Comrade Vladamir Zharkovsky Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 Greetings Internet Comrades. My name is comrade Vladamir Zarkhovsky, Vice President of tractor plant 17A in Northern Siberia. I will be arriving in Bangkok on Aeroflot flight AX362 at 14H25 on Thursday November 6th. My mission in Bangkok is simple. I wish to find a longterm female comrade to return with me to Russia. I have been informed by cousin Boris that the Nana Plaza Entertainment Co-operative may the best place to locate a female most able to satisfy my requirements. Once back in Russia, I will arrange employment for my new comrade at the Lenin Institute of Bolshevik Studies, where she will assist comrade Olga in transferring pre-war records onto the newly installed 386 computer Leisure activities will be organised and made as stimulating as possible. On Sundays, comrade Dr Smyslov will provide instruction on how to perform essential maintenance on my 1957 Lada. Clothes, when required, will be ordered from the Unisize Clothing Co-operative in Moscow, and undergarments, if needed, will be supplied by cousin Boris who’s now importing the latest range of corrosion resistant girdles from his tyre reprocessing plant in central Albania. Internet comrades, please inform me if there is anything else I need to consider. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinkster Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 Oh no, i think you have just about covered it comrade Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeaVisionBurma Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 (Well - at least he's not Python Wee Johnson, although does he realise that communism and clothing cooperatives were scrapped a few years back in Russia?) Alright comrade, you have amused some of us capitalist western pigs. Let us know how you go down at Nana. I think I recently saw a photo of your President Putin with Jiang Zemin partying outside Pussy Town in another thread. By the way, Vladamir - on my last visit to Siberia I got your sister drunk and took advantage of her. I think her name was Onya (memory fails me because of another fellow called Smirnoff) Yes thats right, it was your half-sister, Miss Onya Bakyabich. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pnustedt Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 Velcome Vlad Is Little Red Riding Hood a Russian contraceptive? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samsara Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 Comrade Z., Im sorry to inform you that having made the intentions of your visit to Thailand known, I, along with my associates, will do everything in our power to prevent you from completing your objective. If a Thai women gives you the slightest glance, lookover, or makes the smallest advance toward you, I et al look upon it as our duty to mankind to obstruct any further dealings you might have, or seek to explore, with said women. Once again, my deepest regrets for foiling your plans. We'll be the ones in black... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rabkk Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 Hello comrade Bud! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taxexile Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 be careful with these thai girls boris,make sure you dont russian to anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeaVisionBurma Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 make sure you dont russian to anything Bwahahahahahahaha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comrade Vladamir Zharkovsky Posted October 22, 2003 Author Share Posted October 22, 2003 Greetings Internet Comrades, Comrade SeaVisionBurma, you say you got my sister drunk and took advantage of her. You are mistaken. The female in question was comrade Irina Stolichnaya, Chief Research Officer at the Karl Marx Insitute of Technologial Development. Comrade Irina is well known for her indiscretions but is forgiven by the party due to the crucial role she played in developing the new 1.4 kb/s computer modem. For your information, sister Onya left Siberia 3 years ago and works at cousin Boris’s tyre reprocessing plant in central Albania where she is close to perfecting a new range of kevlar-reinforced condoms. Comrade Pnustedt, you ask if Little Red Riding Hood is a Russian contraceptive? No it isn’t. The current re-usable model is produced at manufacturing plant 492B in Chernobyl and is pale green in colour with a tendency to glow in the dark. One last thing internet comrades. I have been informed by comrade Alexis that Thai females are accustomed to consuming fresh fruit and vegetables. Sadly these have not been available here in Siberia since 1926. Will this be a problem? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nat Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 будьте безопасны и имейте забаву Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeaVisionBurma Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 hehehe good one Nat - pity he's not around to read it. He's already swapped personas and is now marauding as a Professor of Languages in another thread. (what does it mean anyway, or is it just Russian gobble-de-gook??) :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nat Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 thought that would confuse comrade vlad it just says "be careful and have fun" - nothing offensive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pnustedt Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 Hi Vlad There's a few Russian girls in Bkk - meet Canya Slobadonyabich in Soi Cowboy. What do you call a pretty girl in Russia - a tourist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nat Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 What do you call a pretty girl in Russia - a tourist? симпатичная девочка - pretty girl турист - tourist (sorry, getting carried away - will stop now ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axel Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 Comrade Vladamir Zharkovsky, your defeatist remarks in this Forum have been spotted. You are ordered with dawai dawai speed to stop this. Comrade Vladimir Putin is still in town and we do not need any Kolchosk - competition for the rice-fed stars. Stick to your potatoes or you will be transferred permanently to Novosibirsk, but no longer as Vice President of tractor plant 17A but to pull the tractors to replace the ageing horses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phazey Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 Fellow Comrade Vladamir Zharkovsky, I bring word from Comrade Boris Neverlearntasky - He asked me to pass on vital information about this Thailand country. Please read the following and take heed. 1) Watch out for the Super markets Comrade Vladamir, for their shelves offer more than Stale bread and Potatoes. Try to disguise your awe as best as you can. You never know what Western pigs will be watching. 2) Don't taste their Vodka, it is like the milk from the Ox that used to take you to university all those years ago (yes Comrade Vladamir, we were watching you). 3) Don't book a domestic flight should you feel the need to have one of these McDonalds Big-Mac things. It's not like home. 4) It would be wise Comrade Vladamir, to leave any spare Plutonium you have at your hotel. 5) If you start feeling homesick, and do not like these Thai females, you have the Commitee's authorisation to open Emergancy Agent Packet 384b2 - In this packet, you will find some fake pubic hair, some UHU glue (this is mainly to be applied on the back, and armpits of your victim), and a Garden Trowel. (just the way you like them, according to our records). 6) Do NOT, and i will urge this in the strongest words from our Party, do NOT get drunk whilst in Pattaya, and have a Henna tatoo of Comrade Gorbachev's Skin blemish. Comrade Igor Ohjanickabolokov did this, and his last words were "It's very cold in siberia Comrade General". That is all. A Friend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ugots2Believe Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 You can say that again, Nat ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elliss Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 hi comm rade , shame you cant meet up with george w bush , and have a chat about the good old days , things aint been the same. how,s vulga olga keeping ?. suprising what you can get into a condom . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comrade Vladamir Zharkovsky Posted October 22, 2003 Author Share Posted October 22, 2003 Greetings Internet Comrades What do you call a pretty girl in Russia - a tourist?Comrade Pnustedt, your attempt at what I understand you Westerners call humour is not amusing. We have many handsome females here in the motherland and treat them with the respect their beauty and dedication to the party deserve. For your infomation, the 13th annual Russian beauty contest was won recently by comrade Helga Botwinnik, a 16 stone beauty from Vladivostok who is shortly to represent the party's wrestling team at the next Olympics. 5) If you start feeling homesick, and do not like these Thai females, you have the Commitee's authorisation to open Emergancy Agent Packet 384b2 - In this packet, you will find some fake pubic hair, some UHU glue (this is mainly to be applied on the back, and armpits of your victim), and a Garden Trowel. (just the way you like them, according to our records). Your alarm me comrade Phazey. Are Thai females lacking in body hair? Comrade Joseph reassures me that you mention the need to apply artificial hair only to the back and armpit regions, but you do not discuss other more private areas? Internet comrades, this is now a matter of the highest priority. On no account whatsoever will the party agree to my returning to Russia with a Thai female in possession of anything other than at least a 10 year growth of "private hair". Help me comrades, I cannot let the party down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phazey Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 Your alarm me comrade Phazey. Are Thai females lacking in body hair? Comrade Joseph reassures me that you mention the need to apply artificial hair only to the back and armpit regions, but you do not discuss other more private areas? Comrade Vladamir, You have already disgraced the party by forgetting the trowel - the third most important tool after our hammer and sickel - how will our great nation eat - without the trowel, there are no potatoes! Shame on you! I recommended the "fake pubic hair" as a precautionary measure my comrade, as no doubt, the Australians got to Thailand before the Russians, and they always bringing a friend, namely Mr Gillette Mach III. With warm vodka induced regards, A Friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comrade Vladamir Zharkovsky Posted October 22, 2003 Author Share Posted October 22, 2003 Greetings Internet Comrades I recommended the "fake pubic hair" as a precautionary measure my comrade, as no doubt, the Australians got to Thailand before the Russians, and they always bringing a friend, namely Mr Gillette Mach III. Comrade Phazey, what is a Gillette Mach 111. Is it a farming tool? I have instructed comrade Mikhail here in Siberia to conduct immediate research at the Stalin Agricultural Research Centre in Moscow and he will report back to me shortly. In the meantime, I am still unsettled as to the situation regarding Thai females' private hair. I assure you comrade Phazey, I would be ostracised by the party immediately if it were discovered that my female comrade were in possession of what I believe Westerners refer to as a "shaven haven". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 A wonderful gathering of thoughts and of common sharing of worldly goods, and assetts. I note that in your spirit of socialist cooperation. You have, in Party tradition, shared the IP with our newer friend the Professor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phazey Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 Quote: IT'S A TRAP!! Admiral Ackbar (some battle cruiser - starwars) End Quote ./P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comrade Vladamir Zharkovsky Posted October 24, 2003 Author Share Posted October 24, 2003 Greetings Internet Comrades You have, in Party tradition, shared the IP with our newer friend the Professor Comrade Dr Pat Pong, your comments disturb me. My good friend, comrade Yuri Stravinsky, informs me that you are are none other than our dear friend Professor Nanavitch operating undercover in the Socialist Republic of Thailand and performing important anthropological reasearch. However, you must know that Party Dictate 567/h forbids any undercover party member from disclosing information about other party members, whether or not they be active in that particular country. Secrecy comade Pat Pong is of the essence. Any more failures on your part in this matter and I will be forced to refer your good name to comrade Mikhail Cutyourballsoffonavich. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 I do not wish to be the subject of Comrades Mikhail and Yuri's wrath. I unreservedly and absolutely withdraw my spurious allegations pertaining to seemingly slight similarities in your IP dear Comrade, and that of a nameless academic. Please convey my goodwill to the Comrades. A copy of this missive has been forwarded to Comrade Vladimir Kutchercockov. UP THE PARTY WITH A HAMMER AND SICKLE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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