Finding A Girlfriend In Cm

[villagefarang]

That is so sad...for you. I find most people interesting, complex and, when I least expect it, even wise, once I make the effort to get to know them. I've rarely met anyone I couldn't learn from. There are many levels of interesting conversations; not every exchange need be highbrow to be fruitful.

My Thai isn't good, but my pronunciation is great because I speak other languages well, particularly Cantonese which, like Thai, is tonal. Consequently people are initially fooled into thinking I speak Thai well. I am embraced and praised. It doesn't matter later when it's discovered soon enough that my Thai is of kindergarten level, we find ways to communicate and settle on a level that works. My point is: if OP's interested in making Thai friends, for romance or otherwise, learn some Thai, keep an open mind, smile a lot and leave your hang-ups at home.

Thanks for you concern…but save your sadness and pity for those in your own life. They may actually need it. I do find it hard to understand how you can communicate at a kindergarten level, yet find people interesting, complex and wise. Guess I will have to take your word on that one.

I have simply never signed up to the modern notion that everyone and everything is "special". I still say interesting or special is rare. If it is not, then it is ordinary.

[caf]

The one thing I would stress above everything else if you want to have a SERIOUS relationship with a Thai woman is learning the Thai language. That is very hard to do for people in their 50s or older, and it takes a lot of work. Being able to communicate is essential if you really want to have a good relationship. Otherwise you might as well find a "Rental" for short time stays. Knowing the Thai language is certainly required if you want to associate with professional women and their families. You feel like a bit of an ass sitting around a table with a bunch of Thais all having a good conversation, and you don't have any idea of what they are saying.

I wholly agree that you should learn Thai if you plan on being with a Thai. However All of my wife's family speaks English, not just "I'm fine thanks and you?". Professional usually comes with a command of the English language

I can't argue for nor against the about 50 claim as I was half that when i started to learn. It took about a year to feel comfortable, two years to feel confident. I can't stress enough the need to just surround yourself with Thai friends and go from there. But no doubts the language is difficult!

I agree with you and Ian on this.

It has been suggested that learning languages gets harder after 13 years old! A good case for starting language learning in primary schools.

But not impossible in later years and can be mind stimulating. Often suggested as a therapy for some older people,

[jackr]

Can't be assed to read it all.

Learn some Thai, dress smart (clean shaved with emphasis on decent footwear), shop frequently in the Rimping nearest the airport, do the coffee shops outside there during lunch hour and/or after office hours; hang around Thanon Nimbleheadman of a night.

[Ulysses G.]

That is so sad...for you. I find most people interesting, complex and, when I least expect it, even wise, once I make the effort to get to know them. I've rarely met anyone I couldn't learn from.

I agree with you. I think that the phrase, "once I make the effort to get to know them" is the key.

I have to say that I find that the folks who think they know the most are often the real dullards.

[Blusher]

That is so sad...for you. I find most people interesting, complex and, when I least expect it, even wise, once I make the effort to get to know them. I've rarely met anyone I couldn't learn from.

I agree with you. I think that the phrase, "once I make the effort to get to know them" is the key.

This phrase can apply in all the countries worldwide, not only Thailand related...

When you take time, you can learn from everyone.

I agree twice with the language factor, it's the REAL key to succeed, i can't believe a true faithful relationship if you can't speak the native language of your wife.

Build a serious relationship with a Thai girl take long time, most of farangs are in a hurry and aren't patient.

[BlackArtemis]

What do you guys all thing you have to offer any Thai girl? apart from an improved standard of living. Get a grip guys, they all only want your money.

I offer a trusting loving relation to my wife, something she offers back. It's something we work on every day and better for each other. We also offer companionship, comfort, stability, encouragement. and understanding.

It sounds like you have been burned one too many times. Maybe it's not that they are Thai Girls, but perhaps it's the class of people.

In Thailand my wife made about 45-50k Baht/month and was working on her MA TESOL. I only had a BA and made about 35-40k. She had a car and a House as well. Now that we are back in the US she is the one working while I get a second degree and once I am done we will switch. Despite her making loads more $ here in the US, she doesn't want to be here nor do I.

So how can she want my money when she has already shown house successful she has been without me?

If you go out expecting bad things, you will find them, maybe a shift in thinking might be beneficial.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

I agree twice with the language factor, it's the REAL key to succeed, i can't believe a true faithful relationship if you can't speak the native language of your wife.

If she speaks your native language, or English, then you're probably fine, too. Of course there are advantages to also speaking Thai, for starters it will be easier when you hang out with any of her friends or family who are more comfortable in Thai.

Build a serious relationship with a Thai girl take long time, most of farangs are in a hurry and aren't patient.

Sure. Though if they don't ### on the second date then I'd move her to the back burner.

[uptheos]

Can't be assed to read it all.

Learn some Thai, dress smart (clean shaved with emphasis on decent footwear), shop frequently in the Rimping nearest the airport, do the coffee shops outside there during lunch hour and/or after office hours; hang around Thanon Nimbleheadman of a night.

You mean give the appearance that you are loaded?

That's a good ploy.....a Thai girl just might go for it.

[BlackArtemis]

Can't be assed to read it all.

Learn some Thai, dress smart (clean shaved with emphasis on decent footwear), shop frequently in the Rimping nearest the airport, do the coffee shops outside there during lunch hour and/or after office hours; hang around Thanon Nimbleheadman of a night.

You mean give the appearance that you are loaded?

That's a good ploy.....a Thai girl just might go for it.

So only rich people have good personal hygiene?

What he is talking about is don't go out in a stained shirt a 3 day beard and sandals and expect to find beautiful, successful Thai women to fall for you. The places he listed are places that more affluent Thais spend their time. His idea is that they, since they can make their own money, may be less likely to view a Farang as a walking wallet, however realistic this may or may not be.

As for being loaded, if you have a pension, sold your house, have investments, or work a decent Job in Thailand you should be pulling in minimum 75k, which IS loaded when compared with the norm :shrug:

Then again, I can be found guilty of looking loaded around Nimm.

[uptheos]

Can't be assed to read it all.

Learn some Thai, dress smart (clean shaved with emphasis on decent footwear), shop frequently in the Rimping nearest the airport, do the coffee shops outside there during lunch hour and/or after office hours; hang around Thanon Nimbleheadman of a night.

You mean give the appearance that you are loaded?

That's a good ploy.....a Thai girl just might go for it.

So only rich people have good personal hygiene?

What he is talking about is don't go out in a stained shirt a 3 day beard and sandals and expect to find beautiful, successful Thai women to fall for you. The places he listed are places that more affluent Thais spend their time. His idea is that they, since they can make their own money, may be less likely to view a Farang as a walking wallet, however realistic this may or may not be.

As for being loaded, if you have a pension, sold your house, have investments, or work a decent Job in Thailand you should be pulling in minimum 75k, which IS loaded when compared with the norm :shrug:

Then again, I can be found guilty of looking loaded around Nimm.

I've been here a long time. I love the Thai's, I'm married to one who has an excellent NGO job and I don't need to support her (I built her a house, that's enough) and in fairness I never get asked for family support or all the extras some others seem to get done for.

However, the fact remains that there are very few Thai's, even ladies in highly paid jobs that don't consider all farangs wealthy and walking ATM's. God, I've even had dentists and doctors show out and I certainly couldn't afford to keep them....not even for free Viagra and nice crowns!

[pjclark1]

However, the fact remains that there are very few Thai's, even ladies in highly paid jobs that don't consider all farangs wealthy and walking ATM's. God, I've even had dentists and doctors show out and I certainly couldn't afford to keep them....not even for free Viagra and nice crowns!

I'm totally with you on this one.

PS

for those who don't think I mix with the right crowd my previous wife had a B.Ed. After 30 years of marriage she had an affair then decided to play the 'domestic violence' ploy (which I hadn't), and told me I would never see my children again (which I haven't). Family court in the UK is a wonderful institution, no evidence is required, the woman is always right. I prefer bargirls, much more trustworthy than an educated lady.

[jackr]

Can't be assed to read it all.

Learn some Thai, dress smart (clean shaved with emphasis on decent footwear), shop frequently in the Rimping nearest the airport, do the coffee shops outside there during lunch hour and/or after office hours; hang around Thanon Nimbleheadman of a night.

You mean give the appearance that you are loaded?

That's a good ploy.....a Thai girl just might go for it.

No, it means don't expect to pick up a smart Thai lass looking like a typically-disheveled farang git in vest and sandals speaking zero local lingo.

[uptheos]

Can't be assed to read it all.

Learn some Thai, dress smart (clean shaved with emphasis on decent footwear), shop frequently in the Rimping nearest the airport, do the coffee shops outside there during lunch hour and/or after office hours; hang around Thanon Nimbleheadman of a night.

You mean give the appearance that you are loaded?

That's a good ploy.....a Thai girl just might go for it.

No, it means don't expect to pick up a smart Thai lass looking like a typically-disheveled farang git in vest and sandals speaking zero local lingo.

People should just be who they are.

During my lifetime, most encounters that have lead to a relationship started where and when I least expected......I can't recall if how I was dressed at the time was ever an issue.

I suppose if someone is on 'a planned mission' to seek a girlfriend i.e. "tonight I will seek my girlfriend"......then by all means suit and boot up.

[innovator]

HI Society ladies are probably not going to be interested in lower income earners like teachers or retired, older men on fixed pensions with values dropping by the minute as their home currencies decline.

In order to meet and attract interest from the educated, bright ladies from good families, one would need to have something to offer in return. At a minimum, the man should be on equal footing with the lady or higher. Of course, there are those situations with extremely handsome men finding a rich woman...

but, as a general rule, try to find someone who is similar in values, education, finances and age. There are a few happy 75 year old men who are married to 25 year old girls, but those are probably few and far between and will most likely end up in hardship. (It is quite difficult to break off a relationship with a Thai woman, unless you are broke and have nothing more to offer). Then, they will probably start looking for a replacement.

I agree that the best way to stay and find happiness and to prosper is to stay alone, enjoy, relax and use the daily pay-per-play model. No reason to fall victim to anyone, just stay alone and enjoy.

[IanForbes]

People should just be who they are.

During my lifetime, most encounters that have lead to a relationship started where and when I least expected......I can't recall if how I was dressed at the time was ever an issue.

I suppose if someone is on 'a planned mission' to seek a girlfriend i.e. "tonight I will seek my girlfriend"......then by all means suit and boot up.

Very true, uptheos. Almost every good relationship I've had happened by accident, and most often it was because I took it slow and we became friends first. The sexy, tumultuous relationships were great, but never lasted... unless we both agreed that, that was all there was to it.

All too often when I did a lot of planning to make thing just right, it all went for naught. I do know that once I became more confident and didn't WANT a permanent relationship, that women seemed to come out of the woodwork looking for action. Just why that is I don't know. Women always tell me they are looking for a nice man, but the moment they meet one they dump him and go after the bad guys.

[Artamus]

What do you guys all thing you have to offer any Thai girl? apart from an improved standard of living. Get a grip guys, they all only want your money.

The short answer is no more than any Thai would offer. There's good and bad, rich and poor in every country. Why would any farang have any more to offer on a personal basis? Granted the average farang (living here) has more money than the average Thai living here which is why maybe some Thai ladies are attracted in farang.

Let's face it, other than above average income, the average farang doesn't really have any more to offer than the average Thai - maybe even less (poor knowledge of language and culture for a start).

In my experience all the Thai ladies I have dated have previously had a bad experience with a Thai guy, and have the notion that farangs "might" be a better bet or reckon they cannot be any worse.

[ChiangMaiFun]

I agree with a couple of earlier posters... buyer beware! personally I'm not looking for a gf and make it clear (ish) when dating that I am a 'free spirit' - fairly easy to find a raft of pretty girls as companions who are happy to sleep with you too - why tie down to one? never really understood that - but I'm a bit of a cynic anyway. Goodluck anyway

[ballzafire]

Another troll gets his laugh...

[Drew Aitch]

I've been in CM for 4 years now and still don't have a Thai girlfriend (no, i'm not gay). I guess at 48 years old, i'm not the eligible bachelor i like to think i am over here Being clean, fit and healthy, and living in quite a nice condo, in quite a nice part of town, obviously doesn't cut it with the under 50's

Hmm! Maybe i should get a car. that might help I live well but i'm far from flush since the economic crash some 18 months ago, and i make a point of telling this to any new dates. Maybe if i acted as if i were more 'cash-happy' then a long term relationship might last longer than a weekend

Hey, maybe i'm just plain ugly in the eyes of a Thai, and the attractive gals might not like to be branded as Beauty & the beast by the locals ha ha lol

Aitch

[vagabond48]

I've been in CM for 4 years now and still don't have a Thai girlfriend (no, i'm not gay). I guess at 48 years old, i'm not the eligible bachelor i like to think i am over here Being clean, fit and healthy, and living in quite a nice condo, in quite a nice part of town, obviously doesn't cut it with the under 50's

Aitch

I kinda in the same boat. I am also pretty fit, rarely drink, don't smoke and am 95% vegetarian. I pass for low to mid 50's, thought I am much older. I have been here 3 years and still haven't found a gf yet. I want someone much younger, attractive, energetic, and spiritual who will care for me about as much as I will care for her. Somehow renting "love" is just too superficial for me. I'd rather be alone. As much as I want it, I don't need sex that badly.

I agree with a couple of earlier posters... buyer beware! personally I'm not looking for a gf and make it clear (ish) when dating that I am a 'free spirit' - fairly easy to find a raft of pretty girls as companions who are happy to sleep with you too - why tie down to one? never really understood that - but I'm a bit of a cynic anyway. Goodluck anyway

happy to sleep with you, yeah, just like some here were happy to sacrifice themselves to make a living. .

[jackr]

People should just be who they are.

During my lifetime, most encounters that have lead to a relationship started where and when I least expected......I can't recall if how I was dressed at the time was ever an issue.

I suppose if someone is on 'a planned mission' to seek a girlfriend i.e. "tonight I will seek my girlfriend"......then by all means suit and boot up.

Well he is seeking one and asked how to pick one up... is that not the purpose of the thread? I agree, you should be who you are and wasn't motioning to waltz around in a whistle 'n flute, but if the op is usually of the disheveled type then perhaps best not to set such a high target. Of course there are exceptions, but typically they ain't gonna go for one who looks like crud as first impressions here are a big deal, plus if you can't speak at least some semblance of the local lingo that really narrows it down. Surely only one who has just stepped off the plane would think otherwise on this matter...

[Ulysses G.]

I have been here 3 years and still haven't found a gf yet. I want someone much younger, attractive, energetic, and spiritual who will care for me about as much as I will care for her. Somehow renting "love" is just too superficial for me. I'd rather be alone. As much as I want it, I don't need sex that badly.

I hope that you do not mind reading my two cents, but maybe you are looking for love in the wrong place? That sounds like an attitude that maybe you should have left back home.

I have many friends who have found "true love" here, but almost every relationship started with a woman looking to financially better herself and morphed onto something better with time and tears and learned mutual respect. However, they can never escape the fact that the initial attraction for one of them was money.

IMHO, that is very important for an older man looking for a younger woman to remember, no matter how well preserved you are.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

I wouldn't want to be looking for someone much younger than myself. If age is the main priority, there are commercial providers for that.

[Artamus]

I have many friends who have found "true love" here, but almost every relationship started with a woman looking to financially better herself and morphed onto something better

Wow, that's pretty heavy. I'd immediately be put off by any woman going on a date with me if I thought that money was the principle driver for a relationship - that's akin to being a bar-girl (without the sleeping with you part)!

How do you know when it's morphed into something better? Maybe they are just good actresses and still only interested in money.

[villagefarang]

Come on guys money is part of who you are. It affects where you can live, dine, holiday and what you can drive and wear. It affects confidence and your sense of security. It is as integral a part of who you are, as your appearance and personality. Your financial status has a great deal to do with what kind of life you can lead together as a couple.

Even well heeled women appreciate a gentleman who values her as more than a cost effective date and is willing to invest something other than words and bodily fluids.

[ChiangMaiFun]

Come on guys money is part of who you are. It affects where you can live, dine, holiday and what you can drive and wear. It affects confidence and your sense of security. It is as integral a part of who you are, as your appearance and personality. Your financial status has a great deal to do with what kind of life you can lead together as a couple.

Even well heeled women appreciate a gentleman who values her as more than a cost effective date and is willing to invest something other than words and bodily fluids.

That's very true... act like you have NO money and the crash took it all - see what a great 'babe magnet' that would be! can't get away from it - but like pretending you are not farang - it's part of you. Many of these girls have nothing - can't blame them for wanting to better themselves and their family's - if it turns into a more 'pure' love - why not? (don't fink too muk).

Many relationships in Farangland start off as attraction and develop - just here it's money not always looks. Nothing in life is guaranteed - except death!

[pjclark1]

If anyone wants a relationship with a girl who has never worked in a bar.

I know two ladies aged 48 and 50 looking for a boyfriend, both reasonable looking by western standards, both with own home and business (they sell food at a market but have no English))

I also know a Antique dealer from Ban Tawai, good English age 42.

Just get out there, nothing wrong with starting in a bar, there are nice girls everywhere (just keep a tight grip on your wallet)

Nobody needs to be without a girlfriend out here!

Of course if you want a girl 20 years younger than you then that is a bit harder.

Edited November 10, 2009 by pjclark1

[Ulysses G.]

How do you know when it's morphed into something better? Maybe they are just good actresses and still only interested in money.

Because I have been here 20 years and seen some girls stick with their husbands through thick and thin.

One friend who is about 75 married a 20 year old girl and set her up in a business which became very succesful. She has a lot of her own money and a lot of opportunities, but she has chosen to stay with him.

Edited November 10, 2009 by Ulysses G.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

How do you know when it's morphed into something better? Maybe they are just good actresses and still only interested in money.

Because I have been here 20 years and seen some girls stick with their husbands through thick and thin.

One friend who is about 75 married a 20 year old girl and set her up in a business which became very succesful. She has a lot of her own money and a lot of opportunities, but she has chosen to stay with him.

Don't want to affect the business mojo, good fortune and general auspiciousness? Even very big businesses in Thailand keep particular artifacts around because it is deemed to have been a core part of the business' success. When you build a house you don't then start messing with the posts and beams it rests on. Asian business 101.

But yeah, I agree with you in general of course. I know many examples myself.

Edited November 10, 2009 by WinnieTheKhwai

[Pantip]

I’ve been living in Thailand for over thirty years and never had trouble finding good honest Thai ladies – at least in the early years. I feel sorry for guys who are relatively new to this country (15 years or less) as unfortunately we (us farang) have developed a reputation for being uncouth drunken slobs more interested in associating with prostitutes and young boys to the extent that many decent Thai’s are too embarrassed to be seen associating with a farang. It’s the few misfits that make life difficult for the rest of us.

So Old Mike, I'm one of many farang happily married to a loving well adjusted Thai lady for the last 29 years, so it is possible!!