Age Differences In Spouses: What Do Thai People Think About It?

[sokal]

73 and she 24. never been happier. She just finished UNI and calls me papa. Her dad even calls me papa, all good

No wonder why young wealthier men have such bloated self esteems.(me)

If you are good enough for a 24 year old then what am I good enough for ? I am being blunt but I call it as I see it.

[sokal]

The bigger the age gap, the higher chances of the relationship not working out. Its fact and the race doesn't change the numbers very much.

For a 25 year old chap you know best I suppose. But I'm sure you have the facts at hand and willing to share them, right ?

LaoPo

yeah I will post every study that proves it when I find them.

[zorro1]

73 and she 24. never been happier. She just finished UNI and calls me papa. Her dad even calls me papa, all good

No wonder why young wealthier men have such bloated self esteems.(me)

If you are good enough for a 24 year old then what am I good enough for ? I am being blunt but I call it as I see it.

I was joking. This thread is turning into my wife is younger than yours LOL , good luck to all you guys you're only as young as the woman your......

[ucantbeserious]

well at my advanced age, i have never been married, but if i do i will be forced into choosing a much younger girl.

let's say 35 would be the best age for me,

well there are almost no 35yo women with no kids who would marry me.

(i ain't no oil painting, but not so fat and not so ugly!).

they don't exist in my social circles (hi-so at home and low-so in Thai).

so she will be most likely late 20's,

i would be very embarrased to have a 20yo, idea freaks me out actually.

so, like the OP, i am targeting my efforts where the rewards are most likely to be found,

the lucky girl i choose will be so grateful she will be involuntarily overcome with extreme love and passion for myself,

(but even at this stage, like Burt Lancaster in Dr. Strangelove, i am still saving my precious sperm until she proves she deserves it),

Other people may look with raised eyebrows, but when they see her intense devotion to me they will be reassured that its a genuine made-in-heaven match and wasn't he a wise man to save himself for a girl who understands how wonderful he is.

(I think i can fix her embarrassing Indian-English accent with daily Pygmalion-style tutoring).

Finally, with some Thai language lessons to change her "l's" into "rs" and a new family history that comes from somewhere like Chumpon,

we will be protected from snide whispered asides from our good friends.

There will be some rules she must obey.

Her school uniform she loves so much can only be worn inside the house.

Dresses she wears for outside must have the hem touch the floor when she kneels down (thanks to the Catholic nuns for this time-honoured test).

Some language lessons so she says 'I won't be long darling" instead of "I go for short time" when going to the seven.

is it real love?

"Yes, by Jove, I think he's got it"

[sokal]

well at my advanced age, i have never been married, but if i do i will be forced into choosing a much younger girl.

let's say 35 would be the best age for me,

well there are almost no 35yo women with no kids who would marry me.

(i ain't no oil painting, but not so fat and not so ugly!).

they don't exist in my social circles (hi-so at home and low-so in Thai).

so she will be most likely late 20's,

i would be very embarrased to have a 20yo, idea freaks me out actually.

so, like the OP, i am targeting my efforts where the rewards are most likely to be found,

the lucky girl i choose will be so grateful she will be involuntarily overcome with extreme love and passion for myself,

(but even at this stage, like Burt Lancaster in Dr. Strangelove, i am still saving my precious sperm until she proves she deserves it),

Other people may look with raised eyebrows, but when they see her intense devotion to me they will be reassured that its a genuine made-in-heaven match and wasn't he a wise man to save himself for a girl who understands how wonderful he is.

(I think i can fix her embarrassing Indian-English accent with daily Pygmalion-style tutoring).

Finally, with some Thai language lessons to change her "l's" into "rs" and a new family history that comes from somewhere like Chumpon,

we will be protected from snide whispered asides from our good friends.

There will be some rules she must obey.

Her school uniform she loves so much can only be worn inside the house.

Dresses she wears for outside must have the hem touch the floor when she kneels down (thanks to the Catholic nuns for this time-honoured test).

Some language lessons so she says 'I won't be long darling" instead of "I go for short time" when going to the seven.

is it real love?

"Yes, by Jove, I think he's got it"

Nice to see somebody from the Saudi royal family on the forum....

[sokal]

73 and she 24. never been happier. She just finished UNI and calls me papa. Her dad even calls me papa, all good

No wonder why young wealthier men have such bloated self esteems.(me)

If you are good enough for a 24 year old then what am I good enough for ? I am being blunt but I call it as I see it.

I was joking. This thread is turning into my wife is younger than yours LOL , good luck to all you guys you're only as young as the woman your......

So your joking...ok, I was a little worried about you. I was going to tell you to make sure you buy a condo on the first floor.

[sassienie]

When I first came to Thailand, I had as an acquaintance an Indian- and UK-educated, 54-year-old Thai man who is well-connected in Thai society. (Hi-so Thais tend to send their offspring to an English-speaking school in India and thence to college/university in the UK.) At the time, I was looking for a girlfriend. I discussed with him where I might find a suitable partner and what sort of age difference I should be looking at. I was 45 at the time and I suggested to him that round about 35 would do me just fine. He found my suggestion amusing and said that, especially since I did not look my age, I should be looking for someone much younger, about 24-25. I, in turn, found his suggestion scarecely credible. What on earth would I be doing wandering around with someone 20 years my junior? What would we talk about? What kind of life-project could we possibly have in common?

Now, many years later, I am still in the dark as to what kind of age difference a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable.

I am wondering, what experiences do other TV members have regarding advice given by Thai people on age differences between partners in romance?

First of all, my advice to you when seeking love is to not give a monkey's turd what other people think. Are you looking for love or are you looking to look good?

Re: what age differenence a respectable Thai woman would deem acceptable, I guess she will be the judge of that - whether you are too old for her.

Got it? Good.

(1) Your advice is completely irrelevant. My question was about what kind of age difference a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable. That question has a determinate answer, irrespective of anything that I mght think about looking for love or looking good.

(2) Although there will be individual differences regarding what age differences a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable, there will be a median, there will be a trend. It is the median or trend about which I am enquiring.

Got it? Good.

Read before you type next time.

For a Farang, having a considerable age difference between him, no matter how many years apart, and his Thai spouse is not reviled by Thais and will not be frowned upon.

This is because they view the situation as that the old Farang has money and the apparently sweet innocent younger Thai girl is only trying to improve her life and secure a good future for her and her family. But on the other hand, these couples, the beauty and the beast, so to speak, will never be seen in the light of a normal married couple romantically involved with each other and the relationship could be taken as more of a novelty and a bit of a joke by many.

So what this means is that in most cases the couples form more of a business partnership rather than a romantic loving relationship between a husband and wife. The old git has his regular hot totty which is about the most these girls can offer, if the guy can manage it, and the girl gains financial security and some status within her family and community.

If the old Farang is content with this sort of set up, especially keeping in mind that in the majority of cases there is no guarantee these girls will remain faithful and will probably never have any true respect for the guy, than that’s fine. But if the guy is seeking a more permanent, sincere, caring and loving relationship, than he must be realistic and consider all the facts first.

Edited August 21, 2009 by sassienie

[thaihome]

My experience with so called "Hi So" Thais is that first of all, they rarely marry farangs, and they rarely have more than around 7-8 years age difference, and as a student at the most expensive university line in Thailand I can say that almost NONE of the "high class" Thais send their kids to India. I have so far not met any who have been to India, some send them to US, Australia, Singapore and UK, but none to India... Why on earth would they send their kids to India???

My Asian experience says the same and I agree.

Most Hiso Thai have Chinese blood and Chinese and Indians do NOT mix....it's simply "not done". Maybe in very rare cases, but all Chinese that I've met, and there are many, are not fond of Indians.

Sure, they do business with one another but they don't socialize or send their kids to India. I've never heard of any Chinese (from Thailand nor mainland/HK, Taiwan or Singapore) who sent their children to India to study.

LaoPo

There appears to some 17,000 under- and post-graduate students from Thailand studying in India. There are also over 2,000 primary students attending Indian boarding schools.

Just because you have never encountered it, doesn't make it rare. I do agree that many of them will probably be of Thai-Indian ethnicity, but in my experience not all. Should also note that Thai-Indians make up a large percentage of what has been described as the upper middle class. That Thais and Indians don’t mix is something of an urban myth today.

TH

[OxfordWill]

Of course the answer would differ depending on the girls age. if she was 18, she would say a few years most. if she was 30, dating a 50 yr old would be ok. but it's up to the individual.

What are doing writing a book on the subject? if so I suggest you go to Thai female forum and do a survey.

No, I'm not writing a book. I asked a perfectly serious question because I want to know the answer, for reasons that need not concern you. Why should I do a survey? The responses might be biased. Why is asking here not sufficient? I am likely to get honest responses based on anecdotal evidence (except for people who attempt to be snide, of course......no names mentioned, wink, wink, say no more.)

Haha..

[oldsparrow]

That Thais and Indians don’t mix is something of an urban myth today.

***

From my experience.

They are the most traditional minority in TL. They have been here for generations yet they don't mix, the family simply want Indian in law. They love to staty in their business circle and I NEVER encountered Indian in bureaucratic and gov. circles. Many have very good education but it seems they prefer to go to private University like the ABAC than the gov. ones.

In the old day the favorite job for them was private security for the riches' house for thier big physic. The typical business is tailoring, peanut vending (the poor one). Howver, many are very rich real estate and stock market investors.

PS: When the Sikh do military reserve training or regular military service they wear special turban instead of the beret or Arny cap.

[Birdman]

Draw your personal line at appr. 10 years difference.

That does not mean that others do not ok with that here are the farangs at their beer table and there are their Thai wifes at their Som Tam table mentality. That's quiet alright, if they are happy with that kind of harmony. Up to them

[Birdman]

That Thais and Indians don’t mix is something of an urban myth today.

***

From my experience.

They are the most traditional minority in TL. They have been here for generations yet they don't mix, the family simply want Indian in law. They love to staty in their business circle and I NEVER encountered Indian in bureaucratic and gov. circles. Many have very good education but it seems they prefer to go to private University like the ABAC than the gov. ones.

In the old day the favorite job for them was private security for the riches' house for thier big physic. The typical business is tailoring, peanut vending (the poor one). Howver, many are very rich real estate and stock market investors.

PS: When the Sikh do military reserve training or regular military service they wear special turban instead of the beret or Arny cap.

Interesting to notice, that I have never seen, in all this years, at so many different places in Thailand, a Farang male/Thai Indian female relationship.

[IanForbes]

Of course the answer would differ depending on the girls age. if she was 18, she would say a few years most. if she was 30, dating a 50 yr old would be ok. but it's up to the individual.

What are doing writing a book on the subject? if so I suggest you go to Thai female forum and do a survey.

No, I'm not writing a book. I asked a perfectly serious question because I want to know the answer, for reasons that need not concern you. Why should I do a survey? The responses might be biased. Why is asking here not sufficient? I am likely to get honest responses based on anecdotal evidence (except for people who attempt to be snide, of course......no names mentioned, wink, wink, say no more.)

Yes, you did ask a serious question, but probably not one in which there is an exact answer. There are hypocrites everywhere who want to impose their own standards on everyone. There will be Thais who won't condone ANY marriage between western men and Asian women. There will be many who don't condone marriages between two Thais if they are not from a similar social status. Certainly there will be a lot of cluck-clucking by old biddies who don't aprove of older men with much younger women. There are double standards everywhere, and you either accept it and ignore it or bend to the disapproval of others. Personally, I couldn't care less what two adults CHOOSE to do, or what the age difference is between them. If it bothers either of the individuals involved then that is something that only they can solve. Why should it matter to anyone else if both partners in a relationship are happy?

[thaihome]

That Thais and Indians don’t mix is something of an urban myth today.

***

From my experience.

They are the most traditional minority in TL. They have been here for generations yet they don't mix, the family simply want Indian in law. They love to staty in their business circle and I NEVER encountered Indian in bureaucratic and gov. circles. Many have very good education but it seems they prefer to go to private University like the ABAC than the gov. ones.

In the old day the favorite job for them was private security for the riches' house for thier big physic. The typical business is tailoring, peanut vending (the poor one). Howver, many are very rich real estate and stock market investors.

PS: When the Sikh do military reserve training or regular military service they wear special turban instead of the beret or Arny cap.

And your Thai-Chinese do mix outside their circle (which is indeed much larger)? Not in my experience. Nowadays, you do see Thai-Indians of the newer generation mixing more and more. I believe there are several that are members of RBSC and others higher class clubs. They do indeed tend to shun the visible political roles, but they certainly are politically active. I know several that are married to ethnic Thais, but I have no idea how the family feels about it. As far as the turbans in the military, that is true of Sikhs everywhere. I note you did not respond to how many Thais actually go to school in India.

Your crack on "peanut vending" confirms to me your claimed credentials as a 30+ Thai-Chinese.

TH

[IanForbes]

I'm 40. Wife is 26. 14 years difference. We've been together 8 years. Run those numbers backwards and it seems a bit extreme, even to me. But with each passing year it makes less difference. When I'm 64 she'll be 50. None of this answers your questions obviously. I'll ask my wife about it later tonight and post her opinion later.

You might consider easing back a bit. No need for all the aggression.... I'm just sayin'.

I am 25 so I guess I should consider 16 year olds. Do you take issue with that ?

Although not socially proper in North America, I've known two similar age relationships that were still happily married 35 years later. Didn't Jerry Lee Lewis marry his 13 year old cousin? Errol Flynn was in a happy relationship with a 17 year old girl when he died in his mid fifties. You just can't set arbitrary standards for everyone.

[Old Croc]

This thread became much more interesting after the uptight OP went to feed his guinea pigs and said he wasn't coming back.

Off topic because I'm not a Thai lady, but I've had 4 wives/long term partners.

Age differences:

none, +5 years, -20 years and -18 years.

The last two were/are by far the best. Current one is the only Thai.

[MrJohnson]

Does love ever enter into your vocabulary? Oh dear, we cannot fall in love because she does not enter into the 10-15 year age gap? What a loada bull..

Oh, and sorry, she was not educated in India!!

Not talking about love. Only you have mentioned love. Talking about successful relationship. More to a successful relationship than love alone.

and a 1 and a 2 and a 1,2,3,4

'What's love got to do with it......., got to do with it...

What's love but a second-hand emotion.......hmm..hmmm..hmmm

la....la...laaa..........

[oldsparrow]

That Thais and Indians don't mix is something of an urban myth today. *** From my experience. They are the most traditional minority in TL. They have been here for generations yet they don't mix, the family simply want Indian in law. They love to staty in their business circle and I NEVER encountered Indian in bureaucratic and gov. circles. Many have very good education but it seems they prefer to go to private University like the ABAC than the gov. ones. In the old day the favorite job for them was private security for the riches' house for thier big physic. The typical business is tailoring, peanut vending (the poor one). Howver, many are very rich real estate and stock market investors. PS: When the Sikh do military reserve training or regular military service they wear special turban instead of the beret or Arny cap.

And your Thai-Chinese do mix outside their circle (which is indeed much larger)? Not in my experience. Nowadays, you do see Thai-Indians of the newer generation mixing more and more. I believe there are several that are members of RBSC and others higher class clubs. They do indeed tend to shun the visible political roles, but they certainly are politically active. I know several that are married to ethnic Thais, but I have no idea how the family feels about it. As far as the turbans in the military, that is true of Sikhs everywhere. I note you did not respond to how many Thais actually go to school in India. Your crack on "peanut vending" confirms to me your claimed credentials as a 30+ Thai-Chinese. TH

In my understanding, the Chinese and the Thai are so mixed that sometime people ask are you Thai or Chinese regardless of our look. How many Thai PM you think the looks can be passed as Chinese? This Abhi, Thaksin, Banharn, Chuan, Anan. All of them have Chinese blood. Look at the old photos and even old Buddha image in Ayuthaya Temple you see that the distinct Thai appearance. In his book, William Skinner of Cornell U., quoted the contemporary farang source that the Thai population in 1900 was less than 5 million. In early 20 Cen. China experienced severe internal conflict and so many moved to TL. It appeared that Gov. (Royal) service was the assimilation process in the Thai feudal system. The Chinese who choose to serve the crown became “Thai” they discarded Chinese culture/tradition and adopted the Thai one. Those who did not remain Chinese. Both had the same purity of Chinese blood. This was notion of the land. Family culture culture determines social identity. The mass Chinese influx caused some discontent and anti some Chinese movement. The Chineseness in question was the social and cultural identity not the genetic.

Ie. In early 20 cen. There was an article complaining the Chinese in TL. They came to live in TL yet they behave like perfect foreigner. They make profit and they send money out etc. The writer used pen name but it was generally known that he was no one less than the HM. King Rama 6. (On the throne between 1910-1925) (This is not critical information, the whole article and surrounding information was in grade 7 history school book published by Min. of Education). The King meant the Chinese who behave very differently and ready to jump the ship only not the people of Chinese blood in general. Ample to support this argument. The King set up his personal guard regiment the “Tiger Force” เสือป่า One of my great grand dad who must look perfectly Chinese was a medical officer in this regiment. How could he be if the Thai society and political system closed door to the Chinese and they didn't very well mixed?

Another ie. During the 30. Strong Thai nationalism of Marshal Phibune led to sore relation with the Chinese community. The champion of Thainess Phibune himself had the red Chinese altar at home…

Thus, to my understanding any estimation of Chinese percentage among Thai population should be conducted with family culture as main focus otherwise the result will be just the reflection of people’ complexion and physical appearance without real meaning of the lifestyle.

The blood are so much mixed people choose family culture ID (as Thai or Chinese) at will. This can only be the result of mass assimilation between the Chinese and the Thai at every level of the society.

For number of Thai go to Indian school. I got no clue at all.

Edited August 21, 2009 by cdnvic
removed font/size tags for readability

[thaihome]

I have no idea what you are trying to say nor why you chose to use large fonts. It does appear I may have hit a sore nerve for some reason.

It most cases it is very easy to identify a Thai-Chinese simply by looking at how many syllables their surname has. The longer it is the shorter time the family has been here. I work in a MNC that is dominated by Thai-Chinese since we first set up business in Thailand, in the 20 years we have been here, not a single ethnic Thai has been hired when they have a say in the decision. The only ethnic Thais that have been hired are ones the expats have forced them to hire. Make your own decision on how assimilated the Thai-Chinese are.

TH

[clausewitz]

73 and she 24. never been happier. She just finished UNI and calls me papa. Her dad even calls me papa, all good

way to go zorro!

[pgs]

There is less than 2 years between us - no problem there.

I don't really like seeing the 'spring/autumn' or 'spring/winter' couples - it generally makes her look no less than a hooker.

I wouldn't consider a lass more than 5 years younger - chances are I wouldn't bother with 5 years younger. Few years older, OK.

[bkkbound04]

here's a question i'd like to add to this thread...

and please try and answer as honestly and seriously as possible( lol if that's possible)

to all the farang men that are in a relationship with a woman 20+ years your jnr, if you have children and for sake of arguement lets say a daughter

how would you feel if your daughter was involved with a man 20+ years her age or her husband was the same age or older than you the farang/dad

would this matter? would you feel comfortable? would you believe as long as your daughter is happy that it's not a problem?

or would you find the whole situation uneasy? or would being in a relataionship with a large age gap yourself remove any stigma and ill feeling towrads your daughters older partner?

[LaoPo]

There appears to some 17,000 under- and post-graduate students from Thailand studying in India. There are also over 2,000 primary students attending Indian boarding schools.

Just because you have never encountered it, doesn't make it rare. I do agree that many of them will probably be of Thai-Indian ethnicity, but in my experience not all. Should also note that Thai-Indians make up a large percentage of what has been described as the upper middle class. That Thais and Indians don’t mix is something of an urban myth today.

TH

I'm amazed and stand corrected; it's a lot more common than I -ever- imagined.

I wonder how many of those students are from hiso families.

About the mixing of Thai/Indian; I spoke of Chinese/Thai not mixing with Indian vv.

LaoPo

[zorro1]

73 and she 24. never been happier. She just finished UNI and calls me papa. Her dad even calls me papa, all good

way to go zorro!

As I mentioned in an early post I was joking however I wont be when Im that age, she can have whatever money I have left but will have to tell some porkies just worked it out and will be very broke by then

[clausewitz]

here's a question i'd like to add to this thread...

and please try and answer as honestly and seriously as possible( lol if that's possible)

to all the farang men that are in a relationship with a woman 20+ years your jnr, if you have children and for sake of arguement lets say a daughter

how would you feel if your daughter was involved with a man 20+ years her age or her husband was the same age or older than you the farang/dad

would this matter? would you feel comfortable? would you believe as long as your daughter is happy that it's not a problem?

or would you find the whole situation uneasy? or would being in a relataionship with a large age gap yourself remove any stigma and ill feeling towrads your daughters older partner?

My background.

Japanese GF, beautiful, 23years my junior, together over 5 years. Her biggest worry is that I will dump her for a newer model -

My daughter aged 20, seriously head turner gorgeous, is good friends with my GF. I often say to her(my daughter) that one day she will realize older guys are better ...

I do wonder what young woman see in wimpy young men.. I mean really, what?

[Briggsy]

The age difference is proportional to how much it's going to cost you.

And yes, the conversations I've had with middle-class Thais show they are very tuned in to wide age differences in marriages and the connotations that go with that.

[Birdman]

Only extreme happy 20-60 years age different couples here....that's wonderful.

The bitter people quiet so far.

Heard from different young wifes, that their best day will be when he dies. And that she has a Thai boyfriend/husband, whom she gives the hundreds of thousands and lives with her while he is away, is not a rare scenario too.

[dondraper]

I have been here five years and I have never even seen a Sihk clearly in a relationship with a non Indian.

Edited August 21, 2009 by dondraper

[dondraper]

here's a question i'd like to add to this thread...

and please try and answer as honestly and seriously as possible( lol if that's possible)

to all the farang men that are in a relationship with a woman 20+ years your jnr, if you have children and for sake of arguement lets say a daughter

how would you feel if your daughter was involved with a man 20+ years her age or her husband was the same age or older than you the farang/dad

would this matter? would you feel comfortable? would you believe as long as your daughter is happy that it's not a problem?

or would you find the whole situation uneasy? or would being in a relataionship with a large age gap yourself remove any stigma and ill feeling towrads your daughters older partner?

My background.

Japanese GF, beautiful, 23years my junior, together over 5 years. Her biggest worry is that I will dump her for a newer model -

My daughter aged 20, seriously head turner gorgeous, is good friends with my GF. I often say to her(my daughter) that one day she will realize older guys are better ...

I do wonder what young woman see in wimpy young men.. I mean really, what?

Ask your Japanese gf, she probably has a couple on the side.

[dondraper]

Although not socially proper in North America, I've known two similar age relationships that were still happily married 35 years later. Didn't Jerry Lee Lewis marry his 13 year old cousin? Errol Flynn was in a happy relationship with a 17 year old girl when he died in his mid fifties. You just can't set arbitrary standards for everyone.

So are you also a celebrity?