Am I Just The Typical Stupid Farang?

[a2396]

It would seem the OP was not giving her regular monthly support, which most women expect here.

Regards most Thai women expecting regular monthly support; that's just another sweeping generalisation from reading too many broken hearted farang stories.

I have met several women who think exactly like this

I am not gonna ask where you shop for honey!

NOT from the bars or entertainment establishments. They were just "run of the mill" girls encountered through friends and a few from the internet. Of course, some from the internet are money grubbers. My remarks are made not from reading broken hearted Farang stories, but are from my own personal experience here. I have stated several times on this forum, that I have only met ONE woman in 6 years here, that I had any romantic relationship with, who DID NOT want money. To put this in some perspective, it is not a secret that many, if not most, of these Thai women seeking relationships with foreign men are on the bottom rungs of the socio-economic scale here and that explains much of the importance of money to them. Well-off, highly educated or professional women of marring age are not knocking themselves out to find a relationship with a foreign man. They don't need them and in many cases have no interest in them.

[coronadian]

Well, I'm glad many people give me their oppinion.

A couple of things:

- I left the first time (for about a month) because of visa problems, but knew (and so did she) I would be back in a month

- I left the second (this) time because, as was stated, I'm not made out of money and had to go work back home.

- I told her I would come back within 6 month, and I would have. I still might.

- When I left the second month I gave her the money to pay for the rest of the time of the app contract, as it was/is clear to me that she can't afford it

- I never asked her to work, I always told her its ok if she wants to work but I don't expect her to and I'll take care of her

- I couldn't have taken mom to the hospital to pay in person, as I didn't wanna go to Isaan (at this point anyway)

- The reason I didn't pay, quite frankly, is because once you give in you are forever expected to pay every month. In retrospect I see she was probably testing if I would help in emergancy situtions. My fault and I could kick myself twice over for it.

- When I say she came home drunk, I am talking maybe 5-6 times her, over a period of a month, so not everyday.

- The reason she didn't take back the job she had with the sister (she did for a week or so btw) is because the two have a very....well, "wavy" relationship, meaning one week they are the best of friends and the next they dont talk at all. Plus tbh I kinda encouraged her to seek prober work, if she wanted to work (I just felt like selling stuff on the street is a shit job), which led to her working in a coffee shop, and later a donut place. In the end she was helping her aunt some days of the week, and her sister the others. This is when I was leaving.

I don't understand why she would flat out tell me she has a new boyfriend though. To the guy who thinks she doesnt and just uses it to grab my attention, do you really think thats possible?

I think I was too scared of being taken advantage of, and should have been easier with the money.

Edited January 8, 2010 by coronadian

[anchan42]

- The reason I didn't pay, quite frankly, is because once you give in you are forever expected to pay every month.

I am not sure where you get the idea from but you have to be in control. You help out where it is appropriate and put a stop to it when it is not.

If you keep giving out then you can’t really blame the people who keep taking.

I know a Farang guy who married a Thai girl. The girl’s father put his land to the bank and got some money out, spent all the money and were unable to pay the bank back. The guy decided to help out without being asked to. The old man got his land back but did the same again. This time the guy said it is enough and let the bank take the land. The girl’s family still treat him like a king.

I don't understand why she would flat out tell me she has a new boyfriend though.

This might be a bit soap opera but it could be that she wanted you to hate her and never come back to see her again. Not seeing you again would make her moving on much easier if she really loved you. I am not saying that it is definitely the case but a possibility worth considering.

[johndpoole]

Well, I'm glad many people give me their oppinion.

A couple of things:

- I left the first time (for about a month) because of visa problems, but knew (and so did she) I would be back in a month

- I left the second (this) time because, as was stated, I'm not made out of money and had to go work back home.

- I told her I would come back within 6 month, and I would have. I still might.

- When I left the second month I gave her the money to pay for the rest of the time of the app contract, as it was/is clear to me that she can't afford it

- I never asked her to work, I always told her its ok if she wants to work but I don't expect her to and I'll take care of her

- I couldn't have taken mom to the hospital to pay in person, as I didn't wanna go to Isaan (at this point anyway)

- The reason I didn't pay, quite frankly, is because once you give in you are forever expected to pay every month. In retrospect I see she was probably testing if I would help in emergancy situtions. My fault and I could kick myself twice over for it.

- When I say she came home drunk, I am talking maybe 5-6 times her, over a period of a month, so not everyday.

- The reason she didn't take back the job she had with the sister (she did for a week or so btw) is because the two have a very....well, "wavy" relationship, meaning one week they are the best of friends and the next they dont talk at all. Plus tbh I kinda encouraged her to seek prober work, if she wanted to work (I just felt like selling stuff on the street is a shit job), which led to her working in a coffee shop, and later a donut place. In the end she was helping her aunt some days of the week, and her sister the others. This is when I was leaving.

I don't understand why she would flat out tell me she has a new boyfriend though. To the guy who thinks she doesnt and just uses it to grab my attention, do you really think thats possible?

I think I was too scared of being taken advantage of, and should have been easier with the money.

I can have no idea what is in her head but my initial thoughts was she might have said it to end it with you and have you stop calling and planning around her in order for her to be able to move on but it certainly could have been some kind of test ... but she also could simply be telling you the truth. But I hope either answer dispels the notion she was out for money cause if she was there are lots of stories to get you to send money.

But dude, 6-months is a long time especially for a 20 something year old and when you consider even if you came back that you would eventually be leaving again .....

Many women may be more emotional (or show it) more than men but I find they are also often more able to accept something is not likely going to work and then move on and never look back. By the way, I have no doubt she cried a number of times over you while you were gone.

Learn what you can from this and it has nothing to do with giving money. It has everything to do with communicating about things like money and explaining to her your fears and the stories you have heard. Encourage her to talk to you and explain why it is important to her to get money to family, explain how things are done in your culture. My guess is the more you are open with a women (or any person) the more they will be open with you. Thai culture may take more time and encouragement but one thing you got going for yourself is you appear bright and I don't think you would allow yourself to be taken in by a scam.

But if you are as sprung on her as you appear to be ... who cares if she has a boyfriend ... talk to her sister and try to get her on the phone. Tell her how you feel and be honest. Give her examples of how you think you may have screwed up and not been understanding to how she was feeling. Hopefully you will hit something on the head and she will open up more. If you can commit to be in Thailand indefinitely then let her know but if you can't let her know to and see if there is anything you can do to make her feel secure while you are gone.

Keep in mind you can easily go to school 4-hours a week (nights & week-ends too) to learn Thai and stay in the country on an Education Visa for a couple years. In that time you can get married to her, apply for a visa for her or so on.

If you know you cannot give her what she will need (and we aren't sure what that is) then let her go and let her know you wish you could.

Who knows, maybe she found a guy that she loves and is giving her everything she wants and needs and you will have no luck but if you love her as you say --- try to win her back. You cannot be any worse off than you are now.

Just don't be stupid and let yourself become a victim. She is clearly not a predator but people can change and it has been a while and you are emotionally vulnerable. Many poor girls with little means and from the north and south, especially those who have has a taste of a better life, can easily turn to prostitution in BKK and end up being predators as a way of survival.

And FYI -- the girls (women) looking to string a farang along almost always go after the older guys since they have money and are often trying to relive their youth / going through some midlife crisis. But believe it or not, these relationships sometimes work cause the girl is a human and does fall in love especially when a man is treating her good and taking care of her .... then there are those who just want to take everything they can and move on. This is not a slam towards Thai Girls or even girls as men do the same as girls do all over the world but there are just tons of available women in BKK for dating, sex and looking to better their lives with one of the only means available ... a boyfriend/husband who can take care of them.

Just get the stupid farang thoughts out of your head. This same thing was likely to occur had you gone to any country and fell in love and had to leave for 6-months. Only I dare say that it would be much harder to find a women in the US or the UK who would take care of you like your Thai GF did.

And nothing is your fault or hers ... how can you know what you don't know? We live and learn everyday of life and often things are not easy ... like falling for a girl who is half a world a way.

Good Luck and I really do wish you the best regardless of the results.

[johndpoole]

- The reason I didn't pay, quite frankly, is because once you give in you are forever expected to pay every month.

I am not sure where you get the idea from but you have to be in control. You help out where it is appropriate and put a stop to it when it is not.

If you keep giving out then you can’t really blame the people who keep taking.

I know a Farang guy who married a Thai girl. The girl’s father put his land to the bank and got some money out, spent all the money and were unable to pay the bank back. The guy decided to help out without being asked to. The old man got his land back but did the same again. This time the guy said it is enough and let the bank take the land. The girl’s family still treat him like a king.

I don't understand why she would flat out tell me she has a new boyfriend though.

This might be a bit soap opera but it could be that she wanted you to hate her and never come back to see her again. Not seeing you again would make her moving on much easier if she really loved you. I am not saying that it is definitely the case but a possibility worth considering.

I liked your previous post and this one too. I believe your honesty and sincere concern to help the poster. However, I have a problem with the word "control" ... get a dog and not a GF if you want to be in control. I realize Thailand is a developing nation and still has many backwards (sorry but they are) beliefs of women but it will not be too long before this changes.

My GF and I are equals. We each have our responsibilities in the relationship and if she is hurting over her family then so will I be just as if she wants to help them then I will want to help. Mind you she has never asked me to help her family though we do buy gifts for birthdays and such. I DON'T EXPECT her to try to control me or put me in my place just as she NOW doesn't expect me to act in such a way. As I said before, we are honest with one another and have communicated .... is it that hard to believe that she saw being treated as an equal so great and gave up some of the games she has been taught since a child needs to happen in a relationship in Thai culture? She still takes care of me like nobody's business but she also knows my money is hers and over a year later she has not once been foolish with money ... something I cannot say about myself.

I live here and most months I am able to give her money to put into her bank account which she never touches. Why? Because I understood her worries that one day I may leave and leave her with nothing. The last couple months have been tough and she has not got this extra money and could care less because she now trusts me that I would never leave her high and dry like so many men would ... especially Thai men. Sorry but it is sickening to see the number of single moms here who never get a dime from the father who walked out on them but often still want to come by and see the kid and pretend to be a dad. Again not a slam against Thai's but a simple fact where in more modernized countries this is not tolerated and men go to jail for not supporting their kids.

If you want a girl to maintain those ideas of giving money to parents (even when you get married) then go ahead and control her. Unless she is part dog she will always dislike you inside and like many men here you can go visit the massage parlor when you want to feel intimacy with somebody.

UNREAL ... "You have to be in control" ... why not let her be the one in control? Are women too stupid? According to many posters here that cannot be the case since they are the ones always getting taken advantage of by them.

Every time I hit the ATM now I give all the money to the GF except a tiny amount I stick in my wallet in case I am out alone. I have never tried to account for this money as we spend it because all I know is we spend less with her holding the money and I make less trips to the ATM .... Oh, but understand this was a girl who when I first met appeared to be money hungry and would tell me how much money other BF's gave to their GFs each month. Turned out she just wanted to feel secure if I left. And now the money she does have in the bank she is constantly itching to spend on me such as when I have some problem and say I am not going to the hospital over stomach ache or sore back ... she knows it is because I am cheap with myself on things like this and demands I go and that she will pay. In fact I love it and we both end up laughing when I refuse to go and she says, "I think you smart man but now I know you stupid"

Just my 2-cents (or $50 with all these posts) but if you need to "control" your women then you are with the wrong women or have some self-esteem issues.

Edited January 8, 2010 by johndpoole

[anchan42]

hey thai person

if guys didnt give money to their thai gfs there wouldnt be any to complain about.

Greetings.. Not-a-Thai-person.

I would not be so sure about that. There are girls who have good jobs, supporting themselves and have Farang bf.

There are Thai girls burnt and cheated by farang too.

? thai person.............are middle class thai girls basically a no go for the avg farang?

No..not really but they would be a lot more difficult to get then bar girls some avg farang go straight to after landed in Thailand.

In return, they would be more reliable and trust worthy. This is generalisation and there are exceptions.

This apply to everywhere in the world, not only Thailand

[Andyman]

The joker nailed it.......... move on.

[Petesear]

Always remember in Thailand, you donot lose your girlfriend just your place in line.

Go back to Thailand and live life your to young to be getting hung up on one girl. look around and you will find another nice girl, look for one with a good job, not a hooker.

these girls have a lot of pressure to help the family and it can be very stressful on them. On one trip my girlfriend is talking on the phone and I can tell she is pissed after she hangs up I ask whats up. All she says is money, money don't these people realize I have a family to take care of. It was her kid sister asking for money when she had been given a couple of thousand baht a week earlier.

It's hard to get the full story, they will not talk about it that much.

Go back have a good time life is to short wondering why, who knows and who cares.

'you donot lose your girlfriend just your place in line' - what a sad puppy you must be and what a slur on the majority of Thai women. Stop swimming in the sewer and you might meet some decent women or maybe you are just a misogynist

[anchan42]

I liked your previous post and this one too. I believe your honesty and sincere concern to help the poster. However, I have a problem with the word "control" ... get a dog and not a GF if you want to be in control. I realize Thailand is a developing nation and still has many backwards (sorry but they are) beliefs of women but it will not be too long before this changes.

Yeah, the word “control” might not be appropriate here. I hate to blame it on my English.

I did not mean control as in controlling your dog but more like controlling yourself and be able to talk to your partner about what you are not comfortable with. If your GF ask you for money you think it is not reasonable and are uncomfortable about it but feel helpless and compelled to give it to her. That is wrong, isn’t it? But if the poster feel it is unreasonable and uncomfortable with helping his gf's sick mother, his gf has every right to say goodbye to him.

I am married. We both work and she, Thai wife, control all the money. She has my ATM card and pays all the bills including my monthly allowances. I can ask for more if needed (often refused by unarguable good reason, I might add) . She also gives money to our parents on monthly basic. I am happy about all of that and know that if I want to change, I can just talk to her.

All of that happen over time after we gain more and more trust in each other. I would not recommend the poster to even start discussing who doing what with money now.

[Tod Daniels]

<SNIPPED OUT THE RHETORIC>Just my 2-cents

WOW!! ‘johndpoole'; I count 22 posts you've made on just this thread!! Far from adding “just your two cents”, you’ve certainly been a fountain of (mis)information…

I think you’ve clearly set a new T/V world record by a wide margin; made all the more endearing as all the posts were done today and on this thread no less!

Well done, just look at your post count now, you father should be proud of you... I know I am.

Have a little too much time on your hands with the whole living in the glorious “Land ‘O Thais” studying the thai language on an ED visa dealy?

To the O/P; In all honesty, there are enough differing views from the various and sundry posters who contributed to this topic to wobble your mind (especially the novellas written by ‘johndpoole') . Take some time to digest it, let it all sink in, and remember; when fishermen can’t go to sea, they mend their nets (or get piss drunk ) clearly in your situation you can take your pick.

[coronadian]

But if you are as sprung on her as you appear to be ... who cares if she has a boyfriend ... talk to her sister and try to get her on the phone. Tell her how you feel and be honest. Give her examples of how you think you may have screwed up and not been understanding to how she was feeling. Hopefully you will hit something on the head and she will open up more. If you can commit to be in Thailand indefinitely then let her know but if you can't let her know to and see if there is anything you can do to make her feel secure while you are gone.

I am trying, I hope she comes through. Even if she doesnt read my mails, I hope her sister will tell her.

[Petesear]

I am married. We both work and she, Thai wife, control all the money. She has my ATM card and pays all the bills including my monthly allowances. I can ask for more if needed (often refused by unarguable good reason, I might add) . She also gives money to our parents on monthly basic. I am happy about all of that and know that if I want to change, I can just talk to her.

This is perfectly normal in Thailand but in the West it is unusual, I'm not saying it doesn't happen though. It not being normal to Farang could be the reason Westerners find it so difficult to do?

If I was to ask my Mother-in-law she could tell me exactly how much it cost to put my wife(Thai) through University. The Mrs believes she is duty bound to add to her parents' income in their retirement. Which is honourable. I think the whole concept of 'investing' in your children is seen very differently in Asia.

Back on topic.... Many Thais, male and female, are forced to play the hand they are dealt. This could mean choosing security over love or struggling on with life as a prostitute. Reading the OP I would say the GF felt she had no choice but to move on to pastures new, regardless of her feelings. I could be wrong.

My advice now would be to decide if you are a person who is prepared to help her and her family, and does she still have your trust.

Without trust you have nothing.

Edited January 8, 2010 by Petesear

[Nio]

You got played for the BBD

Bigger and Better Deal

It's the big trade up

Find a farang, then if he cannot give the girl what she wants, she hangs out with him until she can trade up to something better.

You got her from point A to B and now someone else will get her from B to C whether C is enough for her remains to be seen?

Your story is almost the exact same I have heard over 10+ years in a row here

Do you know why there are so many Isaan girls in Bangkok?

They come here looking for money for themselves and more importantly to take care of their families

Most will put themself out for money for their family before settling down with a guy with nothing

Love is not the issue and nothing you did is your fault

You need to understand the game

The game is move from Isaan to Bangkok in hopes to make enough money to support mom and pop ANYWAY THEY CAN!

What farangs need to do is start thinking my their head on top of their shoulders

The writing was on the wall day one.

Yes she was from Isaan, yes she had a family to support, yes she was working in an uneducated low paid dead end job that if you opened your eyes, she probably did not even make enough to pay for her apartment by herself.

So you come along with good intentions and fall in love.

But here is something for everyone to understand?

These girls consider supporting their parents the number 1 thing they can do in their life.

It is unreal how important this is and girls will put themselves out just to faithfully send money to mom and dad every single week

This is Thailand man and everyone needs to wake up

No there is no magic potion that makes your girl different

Thailand is a poor country and Isaan is dirt poor

Try this the next time you meet a new girl?

Hi, where are you from? Girl: I from Issaan

What do your parents do? Girl: They farmers

BINGO BINGO BINGO THE RED CAUTION LIGHT SHOULD COME ON ALERTING YOUR BRAIN

Where do you work?

How much do you make per month? Girl: I make 6,000 baht and send mom 2,000 a month

What she didn't tell you was her room, electric, phone at up the other 4,000 so she has nothing

Do you feel me now bro? Do you get where I am coming from?

<1% of Isaan girls would ditch their parents for a farang with no money

The magic trick is to use your head, ask the leading questions and it will lead you right to the ending on the first date

There is a ton more that can be said but hopefully you get the idea

Family is way more important than boyfriend and dont ever forget that

[upinthesky]

What a common bedtime story! I heard this kinda stuffs throughout my entire life while living here. What do you expect? This is Thailand. Nothing is above money-talk.

[coronadian]

Do you know why there are so many Isaan girls in Bangkok?

They come here looking for money for themselves and more importantly to take care of their families

Most will put themself out for money for their family before settling down with a guy with nothing

That may be so, but in this case she didn't suddenly realize she wanted to move there. Her mother send her to bkk to go to a catholic church [edit: I mean school, not church] when she was like 12, if you must know. After that she stayed because her sister was there too, had her own shop and they lived together.

And its not like I have nothing.

Edited January 8, 2010 by coronadian

[Petesear]

And its not like I have nothing.

But are you prepared to share what you've got?

[coronadian]

And its not like I have nothing.

But are you prepared to share what you've got?

First of all, I shared with her everything while I was there. I dont know but I think I spend way more on her than on myself. I have no problem with that. I shared everythign with her sister, her niece. When we went out to eat together or something I usually offered to pick up the bill. Also her younger sister who visisted for a few weeks. With that I mean food, take her go places, no problem. I have no problem with that.

Second, if we were to get married, of course I'll share everything I have. But when we are not, do you really expect me to give her my pin number? I kept a bit of cash around the house etc, usually around 30k or so. She had many chances to take a thousand or whatever, I even told her she can take some if she wants to buy something. But she never did, she always asked me.

[Petesear]

And its not like I have nothing.

But are you prepared to share what you've got?

First of all, I shared with her everything while I was there. I dont know but I think I spend way more on her than on myself. I have no problem with that. I shared everythign with her sister, her niece. When we went out to eat together or something I usually offered to pick up the bill. Also her younger sister who visisted for a few weeks. With that I mean food, take her go places, no problem. I have no problem with that.

Second, if we were to get married, of course I'll share everything I have. But when we are not, do you really expect me to give her my pin number? I kept a bit of cash around the house etc, usually around 30k or so. She had many chances to take a thousand or whatever, I even told her she can take some if she wants to buy something. But she never did, she always asked me.

I'm sorry to say then that maybe the end of your relationship had nothing to do with money. She may have said she loved you, maybe she did, but she moved on. This happens everywhere in every walk of life. It could be that she just met someone new... We've all done it.

You'll get over her, life is for living...

[Dustybin]

Another "little head" story

[t.s]

Do you know why there are so many Isaan girls in Bangkok?

They come here looking for money for themselves and more importantly to take care of their families

Most will put themself out for money for their family before settling down with a guy with nothing

That may be so, but in this case she didn't suddenly realize she wanted to move there. Her mother send her to bkk to go to a catholic church [edit: I mean school, not church] when she was like 12, if you must know. After that she stayed because her sister was there too, had her own shop and they lived together.

And its not like I have nothing.

wait a minute here, i think you are the guy who was banging my girlfriend!!!!

[coronadian]

wait a minute here, i think you are the guy who was banging my girlfriend!!!!

you better be joking.....whats her (nick-)name?

Edited January 8, 2010 by coronadian

[jackr]

I am married. We both work and she, Thai wife, control all the money. She has my ATM card and pays all the bills including my monthly allowances. I can ask for more if needed (often refused by unarguable good reason, I might add) . She also gives money to our parents on monthly basic. I am happy about all of that and know that if I want to change, I can just talk to her.

"I can ask for more if needed" &lt;deleted&gt;! Never understood this way of thinking with you guys letting the missus control funds and what not. Does she also wipe your bottom?

OP, she's a digger and is always gonna think of number one and family... just move on and think yourself lucky you never ended up married etc.

[johndpoole]

I liked your previous post and this one too. I believe your honesty and sincere concern to help the poster. However, I have a problem with the word "control" ... get a dog and not a GF if you want to be in control. I realize Thailand is a developing nation and still has many backwards (sorry but they are) beliefs of women but it will not be too long before this changes.

Yeah, the word “control” might not be appropriate here. I hate to blame it on my English.

I did not mean control as in controlling your dog but more like controlling yourself and be able to talk to your partner about what you are not comfortable with. If your GF ask you for money you think it is not reasonable and are uncomfortable about it but feel helpless and compelled to give it to her. That is wrong, isn’t it? But if the poster feel it is unreasonable and uncomfortable with helping his gf's sick mother, his gf has every right to say goodbye to him.

I am married. We both work and she, Thai wife, control all the money. She has my ATM card and pays all the bills including my monthly allowances. I can ask for more if needed (often refused by unarguable good reason, I might add) . She also gives money to our parents on monthly basic. I am happy about all of that and know that if I want to change, I can just talk to her.

All of that happen over time after we gain more and more trust in each other. I would not recommend the poster to even start discussing who doing what with money now.

I apologize if I read too much into that one statement. And what is it about Thai women and money? Seems like all the guys out here who think they are money grubbing cheaters all get treated that way while others like you and me find having the GF/Wife handle the money works out best. In fact if you look when you go out to eat or even the movies it is usually the girl here in Thailand that pays. But you are right about needing to talk and trust before getting into money ... but i think it may come up sooner here and I am not sure why. Possibly because of perceptions of all farangs being rich and many of the posters going with poorer girls who hear that it is normal for a farang to give cash payments to them. Surely there is much more to this too but as I mentioned before and you indicate --- trust needs to be developed and that takes time and communications ... and a little bit of faith and taking some risks in the begining.

[johndpoole]

I am married. We both work and she, Thai wife, control all the money. She has my ATM card and pays all the bills including my monthly allowances. I can ask for more if needed (often refused by unarguable good reason, I might add) . She also gives money to our parents on monthly basic. I am happy about all of that and know that if I want to change, I can just talk to her.

"I can ask for more if needed" &lt;deleted&gt;! Never understood this way of thinking with you guys letting the missus control funds and what not. Does she also wipe your bottom?

OP, she's a digger and is always gonna think of number one and family... just move on and think yourself lucky you never ended up married etc.

I have to agree with you, but the more l read, it looks like a hoax post. Hope not.

Why a hoax post?

Why is it illogical to believe that somebody doesn't let you down when you trust them and in turn when you expect the worst to be surprised when you get the worst.

[johndpoole]

And its not like I have nothing.

But are you prepared to share what you've got?

First of all, I shared with her everything while I was there. I dont know but I think I spend way more on her than on myself. I have no problem with that. I shared everythign with her sister, her niece. When we went out to eat together or something I usually offered to pick up the bill. Also her younger sister who visisted for a few weeks. With that I mean food, take her go places, no problem. I have no problem with that.

Second, if we were to get married, of course I'll share everything I have. But when we are not, do you really expect me to give her my pin number? I kept a bit of cash around the house etc, usually around 30k or so. She had many chances to take a thousand or whatever, I even told her she can take some if she wants to buy something. But she never did, she always asked me.

You are not married and should not give her your pin number but then again you are not married and shouldn't expect her to wait around for you for 6-months when she is 20 something years old and doing little to support her.

By the way ... you are now just being defensive and are nowhere close to understanding what went wrong here. On one sentence you make it out to be idiotic to give your GF of a year your pin number but in the next you go on to say how she could be trusted fully with money and wouldn't even take money you offered to her to by something for herself.

By the way, my GF here has my pin number and knows where I keep a spare ATM in the house. We are partners and have trust of each other. I gave her my pin number a number of months back out of convenience when it was easier for her to go the ATM. It wasn't done for any other reason, never came up before and when I offered it, I felt good because it showed her I don't think twice about trusting her. We never talked about it again but I know she took it as just another thing to show I trust her completely and in return she trusted me more.

Lets face it --- if you hold back in a relationship and don't trust then the person can't trust you. If my GF didn't trust me then I have little doubt she would be the person she is and would end up being the person I projected onto her ... somebody who cannot be trusted.

Dude, I am not saying you are blaming her but you are not being honest with us or yourself (what matters) and the only way you can get anything out of this is to see what you did wrong. You can only change yourself and learn from mistakes.

Or you can be like the old losers in here and blame thai women and start being miserable at a young age. Funny thing is these Old Farts come half way across the world to be with these losers.

[MrHammer]

I apologize if I read too much into that one statement. And what is it about Thai women and money? Seems like all the guys out here who think they are money grubbing cheaters all get treated that way while others like you and me find having the GF/Wife handle the money works out best. In fact if you look when you go out to eat or even the movies it is usually the girl here in Thailand that pays. But you are right about needing to talk and trust before getting into money ... but i think it may come up sooner here and I am not sure why. Possibly because of perceptions of all farangs being rich and many of the posters going with poorer girls who hear that it is normal for a farang to give cash payments to them. Surely there is much more to this too but as I mentioned before and you indicate --- trust needs to be developed and that takes time and communications ... and a little bit of faith and taking some risks in the begining.

Yes. I think the TS actually was right in not paying in anything UNTIL the emergency situation, where he probably should have taken her to the hospital like suggested. He's a young guy (so am I) and probably doesn't have money to throw around anyway.

The thing is, and this is not just in Thailand, too many men WILLINGLY put themselves in the 'big spender' category by thinking that throwing money around will attract a girl. But women are not attracted to money! Most women won't mind a free ride though and that's what happens if you put yourself in the 'free ride' category from the get go. That's why most bar girls relationships fail. Because they started with money.

Many poor girls here naturally like the idea of money and STATUS. I dated a girl, where we went out with her friends many times and she insisted I would pay the bill, but she would then give me half back when her friends had gone home! Oh yeah, she really like to show me off. It didn't last long. You see, for some Isaan girls, farang = STATUS. It's become so normal to fleece a farang that if a girl has a farang boyfriend and does not show a noticeable increase in living, then her friends may wonder what's wrong with her since she can't get money out of the farang. That's why it's a very bad idea to play into the normal farang big spender stereotype, cause you will then be expected to front some cash.

On the other hand, I have dated girls here who wouldn't hear about me paying for them or they would pay. I even had bar girls pay my bills. If a girl really likes YOU, then she won't care about money. But in Thailand, if a poor girl stops respecting you, then many times she will look to get what she can financially.

That's why I try not to get into relationships with poor girls anymore and just stay single until meeting girls from better backgrounds. I don't think it's fair to lead these girls on either. They have a real need for finding financial stability and if I know I am not going to marry her, then I am not going to pretend that it may happen.

That's imo, why it's tough to have a relationship with these girls without money involved, because they really do need money. If not from you, then they may have to find it somewhere else.

[coronadian]

And its not like I have nothing.

But are you prepared to share what you've got?

First of all, I shared with her everything while I was there. I dont know but I think I spend way more on her than on myself. I have no problem with that. I shared everythign with her sister, her niece. When we went out to eat together or something I usually offered to pick up the bill. Also her younger sister who visisted for a few weeks. With that I mean food, take her go places, no problem. I have no problem with that.

Second, if we were to get married, of course I'll share everything I have. But when we are not, do you really expect me to give her my pin number? I kept a bit of cash around the house etc, usually around 30k or so. She had many chances to take a thousand or whatever, I even told her she can take some if she wants to buy something. But she never did, she always asked me.

You are not married and should not give her your pin number but then again you are not married and shouldn't expect her to wait around for you for 6-months when she is 20 something years old and doing little to support her.

By the way ... you are now just being defensive and are nowhere close to understanding what went wrong here. On one sentence you make it out to be idiotic to give your GF of a year your pin number but in the next you go on to say how she could be trusted fully with money and wouldn't even take money you offered to her to by something for herself.

By the way, my GF here has my pin number and knows where I keep a spare ATM in the house. We are partners and have trust of each other. I gave her my pin number a number of months back out of convenience when it was easier for her to go the ATM. It wasn't done for any other reason, never came up before and when I offered it, I felt good because it showed her I don't think twice about trusting her. We never talked about it again but I know she took it as just another thing to show I trust her completely and in return she trusted me more.

Lets face it --- if you hold back in a relationship and don't trust then the person can't trust you. If my GF didn't trust me then I have little doubt she would be the person she is and would end up being the person I projected onto her ... somebody who cannot be trusted.

Dude, I am not saying you are blaming her but you are not being honest with us or yourself (what matters) and the only way you can get anything out of this is to see what you did wrong. You can only change yourself and learn from mistakes.

Or you can be like the old losers in here and blame thai women and start being miserable at a young age. Funny thing is these Old Farts come half way across the world to be with these losers.

So your saying I should have give her more support (financially....the 6 month wait could have been shorter to maybe 4 or so, so I couldnt get around to not going home for a bit eventually)? Nobody has ever gotten my pin number. Where I'm from thats very unusual, what is done instead is getting the wife her own card into the same account, but not giving her the pin to someones elses card. Actually I think its illegal to use a card not in your own name, but I'm not sure.

Why is it completely out there to ask someone to wait half a year, after having been with them 1 year before with the promise to come back?

Why am I not being honest with myself? I'm not saying I cant trust her with money (but I dont know), just thats shes never given me reason not to.

[johndpoole]

What a common bedtime story! I heard this kinda stuffs throughout my entire life while living here. What do you expect? This is Thailand. Nothing is above money-talk.

LOL, yea go to another country where people and women don't care about money and only want to be in love and could care less about financial security. Just ask this poster to provide a list of those countries where women find men who don't buy them things attractive since I can think of none. Or where the folks with money can get away with murder cause money does talk but everyone likes to pretend they are all equal.

In truth, If you have a great body or looks then then you can definitely get laid in lots of countries and the hot young girls will even stay with you for a while until they are ready to settle down with a man who can actually take care of them. But of course there are many countries where it is not so hard for women to have financial independence and you could go there but come to think of it ... not sure to many financially successful women are looking for dudes with little money unless they want a boy toy to keep as a pet like so many farang men here want but are unwilling to pay the price.

It just cracks me up to think of these old, fat and ugly farangs thinking Thai girls should find their looks attractive and being bitter because these hot girls are attracted to them because they are financially successful. Kind of like a chick finding a rock star attractive and having the rock star be bitter about this when he got into music for the girls just as these men came here thinking they could buy a GF then getting bitter because the women want to actually be taken care of long term if they are going to be together for a length of time. I mean why the hel_l should she settle for that when there are guys out there who realize being financially successful is an attractive trait that can get girls attention initially just as a great looks do but both are just the initial attractions that can lead to real love.

[johndpoole]

Do you know why there are so many Isaan girls in Bangkok?

They come here looking for money for themselves and more importantly to take care of their families

Most will put themself out for money for their family before settling down with a guy with nothing

That may be so, but in this case she didn't suddenly realize she wanted to move there. Her mother send her to bkk to go to a catholic church [edit: I mean school, not church] when she was like 12, if you must know. After that she stayed because her sister was there too, had her own shop and they lived together.

And its not like I have nothing.

No, I don't "must know" and I am really starting to doubt much of your story.

[coronadian]

Do you know why there are so many Isaan girls in Bangkok?

They come here looking for money for themselves and more importantly to take care of their families

Most will put themself out for money for their family before settling down with a guy with nothing

That may be so, but in this case she didn't suddenly realize she wanted to move there. Her mother send her to bkk to go to a catholic church [edit: I mean school, not church] when she was like 12, if you must know. After that she stayed because her sister was there too, had her own shop and they lived together.

And its not like I have nothing.

No, I don't "must know" and I am really starting to doubt much of your story.

Well, the post sounded harsh, I appologize, but in my defense your posted a whole paragraphed list as defacto statements, and I just wanted to make sure your assumptions dont always hold.

I dont know why you doubt much of my story, but then again theres nothign I can do about it except tell you what I told me GF all the time, I dont lie.