Sleazy Gay Men In The Gym

[Ijustwannateach]

Oh, and since this is a gay-related topic I'm moving it to the gay subforum where it will have all the gay subforum rules applied to it. Enjoy reading all the gay rules and threads, guys (you just know you want to!!!)

[yabaaaa]

Gosh, vigilante, welcome to the club. I've had guys talking to my chest instead of my face since I was about 13. Honestly, you get used to it. And then, there will come a day, when you are a wrinkly old fart, and you will relish the memories of when you were so hot the gay men couldn't keep their eyes off you

Photo proof please??

[ozzieovaseas]

Oi, I see this topic is suddenly now in a different forum, so i will be sure to alter my initial response accordingly..

OP...how dag'nam self indulgent you are..deliberately trying to tease your same sex admirers like that..

Shame on you,you should have more respect, or at least indulge the accused a little before giving a swift rebuttal

If you have such a sexy body then you should keep it to yourself or at least cover up a little when in mixed company..

But dont listen to me,perhaps my views are little distorted due to the fact i rarely ever recieve attention from EITHER sexes

[sassienie]

A few weeks ago I was eating at a restaurant in Chiang Mai.

The place was quite full, than an elderly well worn American women aged in her late 60s/early 70s sat opposite me on the same table. Within minutes she began to chat to me. She seemed pleasant enough and I was enjoying the conversation. But after a while her questions were becoming more personal, than she asked me if I wanted to visit her later that evening at her home. In other words, she was chatting me up.

I was about two thirds of the way through my meal, stopped eating, paid my bill and went. Yuk, I thought. I’m not that desperate yet.

Later on I began thinking how it must be for young women who are constantly gawked up by ugly well passed they’re prime gross middle aged and old men, who in some cases are old enough to be they`re grandads.

Yes, I agree, many guys including myself may find it disturbing being ogled at by people they don’t fancy or find repulsive. It must be even worst for young ladies who probably have to deal with this scenario every day of their lives.

The answer is, if one doesn’t like the crowd in any establishment, for whatever reasons, than change your venue and go somewhere else.

Griping about it on here wont change the situation. In life there is always those around us who we are going to find irritating. That’s life and not really that much of a problem where it`s worth publishing a thread about it.

Edited November 4, 2009 by sassienie

[Ijustwannateach]

From a gay perspective- and I have seen a lot of Thai gyms- I *never* see the more outrageous things the OP says happen, to me or to anyone else much more attractive (whether foreign or Thai). There is flirting and glancing, but it is VERY discreet. If it were routine and as blatant as the OP seems to think it is, I would have certainly noticed it by now- and I go to some very gay friendly gyms.

To be blunt, even in the cruisiest of areas- even in gyms which are actually meant to be only for gays and to encourage cruising, for example- the locker room is not considered a place where you confront people directly with your liking of them. The most I've ever noticed happening is people attempting to get other people's attention and striking up a conversation- which HAS happened to me and to others I've seen, both Thai and foreign. Most gay guys would consider it very unusual and off-putting- even in an *all gay* environment- to behave inappropriately for the setting- and the locker room ain't the kind of setting for making aggressive passes at others.

So I am less than convinced that the OP is being entirely objective, especially since violence becomes his very next topic. Not that he's homophobic, you understand.

P.S. with only 55 posts and a membername 'Vigilante,' I'm also less than convinced that the OP is entirely real....

[sassienie]

From a gay perspective- and I have seen a lot of Thai gyms- I *never* see the more outrageous things the OP says happen, to me or to anyone else much more attractive (whether foreign or Thai). There is flirting and glancing, but it is VERY discreet. If it were routine and as blatant as the OP seems to think it is, I would have certainly noticed it by now- and I go to some very gay friendly gyms.

To be blunt, even in the cruisiest of areas- even in gyms which are actually meant to be only for gays and to encourage cruising, for example- the locker room is not considered a place where you confront people directly with your liking of them. The most I've ever noticed happening is people attempting to get other people's attention and striking up a conversation- which HAS happened to me and to others I've seen, both Thai and foreign. Most gay guys would consider it very unusual and off-putting- even in an *all gay* environment- to behave inappropriately for the setting- and the locker room ain't the kind of setting for making aggressive passes at others.

So I am less than convinced that the OP is being entirely objective, especially since violence becomes his very next topic. Not that he's homophobic, you understand.

As with any group and the general pattern of they’re behaviour, there are always going to be exceptions to the rule.So there is probably some fact in what the OP says.

But the OPs statement about solving his problem with some sort of violence, or in other words, I’m not shifting, you will play by my rules or else, gives us an idea that this OP is someone of low education. Normally when someone has to resort to verbal or physical abuse in order to get their point across, means they do not have the intelligence to deal with a problem in any other way.

The user name, Vigilante is a give away to what sort of character the person is. They are not really suited to Thailand and wouldn’t want to associate with someone like that socially.

Vigilante

[Ijustwannateach]

The rules of this subforum provide that it is gay-friendly. Further attempts to stretch the boundaries will result in further suspensions/penalties, plus the closure of the thread.

[Longbow212]

The point of my thread was to highlight in a reasonable balanced manner the fact that I find it unpleasant to be sleazed over SOME by gay men in the gym. I am not imagining this and I find it quite unfair that some people can quickly point to me being paranoid, delusional or trying to flatter myself in some way. I have not exagerated in any way about the behaviour I have experienced and I must stress that most decent people gay or otherwise in there behave in a polite manner. Some people have behaved in the manner I suggested earlier, if you have not experienced this even in gay gyms good for you.

I have not resorted to violence and to be honest would not, I am just very frustrated with feeling disrespected in this way and every person has a breaking point. I have tolerated this for one year.

Guesses at my personality from my username or number of posts are completely inaccurate as are those about my educational background.

I can understand completely about how women have to tolerate this everywhere they go, I am sorry for that but it is not me that is doing this.

This topic was aimed at a general audience and I object to it being moved to a forum specifically for gay people and their interests.

[Ijustwannateach]

Well, that is certainly a more balanced reply, so I think moving this thread to the gay subforum has been good for you and it. Otherwise I can only say you must have been extremely, powerfully unlucky and you should probably take the advice of past posters and find another gym; you're certainly not going to prevail against a group of Thais in a location where you are regularly known to go- so whether you lash out or not, to avoid them you're the one who's going to have to find a new place. Either that or find a convincing way to communicate your opinion without violence or much confrontation. Perhaps you should ask a Thai who goes to the same gym for his opinion on the matter.

[Harcourt]

i am confused, isn't that exactly the reasons why men go to the gym? to met others gays? everybody knows that.

what topic comes next?: I went to Thailand, but its full of Asians and non of them knows how to make a proper burrito?

How many body-builders does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four. One to change it and 3 to stand by saying, "Ya looking good man, Ya looking good".

I really don't understand the desire to punch anybody for even the most blatant leering. Looking can't hurt.

Are you sure you don't have repressed sexuality issues that are behind your latent anger?

[Longbow212]

Well, that is certainly a more balanced reply, so I think moving this thread to the gay subforum has been good for you and it. Otherwise I can only say you must have been extremely, powerfully unlucky and you should probably take the advice of past posters and find another gym; you're certainly not going to prevail against a group of Thais in a location where you are regularly known to go- so whether you lash out or not, to avoid them you're the one who's going to have to find a new place. Either that or find a convincing way to communicate your opinion without violence or much confrontation. Perhaps you should ask a Thai who goes to the same gym for his opinion on the matter.

I find your reply rather patronising. How exactly has it been good for me? please clarify. I have not lied about any events in my initial post nor have I changed any in my second post. Some gay people have behaved like this in my real experience I have no reason to lie over this.

I think you completely overeacted to my initial post believing me to be some kind of lying homophobe out to spread lies and discredit gay people and took it upon yourself to make personal attacks and accusations that I was talking BS. Your job is to moderate the forum not try to discredit peoples posts based on real experiences because you don't agree with them. I also know numerous other people from work and generally around Bangkok that have had similar experiences in the same chain of gym.

As for changing gyms, no I will not do that. As much as it frustrates me to be disrespected in such a way i find my gym convenient and well equiped and if I have to tolerate couple of idiots to workout then thats life and I will get on with it.

[Harcourt]

....... if I have to tolerate couple of idiots to workout then thats life and I will get on with it.

So the men that you allege think you are attractive are idiots?

Where's your self-esteem man? They're not idiots for thinking you're attractive. You are a beautiful man. Keep telling yourself that and don't let anyone tell you anything different.

Thank the "idiots" for the flattery and encourage them to give you more attention.....you deserve it.

[Longbow212]

....... if I have to tolerate couple of idiots to workout then thats life and I will get on with it.

So the men that you allege think you are attractive are idiots?

Where's your self-esteem man? They're not idiots for thinking you're attractive. You are a beautiful man. Keep telling yourself that and don't let anyone tell you anything different.

Thank the "idiots" for the flattery and encourage them to give you more attention.....you deserve it.

Not the men that think I am attractive, just the ones that display sleazy and disrespectful behaviour.

A beautiful man is something I am not. I must express there is in my opinion a difference between working out to keep strong and fit/supplement a sport rather than for the purpose of looking good in the mirror several times an hour. I somehow get the impression you believe I belong in the latter category. If that is the case you are wrong.

Edited November 4, 2009 by Vigilante

[Harcourt]

....... if I have to tolerate couple of idiots to workout then thats life and I will get on with it.

So the men that you allege think you are attractive are idiots?

Where's your self-esteem man? They're not idiots for thinking you're attractive. You are a beautiful man. Keep telling yourself that and don't let anyone tell you anything different.

Thank the "idiots" for the flattery and encourage them to give you more attention.....you deserve it.

Not the men that think I am attractive, just the ones that display sleazy and disrespectful behaviour.

A beautiful man is something I am not. I must express there is in my opinion a difference between working out to keep strong and fit/supplement a sport rather than for the purpose of looking good in the mirror several times an hour. I somehow get the impression you believe I belong in the latter category. If that is the case you are wrong.

No, wrong impression, although I understand how you got that from my previous post, which was just a joke in response to another post.

I'm being sarcastic. I agree with Ijustwannateach's first post that you may have repressed sexuality issues.

Regardless of your claim of being non-homophobic, your attitude towards gay admirers is one of a homophobe that is frightened of that little tingling in his loins whenever a gay man is around, and thus presents with anger.

[-noodles-]

I thought a girl was really into me, but it turned out, she was just concerned I would put my back out doing squats. I was sort of embarrassed, when she came over and took the free weights from me to demonstrate technique. She told me chubby folks had to be careful.

555555

[MrHammer]

Negative opinion on gays = homophobic repressed homosexual?

OP, if you're really bothered just tell them to get lost and eventually they'll understand without you even saying a word. Works well with ladyboys too!

Or just don't bother and stick to the power rack. Less stares there

[sassienie]

I`m actually a Bi sexual.

If I want sex, I have to buy it.

[ozzieovaseas]

I`m actually a Bi sexual.

If I want sex, I have to buy it.

Hehe..saving a few baht tonight then??

same same

[Geekfreaklover]

I`m actually a Bi sexual.

If I want sex, I have to buy it.

Personally I'm tri sexual.

I'll try anything,.

[cognos]

I used to be homophobic, shame on me..yet still will never understand why men would want to sleep with men, but my bpen rai khrap..when i was homophobic i used to joke that i wish there were more gay men, so there would be more available women for us hetros..now i have the philosophy of live and let live...i am sure many gay guys can't understand why men sleep with women..what a crazy world..who is right and who is wrong? neither i suppose..I have no idea

[endure]

I would like to start off by stating that I am saying I am not homophobic or have anger management issues.

I go to the gym on a semi regular basis and as anyone else who does the same will quite obviously know there is a large percentage of Thai and farang gay men that go also, no problem with that - some of them are very decent chaps.

Quite often I may notice a gay guy discretely eyeing me up, as soon as I look over though this normally stops immediately. I have no problem with that (if anything slightly flattered) and I can't complain as I may do the same very discretely if there is a hot girl, I am human afterall.

However, most times I go I am finding that there is more than a discrete look from certain people. Sometimes its a blatent standing and gawking from less than 2 metres not caring that I have noticed or a group of them all turning around in synchronisation and all checking me out up and down, staring at my crotch as if they are invisible and making comments not even bothered by the fact I have noticed what they are doing. This really pisses me off and it has been going on for almost a year and now I am the point of losing my temper and hurling a barbell at them or worse. I find it very disrespectful and even gay Thai friends of mine have said this is unacceptable behaviour. I would never stand next to a girl and stare relentlessly at her while she is trying to workout and I feel very disrespected when this happens. I know in my home country gay people are very aware that they should not disrespect a straight man in this way. I wonder how straight Thai men deal with this sleazy and disrespectful behaviour?

Does anyone else get the same? how to you deal with it? I know its easy to say just ignore it and I agree thats the best option but I have been doing that for the last year and I feel that they should not be disrespecting me like this. I can speak some basic Thai, enough to say "stop staring I am not gay" or "what the hel_l are you staring at this is not patpong soi 4". Other than that I am not sure what to do apart from punching one of them to get the point across which I would rather avoid.

Ah! Diddums! Get a grip. You're suffering (if you really are rather than being a troll) what women have suffered since the world began. If you feel disrespected (you've just made that up, haven't you?) you may have the slightest inkling of the way that straight white men have treated the rest of the world for aeons. If you're not a homophobe then bully for you. Some of your best friends are gay, right? What else? You don't hate niggers? You think kikes ought to run the banking system? If the worst thing that's ever happened to you is that some gay bloke has leered at you in a gym then you ought to think yourself very lucky indeed.

[babuhavas]

just say you have HIV,they will never come close to you.

[sbk]

Ah! Diddums! Get a grip. You're suffering (if you really are rather than being a troll) what women have suffered since the world began. If you feel disrespected (you've just made that up, haven't you?) you may have the slightest inkling of the way that straight white men have treated the rest of the world for aeons. If you're not a homophobe then bully for you. Some of your best friends are gay, right? What else? You don't hate niggers? You think kikes ought to run the banking system? If the worst thing that's ever happened to you is that some gay bloke has leered at you in a gym then you ought to think yourself very lucky indeed.

Well, I did say that at the beginning of the thread, but it seems men are more concerned with being harassed by other men than women being harassed by men

[skippybangkok]

Well, I did say that at the beginning of the thread, but it seems men are more concerned with being harassed by other men than women being harassed by men

Well, picture yourself as a woman toweling off and changing in a mens room ( assuming you would not enjoy this experience ) and getting oggled at, and hit on. You are correct in your wording, its harrassment.

[sbk]

You men, sorry but the words mountain and molehill as well as pot, kettle and black all spring to mind here.

Get a grip. Women look at other women, all the time. Men look at other men. Men look at women. etc etc etc.

Get over yourself and realize its life.

[peridot]

I think you should consider wearing baggier clothes. I often see men in the gym wearing clothes that disguise their bodies, and am quite surprised if I happen to glance them in the locker room when they remove the oversized clothes to reveal a ripped body. It is common for shy people to dress in camouflage.

According to the OP, they are only looking at you, not hitting on you. You can either talk to them directly, without any threat, and tell them you are not interested, or that they make you uncomfortable. You can try to joke with them, and ask if you have a hole in your shorts or something. That might embarrass them, and they will be more discreet. Or you can ignore them, and do what you went there for, your workout.

I agree with a previous poster that it is rare for people to cruise blatantly in a gym in Thailand. I think most of the customers in California Wow are gay, and they are certainly eye candy for me, but I only see polite glances, an occasional smile, and a few conversations. It is not a bar scene or a sauna, and people don't act like it is.

Threats of violence, or saying everyone has a breaking point, are likely signs that there is more under your surface than you are letting on. Everyone does not have a breaking point. I doubt that most people do. Interaction in society requires that people be polite to each other unless there is an imminent threat of grave danger. Being gawked at is not even slightly dangerous.

[bernie66]

If your thinking about listning to the woman's advice about this about this one your too lost for anyone to help you but I have your solution. The same solution I would give to a woman who complains about men checking her out as she stands there in an outfit that covers little more than her G string and push up bra that you can see through her saran wrap aerobic leatard.

It’s the way your dressing numbskull. The year is 2009 so dress like it. Your T shirts should cover your crotch so that you can tuck it in if need be anyway. Your sleeve should dam near touch your elbow and the bottom of your shorts should almost touch you knee if not your calf. Men do not wear pants made out of anything lighter than denim for any reason other than swimming. Oh sorry, lets say diving and spear fishing. What ever you are working out in shouldn’t look any different than what you would cut the grass, wash the car, or change the oil of your car in. I have run 25 miles in combat boots, cargo pants, and back pack so don’t tell me you need shorts that ride up your butt to run a mile on a tread mill. They obviously see you as a fellow with puff potential so maybe you should rethink the image you project, getting angry only makes you look insecure and awkward so stare back at them with an unemotion glare rather than looking down and away as if your fighting some hidden desire. Look back at them as if to say," do I know you idiot?" will let them know where you stand. Another thing, stop going to the YMCA to work out. Start working out in gyms with more dead weights than elliptical ass exercisers like A gym with a boxing ring and a bunch Thai dudes that look like they want to beat you. Gyms with martial arts classes, boxing rings, and police vehicles in the parking lot good. Yoga classes, latté machines, dudes standing around in tight T shirts, spandex, and glimpsing at their nails after they lift something bad. Shouldnt be that dam hard to find as the only gym i ever went to in BKK was full of thai women not dudes.

[Longbow212]

Let me get this straight, deep down I am gay because I do not like gay men sleazing over me in the gym? I am not gay and very comfortable with my sexuality and life as it is thank you.

There is a separate work out area for women in many gyms now. Why is this? Its because of straight men making a nuisance of themselves and making women feel uncomfortable. Should the women that work out in this area be told to get a grip and stop making a mountain out of a mole hill? Is it unreasonable that they feel uncomfortable to be stared at by groups of men and that they should get a grip? its obviously uncomfortable enough for gyms to provide a separate work out space.

The bottom line is this behaviour is extremely impolite. I will say again this is not about discrete looks from polite decent people in there but being gawked at from less than two metres away when it is obvious I have noticed and am not impressed, or guys pretty much squeezing themselves against you with your back to the wall in the corridor and their face almost up against yours when there is 2m of corridor on their other side, Or a group of 5 or staring you up and down again not even bothered if you have noticed or not. I can agree that violence is unacceptable and while it might seem like an option when you are very angry it is not something I would intend to choose. Those people that believe just ignoring it is a fair option but I don't think you understand how long this is going on. I would never behave like this to a woman and would not be surprised if I got a slap or a lot of abuse if I did behave in this way. I suspect those people that feel I am overeacting have not experienced this behaviour themselves. Please believe me when I say this is no exageration and it is only a small minority of people. I am not out to spread bad rumours about gay people or anything else and am only sharing my experiences. If you have not experienced this great for you, I hope you don't have to.

As for dressing appropriately this is very logical suggestion. I normally just wear T-shirt and shorts (normal sized ones) and occasionally a vest for cardio. I am certainly no brad pitt and am no wear near as skimpily dressed as some people in there.

Perhaps next time I experience the type of behaviour mentioned above I will just very loudly (but politely) say "why are you staring at me? I am not gay so please stop its very rude and unpleasant"

[Lite Beer]

OK. Everyone has voiced there opinion. Rather than going round in circles and deteriorating it is now.

CLOSED.