3 Children , 20 Years In Thailand And 16 Years Together

[needforspeed]

I agree with you needforspeed they are your kids and you love them.

I have to admire your fortitude and patience in handling this situation.

I too have read the Chris Stanley blog and his situation is truly horrendous but I can help but think that he allowed himself to be robbed blind over a number of years.

I am certain you will not do the same.

Chok Dee.............

Never say never but i love my live, so i dont think so.

Thanks

[needforspeed]

If / when you do decide to confront your girlfriend, you should not be surprised if her first reaction is to completely deny anything and everything you say about this. You need to be completely sure of your position, because if she has successfully lied to you so far, she may decide that lying is the best way to continue. It has already been mentioned that her family will probably not be any support for you in this.

Correct she lied and yes she will keep doing this, i dont know after confrontation what is going to happened.

And yes the few family she has, no support at all.

But she wouldt either from my family, they only hear one site off the story.

[Hairy]

Get DNA done on the kids before making any long range plan's

Why?

Never tought about this, and if so it doens't change anything, i love my kids.

So maybe better don't know.

I just searched through eight pages before I made the exact same comment, and find it on the very last page. Oh well, so I'm not the first. It's still important.

N4S, sure, you love the kids, you've been a father to them, and all that. But if she tries to use them as a weapon against you, or tries to demand court-ordered child support, it is much better to know whether they are biologically yours or not.

Getting the testing done cannot change your relationships with them unless you want it to, regardless of the results -- but it CAN change your legal obligations, especially if the woman tries to use the kids against you.

There are plenty of men who have assumed the kids were theirs, loved them, wanted to keep their relationship ongoing, and then got thoroughly destroyed in court by the ex-wife -- only to find out after they've agreed to mandatory child-support payments for the next fifteen years that (a) the then-wife had been cheating all along, ( the kids aren't biologically theirs, © the courts have imposed such a high payment amount that they cannot afford to live on the money left over after paying it, and (d) that they're totally screwed because the courts don't care whether the child is biologically theirs or not, but only care about the "best interests of the child".

There are some real horror stories out there, especially in California, which has a particularly crappy system set up -- the woman can name a father at birth, and unless the father contests that within two years, he's stuck for life. But notice that I didn't mention anything about the woman NOTIFYING the guy she named -- she can put the name of any random guy she wants on the birth certificate, whether or not she's ever had sex with him, and never tell him, and wait out those two years, and then go after him for failure to pay child support. At that point, the state of California refuses to consider any evidence whatsoever about paternity, doesn't care about DNA evidence of paternity, and won't allow the guy off the hook -- because it's in the best interests of the child to get lots of money to pay for mommy's drugs, or something like that.

However, visitation rights might get thrown out if the guy isn't actually the kids' biological father. Hey, what could be creepier than some random unrelated stranger taking the kids to a park once a week, right? Can't have that, even if the stranger is paying US$1200 per month to the kids' mom in support.

The above rantings are based on the disaster that the U.S. family court system has become. I don't know anything about Thai law, so perhaps they're more honest over there. Then again, I've read about the double standard that gets applied to foreigners in Thai courts, so probably not.

In any case, get the testing done, find out for certain that the kids are yours (or not), and then worry about the rest. Don't fall into the trap of "but I love them sooo much!", because if you do that now, you could end up stuck with those payments for a long, long time, even if they turn out not to be yours, and even if the woman refuses to let you see them, and even if the courts agree that you don't have any rights to see them. What if they're not yours, and you end up having children of your own with someone else later on? Then you won't be able to provide much for your own biological offspring.

Get the tests done. They certainly cannot hurt you, and they might help you avoid a lot of misery and cost in the future.

[khunandy]

Sorry to hear about your troubles.

First off, drop the booze..even when you are mildly intoxicated crazy plans seem easy and justified but are usually stupid and regretable in the cold hard light of day.

Booze is a depressant that makes your problems seem insurmountable when you are hungover. We all know that feeling of remorse.

I would play it cool and approach her with what evidence you may have , sit down and gently but firmly talk it through without fear of rejection...take the upper hand without anger.

Let it be known to her that this sort of betrayal is (however it started) wont be tolerated and her lifestyle is in danger of being turned upside down very quickly.

Then go and hunt down the Italian's email address and let him know the score..maybe he thinks she is unattached, maybe he is a sleazebag....he wont hang around either way.

Your problem is compounded by the fact you work away and will drive yourself nuts every time she doesnt answer her mobile phone...hope it works out mate but you are in for a bit of a ride whatever happens, the only thing you can control yourself is your dignity.

In my mind one of the main problems Thai women have is the fact they never seem to have a friend or mentor who tells them they are <deleted>*king up or have <deleted>*ked up...this is destructive in itself.

Edited January 26, 2010 by khunandy

[bangon04]

If / when you do decide to confront your girlfriend, you should not be surprised if her first reaction is to completely deny anything and everything you say about this. You need to be completely sure of your position, because if she has successfully lied to you so far, she may decide that lying is the best way to continue. It has already been mentioned that her family will probably not be any support for you in this.

Correct she lied and yes she will keep doing this, i dont know after confrontation what is going to happened.

And yes the few family she has, no support at all.

But she wouldt either from my family, they only hear one site off the story.

I am not sure if you can count on your children supporting you if their mother is telling them her side of the story. Family ties are strong if you are away some of the time. Be careful not to make them choose, if you can avoid it.

[needforspeed]

I just searched through eight pages before I made the exact same comment, and find it on the very last page. Oh well, so I'm not the first. It's still important.

N4S, sure, you love the kids, you've been a father to them, and all that. But if she tries to use them as a weapon against you, or tries to demand court-ordered child support, it is much better to know whether they are biologically yours or not.

Getting the testing done cannot change your relationships with them unless you want it to, regardless of the results -- but it CAN change your legal obligations, especially if the woman tries to use the kids against you.

There are plenty of men who have assumed the kids were theirs, loved them, wanted to keep their relationship ongoing, and then got thoroughly destroyed in court by the ex-wife -- only to find out after they've agreed to mandatory child-support payments for the next fifteen years that (a) the then-wife had been cheating all along, ( the kids aren't biologically theirs, © the courts have imposed such a high payment amount that they cannot afford to live on the money left over after paying it, and (d) that they're totally screwed because the courts don't care whether the child is biologically theirs or not, but only care about the "best interests of the child".

There are some real horror stories out there, especially in California, which has a particularly crappy system set up -- the woman can name a father at birth, and unless the father contests that within two years, he's stuck for life. But notice that I didn't mention anything about the woman NOTIFYING the guy she named -- she can put the name of any random guy she wants on the birth certificate, whether or not she's ever had sex with him, and never tell him, and wait out those two years, and then go after him for failure to pay child support. At that point, the state of California refuses to consider any evidence whatsoever about paternity, doesn't care about DNA evidence of paternity, and won't allow the guy off the hook -- because it's in the best interests of the child to get lots of money to pay for mommy's drugs, or something like that.

However, visitation rights might get thrown out if the guy isn't actually the kids' biological father. Hey, what could be creepier than some random unrelated stranger taking the kids to a park once a week, right? Can't have that, even if the stranger is paying US$1200 per month to the kids' mom in support.

The above rantings are based on the disaster that the U.S. family court system has become. I don't know anything about Thai law, so perhaps they're more honest over there. Then again, I've read about the double standard that gets applied to foreigners in Thai courts, so probably not.

In any case, get the testing done, find out for certain that the kids are yours (or not), and then worry about the rest. Don't fall into the trap of "but I love them sooo much!", because if you do that now, you could end up stuck with those payments for a long, long time, even if they turn out not to be yours, and even if the woman refuses to let you see them, and even if the courts agree that you don't have any rights to see them. What if they're not yours, and you end up having children of your own with someone else later on? Then you won't be able to provide much for your own biological offspring.

Get the tests done. They certainly cannot hurt you, and they might help you avoid a lot of misery and cost in the future.

THanks,

How and where?

[BigWheelMan]

This is an incredible thread.

I am rooting for the OP that he gets through this unscaved and the tension is tremendous.

This could be a gianormous misunderstanding because the obvious is not always the fact and hoping that this is the case.

If it turns out to be true, than this woman is one hel_l of a nasty individual and deserves nothing less than being thrown out onto the street with nothing.

Good luck and keep us up to date.

Edited January 26, 2010 by BigWheelMan

[needforspeed]

This is an incredible thread.

I am rooting for the OP that he gets through this unscaved and the tension is tremendous.

This could be a gianormous misunderstanding because the obvious is not always the fact and hoping that this is the case.

If it turns out to be true, than this woman is one hel_l of a nasty individual and deserves nothing less than being thrown out onto the street with nothing.

Good luck and keep us up to date.

Yes i keep all up to date as i got a lots off good advice from all, and i needed it.

Thanks

[needforspeed]

How to check DNA from myself and my children?

Where can i do this, how long does it take before getting results?

And is it expensive?

Thanks

[CrossBones]

Well if you think revenge IS in order (think carefully about that)

Tell her.... darling I like this house, but its not big enough. I want to build a big house with swimming pool. Get an architect to draw up some plans.

Then get the demolition people in to knok down the house and start the groundwork for new house.

Then fuc_k off ... before you pay any deposit to the contractors.

Of course with kids involved maybe not. A friend of mine did this to a cheating wife (she was already married to thai man)

Edited January 26, 2010 by CrossBones

[needforspeed]

Well if you think revenge IS in order (think carefully about that)

Tell her.... darling I like this house, but its not big enough. I want to build a big house with swimming pool. Get an architect to draw up some plans.

Then get the demolition people in to knok down the house and start the groundwork for new house.

Then fuc_k off ... before you pay any deposit to the contractors.

Of course with kids involved maybe not. A friend of mine did this to a cheating wife (she wasess already married to thai man)

That is not like me, yes there are kids involved and second it doesn't satisfy me to take revence.

Revence is in make cases a waste of energy.

Satisfaction feeling for a minute and headache for a month.

[IanForbes]

Although I've made some flippant remarks in the past, needforspeed, I truly do feel understanding in your case. It IS possible to love children who are not your own biologically. I know, I love a little Thai girl I've been trying to help since she was 3 years old. She is now nine. The unfortunate problem is that her mother drives me crazy with her apparent stupidity.

Booze certainly isn't the answer and neither is revenge. Infidelity doesn't bother me either. That can happen with men or women regardless what anyone says. What DOES matter is the children's best interests, and I think that is where your concerns are. The chilling true stories of what happens in California are part of the reason why so many men flee to Thailand. I wish you luck whatever direction you take.

[needforspeed]

Although I've made some flippant remarks in the past, needforspeed, I truly do feel understanding in your case. It IS possible to love children who are not your own biologically. I know, I love a little Thai girl I've been trying to help since she was 3 years old. She is now nine. The unfortunate problem is that her mother drives me crazy with her apparent stupidity.

Booze certainly isn't the answer and neither is revenge. Infidelity doesn't bother me either. That can happen with men or women regardless what anyone says. What DOES matter is the children's best interests, and I think that is where your concerns are. The chilling true stories of what happens in California are part of the reason why so many men flee to Thailand. I wish you luck whatever direction you take.

Although I've made some flippant remarks in the past, needforspeed: No worries each comment is welcome and sometimes it isnt easy to find out if its all BullSH@@@ or true, each comment/remark is welcome.

I love a little Thai girl I've been trying to help since she was 3 years old. She is now nine Should be more people like you Ian, helping each other isnt a weakness.

I wish you luck whatever direction you take. Thanks for that, keep you informed

Cheers

[F1fanatic]

Sorry, I know this is off-topic, but I'm VERY sceptical about the California 'story'.

If what the poster said were true - all the multi-millionaire Calilfornians would be up to their armpits in false child welfare payments.

Let's face it, any gold digger worth her salt would have a baby and put a (non-famous) multi-millionaire down as the father. Can't choose a famous name as the registrar would recognise it and alert the famous person. A wealthy business man though..... nobody would recognise the name and 2 years later she's up for enormous amounts of money IF DNA tests were not recognised, as the poster claims.

Edited January 26, 2010 by F1fanatic

[MJo]

How to check DNA from myself and my children?

Where can i do this, how long does it take before getting results?

And is it expensive?

Thanks

There was thread lately regarding DNA tests. Apparently you can order a kit from Australia. Just swab from the cheeks, kids and you and send back for testing. Should not be that expensive nowadays.

But then again as you said does it change anything. And if the legal side does get nasty you could or you should be able to do it later if there is real need due legal reasons.

[Boo]

lets not let a little thing called the truth get in the way of a good old rant against America & conniving women F1fanatic

[F1fanatic]

lets not let a little thing called the truth get in the way of a good old rant against America & conniving women F1fanatic

Quite right, how could I be so stupid?! I still can't believe nobody pulled the poster up on this one earlier!

Edited January 26, 2010 by F1fanatic

[MJo]

I smell burning bras....

[F1fanatic]

I smell burning bras....

Or perhaps an injection of common sense.......

[needforspeed]

There was thread lately regarding DNA tests. Apparently you can order a kit from Australia. Just swab from the cheeks, kids and you and send back for testing. Should not be that expensive nowadays.

But then again as you said does it change anything. And if the legal side does get nasty you could or you should be able to do it later if there is real need due legal reasons.

Try to find this thread, cant find it.

If there are people who have any info about DNA test in Bankok, let me know.

Thanks

[MJo]

Try to find this thread, cant find it.

If there are people who have any info about DNA test in Bankok, let me know.

Thanks

Here's first 3 out of many, just search "dna test bangkok" at the forum.

LINK

LINK

LINK

[needforspeed]

Try to find this thread, cant find it.

If there are people who have any info about DNA test in Bankok, let me know.

Thanks

Here's first 3 out of many, just search "dna test bangkok" at the forum.

LINK

LINK

LINK

Thank jou very much,

Will check it out.

Had a difficult day, didnt sleep well for 2 days and had some anger inside off me.

Difficult to wait, normaly i work only 4 weeks this time as i get a new re-leave i need to do a extra week with the new manager, i am F@#@kt.

And i feel F@#@kt,

Sorry

[needforspeed]

Sorry to hear about your troubles.

First off, drop the booze..even when you are mildly intoxicated crazy plans seem easy and justified but are usually stupid and regretable in the cold hard light of day.

Booze is a depressant that makes your problems seem insurmountable when you are hungover. We all know that feeling of remorse.

I would play it cool and approach her with what evidence you may have , sit down and gently but firmly talk it through without fear of rejection...take the upper hand without anger. I am not a anger person at all

Let it be known to her that this sort of betrayal is (however it started) wont be tolerated and her lifestyle is in danger of being turned upside down very quickly.

Then go and hunt down the Italian's email address and let him know the score..maybe he thinks she is unattached isnt she told him about me and that i am working offshore for 4 weeks, maybe he is a sleazebag....he wont hang around either way.

Your problem is compounded by the fact you work away and will drive yourself nuts every time she doesnt answer her mobile phone Till now she always answer the phone, but you are right it drive me nuts that i know she is lying...hope it works out mate but you are in for a bit of a ride whatever happens, the only thing you can control yourself is your dignity.

In my mind one of the main problems Thai women have is the fact they never seem to have a friend or mentor who tells them they are <deleted>*king up or have <deleted>*ked up...this is destructive in itselfbecause they dont like confrontation and taking responsibilithy for there mistakes, they better keep quit or run.

Thanks

[yababa]

You seem so cool under the situation, any news and what is your plan????

[needforspeed]

You seem so cool under the situation, any news and what is your plan????

I am not cool:

When i go home in about 3 weeks my plan is this:

I let some-one checked her e mail account and it doesnt look good for me.

1) Rent a condo with good security.

2) Take out all valuable goods and important paperwork out off house and condo.

3) Make DNA test for my children.

4) Borrow money on our house and send to my account overeseas.

5) Get all documents regarding my children done.

6) Change bank account , passwords and telephone.

7) Go on a holiday outside Thailand and confront her there whit the problem.

Have still 3 weeks to think about details.

[tonywebster]

You seem so cool under the situation, any news and what is your plan????

I am not cool:

When i go home in about 3 weeks my plan is this:

I let some-one checked her e mail account and it doesnt look good for me.

1) Rent a condo with good security.

2) Take out all valuable goods and important paperwork out off house and condo.

3) Make DNA test for my children.

4) Borrow money on our house and send to my account overeseas.

5) Get all documents regarding my children done.

6) Change bank account , passwords and telephone.

7) Go on a holiday outside Thailand and confront her there whit the problem.

Have still 3 weeks to think about details.

Mate I would be careful what you disclose in here sadly this site is full of <deleted> who will gladly stab you in the back and pass this info on if they know who this tosspot is,

[needforspeed]

I am not cool:

When i go home in about 3 weeks my plan is this:

I let some-one checked her e mail account and it doesnt look good for me.

1) Rent a condo with good security.

2) Take out all valuable goods and important paperwork out off house and condo.

3) Make DNA test for my children.

4) Borrow money on our house and send to my account overeseas.

5) Get all documents regarding my children done.

6) Change bank account , passwords and telephone.

7) Go on a holiday outside Thailand and confront her there whit the problem.

Have still 3 weeks to think about details.

Mate I would be careful what you disclose in here sadly this site is full of <deleted> who will gladly stab you in the back and pass this info on if they know who this tosspot is,

Thanks mate,

Will pay attention on that but cover my a@@ already.

It has nothing to do with this guy, its my girlfriend.

If she been approched by this guy she just couldt turn him away, but she didn't........sadly.

[tonywebster]

I understand this mate, but I am talking about your plans for the money, loans etc, if she gets to know this she can pre-empt you and ruin these plans.

[needforspeed]

I understand this mate, but I am talking about your plans for the money, loans etc, if she gets to know this she can pre-empt you and ruin these plans.

Yes your wright, i need to be careful.

Thanks

[yababa]

Good thing about you needforspeed is that you never had to pay SIN SOD