Do Thai People Even Like Us ? Or Aare We Just Atms

[HardenedSoul]

if they don't respect you then it is a pretty sure bet your woman doesn't either. if she did she would be adamant in your defense.

it is a situation of your own creation.

<deleted> !

She's been his wife for 4 years and, according to him, has never asked him for a penny. Perhaps she can't be as vocal in his defense because of her adherence to rules of family hierarchy or something like that.

As to whether Thais like us or not, I think it's just down to the way they perceive the individual. If a farang's an arse, then he's an arse to a Thai and/or another farang. Same goes if he's a diamond.

I'm English born of Caribbean parents and I've had no problems whatsoever with Thais in the brief 18 months I've been here. Sure, they try to knock me when I buy stuff but anyone with a modicum of common sense can spot it a mile off and a firm stare always prompts an apologetic smile and a swift recalculation of the price. I've got Thai friends - male and female - who treat me very well and show me the kind of respect I show them.

Personally, I'd NEVER have a Thai girlfriend/wife unless she'd spent a considerable amount of time in a Western environment. The culture is just too at odds with my English values and, frankly, I've not met any Thai girls - hi or lo-so - that warrant the degree of cultural compromise necessary to make anything more than a casual fling worthwhile but fairplay to the O.P. for making it work for 4 years.

Edited November 11, 2009 by HardenedSoul

[dmax]

Just some bigotry going around, that doesnt mean they hate you. Why do allot of the girls want farangs and want a half farang kid if they hate us ?

Let me answer that one

Its because they hope to get good looking whitish thai kid who will possibly become a star on a thai soap and make mum rich later on

Im being serious,an ex told me this,really..and she was not joking she actually believed it

Having a child with a farang is a often good way for a female to assure herself of a regular cash flow. Cynical. oh yes.

And of course there is the Thai soap thing. Your ex was right. Many Thais do think this way.

i agree 100% with this,,i have a 6 month old baby daughter and my wife rambles on how she is going to be a monvie star or singer just like siriporn lol...but yeah i hope to that she would lol

[Alwaysright]

Just some bigotry going around, that doesnt mean they hate you. Why do allot of the girls want farangs and want a half farang kid if they hate us ?

Do you like them?Nobody can get to you unless you let them.

[Alwaysright]

Just some bigotry going around, that doesnt mean they hate you. Why do allot of the girls want farangs and want a half farang kid if they hate us ?

Do you like them?Nobody can get to you unless you let them.

[dmax]

"get lost is my reply..."

Well, with your sensational interpersonal relationships, it's no wonder why people (Thai and farang) dislike you.

maybe you should explain yourself..please do

[Zodiac]

Do Thai people even like us?= should not care one one or the other. No need to worry about what others think about yourself.....

Are we just ATM's?= can be but only if you allow yourself to be used in this way.

[caf]

I suspect most are indifferent and really too busy with their own lives to care much either way. Don't take any Sh*t but try not to be rude (easier said than done) . It'll take approx 10 years before they start to accept or Ignore you which amounts to the same thing = Peace . Its just a game they like to play. Anything for nothing. Sh*t! I was taken by surprise last week when one of the young kids wai'd me and called me uncle (no relation what so ever) I guess he's a new generation who has always known me to be around or he's scared of me because I'm the only adult who actually says anything to him when he's out of order.

If you do find any particular relative to be a real pain then give them as much cheap Thai whiskey as they can possibly consume as often as possible. its only 30 baht or so for a bottle or bag of the stuff. He'll be out of your hair in 3 to 5 years.

They don't like us........we are walking ATMs...........were are not Thai...........xenophobia has increased dramatically in Thailand. But most expats can't see it or refuse to see it. They see smiles at the surface level and think that is reality.

Some Thais are decent enough but you are right that xenophobia is growing and you make a valid observation in my view about Thai apologists.

Poverty and indoctrination on a number of issues from cradle to grave can be blames I believe. Only my opinion

[caf]

Some like foreigners, some dont like foreigners and some are indifferent to foreigners. This also crosses all classes and regions. Same as in any country.

Agreed except the bit about "same as in any country". Xenophobia is greater here than most other countries.

[carmine]

Some like foreigners, some dont like foreigners and some are indifferent to foreigners. This also crosses all classes and regions. Same as in any country.

Agreed except the bit about "same as in any country". Xenophobia is greater here than most other countries.

Unfortunately i have to agree. There is unbelievable xenophobia here. But it would be ridiculous generlisation by some to suggest we are all disliked/hated etc etc

Edited November 11, 2009 by carmine

[Huey]

Dude, your in the middle of "Whatdaphukaburi" somewhere, what do you expect? I mean really lets say a funny looking foreigner, say a Arab for example, that had allot of money, married some white girl from Hick's Point, Georgia and started building a house for her down there. WHat kind of reaction do you think he will get??? Especially if he barely spoke a word of English????

LOL I could see it now second and 3rd cousins with 3 teeth runnin up on him like "Heeeya Sheik AK-Med hows about you loan me $100 seein as wees kinfolks n' all now???"

Country is Country it don't matter the Country

OH and as a side note, these are the same peasants that support Taxsin, if that doesn't clue you in on the mentality right there.

[Dontdisturb]

My advice? Stop building and abandon the place. Move a minimum of 50 klm away (this distance is like living in another country to many Thais) If you have clingy family members looking for handouts thinking that you are an easy mark the issue tends to worsen over time.

I completely agree, never build a house close to the family. You will be constantly harrassed by all the family hyenas for whisky, beer, food and money. You will have them every minute on your back.

Move, far ... very far and live in peace with your wife and childrens.

[JR Texas]

OK JR. I see it . but try to ignore it. Whats the point bleeting on about it, its not as though we're ever going to have a say is it ? Give the Bullshit smile back and enjoy our time here while it lasts We can't all realistically move to Cambodia

And after a few months of Toxin's advice, we might not want to move to Cambodia. I think the expats who are living there now........the one's smart enough to escape the visa insanity in Thailand, are getting nervous that the man who ruined Thailand's immigration system is having a say in Cambodian politics.

[OxfordWill]

Its easy to think you are sure that someone is saying something negative about you when you have the language comprehension of a 1 year old baby but are in fact a fully grown adult.

Grow up, take things into your hands, learn Thai before you build a bloody house in some village somewhere. Dont expect respect for coming here knowing fuc_k all about anything and jumping in at the deep end.

[villagefarang]

Its easy to think you are sure that someone is saying something negative about you when you have the language comprehension of a 1 year old baby but are in fact a fully grown adult.

Grow up, take things into your hands, learn Thai before you build a bloody house in some village somewhere. Don't expect respect for coming here knowing fuc_k all about anything and jumping in at the deep end.

A little harsh perhaps but I do like it. It is up to the OP to get his act together. Not for the rest of the world to adapt to him.

[toybits]

Comment about the Klingons is - I believe - partly speculation. This is why the OP should learn the language. It is easy to misunderstand others when you do not know what they are talking about. It is easy to think that they are probably laughing at you when you are paranoid and think the locals are there waiting for a chance to scalp you...

I agree to the first bit, but the second part is nonsense. The OP has already said that a few of the usual clingons have been hanging around expecting free drink. In no way should they be encouraged, it's no diffrent than spilling a sweet drink on the floor, all the bloody ants will be swarning around -same if he starts buying for these drunks.

[Geekfreaklover]

About the language thing. I recall moving into the ex's village in Surin. I learnt how to speak Thai. When I was in earshot the locals would speak in Khymer. Had I learnt Khymer they would have spoken in Suay.

Sometimes being paranoid is just having some of the facts.

You can tell a lot from body language. Isaaners are in general gossips of the highest calibre. A lot of what they have to say aint pleasent. Most of these old boys are better off not knowing what's being said about them, or better still not giving a flying duck whats being said.

Edited November 11, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[sassienie]

It`s really the responsibility of the OPs wife to sort this out.

My Thai wife and I married in 1987, England.

I first visited her parents in 1989, Chiang Mai. Right from the start my mother in law addressed me as the Farang and not by my name, she was constantly sniggling at me as if I was some sort of novelty act out of a circus and when I sat next to her, she would jump up and sit somewhere else.

This went on for several years. In 1994 my wife, daughter and I came to live in Chiang Mai for a year.

My mother in law still continued treating me as if I just arrived from the planet Mercury.

Than enough was enough. I told my wife that unless your mother begins treating me with some respect and as a son in law the same as the rest of the family, I’m walking out of here, your family will never receive another baht from me and I will tell everyone that I am not welcome by your family.

Later that day, my wife took her mother aside and had words. Since than, my mother in law and I have been the best of friends.

So the answer is; if you are not comfortable with the attitudes of your wife’s family, make them aware of it and put your foot down.

PS: The sooner the OP learns to speak and understand at least some basic Thai, the better.

Edited November 11, 2009 by sassienie

[LAZYTERRY]

Just some bigotry going around, that doesnt mean they hate you. Why do allot of the girls want farangs and want a half farang kid if they hate us ?

Wake up,it's for the farang's cash. Money is god in Thailand!

[phetaroi]

Its easy to think you are sure that someone is saying something negative about you when you have the language comprehension of a 1 year old baby but are in fact a fully grown adult.

Grow up, take things into your hands, learn Thai before you build a bloody house in some village somewhere. Dont expect respect for coming here knowing fuc_k all about anything and jumping in at the deep end.

Will, I think you make a very good point.

First of all, I'm not a Thai apologist, although I know I will be accused of it. But a few observations:

Are there Thais who make snide remarks about us farang? Without question. And a rude Thai person is ill mannered. But I'd say that anyone that seriously complains about that hasn't read the TV forum where Thai-bashing is a daily occurrence. And that's ill mannered, as well.

Thai people don't automatically deserve any special degree of respect...nor do we farangs.

And finally...at least for now...are farangs sometimes used by Thais as walking ATMs? Without question. Do a sizable number of farang use Thai people as nothing more than cheap sex objects. Without question. Tit for tat, so to speak.

The Thais who make those snide remarks do so with the expectation that the farang cannot speak Thai. The TV-ites who make their snide and insulting remarks do so counting on the fact that almost no Thais read these columns. I'd be terribly embarrassed if they did. TV provides a wonderful service, as it is designed to do, but in response it is not "our" shining hour. Hypocrisy is alive and well.

[YoungNRich12]

That was a smart idea to move close by to your Isaan wife's family. Build a nice castle in comparison to the tin shacks which everyone in her family occupies. Than get surprised and angry when they (the grade 4 or less educated, alcoholic, etc) come around looking for whiskey handouts.

Imagine, having a farang in the family who is stingy. Its like someone telling you that they are a lawyer and that your distant great Uncle left you a huge inheritance and then saying "Just kidding!"

[givenall]

I think it's fairer to say they put up with us. It is ofcourse better to learn the language, although be prepared to hear some things said that you won;t like!

This all said, i have met some of the nicest, kindest people here on Samui and you have to remember that every country have their "zenophobes". I still hold the opinion that if you are polite and respectful here you will have few if any problems and that certainly is not the case in many other countries.

May be time for farang to go other places than Issan like south. I believe too many farang have corrupted Issan people with their money and the expectation of Issand people from farang has gone too far.

[caf]

It`s really the responsibility of the OPs wife to sort this out.

My Thai wife and I married in 1987, England.

I first visited her parents in 1989, Chiang Mai. Right from the start my mother in law addressed me as the Farang and not by my name, she was constantly sniggling at me as if I was some sort of novelty act out of a circus and when I sat next to her, she would jump up and sit somewhere else.

This went on for several years. In 1994 my wife, daughter and I came to live in Chiang Mai for a year.

My mother in law still continued treating me as if I just arrived from the planet Mercury.

Than enough was enough. I told my wife that unless your mother begins treating me with some respect and as a son in law the same as the rest of the family, I'm walking out of here, your family will never receive another baht from me and I will tell everyone that I am not welcome by your family.

Later that day, my wife took her mother aside and had words. Since than, my mother in law and I have been the best of friends.

So the answer is; if you are not comfortable with the attitudes of your wife's family, make them aware of it and put your foot down.

PS: The sooner the OP learns to speak and understand at least some basic Thai, the better.

Usually - and I am not of course saying in your case - changing from calling you farang, moving away from you to being best friends after a word from the wife would show a lack of sincerity and being pragmatic. The Thai smile and appearance of getting on is different from being good friends, usually.

[Birdman]

For many the mistake to discover (too) late is the move to Isaan, because and only the wife comes from there. Many don't have only the daily fights with strange family members/"friends" to deal with, but start to persuade them self, that they like that country life in the middle of nowhere, but in reality they would prefer it somewhere else.

If the wife is Isaan, that does not mean you and her have to live there!!

[Zeppo]

Let me preface my remarks by saying I have never been to Pattaya & did not hook up with a bar girl...now that that is out of the way, I live in Issan, about 65 klicks from the family...the villagers here ALL refer to me as "the farang" & never call me by name. Now...they (the villagers) all know I am not an easy mark as I will never just give them money or buy lao kow. Different story if there is some party going on, I buy a case of beer & some bottles of lao kow, but it makes no difference. No matter, they still call me farang, never by name. I hear it in every conversation. I NEVER hear my name.

So, I have decided that I give them no quarter. I am nice, (initially anyway) to everybody. The ones that are disrespectful to me, I am disrespectful or indifferent to them. The few villagers that I like also like me & that's enough. Back home I didn't like everybody & everybody didn't like me...NO PROBLEM.

You will always be the farang, you will never be a part of the group/village. Get used to it or go home. Thai's (including & especially the government) want you to come, leave your money & F__K OFF. They may act differently from time to time, but it is a ruse to get you to open your wallet. True, there a few, VERY FEW, exceptions, but by & large this is the rule. So, get thick skinned & give what you get. Good for good, bad for bad. I think they, most of them anyway, eventually get the drift. The ones that don't...who cares.

By the way, the wife gets pissed off at me from time to time because I don't "respect' all Thai people. I tell her again & again, they get what they give. She seems to understand this. When she doesn't, I ask her who's team are you on...mine or theirs. Nuff said & you get my drift (I hope).

Also, don't get the impression that, as I have only 6 posts under this moniker, that I have just gotten here.

Edited November 11, 2009 by Zeppo

[dsprtliving]

About the language thing. I recall moving into the ex's village in Surin. I learnt how to speak Thai. When I was in earshot the locals would speak in Khymer. Had I learnt Khymer they would have spoken in Suay.

Sometimes being paranoid is just having some of the facts.

You can tell a lot from body language. Isaaners are in general gossips of the highest calibre. A lot of what they have to say aint pleasent. Most of these old boys are better off not knowing what's being said about them, or better still not giving a flying duck whats being said.

Have to say i agree. You should buckle down and and really make an effort learn the language before you get upset or insulted by random strangers talking about you on the street since you seem to be in this for the long haul. However, as it has been pointed out...the more you understand of what is being said, the less pleased you will probably be. At least though if you speak the language you can appropriately get upset at the offending parties and confront them for explanations in their own language.

[kampengphetklaus]

Just some bigotry going around, that doesnt mean they hate you. Why do allot of the girls want farangs and want a half farang kid if they hate us ?

That last part of your reply shows that you haven't been here long enough yet,otherwise you would know the answer to your own question.

ging ging

[kampengphetklaus]

Just some bigotry going around, that doesnt mean they hate you. Why do allot of the girls want farangs and want a half farang kid if they hate us ?

That last part of your reply shows that you haven't been here long enough yet,otherwise you would know the answer to your own question.

jing jing

[BusyB]

Just some bigotry going around, that doesnt mean they hate you. Why do allot of the girls want farangs and want a half farang kid if they hate us ?

Let me answer that one

Its because they hope to get good looking whitish thai kid who will possibly become a star on a thai soap and make mum rich later on

Im being serious,an ex told me this,really..and she was not joking she actually believed it

Yes, that and money .

OP, sounds to me like you're backed or backing into a corner .

Q1/ Read your post again. If your best friend came to you with that story, what would you advise him? Follow that advice pal .

Q2/ How would you have felt if some super rich from wherever had suddenly alighted in your neighbourhood/village of origin and snapped up the best, or one of the best, girl(s) around, possibly your cousin or whoever, maybe your childhood sweetheart, built a swaggering mansion in your face etc. and then not even paid for a drink (regardless of how unreasonable the request for one may be) ?

Q3/ What's the point in living in a country without speaking the language? It can only result in feelings of isolation even when surrounded by people - even those who love you . 

Somebody mentioned somewhere on the thread your woman hasn't asked for money. Since you're building a house it strikes me she never needed to.

I had similar experiences once, with a Thai woman I was deeply fond of, and was setting up for the long term with. (More details another time or on Stickman). Cut a long story short when it turned out I couldn't go and see the family in Udon Thani on my third visit, but had promised a watch for her father as a present, he suddenly felt the need to come visit us. I thought it was quite demeaning for him really. But I accepted him nonetheless, and treated him with respect. (The family was by no means poor, with plenty of land and some surplus, but hey, here was a freeby to collect.)

My budding partner only ever asked me for relatively small amounts of money a couple of times in two years, which she then used for the purpose she'd asked for it. But one of the things she said to me when it looked like we were getting serious and I was letting her see the size of my overdraft to rob her of any illusions was "I'm thinking long term you, not short term". Can look at that two ways right ?

I finished with her for other (if somewhat related) reasons after 2 years, but like I said, more another time. (It was not easy to finish with her either, I think some may have read that part of the story in connection with a visit to the doctor's in Phuket on another thread about "how avaricious Thai doctors are" etc ).

Finally, I have found there is a world of difference between how Thais approach me when I'm travelling on my own, and when I've got a 20 year younger woman tagging along for the cash.

Fortunately I fell in love with the country, and not the women (had and have enough of them in the course of my life, so even Thai beauties aren't much of a novelty )

GOTO: top of this post 

Edited November 11, 2009 by BusyB

[keyjor]

My advice? Stop building and abandon the place. Move a minimum of 50 klm away (this distance is like living in another country to many Thais) If you have clingy family members looking for handouts thinking that you are an easy mark the issue tends to worsen over time. Or tell your wife to let the qais know that you are not an ATM so there will be no free handouts.

I live in Issan and have a very good relationship with my in laws, and extended Thai family. Fortunately my in laws have basic ethics and morals. They are also self sufficient so this has never been a problem for me. They also know that my priority is their daughter and our son (their grandson). Before we married I listened to my in laws expectations and they listened to mine. Compromise was established so life is peaceful. As far as extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins etc..) They are certainly not my priority so they know better then to come my way looking for handouts!

Set the bar high and stick to it! Good luck!

Excellent advice mizzi.

I am in exactly the same position as you. Issan also.

[armando77]

Just some bigotry going around, that doesnt mean they hate you. Why do allot of the girls want farangs and want a half farang kid if they hate us ?

Let me answer that one

Its because they hope to get good looking whitish thai kid who will possibly become a star on a thai soap and make mum rich later on

Im being serious,an ex told me this,really..and she was not joking she actually believed it

Yes, that and money .

OP, sounds to me like you're backed or backing into a corner .

Q1/ Read your post again. If your best friend came to you with that story, what would you advise him? Follow that advice pal .

Q2/ How would you have felt if some super rich from wherever had suddenly alighted in your neighbourhood/village of origin and snapped up the best, or one of the best, girl(s) around, possibly your cousin or whoever, maybe your childhood sweetheart, built a swaggering mansion in your face etc. and then not even paid for a drink (regardless of how unreasonable the request for one may be) ?

Q3/ What's the point in living in a country without speaking the language? It can only result in feelings of isolation even when surrounded by people - even those who love you .

Somebody mentioned somewhere on the thread your woman hasn't asked for money. Since you're building a house it strikes me she never needed to.

I had similar experiences once, with a Thai woman I was deeply fond of, and was setting up for the long term with. (More details another time or on Stickman). Cut a long story short when it turned out I couldn't go and see the family in Udon Thani on my third visit, but had promised a watch for her father as a present, he suddenly felt the need to come visit us. I thought it was quite demeaning for him really. But I accepted him nonetheless, and treated him with respect. (The family was by no means poor, with plenty of land and some surplus, but hey, here was a freeby to collect.)

My budding partner only ever asked me for relatively small amounts of money a couple of times in two years, which she then used for the purpose she'd asked for it. But one of the things she said to me when it looked like we were getting serious and I was letting her see the size of my overdraft to rob her of any illusions was "I'm thinking long term you, not short term". Can look at that two ways right ?

I finished with her for other (if somewhat related) reasons after 2 years, but like I said, more another time. (It was not easy to finish with her either, I think some may have read that part of the story in connection with a visit to the doctor's in Phuket on another thread about "how avaricious Thai doctors are" etc ).

Finally, I have found there is a world of difference between how Thais approach me when I'm travelling on my own, and when I've got a 20 year younger woman tagging along for the cash.

Fortunately I fell in love with the country, and not the women (had and have enough of them in the course of my life, so even Thai beauties aren't much of a novelty )

GOTO: top of this post

movie stars to an extent. few and far between. but girl luk kruengs tend to do a lot better in the bar scene, ie make more money than their dark counterparts. they get higher quality gentlemen callers!