3 Children , 20 Years In Thailand And 16 Years Together

[Brunus]

I'm amazed. All but the most independant and Western-viewed Thai females expect marriage before children are born (and the loss of face as a result), country girl or city Chinese-Thai equally. As we all know, 30 is the "old maid" age where most girls expect to marry by and most relatives expect them to marry by. After this age and maybe with a couple of long-term failed relationships I'm sure most would still absolutely jump at the chance of marriage over a long-term bf/gf relationship into their 40s.

I agree with this. But the OP said already that they never thought about getting married. So this lady maybe doesn't care about getting married or she has hidden her feelings to the OP.

[caf]

I can't imagine how devastated you must feel.

Simple advice: hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

The questions to ask yourself are probably not limited to just these: Do you still love her? Do you think she still loves you? Do you want to stay together? Do you think she wants to stay together? If any of the answers are yes, there is hope. There's plenty of ways to find out why she is doing this. If you can find the why, then you can find a way to solve the problem.

However, it's possible for everything to blow up in your face. So retain a farang lawyer who works a good distance from your home to help you marshal your assets. That may include setting up irrevocable trusts for the kids, for instance. I don't know the laws here, but a good lawyer will know the ins and outs of the law, eh...and can help you.

Best of luck to you.

Thailand has no trust law and farang lawyers have no right of appearnce in a Thai court. You could talk to one and a Thai in the same firm could represent you but take care that what the Thai is saying in court is what the farang lawyer instructed him to say. Hope you get what i mean.

caf

[caf]

As others have mentioned get everything in order. Sit back, calm down and make sure there’s no misunderstanding on your part.

I know it’s hard but don’t let yourself get dragged down with guilt.

Once you’ve done that, work out a plan of action.

Before you let on that you know what she’s been up to I recommend you:

Get all your documents stashed away in a place where she doesn’t have access. If possibly keep them with you.

If she has access to your bank accounts, make sure that access is stopped, change passwords and if possible move the funds to a new account.

The same goes for your email accounts, change passwords and start a new one purely for correspondence with your lawyer and close non Thai family. It’s possible the new man in her life has or can gain access to your current email accounts.

Keep a detailed record of all money transactions, letters and any evidence in the event this turns nasty.

Don't broadcast your intentions on the internet. You never know who can use it against you.

Just remember this isn’t the end of the world. Plenty of us have been through this, we’ve survived.

You’re still young and there’s lots more fun to be had in life.

Excellent advice

The problem is westerners tend to trust thai partners as we would trust western partners ( to some extent) the thai way is to be more devious so that one always comes out on top.

caf

[caf]

After getting done with the girl you pick-up and screw ... confront her on why she appears to have been unfaithful with you.

Don't understand this message

john either troll or drunk. suspect drunk

Edited January 12, 2010 by caf

[needforspeed]

OP You requsted info on a safe storage place in Bangkok. Check out this web site: www.bangkokselfstorage.com

Good luck.

Thanks

[needforspeed]

Yeah if I'm understanding this correctly you 2 met when she was 16? And a serious relationship then ensued? She has no other relationship experience what-so-ever? That in and of itself can get her curiosity up as well her insecurity for her future and your kids future...Not excusing her but seems you may have been taking just a little bit for granted.....

No we met when she was 25-26 Years old.

[needforspeed]

Just a update:

Follow some advice;

*Did a medical check and this was all ok.

*Still didnt told her as i am now working till second week off February.

*Got all important documents with me.

*Looked at storage and will organize that when back in Bangkok.

Difficult when working away from home.

Thanks all for your help and keep all informed.

[Dakhar]

Good to hear the medical came out fine... big releif.

as they say, at least you have your health.

[needforspeed]

Good to hear the medical came out fine... big releif.

as they say, at least you have your health.

Big relief sure as this was my 2 years medical for the company, if something was wrong i lost my job as well.

[hawthorne]

Needforspeed, congrats for not taking action so fast. How you did that is beyond me. It is good you are taking a methodical approach. Happy for the good blood results. Keep us informed I am hoping for a great outcome for you and your children.

[needforspeed]

Needforspeed, congrats for not taking action so fast. How you did that is beyond me. It is good you are taking a methodical approach. Happy for the good blood results. Keep us informed I am hoping for a great outcome for you and your children.

Thanks mate,

Keep you informed as all the advice realy help me a lot, so i didnt responded following my hart and emotion but as you said methodical and well tought approach.

Hopefully i going to make the wright decisions the coming months.

Thanks

[Dakhar]

i'd like to see you work things out.... but if u aren't going to do that (and it does take two to do so), i think your methodical approach is very very very wise.

wish you only the best

Dakhar

[needforspeed]

i'd like to see you work things out.... but if u aren't going to do that (and it does take two to do so), i think your methodical approach is very very very wise.

wish you only the best

Dakhar

Thanks, i hope so.

Got some very good advice here what realy help me to make my plan.

I know it all could change in a minute and could get very nasty, but a the moment i try to organize everything for my children and our relationship well thought and step by step.

[Lovedog100]

First of all mate take a deep breath and don't do anything silly today (although I wouldn't blame you).

Before you throw the b i a t c h out the door, get your ducks in order.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

[needforspeed]

Op is totally wrecked.

How can he divorce her when he is away on biz half the time? Who takes care of the kids? So he divorces her. She keeps the house and the Italian guy moves in. Then she finds a way/reason to extract more money from him. He loses his Visa to Thailand. He gets angry that the kids are calling the Italian guy Papa and gets nasty. Cops get called and he is in the slammer.

What are his options? How can he forgive her and spend half his time away wondering what she is up to?

House is on her name but our condo in bangkok is on my name, i dont have /need any visa as i am only around 26 days in Thailand each time, but yes i am worries as you told me about that i am gone for 4 weeks each time, going to be difficult 4 weeks this time.

Thanks

if you dont mind??

are you working in the oilfield,your mishap is very common in that industry.

My humble(maybe stupid advice;

Have been exposed and still are going through hel_l.

Give her 20.000 baht a month allowance

bay her a new car, give parents some money (one on one) ask for receive

have you kids a second /foreign passport? get them such

have you made a prenuptial,if yes is that one certified acknowledged by a Thai family court

The reason that i am still alive in Thailand is as i have made a contract with the police to pretect me and the house,cost me 500 baht a month they have installed a check-box at the gate and come every now and then everyday.

Gave the police welfare deptm.locally a generous newyears present and drop a box of beer and Ben More booze,not likely they turn around and wipe me out if the mia luang or her boyfriend freels to get rid of me one day ,cost only 20.000 baht for a assisinator,as all the village knows about the portection deal ( but i dont take that for granted,no more mister nice!!

Cannot go home somewhere else as I am now a real expat,farang is a word that comes from farangse (french) and its not derogative

have been to Chiang Mai lately and sources there say that a lot of Falang get murdered but its not made public,

bythe way I am over 40 years in Dieland,have been through 2 marriages and a young girlfriend died on the road,I have been there ,done that,never been the wiserand now I am getting old and tired to hear that others are getting ripped/f..... off by their missus,as someone said,maybe you have let it slip for too long,sometimes a good whack on the backside does wonder

Yes, im am working offshore.

My children have a second passport.

Didnt know about prenuptial don't know the meaning off this, can you explain.

Thanks

[tonywebster]

nuptials are marriage, a prenuptial is before marriage. it is a contract that is signed agreeing what she is entitled to in case of divorce. not really relevant in your case as you are not married. I suppose you can get one saying she gets nothing if you divorce and then marry her, and then divorce her. Or check to see if you are 'common law' because you have been together so long and ask a thai lawyer if there is a form of prenuptial for this situation.

[needforspeed]

nuptials are marriage, a prenuptial is before marriage. it is a contract that is signed agreeing what she is entitled to in case of divorce. not really relevant in your case as you are not married. I suppose you can get one saying she gets nothing if you divorce and then marry her, and then divorce her. Or check to see if you are 'common law' because you have been together so long and ask a thai lawyer if there is a form of prenuptial for this situation.

Understand, thanks

[t.s]

OP, can you briefly let us know the reason why you've been together 16 years without marriage? I'm just thinking that this might have been the cause of many problems and made her incredibly insecure. Insecure enough to find a "back-up" who may sign the document and give her legal proof that she/kids will always be provided for. I am just speculating, but marriage might be a major factor.

give a reason? why should he justify this to you?

i have issues with marriage, but none with monogamy.

seems to me the op should just confront (speak to) her if he has these issues.

16 years together and he cant ask her what is going on? does he have any indication, regardless of any potential infidelity, that she will deny him custody or attempt to soak him?

mate, talk to her then go from there. you are not going to lose your children, but you may lose your wife.

i kicked my mate of 7 years out over irreconcilable differences, but kept the kid. now we raise her together (i have custody), the x doesn't live with me and i get to mock her new husband when they visit daily.

my kid has dual nationality, 2 passports and we could leave the country tomorrow and she could not follow., but the x and i worked it out and it would never come to that.

anyways op, protect yourself, but talk to her first. it may not be as bad as you think.

op, it is not the end of the world, but it may be time to reassess your relationship

[needforspeed]

OP, can you briefly let us know the reason why you've been together 16 years without marriage? I'm just thinking that this might have been the cause of many problems and made her incredibly insecure. Insecure enough to find a "back-up" who may sign the document and give her legal proof that she/kids will always be provided for. I am just speculating, but marriage might be a major factor.

give a reason? why should he justify this to you?

i have issues with marriage, but none with monogamy.

seems to me the op should just confront (speak to) her if he has these issues.

16 years together and he cant ask her what is going on? does he have any indication, regardless of any potential infidelity, that she will deny him custody or attempt to soak him?

mate, talk to her then go from there. you are not going to lose your children, but you may lose your wife.

i kicked my mate of 7 years out over irreconcilable differences, but kept the kid. now we raise her together (i have custody), the x doesn't live with me and i get to mock her new husband when they visit daily.

my kid has dual nationality, 2 passports and we could leave the country tomorrow and she could not follow., but the x and i worked it out and it would never come to that.

anyways op, protect yourself, but talk to her first. it may not be as bad as you think.

op, it is not the end of the world, but it may be time to reassess your relationship

As you know many Thai people even as my GF don't like confrontation specialy if they did something wrong (with evidence)

She would not go in discussion with me, and because off her shame she couldt do stupid things.

That is the ony reason that i first prepaire everything i can do before talking with her.

If we can agree the same way you have done it, that is ok with me i just dont want to loose them thats all, i don't expect anything more.

[F1fanatic]

Don't forget - its nearly always the case if you give (enough) money to the gf and her family they will happily let you take care of the child. A large number of mothers' give their children to the grandparents, so that they can continue working. If the father takes care of the children, even better - the children will enjoy a privileged upbringing, and the family won't have the financial burden.

I understand that you're worried and, even if it was 99% of cases that gave up the child to the father - you're going to worry that you'd fall into the 1% that didn't, but the chances are you and your children will be fine as long as you're prepared to provide a financial settlement.

p.s. no - I'm not saying that 99% of mothers will give up their children to the father - I have no idea what the percentage is. But there must be a good chance that the mother will allow the children to stay with the father provided the terms are right.

[IanForbes]

Ah, just do the manly thing... run off with a new sweet young thing and ignore the children. We're all just bastards anyway... or so it seems from some specific points of view.

[needforspeed]

Don't forget - its nearly always the case if you give (enough) money to the gf and her family they will happily let you take care of the child. A large number of mothers' give their children to the grandparents, so that they can continue working. If the father takes care of the children, even better - the children will enjoy a privileged upbringing, and the family won't have the financial burden.

I understand that you're worried and, even if it was 99% of cases that gave up the child to the father - you're going to worry that you'd fall into the 1% that didn't, but the chances are you and your children will be fine as long as you're prepared to provide a financial settlement.

p.s. no - I'm not saying that 99% of mothers will give up their children to the father - I have no idea what the percentage is. But there must be a good chance that the mother will allow the children to stay with the father provided the terms are right.

F1fanatic, The children love the mother very much and and dont want to have them only for myself.

I prefer to have a good relationship with the mother, but i hear many stories from other posters that it isnt so easy as i see it at this moment.

Yes and if its getting ugly, i dont know what to do.

Hopefully it doesnt go that way.

Thanks.

Bye the way, the first race is 12-14 March BAHRAIN, enjoy .

[needforspeed]

Ah, just do the manly thing... run off with a new sweet young thing and ignore the children. We're all just bastards anyway... or so it seems from some specific points of view.

Are you using drugs

[F1fanatic]

Don't forget - its nearly always the case if you give (enough) money to the gf and her family they will happily let you take care of the child. A large number of mothers' give their children to the grandparents, so that they can continue working. If the father takes care of the children, even better - the children will enjoy a privileged upbringing, and the family won't have the financial burden.

I understand that you're worried and, even if it was 99% of cases that gave up the child to the father - you're going to worry that you'd fall into the 1% that didn't, but the chances are you and your children will be fine as long as you're prepared to provide a financial settlement.

p.s. no - I'm not saying that 99% of mothers will give up their children to the father - I have no idea what the percentage is. But there must be a good chance that the mother will allow the children to stay with the father provided the terms are right.

F1fanatic, The children love the mother very much and and dont want to have them only for myself.

I prefer to have a good relationship with the mother, but i hear many stories from other posters that it isnt so easy as i see it at this moment.

Yes and if its getting ugly, i dont know what to do.

Hopefully it doesnt go that way.

Thanks.

Bye the way, the first race is 12-14 March BAHRAIN, enjoy .

I appreciate that and am not suggesting for one moment that you cut them off from their mother. That would not be good for anyone. I'm just trying to reassure you that the chances are you'll be able to look after the children.

Its unlikely that you'll be able to maintain a good relationship with her, but the important thing is that you NEVER let the children know this!

p.s. Thank you for the comment about the season starting - can't wait! I'm even more excited about the start of testing (not long now!) to find out how the cars are performing. Yes - I know - v sad......

[IanForbes]

Ah, just do the manly thing... run off with a new sweet young thing and ignore the children. We're all just bastards anyway... or so it seems from some specific points of view.

Are you using drugs

I've never done drugs. I never get drunk and I limit myself to about 2 alcoholic drinks per day. I've just been taught to be a different person and it's kind of fun that way... Just joining the crowd as they say.

[needforspeed]

Ah, just do the manly thing... run off with a new sweet young thing and ignore the children. We're all just bastards anyway... or so it seems from some specific points of view.

Are you using drugs

I've never done drugs. I never get drunk and I limit myself to about 2 alcoholic drinks per day. I've just been taught to be a different person and it's kind of fun that way... Just joining the crowd as they say.

Joke mate, do you have children??

[473geo]

Needforspeed......well done.....

I have read the posts from your heart, from your head, and good/indifferent/emotional advice from others....

The way you have this situation at the moment.....you are in control......keep it up.....

whatever the final outcome.....you can be proud of your restraint......and surely in years to come your children will be proud of you also....

Best wishes for the future

Geo

[F1fanatic]

Ah, just do the manly thing... run off with a new sweet young thing and ignore the children. We're all just bastards anyway... or so it seems from some specific points of view.

Are you using drugs

I've never done drugs. I never get drunk and I limit myself to about 2 alcoholic drinks per day. I've just been taught to be a different person and it's kind of fun that way... Just joining the crowd as they say.

You're still not quite getting it.....

"The crowd", as you so charmingly put it, post their thoughts, experiences etc. for a discussion.

Stating that everything is 100% perfect doesn't cut it with people who've lived here for a few years. Then again, trying to be deprecatory in the way you've posted - doesn't either.

Sorry - wrong thread! But it applies equally to your comment in this post.

Edited January 23, 2010 by F1fanatic

[needforspeed]

Needforspeed......well done.....

I have read the posts from your heart, from your head, and good/indifferent/emotional advice from others....

The way you have this situation at the moment.....you are in control......keep it up.....

whatever the final outcome.....you can be proud of your restraint......and surely in years to come your children will be proud of you also....

Best wishes for the future

Geo

Geo,

Thanks, not always as easy as it looks like.

Had and still have moment that i am crying and dont understand why, sometimes emotion just takes it over.

But feel better than few weeks ago.

Thanks

[CrossBones]

Dont worry mate its nothing personal... hes got more money than you .

Only joking.. seriously.

Think carefully. Do you love her. What is wrong with your relationship? Can you do anything to save it? Do you want to save it? Can you save it?

Revenge I dont think that is really called for, people fall out of love with other people... it happens. I dont think anger towards her would help you in any way.

The trouble is Thais are unlikely to come clean even in red handed. Think carefully how you are going to approach her. Be the victim... dont make her the victim.

Edited January 24, 2010 by Rooo
Removed crass remark.Rooo.