Do Thai People Even Like Us ? Or Aare We Just Atms

[dmax]

im currently building a place in issan,,the family get on well with me but ive noticed a few of the distant relatives and friends come around asking me to buy thai wiskey for them,get lost is my reply !! the other nite the father brought a friend around,the friend kept looking at me as if asking for something,i just looked away and didnt pay any heed...then i heard the word kwai ( buffalo ) i think this prick was saying to papa that he had a buffalo and why would the buffalo not buy any whiskey..then this morning i came out and my wifes nephew and her papa were standing and when papa seen me he said something to the nephew ,the nephew looked at me then looked away,the other day i was in internt shop,i asked the guy how much? he looked at two thai girls ,said something and they both sniggered,felt like taking the little pricks head off ,, well ive been all round the world and never had this kind of disrepect before,im not paranoid ,it wasnt my looks or my dress sense because i look well "i think" lol and allways dress well..maybe it really is time to learn thai fluently..im getting more convinced that we really are seen as money or second class citizens .though my wife is 100% ive been with her 4 odd years and shes never asked me for a single penny and i know she loves me,thats a fact !

[carmine]

I think it's fairer to say they put up with us. It is ofcourse better to learn the language, although be prepared to hear some things said that you won;t like!

This all said, i have met some of the nicest, kindest people here on Samui and you have to remember that every country have their "zenophobes". I still hold the opinion that if you are polite and respectful here you will have few if any problems and that certainly is not the case in many other countries.

[bkkjames]

When considering the insults, always good to consider the source.

A buffalo calling you a buffalo should say it all. Water off a duck's back mate.

[sokal]

Just some bigotry going around, that doesnt mean they hate you. Why do allot of the girls want farangs and want a half farang kid if they hate us ?

[toybits]

Learn the language and the culture. Don't be to tightfisted. Thai whiskey isn't Johnny Black Label or Glen Morangie.

[thaimate]

I think the problem is and i am not trying to be rude ,but most europeans marry girls from "poor" families and you are percieved as a rich outsider. however many moons ago i went out with a girl like this and her familly were always nice to me,now i am married to a woman from a middle class familly who seem to see me as the same as them,also we live on an estate with Thais who have bigger cars and houses than us ,they treat me very well and are constantly bringing around little gifts of fruit and cakes. So on the whole i am treated by one and all very well.

maybe its just your wifes familly and friends ,still you are a lucky man to have a good wife ,so b-llocks to the rest of them i say.

[lioness]

Learn the language and the culture. Don't be to tightfisted. Thai whiskey isn't Johnny Black Label or Glen Morangie.

No it's not Top shelf, but do it once too often and it will be expected, then word will get around and he'll be expected to buy whiskey for the whole village. Better to start off as you mean to go on.

[mizzi39]

My advice? Stop building and abandon the place. Move a minimum of 50 klm away (this distance is like living in another country to many Thais) If you have clingy family members looking for handouts thinking that you are an easy mark the issue tends to worsen over time. Or tell your wife to let the qais know that you are not an ATM so there will be no free handouts.

I live in Issan and have a very good relationship with my in laws, and extended Thai family. Fortunately my in laws have basic ethics and morals. They are also self sufficient so this has never been a problem for me. They also know that my priority is their daughter and our son (their grandson). Before we married I listened to my in laws expectations and they listened to mine. Compromise was established so life is peaceful. As far as extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins etc..) They are certainly not my priority so they know better then to come my way looking for handouts!

Set the bar high and stick to it! Good luck!

[stiggy]

Throw a perceived millionaire non english speaking Thai national, in any poor rural village/town in the UK and you will get a similar reaction.

I can only suggest learn at least a level of Thai that makes those around you think you understand more than you actually do.

As for the father in law hes is propbaly just trying to show you off to his mate, support him (his wife aside) hes the the head of the family.

[carmine]

I think the problem is and i am not trying to be rude ,but most europeans marry girls from "poor" families and you are percieved as a rich outsider. however many moons ago i went out with a girl like this and her familly were always nice to me,now i am married to a woman from a middle class familly who seem to see me as the same as them,also we live on an estate with Thais who have bigger cars and houses than us ,they treat me very well and are constantly bringing around little gifts of fruit and cakes. So on the whole i am treated by one and all very well.

maybe its just your wifes familly and friends ,still you are a lucky man to have a good wife ,so b-llocks to the rest of them i say.

Spot on imo

[basjke]

Just some bigotry going around, that doesnt mean they hate you. Why do allot of the girls want farangs and want a half farang kid if they hate us ?

That last part of your reply shows that you haven't been here long enough yet,otherwise you would know the answer to your own question.

[Geekfreaklover]

My advice? Stop building and abandon the place. Move a minimum of 50 klm away (this distance is like living in another country to many Thais) If you have clingy family members looking for handouts thinking that you are an easy mark the issue tends to worsen over time. Or tell your wife to let the qais know that you are not an ATM so there will be no free handouts.

Have to say I agree with Mizzi on this one.

Get out of Dodge while you still can. These problems get WORSE not better.

[hammered]

Some like foreigners, some dont like foreigners and some are indifferent to foreigners. This also crosses all classes and regions. Same as in any country.

[mrtoad]

Learn the language and the culture. Don't be to tightfisted. Thai whiskey isn't Johnny Black Label or Glen Morangie.

I agree to the first bit, but the second part is nonsense. The OP has already said that a few of the usual clingons have been hanging around expecting free drink. In no way should they be encouraged, it's no diffrent than spilling a sweet drink on the floor, all the bloody ants will be swarning around -same if he starts buying for these drunks.

[jubby]

I suspect most are indifferent and really too busy with their own lives to care much either way. Don't take any Sh*t but try not to be rude (easier said than done) . It'll take approx 10 years before they start to accept or Ignore you which amounts to the same thing = Peace . Its just a game they like to play. Anything for nothing. Sh*t! I was taken by surprise last week when one of the young kids wai'd me and called me uncle (no relation what so ever) I guess he's a new generation who has always known me to be around or he's scared of me because I'm the only adult who actually says anything to him when he's out of order.

If you do find any particular relative to be a real pain then give them as much cheap Thai whiskey as they can possibly consume as often as possible. its only 30 baht or so for a bottle or bag of the stuff. He'll be out of your hair in 3 to 5 years.

[JR Texas]

I suspect most are indifferent and really too busy with their own lives to care much either way. Don't take any Sh*t but try not to be rude (easier said than done) . It'll take approx 10 years before they start to accept or Ignore you which amounts to the same thing = Peace . Its just a game they like to play. Anything for nothing. Sh*t! I was taken by surprise last week when one of the young kids wai'd me and called me uncle (no relation what so ever) I guess he's a new generation who has always known me to be around or he's scared of me because I'm the only adult who actually says anything to him when he's out of order.

If you do find any particular relative to be a real pain then give them as much cheap Thai whiskey as they can possibly consume as often as possible. its only 30 baht or so for a bottle or bag of the stuff. He'll be out of your hair in 3 to 5 years.

They don't like us........we are walking ATMs...........were are not Thai...........xenophobia has increased dramatically in Thailand. But most expats can't see it or refuse to see it. They see smiles at the surface level and think that is reality.

[ozzieovaseas]

Just some bigotry going around, that doesnt mean they hate you. Why do allot of the girls want farangs and want a half farang kid if they hate us ?

Let me answer that one

Its because they hope to get good looking whitish thai kid who will possibly become a star on a thai soap and make mum rich later on

Im being serious,an ex told me this,really..and she was not joking she actually believed it

[Geekfreaklover]

Just some bigotry going around, that doesnt mean they hate you. Why do allot of the girls want farangs and want a half farang kid if they hate us ?

Let me answer that one

Its because they hope to get good looking whitish thai kid who will possibly become a star on a thai soap and make mum rich later on

Im being serious,an ex told me this,really..and she was not joking she actually believed it

Having a child with a farang is a often good way for a female to assure herself of a regular cash flow. Cynical. oh yes.

And of course there is the Thai soap thing. Your ex was right. Many Thais do think this way.

Edited November 11, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[jubby]

OK JR. I see it . but try to ignore it. Whats the point bleeting on about it, its not as though we're ever going to have a say is it ? Give the Bullshit smile back and enjoy our time here while it lasts We can't all realistically move to Cambodia

[way2muchcoffee]

They don't like us........we are walking ATMs...........were are not Thai...........xenophobia has increased dramatically in Thailand. But most expats can't see it or refuse to see it. They see smiles at the surface level and think that is reality.

I tend to agree with the observation, but would avoid sweeping generalizations. I've been here seven years. The longer I stay, the more aware of this I have become. Perhaps there is a trend. Perhaps it takes a while to recognize the signs. Perhaps it is more noticeable when you understand the language.

[ozzieovaseas]

I think the problem is and i am not trying to be rude ,but most europeans marry girls from "poor" families and you are percieved as a rich outsider. however many moons ago i went out with a girl like this and her familly were always nice to me,now i am married to a woman from a middle class familly who seem to see me as the same as them,also we live on an estate with Thais who have bigger cars and houses than us ,they treat me very well and are constantly bringing around little gifts of fruit and cakes. So on the whole i am treated by one and all very well.

maybe its just your wifes familly and friends ,still you are a lucky man to have a good wife ,so b-llocks to the rest of them i say.

sounds like your on a good wicket there mate,ever thought of starting a dating agency?

[ozzieovaseas]

I suspect most are indifferent and really too busy with their own lives to care much either way. Don't take any Sh*t but try not to be rude (easier said than done) . It'll take approx 10 years before they start to accept or Ignore you which amounts to the same thing = Peace . Its just a game they like to play. Anything for nothing. Sh*t! I was taken by surprise last week when one of the young kids wai'd me and called me uncle (no relation what so ever) I guess he's a new generation who has always known me to be around or he's scared of me because I'm the only adult who actually says anything to him when he's out of order.

If you do find any particular relative to be a real pain then give them as much cheap Thai whiskey as they can possibly consume as often as possible. its only 30 baht or so for a bottle or bag of the stuff. He'll be out of your hair in 3 to 5 years.

Failing that he could get his wife to hang a poster over the door written in Thai stating "Local Clinic for Alcoholics anonymous-public sessions will be administered to daily by ...... at a cost of 200bht per hour"

Although they consider themselves exceptionally bright and clever, i suspect this approach would have em baffled. Probably say stupid farang get no customer cost less for whisky

[basjke]

I think the problem is and i am not trying to be rude ,but most europeans marry girls from "poor" families and you are percieved as a rich outsider. however many moons ago i went out with a girl like this and her familly were always nice to me,now i am married to a woman from a middle class familly who seem to see me as the same as them,also we live on an estate with Thais who have bigger cars and houses than us ,they treat me very well and are constantly bringing around little gifts of fruit and cakes. So on the whole i am treated by one and all very well.

maybe its just your wifes familly and friends ,still you are a lucky man to have a good wife ,so b-llocks to the rest of them i say.

sounds like your on a good wicket there mate,ever thought of starting a dating agency?

As far as I recall from previous posts.poster has one already.

[ozzieovaseas]

Just some bigotry going around, that doesnt mean they hate you. Why do allot of the girls want farangs and want a half farang kid if they hate us ?

Let me answer that one

Its because they hope to get good looking whitish thai kid who will possibly become a star on a thai soap and make mum rich later on

Im being serious,an ex told me this,really..and she was not joking she actually believed it

Having a child with a farang is a often good way for a female to assure herself of a regular cash flow. Cynical. oh yes.

And of course there is the Thai soap thing. Your ex was right. Many Thais do think this way.

No,maybe you misunderstood..my ex didnt just believe this in the case of other thais..she wanted it for herself

[t.s]

if they don't respect you then it is a pretty sure bet your woman doesn't either. if she did she would be adamant in your defense.

it is a situation of your own creation.

[fletchsmile]

Dmax,

You might find the paper I posted on the thread Mia Farang Perceptions an interesting context for this. For sure it's easy for some people to feel like ATMs sometimes, but there's a whole minefield of complex issues around this. The article referred to is 190+ pages, but could be a good investment for anyone with an Isaan wife/GF etc, to understand more as to why.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Mia-Farang-P...71#entry3132971

Unfortunately there are actually a lot of Thais who see us as walking ATMs, and may even look down on your wife. Don't tar them all with the same brush though. Fortunately there are a lot that do respect us.

Draw your lines early on, as regards to what you will tolerate / not. But be prepared to be flexible. As you understand more the intent sometimes you'll find you were the one who "is wrong", and hopefully the GF/Mrs will realise she's wrong too (if that's possible with women???)

[Loz]

take this with the standard sweeping generalisation pinch of salt.

By and large we are an economic benefit. Some of us provide a point of ridicule, others are like local charitable organisations regardless of them knowing it or not. It takes all sorts at the the end of the day and as long as you are happy here, no big deal. Of course at times it will get on your thrup'ny bits... that's just life.

Another poster aluded to the length of time here being critical to one's understanding. Not so sure on that point. I think there are people who could live three lifetimes here and never remove the rose tinted specs. Maybe they are the lucky ones?

Finally, I liked the idea of giving them cheap wiskey until they...er... no longer need it. ;^) Very entertaining.

[hhgz]

"get lost is my reply..."

Well, with your sensational interpersonal relationships, it's no wonder why people (Thai and farang) dislike you.

[Tongdee]

Some insight. Number one... who is this us??? I, you, and every other folung (person really) in the kingdom are individuals. Many lowbrow nominds lump us all into one category, folung. The opinions & antics of this crowd, who cares. A polite respectful rebuff is all that is needed. Sure wash my car & I will give you a shot (40 degree lou cou of course).

Persons of higher intelect view individuals in accordance with what they see & hear you do. If you are a drunk, vulgar, dress badly, need I go on?? If you play fine Classical Guitar music, Dress well, are polite, & or can speak reasonably good Thai, they will have another opinion. Easy touch for one = easy touch for all, the lineup wont end. Same as in wherever the hel_l you come from. One or two partys a year, supply the everything in adequate (not excessive) quantitys & qualitys. Enough. When they come with huge demands (Loans) ask for the chanote, sign over the motorcyke. Buisness style transaction.

Works for me

Tongdee

[dmax]

Throw a perceived millionaire non english speaking Thai national, in any poor rural village/town in the UK and you will get a similar reaction.

I can only suggest learn at least a level of Thai that makes those around you think you understand more than you actually do.

As for the father in law hes is propbaly just trying to show you off to his mate, support him (his wife aside) hes the the head of the family.

yes i really do not think the father is trying to insult me and he probably is going round the villiage bragging about his daughters ( big money ) husband building a house ...all i hear from the kids and people all day are falang his falang that,,i boned her about this and told them they should start calling me by my proper name ( david ) from now on id i am to stay here in future years i dont allways want to be called falang..it seems derogatry to me and insulting sometimes..