English Girl To Marry Thai Boyfriend

[Clip_My_Wings]

Do you have ANYTHING positive to say about anything?

cv

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Why must a negative situation require a positive post. In the strongest of terms I want to convey this as a likely nightmare for the girl and the parents based on my experience with Thailand.

I am constantly amazed at the crop of Farangs Thailand attracts. Some people need to make an effort to think more, if possible.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

khun Larry, i sense negative experiences in your past that cloud your ability to look at matters objectively ... im not quite sure how u can be so definate on this situation with the little amount of facts to go on ...

lets hope ur gloomy outcome is not realised

[sriracha john]

personally i wish them good luck in the future and hope it brings them much happiness and love. They do have alot to overcome , not least the prejudice and judgemental opinions of others ...

I think at the present time, the biggest thing they have to overcome is to avoid detection, apprehension, incarceration, and deportation. They got a lot more problems then any prejudices anyone might have.

[Clip_My_Wings]

personally i wish them good luck in the future and hope it brings them much happiness and love. They do have alot to overcome , not least the prejudice and judgemental opinions of others ...

I think at the present time, the biggest thing they have to overcome is to avoid detection, apprehension, incarceration, and deportation. They got a lot more problems then any prejudices anyone might have.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

im quite convinced that the thai authorities are ok with all overstayers under the three month period .. its just a great revenue source for the authorites and there hardly herding up large numbers of overstays judging by the number of people having to cough up at the airport .. over 3 months is a different matter entirely as the amount due does not increase ...

she should get on the plane out of the counry asap .. pay the overstay fine and return in due course ... shouldnt be a problem to return .. if these two are to be together the biggest hurdle they face is not the authorities .. it is indeed there committment and love that is necessary for it to work out

[sriracha john]

can she really ask the thai man for a dowry for her daughter ???

my advice when you meet this man is to ask his intentions to your daughter ?? what his job, can i provide a home and car for her, how will he support her.  These are the questions a Thai mother would ask so they should be expected ... Also doesn't thai tradition mean that he needs to ask permission from the parent as well ???

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

From a previous thread, he's a waiter at a small-time restaurant on an island.... so perhaps I'm wrong, but I'm guessing... no dowry, small apartment, no car, minimal lifestyle support.... and if it was a Thai mother involved, I would predict she would be very hesitant to let her daughter get involved and would most likely have ill feelings towards him as he's not asked for permission nor offered a dowry.

Now, throw in the fact that the real mother is a Westerner half way around the world, the relationship is only a few months in duration, her daughter is on overstay, and things DO indeed begin to look grim from her perspective regarding her daughter's future.

[Clip_My_Wings]

can she really ask the thai man for a dowry for her daughter ???

my advice when you meet this man is to ask his intentions to your daughter ?? what his job, can i provide a home and car for her, how will he support her.  These are the questions a Thai mother would ask so they should be expected ... Also doesn't thai tradition mean that he needs to ask permission from the parent as well ???

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

From a previous thread, he's a waiter at a small-time restaurant on an island.... so perhaps I'm wrong, but I'm guessing... no dowry, small apartment, no car, minimal lifestyle support.... and if it was a Thai mother involved, I would predict she would be very hesitant to let her daughter get involved and would most likely have ill feelings towards him as he's not asked for permission nor offered a dowry.

Now, throw in the fact that the real mother is a Westerner half way around the world, the relationship is only a few months in duration, her daughter is on overstay, and things DO indeed begin to look grim from her perspective regarding her daughter's future.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

it does appear that this relationship is the very early days .. she should give it more time to really get to know this guy, and give him sometime to work hard and provide a viable future for them ...

it would be too early to say this relationship is doomed .. but far to early to be making a marriage out of it ...

[sriracha john]

personally i wish them good luck in the future and hope it brings them much happiness and love. They do have alot to overcome , not least the prejudice and judgemental opinions of others ...

I think at the present time, the biggest thing they have to overcome is to avoid detection, apprehension, incarceration, and deportation. They got a lot more problems then any prejudices anyone might have.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

im quite convinced that the thai authorities are ok with all overstayers under the three month period ..

Might I suggest you visit the Immigration Detention Center... and then tell us how convinced you are.

its just a great revenue source for the authorites and there hardly herding up large numbers of overstays judging by the number of people having to cough up at the airport .. over 3 months is a different matter entirely as the amount due does not increase ...

she should get on the plane out of the counry asap .. pay the overstay fine and return in due course ...

apparently what I have gathered from the mother is that she doesn't have the funds for either, hence the overstay in the first place

shouldnt be a problem to return .. if these two are to be together the biggest hurdle they face is not the authorities .. it is indeed there committment and love that is necessary for it to work out

that's nice to think that way, but there are a number real-life hurdles they need to address and apparently they aren't doing too good a job of dealing with the everday realities of living in Thailand

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[sriracha john]

can she really ask the thai man for a dowry for her daughter ???

my advice when you meet this man is to ask his intentions to your daughter ?? what his job, can i provide a home and car for her, how will he support her.  These are the questions a Thai mother would ask so they should be expected ... Also doesn't thai tradition mean that he needs to ask permission from the parent as well ???

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

From a previous thread, he's a waiter at a small-time restaurant on an island.... so perhaps I'm wrong, but I'm guessing... no dowry, small apartment, no car, minimal lifestyle support.... and if it was a Thai mother involved, I would predict she would be very hesitant to let her daughter get involved and would most likely have ill feelings towards him as he's not asked for permission nor offered a dowry.

Now, throw in the fact that the real mother is a Westerner half way around the world, the relationship is only a few months in duration, her daughter is on overstay, and things DO indeed begin to look grim from her perspective regarding her daughter's future.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

it does appear that this relationship is the very early days .. she should give it more time to really get to know this guy, and give him sometime to work hard and provide a viable future for them ...

it would be too early to say this relationship is doomed .. but far to early to be making a marriage out of it ...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think that's the real bottom line that most everyone is saying... ANY marriage is tough.... real tough... and to add on all the various obstacles in their situation, it doesn't look rosy. Any prudent person would at least say to wait ... and I think everyone is pretty much saying that, just that some posters don't do a very good job of it.

[Clip_My_Wings]

personally i wish them good luck in the future and hope it brings them much happiness and love. They do have alot to overcome , not least the prejudice and judgemental opinions of others ...

I think at the present time, the biggest thing they have to overcome is to avoid detection, apprehension, incarceration, and deportation. They got a lot more problems then any prejudices anyone might have.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

im quite convinced that the thai authorities are ok with all overstayers under the three month period ..

Might I suggest you visit the Immigration Detention Center... and then tell us how convinced you are.

its just a great revenue source for the authorites and there hardly herding up large numbers of overstays judging by the number of people having to cough up at the airport .. over 3 months is a different matter entirely as the amount due does not increase ...

she should get on the plane out of the counry asap .. pay the overstay fine and return in due course ...

apparently what I have gathered from the mother is that she doesn't have the funds for either, hence the overstay in the first place

shouldnt be a problem to return .. if these two are to be together the biggest hurdle they face is not the authorities .. it is indeed there committment and love that is necessary for it to work out

that's nice to think that way, but there are a number real-life hurdles they need to address and apparently they aren't doing too good a job of dealing with the everday realities of living in Thailand

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

if they havent either got enough money for her to leave the country and pay the overstay it begs the question as to why there planing on getting married in the first place .. yes alot of hurdles indeed ... lets hope they've got their jumping boots on

[sriracha john]

personally i wish them good luck in the future and hope it brings them much happiness and love. They do have alot to overcome , not least the prejudice and judgemental opinions of others ...

I think at the present time, the biggest thing they have to overcome is to avoid detection, apprehension, incarceration, and deportation. They got a lot more problems then any prejudices anyone might have.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

im quite convinced that the thai authorities are ok with all overstayers under the three month period ..

Might I suggest you visit the Immigration Detention Center... and then tell us how convinced you are.

its just a great revenue source for the authorites and there hardly herding up large numbers of overstays judging by the number of people having to cough up at the airport .. over 3 months is a different matter entirely as the amount due does not increase ...

she should get on the plane out of the counry asap .. pay the overstay fine and return in due course ...

apparently what I have gathered from the mother is that she doesn't have the funds for either, hence the overstay in the first place

shouldnt be a problem to return .. if these two are to be together the biggest hurdle they face is not the authorities .. it is indeed there committment and love that is necessary for it to work out

that's nice to think that way, but there are a number real-life hurdles they need to address and apparently they aren't doing too good a job of dealing with the everday realities of living in Thailand

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

if they havent either got enough money for her to leave the country and pay the overstay it begs the question as to why there planing on getting married in the first place .. yes alot of hurdles indeed ... lets hope they've got their jumping boots on

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think you are finally beginning to see her mother's angst.......

It's nice to be a romantic.... until those times that reality slaps you in the face...

[smad]

Hi to all of you that have posted.

A few answers to some of the questions.

She is 28 years of age

Dont know how old he is.

He was a waiter in a cafe with accommodation - but chose not to return to pick up months wages and start work again.

She has told us that he wants to ask for her hand in marriage - yet to be done. We have said that if the relationship is strong then by her coming home and sorting things out this should change nothing he will still want to marry her. If anything it would prove that his intentions are honourable.

They are living with his family in a small village.

All the points about coming home to sort out the mess that she has left here have been mentioned. With us picking up the pieces at the moment - but somethings we do not have authority to sort out.

Offered to have the railway ticket at the station for her to make her way to Bangkok, along with an air ticket back to UK and offered to pay cash into her account so she could pay her overstay fines. But no playing ball. Wanted either a return ticket, or pay for her man to come to UK with her or send a substantial amount of money for them to start a life together.

She has no job. No money. Her cash card is about to expire and she has given us no forwarding address to send the new one on - even if she did there would be no money in account.

Great idea to get on a flight to go and see her - first you have to know where she is! We have no contact information at all - she said she was going to put it in letter but nothing so far. On the occassions she choses to phone we of course have told her to think very carefully about what she is doing - but we are not prepared to keep sending money out so she can have an further extended holiday - already been out there since Sept 2004. Added to that we have a small family run holiday park which takes all of our time to run and we could not possibly manage with one of us out of the equation for any time. So are we to risk losing our own business and home?

Yes she is old enough to make her own mistakes and that is fine if she is going to be the one to sort them out. However having already had one bout in a Bangkok hospital - then covered by medical insurance - and now she has none, and only getting phone calls when she wants something -GUESS WHO WILL BE PICKING UP THE TAB.

We are in the mode of damage limitation at the moment. All we want is for our daughter to be happy and if marrying a Thai is what she wants that is fine. We are not judgemental but seriously worried about her future.

My feelings at the moment are that she is being totally irresponsible - we have no option but to back off and the wait for the s**t to hit the fan - as it will no doubt do.

But to all you posters who are not parents - with all due respect - you cannot comprehend the feelings of total helplessness in this situation. Yes she is old enough to know better but that does not change the worry that you have whether your children or 5, 15, 25 or 50

At the moment we just cannot see how this can have a happy ending for her.

Many thanks for your comments - I have to agree the more this goes on it does sound like a soap opera but trust me this is for real.

[tuky]

Your step daughter sure sounds like a handful smad, best of luck with it all and as you have seen so far most of us are willing to help

[dr_Pat_Pong]

She can NEVER extend a 30 day permit.  It is a trip to another country to get a Non-Immigrant O visa. The early days overstay is a bad omen. Does she know     that it is jail and deportation when she's sprung ?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think that was changed about a year ago so now you CAN change a 30 day permit to a Non-O without leaving the country.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nope.

[sbk]

My sister went through this same kind of thing (totally irresponsible etc) for quite a period of time. My family and I both learned that the only way she was going to deal with her problems (and serious problems they were, far more so than your daughter's) was if she was forced to face them on her own. It is tough (hence the term 'tough love') and we all hurt watching her suffer but there comes a time in a person's life when they are responsible for their own behavior and they are the ones who have to pick up the pieces when the sh!t hits the fan. The more you enable your daughter's behavior, the worse she will become. It is a very difficult and painful thing to do, but, in the end, my sister realized the wreck of her life and when she was truly willing to change, we all pulled together to help her out. But, the person has to want to change their lives first, you cannot make them.

Even though your daughter isn't an alcoholic a few trips to Al-anon might give you some peace, they have very effective ways of dealing with problems such as these.

[smad]

My sister went through this same kind of thing (totally irresponsible etc) for quite a period of time. My family and I both learned that the only way she was going to deal with her problems (and serious problems they were, far more so than your daughter's) was if she was forced to face them on her own. It is tough (hence the term 'tough love') and we all hurt watching her suffer but there comes a time in a person's life when they are responsible for their own behavior and they are the ones who have to pick up the pieces when the sh!t hits the fan. The more you enable your daughter's behavior, the worse she will become. It is a very difficult and painful thing to do, but, in the end, my sister realized the wreck of her life and when she was truly willing to change, we all pulled together to help her out. But, the person has to want to change their lives first, you cannot make them.

Even though your daughter isn't an alcoholic a few trips to Al-anon might give you some peace, they have very effective ways of dealing with problems such as these.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for your comments - yes I agree we have all had to take responsiblity for our own actions in life - good and bad. All you can do is be there when it all falls foul - hence by not sending money out hopefully there will come a time when she realises that she cannot carry on behaving as she is and do something about is herself. Funnily enough I have been accused by my husband of dealing out some 'tough love' to my other children but it never harmed my relationship with them in fact it made us closer. And eventually they do come back and say that with hindsight it was the best thing that could have happened, but in the heat of the moment they dont see it that way. And..... yes it is very hard to du - but needs must eh. Thanks for your support

[smad]

She can NEVER extend a 30 day permit.  It is a trip to another country to get a Non-Immigrant O visa. The early days overstay is a bad omen. Does she know     that it is jail and deportation when she's sprung ?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think that was changed about a year ago so now you CAN change a 30 day permit to a Non-O without leaving the country.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nope.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Does she therefore need a non immigrant O visa to marry?

[smad]

Your step daughter sure sounds like a handful smad, best of luck with it all and as you have seen so far most of us are willing to help 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Boy you can say that again

I would just like to thanks all of you who have added comments and given advice - it has been this forum that has kept me SANE on many occasions and I feel that although I dont know any of you I have made some friends. Strange as that might sound.

[lopburi3]

Does she therefore need a non immigrant O visa to marry?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No. She needs to be here in a legal status and provide a letter from her Embassy as per this link http://www.dopa.go.th/English/servi/marry.htm

[smad]

Does she therefore need a non immigrant O visa to marry?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No. She needs to be here in a legal status and provide a letter from her Embassy as per this link http://www.dopa.go.th/English/servi/marry.htm

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

thanks for that

[dr_Pat_Pong]

She can NEVER extend a 30 day permit.  It is a trip to another country to get a Non-Immigrant O visa. The early days overstay is a bad omen. Does she know     that it is jail and deportation when she's sprung ?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think that was changed about a year ago so now you CAN change a 30 day permit to a Non-O without leaving the country.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nope.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Does she therefore need a non immigrant O visa to marry?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not at all. She needs one if she plans to stay in Thailand post marriage. That visa is extendable. The 30 day permit is not a visa at all and it cannot be extended. Her most important job is to get legal. It is the lockup and deportation if she's caught. She is presently accruing a 200 baht a day penalty.

[JoJo]

My feelings at the moment are that she is being totally irresponsible - we have no option but to back off and the wait for the s**t to hit the fan - as it will no doubt do.

But to all you posters who are not parents - with all due respect - you cannot comprehend the feelings of total helplessness in this situation. Yes she is old enough to know better but that does not change the worry that you have whether your children or 5, 15, 25 or 50

At the moment we just cannot see how this can have a happy ending for her.

As a mother, I can feel your anguish and frustration. However, she thinks she is in love and she probably will not want your opinions on it.

The man is a waiter which means he is not educated, was irresponsible to leave his job knowing that he would need the money for the wedding/help her settle her visa issues, living with his parents (although most thais do), she has no money, no job and no where to go..............I do agree with you, I do not see a happy ending for her either.

All I can hope is that she does not contract any STD from him......I had a friend's daughter who did something similar and caught Herpes from the Thai guy she was with. She ended up having to go home alone, depressed and with something she has to live with the rest of her life.

Sorry if this makes you more depressed or worried but we have to weigh the pros and cons..............in this case, I do not see any!! I feel for you but I think you would just have to wait and catch her when she falls........hard!

You could always tell her you will bring the money to her, not send it over so that she will need to give you an address and a telephone no. Your daughter has issues and if she wants help she has to compromise, not have everything her way!

[Krub]

Hi,

If at all possible when she calls next time propose to meet her with the cash in Thailand where she lives.

Go with her accross the border pay the overstay fine, make her legal (with a visa from Penang)

Give her some start-up money and go back home.

Easy said but hard to do

Good luck

Edited March 25, 2005 by Krub

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Hi,

If at all possible when she calls next time propose to meet her with the cash in Thailand where she lives.

Go with her accross the border pay the overstay fine, make her legal (with a visa from Penang)

Give her some start-up money and go back home.

Easy said but hard to do

Good luck

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sound advice there Krub.

[A. BOOZER]

Hi,

If at all possible when she calls next time propose to meet her with the cash in Thailand where she lives.

Go with her accross the border pay the overstay fine, make her legal (with a visa from Penang)

Give her some start-up money and go back home.

Easy said but hard to do

Good luck

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sound advice there Krub.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well said!

[jingjingna]

After reading what everone else has to say, I still stand by my original post. The law slightly favours falang women and for God's sake the boy she is involved with is a waiter and won't have a clue about immigration laws!

I feel sorry for the parents but she is old enough to make her decisions. Sounds like she is determined to go ahead and get married if she hasn't done so by now! You can either show good faith and love by either supporting her, come what may or possibbly lose her for good. I am not a parent but I know which road I would take.

All the best.

[smad]

You can either show good faith and love by either supporting her, come what may or possibbly lose her for good. I am not a parent but I know which road I would take.

.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What is it you mean by supporting her? If she wants to marry a Thai so be it.

That is not the issue here it is her constant demands for money!!!!!!! without addressing the dire situation she is in.

Would you be happy to have a 28 years old draining all your hard earned money?

We feel that we have been supportive of her by offering her help out of this siutation but if she choses not to accept what can we do?

[jingjingna]

Smad,

At the end of the day, she will do what she wants to or without your blessings or financial support. You have mentioned in one of your previous responses that you have already sent her funds. I don't know, but why not give the authorities try to trace her wherebouts?

I am not a parent but I gave my mothe a right runraound when I was young and I do understand what this entails. My mother was always there for me whether I was right or wrong and I am embaressed to admit that my mother was right 95% of the time..but I was stubborn and did what I did with no idea/care of the consequeces...this is life and we learn from our mistakes!

If she demands money, refuse and explain why you can't....your decision.

[smad]

Smad,

At the end of the day, she will do what she wants to or without your blessings or financial support. You have mentioned in one of your previous responses that you have already sent her funds. I don't know, but why not give the authorities try to trace her wherebouts?

I am not a parent but I gave my mothe a right runraound when I was young and I do understand what this entails. My mother was always there for me whether I was right or wrong and I am embaressed to admit that my mother  was right 95% of the time..but I was stubborn and did what I did with no idea/care of the consequeces...this is life and we learn from our mistakes!

If she demands money, refuse and explain why you can't....your decision.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

hi jingjingna

I totally agree with you and we are there for her no matter what, and being young once, I do know how headstrong we can be. We are in the process of trying to find her yet again, but very difficult when Thailand is such a big country and we have no contact details for her.

Have refuse and explained why and offered a life line for her to help her get out of this situation - phone put down and no contact for a week or more though

So we just have to sit and wait - your comments are appreciated though

[ronny1307]

When will this troll stop posting??!

[Heng]

The man is a waiter which means he is not educated, was irresponsible to leave his job knowing that he would need the money for the wedding/help her settle her visa issues, living with his parents (although most thais do), she has no money, no job and no where to go..............I do agree with you, I do not see a happy ending for her either.

Yeah, according to the most recent Thai Visa poll, most guys around here are "hooking" up with gals who are rocket scientists from 3rd generation wealth and Ivy.

[smad]

When will this troll stop posting??!   

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

When this TROLL is good and ready !!!!!!