3 Children , 20 Years In Thailand And 16 Years Together

[Samuian]

I can't imagine how devastated you must feel.

Simple advice: hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

The questions to ask yourself are probably not limited to just these: Do you still love her? Do you think she still loves you? Do you want to stay together? Do you think she wants to stay together? If any of the answers are yes, there is hope. There's plenty of ways to find out why she is doing this. If you can find the why, then you can find a way to solve the problem.

However, it's possible for everything to blow up in your face. So retain a farang lawyer who works a good distance from your home to help you marshal your assets. That may include setting up irrevocable trusts for the kids, for instance. I don't know the laws here, but a good lawyer will know the ins and outs of the law, eh...and can help you.

Best of luck to you.

Now here some answers:

I still love her, but as i am working overseas i cant trust her anymore.

Yes she loves me, but i feel that also if we have everything, nice house , nice car, going on holidays every year, sending my children to good schools, having health insurance for all off us and safing money on the bank she seems to want more than this.

For the children i maybey stay together, but will make my plan for the future.

And the answer why she is doing this, is that we have it good but we are no movie stars, i am not a miljonair and maybey she just want more than i been able to give.

Sorry mate, get real - she DOESN't love you anymore,

someone who turns to someone else feels abandoned,

not loved, not taken care off, so they turn to someone

else where they get the attention which they feel is needed!

Just try to slip into her role..... as someone else wrote: "Maybe it's time to move on"!

your last sentence ".....and maybey she just want more than i been able to give."... expresses doubt's, mate, if you have them that's it!

Love isn't about money or material things!

[needforspeed]

I can't imagine how devastated you must feel.

Simple advice: hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

The questions to ask yourself are probably not limited to just these: Do you still love her? Do you think she still loves you? Do you want to stay together? Do you think she wants to stay together? If any of the answers are yes, there is hope. There's plenty of ways to find out why she is doing this. If you can find the why, then you can find a way to solve the problem.

However, it's possible for everything to blow up in your face. So retain a farang lawyer who works a good distance from your home to help you marshal your assets. That may include setting up irrevocable trusts for the kids, for instance. I don't know the laws here, but a good lawyer will know the ins and outs of the law, eh...and can help you.

Best of luck to you.

Now here some answers:

I still love her, but as i am working overseas i cant trust her anymore.

Yes she loves me, but i feel that also if we have everything, nice house , nice car, going on holidays every year, sending my children to good schools, having health insurance for all off us and safing money on the bank she seems to want more than this.

For the children i maybey stay together, but will make my plan for the future.

And the answer why she is doing this, is that we have it good but we are no movie stars, i am not a miljonair and maybey she just want more than i been able to give.

Sorry mate, get real - she DOESN't love you anymore,

someone who turns to someone else feels abandoned,

not loved, not taken care off, so they turn to someone

else where they get the attention which they feel is needed!

Just try to slip into her role..... as someone else wrote: "Maybe it's time to move on"!

your last sentence ".....and maybey she just want more than i been able to give."... expresses doubt's, mate, if you have them that's it!

Love isn't about money or material things!

Maybe

[473geo]

I can't imagine how devastated you must feel.

Simple advice: hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

The questions to ask yourself are probably not limited to just these: Do you still love her? Do you think she still loves you? Do you want to stay together? Do you think she wants to stay together? If any of the answers are yes, there is hope. There's plenty of ways to find out why she is doing this. If you can find the why, then you can find a way to solve the problem.

However, it's possible for everything to blow up in your face. So retain a farang lawyer who works a good distance from your home to help you marshal your assets. That may include setting up irrevocable trusts for the kids, for instance. I don't know the laws here, but a good lawyer will know the ins and outs of the law, eh...and can help you.

Best of luck to you.

Now here some answers:

I still love her, but as i am working overseas i cant trust her anymore.

Yes she loves me, but i feel that also if we have everything, nice house , nice car, going on holidays every year, sending my children to good schools, having health insurance for all off us and safing money on the bank she seems to want more than this.

For the children i maybey stay together, but will make my plan for the future.

And the answer why she is doing this, is that we have it good but we are no movie stars, i am not a miljonair and maybey she just want more than i been able to give.

Sorry mate, get real - she DOESN't love you anymore,

someone who turns to someone else feels abandoned,

not loved, not taken care off, so they turn to someone

else where they get the attention which they feel is needed!

Just try to slip into her role..... as someone else wrote: "Maybe it's time to move on"!

your last sentence ".....and maybey she just want more than i been able to give."... expresses doubt's, mate, if you have them that's it!

Love isn't about money or material things!

And if she deeply regrets this dalliance, as it did not deliver, and now realises she wasn't missing out on anything at all and her family and husband are her future??

[Rooo]

Edited a post & deleted subsequent replies pertaining to the edited post. Please keep it on track & enough with the crude comedy.

[SantiSuk]

I'm with the doves.

Everyone's entitled to one mistake. Ask yourself was it one and if the answer is yes your task is to find out whether she genuinely sees it as a mistake. Many successful life-long relationships have had a cathartic moment along the way.

On the other hand I suspect your postings reflect that you are very unsure about the relationship anyway, in which case the moderate hawks advice (prepare, softly/softly, don't make her the victim, no revenge, etc) is probably for the best.

Edited January 24, 2010 by SantiSuk

[Tigs]

I have only read pages 1,2,6,7 as I am a bit short on time. Have you clarified that the situation is exactly as you think? What is the date of the letters, what is contained in the letters that has crushed you so much? I hope it works out, I know I would be devastated if I found myself in similar circumstances.

Ian Forbes

I don't know which 'crowd' you think you have joined, but your posts do not represent the majority on Thai Visa, they represent a minority of crude, thoughtless w******s that should be permenently banned from Thai Visa. Whilst you are having fun, please remember that your comments have a direct effect on the way others feel in real life, not just your alter ego virtual life. I doubt you would speak to the guy like you do if you were sat having a beer with him in a bar, so why do it here?

[needforspeed]

I have only read pages 1,2,6,7 as I am a bit short on time. Have you clarified that the situation is exactly as you think? What is the date of the letters, what is contained in the letters that has crushed you so much? I hope it works out, I know I would be devastated if I found myself in similar circumstances.

Ian Forbes

I don't know which 'crowd' you think you have joined, but your posts do not represent the majority on Thai Visa, they represent a minority of crude, thoughtless w******s that should be permenently banned from Thai Visa. Whilst you are having fun, please remember that your comments have a direct effect on the way others feel in real life, not just your alter ego virtual life. I doubt you would speak to the guy like you do if you were sat having a beer with him in a bar, so why do it here?

Letters where from the last month as she made a mistake leaving them in our house, letters contained that they stayed together.

Taking about when i going to work they see each other and that they need each other.

Some love talk around it.

I know that people split up and i can live with that, i only try to all i can for the children.

About some posters, your right they never going to tell you things like this if sitting next to me in a bar

They dont hurt mei just feel sorry for them.

Thanks

[Tigs]

I have only read pages 1,2,6,7 as I am a bit short on time. Have you clarified that the situation is exactly as you think? What is the date of the letters, what is contained in the letters that has crushed you so much? I hope it works out, I know I would be devastated if I found myself in similar circumstances.

Ian Forbes

I don't know which 'crowd' you think you have joined, but your posts do not represent the majority on Thai Visa, they represent a minority of crude, thoughtless w******s that should be permenently banned from Thai Visa. Whilst you are having fun, please remember that your comments have a direct effect on the way others feel in real life, not just your alter ego virtual life. I doubt you would speak to the guy like you do if you were sat having a beer with him in a bar, so why do it here?

Letters where from the last month as she made a mistake leaving them in our house, letters contained that they stayed together.

Taking about when i going to work they see each other and that they need each other.

Some love talk around it.

I know that people split up and i can live with that, i only try to all i can for the children.

About some posters, your right they never going to tell you things like this if sitting next to me in a bar

They dont hurt mei just feel sorry for them.

Thanks

Needforspeed

You are in a situation that I pray I never see myself. You have my sympathy. Finish your preperations for the kids and your finances, but do this as quickly as you can. The longer it takes the more detrimental effect it is going to have on your health and well being. Confront her. Tell her she has broken your heart, how you truly believed you would be together for life. If she does love you and was just after something to relieve 'the boredom' while you were away, she will be down on her knees begging forgiveness, then it is down to you, an alternative reaction from her will tell you all you need to know. You could do it the Thai way and break the 'news' in front of her parents, if she is close to them and they like/love you this will have a devastating effect on her moral conscience.

Good luck, I hope things work out for the best

Tigs

[needforspeed]

Needforspeed

You are in a situation that I pray I never see myself. You have my sympathy. Finish your preperations for the kids and your finances, but do this as quickly as you can. The longer it takes the more detrimental effect it is going to have on your health and well being. Confront her. Tell her she has broken your heart, how you truly believed you would be together for life. If she does love you and was just after something to relieve 'the boredom' while you were away, she will be down on her knees begging forgiveness, then it is down to you, an alternative reaction from her will tell you all you need to know. You could do it the Thai way and break the 'news' in front of her parents, if she is close to them and they like/love you this will have a devastating effect on her moral conscience.

Good luck, I hope things work out for the best

Tigs

I try to as quick as possible, but i have a few problems first off all i am Offshore at this moment for 4 weeks.

When i come back home i prepared everthing and need to confront her with the situation.

She has no parents anymore so cant do that.

Thanks.

[MegaRanter]

I have been married just once and to a Thai, so I might be a newbie to all this , I do not speak to my mother in law, I do not go to their village for years now, when she comes to mine, I keep the TV channels permanently locked on ESPN, and Really would not want her to visit. She is a bad influence on everyone around her.

she is lazy, and likes to talk in hush hush tones, and she left her husband and poorly raised the children, I had had to re train the one I got, but when she comes around , its like Ideological warfare.

Why I stopped going to their village. I went there and saw a picture of my wife's elder sister and her first thai husband , prominently displayed, she now lives in OZ, married with kids, and the OZ bloke built that house. When I asked my wife why she puts up that picture, she says her mother had no reason, , just felt like keeping it out.

I once had a married woman of means put me on the spot, I had to exyricate myself, kicking and screaming. They ususally dont say nice things about their husband. They might forgive your little indiscretions years earlier, that does'nt meanthey not gonna do something about in future, and that in their mind justifies it. They never forgive, they just forget momentarily.

Getting my ducks in a row myself at the moment. 16 years and never married? Sounds good to me, wish i did it that way.

[needforspeed]

I have been married just once and to a Thai, so I might be a newbie to all this , I do not speak to my mother in law, I do not go to their village for years now, when she comes to mine, I keep the TV channels permanently locked on ESPN, and Really would not want her to visit. She is a bad influence on everyone around her.

she is lazy, and likes to talk in hush hush tones, and she left her husband and poorly raised the children, I had had to re train the one I got, but when she comes around , its like Ideological warfare.

Why I stopped going to their village. I went there and saw a picture of my wife's elder sister and her first thai husband , prominently displayed, she now lives in OZ, married with kids, and the OZ bloke built that house. When I asked my wife why she puts up that picture, she says her mother had no reason, , just felt like keeping it out.

I once had a married woman of means put me on the spot, I had to exyricate myself, kicking and screaming. They ususally dont say nice things about their husband. They might forgive your little indiscretions years earlier, that does'nt meanthey not gonna do something about in future, and that in their mind justifies it. They never forgive, they just forget momentarily.

Getting my ducks in a row myself at the moment. 16 years and never married? Sounds good to me, wish i did it that way.

Some posters told here that "not been married" couldt be a reason for all this problems.

All the best mate,

Thanks

Like the one "I keep the TV channels permanently locked on ESPN"

[toybits]

I find it strange that the OP did not get married to her - when they have lived together for 16 years and have 3 children with her (or did I misunderstand?).

Maybe she thinks the OP did not marry her because he could not. So if she thinks the OP was unfaithful to some other person, what right does the OP have to insist that his partner be faithful as well?

[MegaRanter]

Just becareful mate, they get nastier with age.Being 3 steps ahead of would be the best bet.

As a warning, once you decide to engage, you should be ready to see the end of it, make sure you got enough ammo to push through. Any half hearted attempt or reversal of intent would tantamount to your eternal subjugation.

FIRST, you have to hear her side with open mind and see if you can in your heart be able to forgive and forget the affair.

I have seen people get through worse. That is if the two sides sincerely commit to working it out.

[bellste]

For how long each year are you away, by the way?

Working for around 4 weeks and be home for little bit less than 4 weeks.

That sucks. Not like you're gone for 3 months and back for 2 weeks

Make sure you protect your assets so you don't end up penniless, don't become worth more dead than alive, and then you can work on continuing to provide for your children, but not your cheating partner.

Thats a good one, i read many topict before about this, thats going to be a problem as well isnt?

I feel sorry for you, I must say. But there are some woman who never get enough, it does not matter what you provide them with.

In one way, it's good that you are not married, but how much of you investments is registered in her name?

Is the house close to where her family live? I hope not. If it is, it will be problems. They will blame you for everything, and say that your GF is an angel. It's all your fault, they will say.

Good luck mate!

Edited January 25, 2010 by bellste

[needforspeed]

Thats a good one, i read many topict before about this, thats going to be a problem as well isnt?

I feel sorry for you, I must say. But there are some woman who never get enough, it does not matter what you provide them with.

In one way, it's good that you are not married, but how much of you investments is registered in her name?

Is the house close to where her family live? I hope not. If it is, it will be problems. They will blame you for everything, and say that your GF is an angel. It's all your fault, they will say.

Good luck mate!

The house is on her name and yes close to some family members, but realy i dont care she can have the house, i live with her for a long time

i would be sad if she was struggling in live.

I still have a condo in Bangkok on my name, i have a good job so income and i am healthy.

Thanks

[ChangMaiSausage]

needforspeed I hope you manage to sort everything out what ever the end result is.

As many responses have said sixteen years is a long time without getting married did your girlfriend not put pressure on you to marry? especially after having children.

Plan you need to make sure you are finacially protected/covered without making her suspicious when you are ready I would bring up the other man and ask her to explain, are you ready for the silent treatment? it's going to be difficult but I would first ask her what she wants out of your relationship now that this has come to light, keep your intentions to yourself until you are ready to make your decission. Can you live with her after what has happened? are you prepared to walk away from the house for the sake of the children not your girlfriend? many question but few answers only you can decide your future everyone is different.

Good Luck.

Edited January 25, 2010 by ChangMaiSausage

[needforspeed]

needforspeed I hope you manage to sort everything out what ever the end result is.

As many responses have said sixteen years is a long time without getting married did your girlfriend not put pressure on you to marry? especially after having children.

Plan you need to make sure you are finacially protected/covered without making her suspicious when you are ready I would bring up the other man and ask her to explain, are you ready for the silent treatment? it's going to be difficult but I would first ask her what she wants out of your relationship now that this has come to light, keep your intentions to yourself until you are ready to make your decission. Can you live with what has happened? are you prepared to walk away from the house for the sake of the children not your girlfriend? many question but few answers only you can decide your future everyone is different.

Good Luck.

Dear CMS,

Can you live with what has happened? To be honest, NO.

This because i feel very sad if i only think about it, and makes it more difficult when i go to work.

I am a person with emotion, not the hard tough guy in my private live (durring work i am a different person).

are you prepared to walk away from the house for the sake of the children not your girlfriend? I am prepared for a lot as long as i can spend time with my children.

Thanks,

[elcent]

hmmm, I read through it all and must say that this is a very difficult situation.

Does your wife have friends she'd can talk everything?

Would be interesting to know her side of the story.

Probably a counseling would bring light and understanding. Maybe the letters you found are wrongly translated.

I'm also aware about the hard stance a Thai woman can have.

reminds me a little on that too.

- lie detector Edited January 25, 2010 by elcent

[elcent]

off topic, though interesting to know

lol, one surgeon with over 3000 re-attachments http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMfPyyIHob0...feature=related

[NearestTheTee]

needforspeed

Hat's off to you for not making any irrational decisions. I'm not sure i could keep my cool the same as you if faced with the same situation. I probably would have confronted my wife at the first opportunity. But i think your approach is better as you are being pragmatic and sorting things out in your head first. Before confronting her, consider her reaction and how you will deal with it i.e. play it out in your head first and try to stay one step ahead.

For now you have the advantage, she is not aware that you know

Good Luck.

[needforspeed]

hmmm, I read through it all and must say that this is a very difficult situation.

Does your wife have friends she'd can talk everything?

Would be interesting to know her side of the story.

Probably a counseling would bring light and understanding. Maybe the letters you found are wrongly translated.

I'm also aware about the hard stance a Thai woman can have.

reminds me a little on that too.

- lie detector

Does your wife have friends she'd can talk everything?

Yes she has many, and her side of the story i hope to hear that when i confrontate her with this all.

The letter from Chris Stanley doesnt make me happy to be honest.

[sharecropper]

hmmm, I read through it all and must say that this is a very difficult situation.

Does your wife have friends she'd can talk everything?

Would be interesting to know her side of the story.

Probably a counseling would bring light and understanding. Maybe the letters you found are wrongly translated.

I'm also aware about the hard stance a Thai woman can have.

reminds me a little on that too.

- lie detector

Does your wife have friends she'd can talk everything?

Yes she has many, and her side of the story i hope to hear that when i confrontate her with this all.

The letter from Chris Stanley doesnt make me happy to be honest.

It made me think of your troubles too. But hopefully you feel better-supported.

[needforspeed]

Does your wife have friends she'd can talk everything?

Yes she has many, and her side of the story i hope to hear that when i confrontate her with this all.

The letter from Chris Stanley doesnt make me happy to be honest.

It made me think of your troubles too. But hopefully you feel better-supported.

THanks, if you read his story i consider myself still very lucky and strong, would like to give him some strenght to go on.

[sharecropper]

THanks, if you read his story i consider myself still very lucky and strong, would like to give him some strenght to go on.

It's nice to know we're not all insensitve bast*rds when the chips are down!

[desi]

THanks, if you read his story i consider myself still very lucky and strong, would like to give him some strenght to go on.

I've read this entire thread with great admiration for you. You are indeed a strong person and I hope everything turns out better than you fear.

Hang in there.

[needforspeed]

THanks, if you read his story i consider myself still very lucky and strong, would like to give him some strenght to go on.

I've read this entire thread with great admiration for you. You are indeed a strong person and I hope everything turns out better than you fear.

Hang in there.

THanks a lot, i can tell you that this night i didnt sleep, thinking a lot.

This also because i was reading Chris Stanley situation, one good thing about it i made a detailed action plan, what to do , how to do it and when.

Hopefuly it works out well.

A few extra cups off coffee today keep me going.

Thanks

[retiredusn]

Get DNA done on the kids before making any long range plan's

[needforspeed]

Get DNA done on the kids before making any long range plan's

Why?

Never tought about this, and if so it doens't change anything, i love my kids.

So maybe better don't know.

[dereklev]

Get DNA done on the kids before making any long range plan's

Why?

Never tought about this, and if so it doens't change anything, i love my kids.

So maybe better don't know.

I agree with you needforspeed they are your kids and you love them.

I have to admire your fortitude and patience in handling this situation.

I too have read the Chris Stanley blog and his situation is truly horrendous but I can help but think that he allowed himself to be robbed blind over a number of years.

I am certain you will not do the same.

Chok Dee.............

[bangon04]

If / when you do decide to confront your girlfriend, you should not be surprised if her first reaction is to completely deny anything and everything you say about this. You need to be completely sure of your position, because if she has successfully lied to you so far, she may decide that lying is the best way to continue. It has already been mentioned that her family will probably not be any support for you in this.