Asian Wife

[sokal]

I suggest that the OP looks around him. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you get enough nourishing food? Do you know where the next meal is coming from? Do you have access to good medical services? Have you undertaken full time relevant education? If you can say yes to all of these just be thankful for what you have. You are far better off than over half of the world population. What is your chance of stepping on a land mine? Or being caught up in a civil war, terrorist activity or governed by religious fanatics? Will these thoughts brighten your day and stop you feeling sorry for yourself in a situation that you have contributed to bringing about?

I suggest that you give deep thought to what YOU did that makes her behave in the way that she has. What she is displaying is the result of disharmony, not the cause. Put yourself in her shoes. Wafted away from her friends and relatives to a foreign land with strange customs and probably the object of much curiosity and maybe conjecture. How much support was provided for her by your family and friends? Were you not dazzled by her superficial beauty and she by the promise of a sunshine life in a privileged, dare I say spoiled, society so that neither of you could see straight?

So it has all gone pear shaped and you are all broken up. So what? Do you think that you are the first person to have been in this situation? Grow up and deal with it, learn from it and you will be wiser. What you are experiencing is real life and as the song says, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. You might learn that in life when one door closes another one opens and you will find later on in your journey that you will be thankful for what has happened .

The guy who used to live next door to me, married for over 30 years to a Thai woman and spawned 3 children, has worked in Saudi Arabia for sometime. She bragged that her husband earned 1 million baht per month. I, and my neighbours, considered her a loud, loathsome, lying and conniving creature of intemperate habit but he couldn't or wouldn't see it. While he was away she paid young Thai men to oblige her, bought new cars and trucks for her family on hire purchase and gambled all of his hard earned away. Recently the transport was repossessed, and the house and an apartment block which she used as security for loans taken out to support her wayward lifestyle have been taken from her and put up for auction. If that wasn't enough she 'married' one of her young men and paid sinsot, rumoured to be 200,000 baht, and bought him a new car. He immediately took off with the car and the dosh. This poor misguided, blind fool, now in his sixties, has nothing to show for his loyalty and endeavours, his total life a wreck. Perhaps you might, in the circumstances, consider yourself lucky.

Sounds like a Paul McCartney story

[dumball]

Excellent post Bagwan , concise and to the point , sokal is too Thai imbedded to give any one constructive advice in the OPs circumstancies and tends to be overly sarcastic . In a recent survey in an expat magazine , Thailand was 18th in all round places in which to retire and 3rd in dangerous countries to visit , so no longer 'Tops' as sokal would have people believe .

[neverdie]

It's another nail in the coffin for Thailand.

Being sarcastic ?

What do you think?

I am guesing you are because Thailand will never be in the coffin. There has been plane loads of people going to Thailand for 20 years and it will continue for another 20 years. There is no other place like it.

<deleted> Sokal???

Whats with the 20 year thing? Are you operating in some type of time warp at 20 year intervals. You say people have only been coming on plane loads for the last 20 years ???? Im sure its longer than that since I first took the trip and Im fairly sure I wasnt riding on a canoe.

You are partly right though, for every idiot (or wise man) who nails his coffin shut on Thailand there are another dozen <deleted> that are willing to lob up and throw their hard earned cash away in exchange for varying degrees of grief.....YOU ARE RIGHT, There is NO OTHER place like it!

[neverdie]

Is this post a wind up or, genuine? If genuine, then you need a major "WAKE UP" slap,

You're not going to like this.... She is not the one for you mate, don't matter if she was Lao, Thai, English, Spanish or even from Wales. Do yourself a favour and get away from her. Where's your self respect, she doesn't care, love or respect you one bit, where is your family and friend in all this, do you not have a single friend who will give you the truth? I do feel for you mate, and you can ask for all the advice in the world........ But, only you can sort it out, my advice "Life is for living" So! Stop waffling and ditch the old trout!!!!! If you get up to Chiangmai drop me a line.... My wife's sister is looking for loooove. Chin up.

Sure she is, they are all looking for looove, especially when love comes in the form of a wealthy farang guy, of which all come with an ATM fitted to them. Theres nothing like a good old comfortable relationship governed by the almighty dollar, or in this case the baht

Go on a farang dating site and advertise yourself as poor and unemployed.

How did you know that I was a poor unemployed man????

ohh and no thanks about the farang dating site thing, the whole idea sends chills up my spine

[sokal]

Excellent post Bagwan , concise and to the point , sokal is too Thai imbedded to give any one constructive advice in the OPs circumstancies and tends to be overly sarcastic . In a recent survey in an expat magazine , Thailand was 18th in all round places in which to retire and 3rd in dangerous countries to visit , so no longer 'Tops' as sokal would have people believe .

I like the adveture in LOS. I agree, if you like getting babysat in a nanny state then Thailand is not for you.

[sokal]

Is this post a wind up or, genuine? If genuine, then you need a major "WAKE UP" slap,

You're not going to like this.... She is not the one for you mate, don't matter if she was Lao, Thai, English, Spanish or even from Wales. Do yourself a favour and get away from her. Where's your self respect, she doesn't care, love or respect you one bit, where is your family and friend in all this, do you not have a single friend who will give you the truth? I do feel for you mate, and you can ask for all the advice in the world........ But, only you can sort it out, my advice "Life is for living" So! Stop waffling and ditch the old trout!!!!! If you get up to Chiangmai drop me a line.... My wife's sister is looking for loooove. Chin up.

Sure she is, they are all looking for looove, especially when love comes in the form of a wealthy farang guy, of which all come with an ATM fitted to them. Theres nothing like a good old comfortable relationship governed by the almighty dollar, or in this case the baht

Go on a farang dating site and advertise yourself as poor and unemployed.

How did you know that I was a poor unemployed man????

ohh and no thanks about the farang dating site thing, the whole idea sends chills up my spine

I am not sure if you got my point. I gathered that you where saying that Thai girls are after your dollar but I am saying that farang girls are entitled to your dollar.

[harry1]

am sorry you have been hurt,,,but in all honesty something must have gone wrong in the uk,,if you was sending money to the family your job is done,,they will make her stay with you,,if everyone is honest in this forum they are paying for a lifestyle that many dream of,,if the money stops then the fairytale turns to nightmare,,hence the word paying,,these girls are for rent,,the period is up to you,,not a bad thing when you get your head around the idea,,

move on,,checking out laos soon on a lads holiday,,

[britmaveric]

cut your losses and move on. Keeping her in Laos prob best bet for you. Cancel the ticket and be done with her shenanigans. I am sure it hurts now, but she is what she is - u are better off without her.

[hawthorne]

I wouldn't even waste a phone call or email dumping the B***ch. Move on.

Side note: The limited number of Western-Thai couples I know have similar problems of the wife liking her new country. If the wife knows little of the new native toungue and she does not live in an area new other Thai expats. The problems of my friends are the wife is not a happy camper because she finds it hard to adapt without knowing the language, no friends because she has little in common with the western women and the biggest complaint is she can not find her food in the new town. Many of these women go back home for long stays. Many husbands have found it hard to get them to give a good effort to fitting in there.

I know a small group of people in this category so it may not be at all true for the general populace in Western-Thai ok Laos relationships. From my experience Asians find it easier to move to the US and Australia. Have no idea it has worked out that way.

This said and if your girl is one of these types. She realizes she can not be happy in the UK. She likes what you provide as a westerner and therefore she is moving on...She is looking for a westerner that is in her country and not going to the other country.

Either way dump her but maybe that is an explanation to her awful behavior. I am not suggesting she is justified in her reasons or actions.

I am sure you had some good years with her or you would not have married her. Take it for what is was and it is over so it should not tarnish the memories.

[kennkate]

A couple of things the OP said bother me If she was married and living in the UK, Why did she have to return to laos for Visa reasons ?????

It smells fishy. something not right with that statement.

[t.s]

She sounds like a keeper to me.

Keeper?

What is that translated into plain English?

sarcasm

[Tedhead]

I suggest that the OP looks around him. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you get enough nourishing food? Do you know where the next meal is coming from? Do you have access to good medical services? Have you undertaken full time relevant education? If you can say yes to all of these just be thankful for what you have. You are far better off than over half of the world population. What is your chance of stepping on a land mine? Or being caught up in a civil war, terrorist activity or governed by religious fanatics? Will these thoughts brighten your day and stop you feeling sorry for yourself in a situation that you have contributed to bringing about?

I suggest that you give deep thought to what YOU did that makes her behave in the way that she has. What she is displaying is the result of disharmony, not the cause. Put yourself in her shoes. Wafted away from her friends and relatives to a foreign land with strange customs and probably the object of much curiosity and maybe conjecture. How much support was provided for her by your family and friends? Were you not dazzled by her superficial beauty and she by the promise of a sunshine life in a privileged, dare I say spoiled, society so that neither of you could see straight?

All this may be true, but what I don't understand is that he gave her a roof over head, the money for nourishing food, good medical services and the opportunity for full time education. And she ran out on it, to sit in a Laos bar talking to strangers. I can't see anything in any of the posts that points to her being maltreated. Perhaps she was, as you appear to suggest, simply tired of living in a strange land and being treated like a curiosity.

But you don't walk out on a marriage, particularly when your partner has treated you well and respected you, without a word and with a cover of lies. You don't put your wedding ring into hock and pull up a Laos bar stool and say "that's all behind me now." I live with, and have previously dated, women from SE Asia. One Thai g/f started work on the family farm aged 11 and used her pocket money to study at weekends to gain her high school diploma. None were rich, all had a tough time creating a better life for themselves. None of them walked out and turned off the phone. The decency to end a relationship with an honest discussion is universal.

At a minimum, she owes him an explanation and honesty. He, on the other hand, owes it to himself to look after himself. She's made her intent clear - she wants a life amongst her own family, people and culture. Fine. Cancel any joint credit cards. Put what money he has in his sole name. Sell anything she left. It's over and the OP has to swallow that bitter pill. There seems to be an implied suggestion that while he is hoping for reconciliation that she was still have access to his credit facilities. That's just asking to be slowly bled to death financially.

She's made what seems to me to be an irrevocable decision and he should, painful though it may be, tie up the loose ends, legally and financially. Whatever her back story is, that's not an excuse for abusing the feelings he still has for her to subsidize her new chosen lifestyle.

Edited February 1, 2010 by Tedhead

[IanForbes]

Although harsh, Bagwan's comment was spot on. We've all had our hearts broken at some point in the game. It's how you react to it that counts. Move on and consider yourself lucky that you get to leave with only a temporary broken heart. Hearts mend quickly in Thailand. And, you eventually come to realize the gal did you a big favour.

There is a saying in poker... don't keep betting on a busted flush when the person sitting opposite has a better hand.

[louialive]

What I would say to the OP is take yourself out of the picture and look at what you wrote as if a mate of yours was telling you this story. What advice would you give him. The answer is clear

[sharecropper]

assuming this isn't a wind up.

My advice to you is to finish this relationship now. She is being dishonest and showing you know respect at all. As for worrying about what other people will think, forget about it if they are real friends they wil be there for you.

Luckily you dont have children because then it would be really messy.

OP, He's right. Your situation sounds terrible, and the best thing you can do is extricate yourself from it now, with as little damage to yourself as possible, and to her.

[dumball]

Where did the OP go ????????????What happened ???????????????????

[sharecropper]

Where did the OP go ????????????What happened ???????????????????

I definitely didn't think he was a troll, but I was wondering the same thing as I went through the thread.

[a2396]

I suggest that the OP looks around him. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you get enough nourishing food? Do you know where the next meal is coming from? Do you have access to good medical services? Have you undertaken full time relevant education? If you can say yes to all of these just be thankful for what you have. You are far better off than over half of the world population. What is your chance of stepping on a land mine? Or being caught up in a civil war, terrorist activity or governed by religious fanatics? Will these thoughts brighten your day and stop you feeling sorry for yourself in a situation that you have contributed to bringing about?

I suggest that you give deep thought to what YOU did that makes her behave in the way that she has. What she is displaying is the result of disharmony, not the cause. Put yourself in her shoes. Wafted away from her friends and relatives to a foreign land with strange customs and probably the object of much curiosity and maybe conjecture. How much support was provided for her by your family and friends? Were you not dazzled by her superficial beauty and she by the promise of a sunshine life in a privileged, dare I say spoiled, society so that neither of you could see straight?

All this may be true, but what I don't understand is that he gave her a roof over head, the money for nourishing food, good medical services and the opportunity for full time education. And she ran out on it, to sit in a Laos bar talking to strangers. I can't see anything in any of the posts that points to her being maltreated. Perhaps she was, as you appear to suggest, simply tired of living in a strange land and being treated like a curiosity.

But you don't walk out on a marriage, particularly when your partner has treated you well and respected you, without a word and with a cover of lies. You don't put your wedding ring into hock and pull up a Laos bar stool and say "that's all behind me now." I live with, and have previously dated, women from SE Asia. One Thai g/f started work on the family farm aged 11 and used her pocket money to study at weekends to gain her high school diploma. None were rich, all had a tough time creating a better life for themselves. None of them walked out and turned off the phone. The decency to end a relationship with an honest discussion is universal.

At a minimum, she owes him an explanation and honesty. He, on the other hand, owes it to himself to look after himself. She's made her intent clear - she wants a life amongst her own family, people and culture. Fine. Cancel any joint credit cards. Put what money he has in his sole name. Sell anything she left. It's over and the OP has to swallow that bitter pill. There seems to be an implied suggestion that while he is hoping for reconciliation that she was still have access to his credit facilities. That's just asking to be slowly bled to death financially.

She's made what seems to me to be an irrevocable decision and he should, painful though it may be, tie up the loose ends, legally and financially. Whatever her back story is, that's not an excuse for abusing the feelings he still has for her to subsidize her new chosen lifestyle.

Maybe YOU never experienced women with behavior like the OP describes. I certainly have. In my experience, in 5 years here, such antics are the norm. Lying & cheating - the order of the day. I have a rule not to believe ANYTHING they say, unless I have some means of verification as to the truth. As for marriage? Forget it. And.. I do not mean bar girls. I never dated one.

[Loz]

Find out where she is now. Come to thailand with the severed head of the communal dog. Drip its blood on the thresh hold of her door. Find a pair of her shoes and drip blood in those too. finally make a straw hat from rice straw and put the dogs head in it. serve it up to her after midnight wearing an orange robe with your head shaved and plenty of whitening power and tell her she is cursed in the afterlife.

Then go to the beach and find a new one. You are obviously glutten for punishment

[dmax]

walk on mate and dont look vback, this trollop has no respect for you. sounds harsh and im sorry but its the best advise i can give, good luck !!

[Tonto21]

Find out where she is now. Come to thailand with the severed head of the communal dog. Drip its blood on the thresh hold of her door. Find a pair of her shoes and drip blood in those too. finally make a straw hat from rice straw and put the dogs head in it. serve it up to her after midnight wearing an orange robe with your head shaved and plenty of whitening power and tell her she is cursed in the afterlife.

Then go to the beach and find a new one. You are obviously glutten for punishment

Loz, Great advice mate!

I was right with you up to; "make a straw hat" <deleted>, can't I just buy one, and if anyone ask's I'll say I made it.

Does this work? One last thing do you do advice on house selling?

[eurasianthai]

Where did the OP go ????????????What happened ???????????????????

He killed himself.

They usually do

[dumball]

Do you mean he went for a long walk on a short pier ?

OR??????????????

He got so pie-eyed he could not even walk , he was assisted to his bed , suddenly , W-H-O-O-S-H ,,,,,,, he went sky diving .

[kikoman]

Cut her loose and run, She is not a keeper, she is up to no good.

She is out making money and taking yours also.

It is very hard to let go of someone you love deeply, but some times it is very necessary !

Good Luck and God Bless!

Cheers:

[Loz]

Find out where she is now. Come to thailand with the severed head of the communal dog. Drip its blood on the thresh hold of her door. Find a pair of her shoes and drip blood in those too. finally make a straw hat from rice straw and put the dogs head in it. serve it up to her after midnight wearing an orange robe with your head shaved and plenty of whitening power and tell her she is cursed in the afterlife.

Then go to the beach and find a new one. You are obviously glutten for punishment

Loz, Great advice mate!

I was right with you up to; "make a straw hat" <deleted>, can't I just buy one, and if anyone ask's I'll say I made it.

Does this work? One last thing do you do advice on house selling?

It works a treat.

My House selling classes are sold out until April. But I am selling seats for the May round of lectures which will include a discount on "How not to rent a nightmare wife" 3 day seminar with guest speakers (all of whom were smart enough to live in Bungalows!).

[Tejas]

Maybe a bit off topic, but here is some advice for foreigners who want to find an Asian wife:

1) Don't marry a bar girl

2) Don't marry a girl you think you must save from a life of poverty

3) Don't marry a girl who is not your equal intellectually

4) Don't marry an impoverished girl if you are rich

5) Don't marry a girl whose first words to you are "where you go?" (see #1 above)

6) Eliminate Thai women from your list of possible Asian women to marry and check out the rest of Asia, especially Japan

Or, buy a sailboat and live alone.......take trips to Walking Street as necessary.

[Tonto21]

Find out where she is now. Come to thailand with the severed head of the communal dog. Drip its blood on the thresh hold of her door. Find a pair of her shoes and drip blood in those too. finally make a straw hat from rice straw and put the dogs head in it. serve it up to her after midnight wearing an orange robe with your head shaved and plenty of whitening power and tell her she is cursed in the afterlife.

Then go to the beach and find a new one. You are obviously glutten for punishment

Loz, Great advice mate!

I was right with you up to; "make a straw hat" <deleted>, can't I just buy one, and if anyone ask's I'll say I made it.

Does this work? One last thing do you do advice on house selling?

It works a treat.

My House selling classes are sold out until April. But I am selling seats for the May round of lectures which will include a discount on "How not to rent a nightmare wife" 3 day seminar with guest speakers (all of whom were smart enough to live in Bungalows!).

You must be very busy; I salute you.

I too have a small business; it’s in the service industry, housing division. I provide and install explosives to the main support coulombs in houses of mixed married couples (farang and Thai) for a small installation and maintenance fee, to make sure the “stuff” go’s off, should you have too!

Now to keep it safe we keep the arming codes, when your evicted from your house just give us a call and we will come round, just to make sure everyone is out. (Spending your money somewhere) One last “termination” payment from you to us……..We will even let to press the button. It won’t get your money back, but it will make you feel better!

How’s the business doing? Business is Boooooming and the projected forecast looks good.

[britmaveric]

Maybe a bit off topic, but here is some advice for foreigners who want to find an Asian wife:

1) Don't marry a bar girl

2) Don't marry a girl you think you must save from a life of poverty

3) Don't marry a girl who is not your equal intellectually

4) Don't marry an impoverished girl if you are rich

5) Don't marry a girl whose first words to you are "where you go?" (see #1 above)

6) Eliminate Thai women from your list of possible Asian women to marry and check out the rest of Asia, especially Japan

Or, buy a sailboat and live alone.......take trips to Walking Street as necessary.

How about just don't marry?

[Lovedog100]

Move on with your life. She is no longer part of it. Protect yourself legally, see an attorney. It hurts now, you will get over it, guaranteed. It's best way to deal with women to trade them in for a newer model every few years anyway. Good luck

[choppertony]

Sorry to hear this , but it happens so much ,When you forgave her the 1st time , she lost all respect for you , You have to have her respect or she,l nibble away at things getting more and more her own way then she,l do what ever she wants . Walk away , put it down to experience and if there,s another asian girl in your life , treat her good and be kind but never ever let her think she,s the boss , .