72 Virgins?

[alvino]

When Osama bin Laden died, he was met at the Pearly Gates by George

Washington, who slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try

to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted

to end our liberties but you failed."

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I

allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"

Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Osama with a long cane and snarled, "It

was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of

Independence."

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and

66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.

As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Bin Laden wept and

said, "This is not what you promised me."

The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for

you in Heaven. What did you think I said?"

[johnh101]

Something has always intrigued me about this muslim thing with the virgins.

Supposedly when a good Muslim man decides to martyr himself with semtex, nails, et al, strapped round his waist, he does so in the knowledge that he shall die and go to heaven with Mohammed and live with 72 Virgins for eternity.

What do the female suicide bombers get ? ? ?

[Thetyim]

If the 72 virgins remain virgins for eternity then you a'int having much fun

[TizMe]

[Oleg_Rus]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

superb!

btw, there are no virgins promised, it a figure of speech only. Kinda "love your enemy" and so...

[TizMe]

72 Questions on the 72 Virgins

1) What if the bomber wants girls with more experience?

2) What if one virgin is no good in bed? Does she get replaced or is he stuck with 71?

3) If he's gay, does he get male virgins?

4) What if he's celibate? What does he get?

5) What if he hasn't reached puberty yet? Does he get 72 Xboxes till he comes of age?

6) If he's bi, does he get 36 of each?

7) If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get credit?

8) What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-deux?

9) Are they like 72 wives or 1 wife and 71 concubines?

10) What if he's ugly or smells bad and the virgins don't want anything to do with him?

11) Is there viagra in paradise? Ya know, just in case?

12) Is there an age of consent?

13) When they're deflowered, do they get replaced by new virgins or are they "born again"?

14) Do they become his common-law wives eventually?

15) If he has a tryst with a 73rd virgin, do the others consider it cheating?

16) Do the virgins have a union? If so, can they strike if they're not satisfied?

17) Is there a temp agency that replaces virgins if they call in sick?

18) What if the bomber's into animals? Does he get accommodated?

19) Why 72? Is 71 too few? Is 73 too many?

20) If it was a female bomber, how do the male virgins prove their virginity?

21) What happens when paradise runs out of virgins?

22) Can a bomber make reservations on specific virgins before he blows himself up?

23) If there are no virgins available, is he put on a waiting list?

24) If he's a catholic priest, does he get 72 little boys?

25) Would you call a female bomber a bombshell?

26) Would you call a child bomber a bombino?

27) Is it not 73 out of respect for Barry Bond's home run record?

28) If the bomber previously dated one of the virgins, does it get awkward?

29) Do they have a bomb squad in paradise just in case one of the charges didn't go off?

30) Did they start using female bombers because they ran out of virgins for the guys?

31) If she's a lesbian, do they "convert" the virgins, or will straight girls suffice her?

32) Does a hermaphrodite bomber get hermaphrodite virgins?

33) If so, are there 72 available?

34) If they run out of virgins, do they get inflatable dolls till they find more?

35) If a bomber finds an infidel in paradise, can he blow him up and get 72 more virgins?

36) Could the Koran have had a typo and it actually provided just one 72 year old virgin?

37) Is Muslim ###### being one of the 72 virgins?

38) Instead of 72 guys, would a female bomber settle for 1 man who does dishes and garbage?

39) Do the bombers go broke on Valentine's Day?

40) If he's monogamous, does he pick one of the 72 or does he get a supermodel?

41) What if he doesn't like either gender? Does he just klutz around in paradise?

42) Eternity is long, and eventually he'll grow bored of his 72 women. What happens then?

43) How does he pick the 72 to begin with? Lottery? Beauty pageant? Police lineup?

44) Is he allowed to covet his neighbor's virgins?

45) Do the virgins have agents and/or contracts?

46) If so, can a virgin request to be traded or put on waivers if she's unhappy?

47) What should he say if one of the virgins asks "Does this Burka make me look fat?"

48) If he gives the wrong answer, is he uh, screwed?

49) How is anyone expected to handle a catfight amongst 72 women?

50) Did the 9/11 hijackers who didn't know they were going to die get 72 virgins too?

51) Are scouts employed to find virgin talent?

52) Do the virgins ever retire, or do they remain virgins forever?

53) If they retire, what kind of pension plan do they get?

54) Wouldn't it be interesting if they're virgins because they're ugly?

55) So is it 72 Muslim girls or like 1 virgin from every culture?

56) Wouldn't it be sweet if Lorena Bobbit got hired as one of the virgins?

57) What does Gloria Steinem have to say about all this?

58) When he gets home, does he have to say "How was your day?" to all 72 virgins?

59) Do they have counseling for sexual addiction in paradise?

60) If the virgins start hogging the remote, is he in ######?

61) They must take up an entire theater when they go to the movies, huh?

62) Are there restaurants in paradise that can accommodate a reservation for 73?

63) If a virgin suffers from multiple personalities, is she considered two virgins?

64) Does he get all the virgins at once, or do they have an installment plan?

65) Is the bomber entitled to subsitutes, exchanges, or refunds?

66) What if all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put the bomber together again?

67) Is "not tonight, dear, I have a headache" a valid excuse in paradise?

68) Do the virgins come with a warranty?

69) If so, does paradise replace defective parts and provide on-site service?

70) What do you call a lifetime warranty if you're dead?

71) Do siamese twin bombers get 144 virgins?

72) Who gets to clean up all those nasty sheets?