alone. I will come back to Phuket in around 5 months, in the mean time I think it would be best for us to just be friends and not get too serious. A lot of my friends and people I know think that this is the best for the both of us. No one gets hurt this way. Take care of yourself

Edited August 17, 2009 by stylz