The "come To The Party" Scam.

[NADTATIDA1]

What is it with TV posters that so many feel the need to throw in the odd Thai word that they have managed to pick up in amongst a english sentence or paragraph. Annoy's the sh1t out of me not because I do not understand it just simply if you want to write your post in english do so or if you want to write the post in Thai do so.

Why mix the both?

F'n annoying to read and makes you look like an idiot. - My guess is that they are trying to show that "They are different" and not just a sex tourist because they know 20 words in Thai.....

"I know 20 words in Thai and I need to show that on Thai Visa so I have a higher social standing because you only know 18 words...."

get a life...

get a life...

You said it!!

[robblok]

Par for the course here. Farang is generally expected to pay. This is not only a tactic of bargirls. I have seen this pulled on many occasions by so-called regular people. Not all like this, but I would say maybe 60-70%.

I have seem Thai men hanging out with his girlfriend and several other female friends but not expected to pay for the whole bill. Thai did American share among themselves, if there is a farang guy involved he would be expected for the bill.

I see that all the time even when i am with them they just share bills if they are in a group farang or no farang present. I think it depends what kind of girls you meet and date.

[berniefromny]

Nice lesson! Better not to date a girl with below average income otherwise you would have to responsible for her life (financially). Sadly, most farang isn't attracted to high-so Thai women.

You mean High-so Thai women are not attracted to Farang men.

no! any woman with half a brain know that thailand attracts loads of guys who are into booze and cheap wimmin.

a thai girl with choices would be well advised to stay away from these men, AND BY THE LOOKS OF THINGS THEY APARENTLY DO.

i cant recall the last time i saw a his-o girl with the typical farang on her arms.

DONT PARTY W BGS IS THE SILLIEST THING EVER SAID HERE.WHAT Do YOU THINK GUYS COME HERE FOR? help in orphanages, learn thai culture. but one should realize a bunch of thai girls not gonna party with you on their baht!

Edited January 12, 2010 by berniefromny

[Loz]

Again back in my first year here I met 3 young ladies who were accountants from a local firm and were studying English. I was taken out on my birthday buy them, and on valentines day by them. Each occasion they paid for themselves and were very clear about it.

After we became more familiar they invited me to Ayuttaya on a trip to see the temples. We met up and I offered to drive (because I like to and because I am "careful") I was happy to use my fuel for a trip I would not otherwise have had. We had a lovely time but at lunch we went to a riverside restaurant and I saw they had the big baked prawns that I had just discovered a real taste for! I ordered a man sized dish of them and tucked in. I invited them to try them too (hence the big platter) but it was MY lunch. When the bill came I made sure I got it (asked for and paid on way to and back from the toilet) because there was no way I was going to split the bill when they had each ordered about 120 bhts worth and I had ordered 700bhts worth! later at the palace there was some shuffling around and one of them approached me with some bank notes. Cut a long story short, they felt uncomfortable with me footing the bill and wanted to split it evenly. I explained that I had had WAY more than them but they felt really uncomfortable so I accepted 200bht and told them that covered their share and they immediately felt better.

Maybe I should mention that these three women were in there mid and late 20s. All "accountants" making less than 15k a month. I later helped them with CVs and interview skills in English and they were able to get better jobs 2 in BKK and one in Pak Chong. We are still in touch and they are what I would consider genuine friends. Not CLOSE friends. But GENUINE.

One of them gave me my first set of (used but still usable) golf clubs before she left as a thank you for the help.

This is just to say there are two sides to the "party" stories. Not that it matters much, but I was 30+ years away from collecting my pension at the time of this incident. Had met the women through my work, not in a bar. And had no intention of putting the moves on any of them.

Good times!

Edited January 12, 2010 by Loz

[kyb789]

I give myself a few points for not being as gullible as I was last year, and just thought it was worth a mention that sometimes here in Thailand, someone you consider a friend might invite you to some 'party' because they want to save the money you already lent them for more important things, and they just want to treqat their friends to a night out on what little you have left of your tourist money.

I give you bonus points. I was scammed a few times before I built up enough backbone. Now I relish the moments when i can slip out the back door and leave them stuck with the bill. Fortunately I've learned a few tricks to keep myself out of that situation (always show up late, always leave early, get your drink at the bar before you arrive at their table, etc). Good job!!

Watch out for the scam where the girl points to 1 item on the menu, then in Thai language orders 5 more items very quickly before you notice. She proceeds to pick at the food and never finishes anything. This scam has got me a few times. The last time, I excused myself to the restroom and never came back.

Best advice of all, date women in your own social class. Problem solved.

[SeanMoran]

The 500 baht under the table was your first mistake,although i understand your sentiment and goodwill she did not see it that way and took it that you was offering her more and thought of her friends more than she thought of you.

Yes, you're probably right. Now that I've had a nice sleep and partly sobered up again, I should apologise for the ferris wheel remark, and try to clarify why I was so surprised at the way last night turned out, although I realise that her intentions were probably good socially, if not quite what I'd expected when invited to the 'party'.

That's all it comes back to really. After all that time waiting around chalking up more bills for drinks for her friends at the pub, I wasn't expecting that the 'party' meant that I got to pay for dinner and drinks for her other friends at another pub.

It seems that my friend forgot what a tight budget I live on and I misinterpreted the meaning of the social occasion, and what it would have cost me if I'd not left not long after getting there. That's it really. The meaning of 'Come to the party' translated into English is 'Pay for me and my friends at the nightclub.'

I should have seen it coming from the start.

[berniefromny]

I give myself a few points for not being as gullible as I was last year, and just thought it was worth a mention that sometimes here in Thailand, someone you consider a friend might invite you to some 'party' because they want to save the money you already lent them for more important things, and they just want to treqat their friends to a night out on what little you have left of your tourist money.

I give you bonus points. I was scammed a few times before I built up enough backbone. Now I relish the moments when i can slip out the back door and leave them stuck with the bill. Fortunately I've learned a few tricks to keep myself out of that situation (always show up late, always leave early, get your drink at the bar before you arrive at their table, etc). Good job!!

Watch out for the scam where the girl points to 1 item on the menu, then in Thai language orders 5 more items very quickly before you notice. She proceeds to pick at the food and never finishes anything. This scam has got me a few times. The last time, I excused myself to the restroom and never came back.

Best advice of all, date women in your own social class. Problem solved.

i think the scam is guys leading these girls on, and then when they realize these girls are not stupid they cry foul!

Edited January 12, 2010 by berniefromny

[MSingh]

" Please be aware that some of the parties that low calibre Thai strangers invite you to are not much fun and probably due to the fact that they expect to leave before you do so you get to pay the bill for theirs and their friends' party. "

Thanks for the tip Sean, i'll have to remember that..

Seriously, you were a Dufous, you're right, but you're not the first & whilst grown Men have Testosterone in their Bodies, you won't be the last..

[GungaDin]

i think the scam is guys leading these girls on, and then when they realize these girls are not stupid they cry foul!

^^^^ :D

Edited January 12, 2010 by GungaDin

[MSingh]

^^^^

All true though Gunga..

[grantbkk]

A well written story for a change that is all too familiar to most of us. Good on the OP for see the situation for what it was and leaving.

[thaihome]

I think the OP has just finished reading Private Dancer as the parallels to his post and certain scene in the book are pretty striking.

The other point, as another poster said, is in what country can an oldish man take 3 or 4 young women, who pretty much make their living out of their looks, out to a disco and expect them to split the bill? To think this only happens to farangs is a mistake. Many well off older Thai men are more then happy to be seen in the company of several nice looking young women and are more then happy to foot the bill for doing so.

TH

[CobraSnakeNecktie]

even scammers appreciate being scammed once in a while. It keeps them sharp and they learn new tricks.

At the end of the big party you could have faked a heart attack or other illness and found a reason to leave them the bill. Okay I never find myself in these situations but how would a career mooch figure a way to turn the tables?

Must be some good ideas out there.

[berniefromny]

i missed where op mentioned he awaiting his next pension payment

and to think he was really concerned w the bgs self esteem.

he was prolly scammin the girl into giving it up free .

are pensioners allowed to have thai giks?

Edited January 12, 2010 by berniefromny

[SeanMoran]

" Please be aware that some of the parties that low calibre Thai strangers invite you to are not much fun and probably due to the fact that they expect to leave before you do so you get to pay the bill for theirs and their friends' party. "

Thanks for the tip Sean, i'll have to remember that..

Seriously, you were a Dufous, you're right, but you're not the first & whilst grown Men have Testosterone in their Bodies, you won't be the last..

It certainly is rather embarrassing to look back at what I wrote last night without the help of alcohol to cushion reality of my own ignorance.

One thing that I probably haven't done any good at since starting this thread is explain that there wasn't a great deal of testosterone getting around in all this. She was just someone who happened to sit down at my table the first time I walked into the pub for a lamb roast and her English was good enough to teach Thai to me but limited enough that she asked for some help with conversation and sweet SMS nothings to her other boyfriends.

I'd buy her a couple of drinks every now and then at the bar, (that's part of her job), and we've met for lunch before she starts work half a dozen times to go multilingual, but there's never been a barfine or anything like that. I thought that we were just friends, and for that reason, the barfine was never really part of the equation. Friends seem harder to find than bargirls so that's why I didn't want to mess with the former by taking advantage of the latter. Is there any sort of award given for the Dufus of the Year in Thailand?

PS: To clarify the age difference, we're not far apart in years at her 38 to my 42. It's never been like that. We were just friends.

Edited January 12, 2010 by SeanMoran

[berniefromny]

you consider her friend , she consider you customer like the ones she sends her pms too. try playing with her wo the purchasing of ladydrinks, if she like likes you she will carry on if not move on!

whats the big deal , you like a bargirl, no crime sir, have fun!

[jdinasia]

Even though we don't discuss BG's on this forum ... a BG's job is to separate a customer from his money in as painless a way as possible. The party seems pretty painless

Real parties amongst friends in Thailand are common/frequent but it kinda requires a real friendship to be in place from the beginning

[bonobo]

Par for the course here. Farang is generally expected to pay. This is not only a tactic of bargirls. I have seen this pulled on many occasions by so-called regular people. Not all like this, but I would say maybe 60-70%.

I have seem Thai men hanging out with his girlfriend and several other female friends but not expected to pay for the whole bill. Thai did American share among themselves, if there is a farang guy involved he would be expected for the bill.

I hang out mostly with Thais, and to be quite blunt, I pay maybe 10% of the time, and then only when I really insist and argue.

I try to even things out a bit by not accepting money for Emergen-C, perfume, artichoke hearts, or whatever that I am asked to bring back from the US, or by insisting that it is time for me to cook dinner at my place instead of going to a nice restaurant (and then they bring a nice bottle of wine which costs far more than what I paid for the food). But if you totaled up what they pay and what I pay, well, it isn't even close.

So for all the posts I keep reading in TV which state as a fact that the foreigner always pays, well, that is just not true.

[SeanMoran]

Even though we don't discuss BG's on this forum ... a BG's job is to separate a customer from his money in as painless a way as possible. The party seems pretty painless

Real parties amongst friends in Thailand are common/frequent but it kinda requires a real friendship to be in place from the beginning

That's where I went wrong. Too much imagination and too much bia Singha last night, and I guess I know better now. It was fairly painless after all, although I still regret the potential loss of a friend. Things could have been worse. Sorry to be so downhearted about it all. I hope it's at least been mildly entertaining.

[NADTATIDA1]

" Please be aware that some of the parties that low calibre Thai strangers invite you to are not much fun and probably due to the fact that they expect to leave before you do so you get to pay the bill for theirs and their friends' party. "

Thanks for the tip Sean, i'll have to remember that..

Seriously, you were a Dufous, you're right, but you're not the first & whilst grown Men have Testosterone in their Bodies, you won't be the last..

It certainly is rather embarrassing to look back at what I wrote last night without the help of alcohol to cushion reality of my own ignorance.

One thing that I probably haven't done any good at since starting this thread is explain that there wasn't a great deal of testosterone getting around in all this. She was just someone who happened to sit down at my table the first time I walked into the pub for a lamb roast and her English was good enough to teach Thai to me but limited enough that she asked for some help with conversation and sweet SMS nothings to her other boyfriends.

I'd buy her a couple of drinks every now and then at the bar, (that's part of her job), and we've met for lunch before she starts work half a dozen times to go multilingual, but there's never been a barfine or anything like that. I thought that we were just friends, and for that reason, the barfine was never really part of the equation. Friends seem harder to find than bargirls so that's why I didn't want to mess with the former by taking advantage of the latter. Is there any sort of award given for the Dufus of the Year in Thailand?

PS: To clarify the age difference, we're not far apart in years at her 38 to my 42. It's never been like that. We were just friends.

I do like your honesty sean as i and many many others on this forum have been through the same scenario as well.

The trick is to learn from it and next time play them at there own game but preferably not a bar girl!

If a girl is genuine in her attraction to you,she will not want to have other girls around to try and snare you.

I have a girlfriend who works 12 hours a day including overtime i met her in a restaurant while she was having a works xmas party,she is an electrical engineer and way to clever for me.i didn"t think a woman like her exsisted in Thailand, that i could have a great relationship with i mean and not concerning money all of the time,that said it has taken me 10 years here and a lot of bad ones to get here!

The point you make about the age gap i think is a very important one,the less the gap the more chance you have of the relationship working and also if they are educated even more so,good luck!

[MrHammer]

Bar girls are no good, mkay?

At 42, do you really need bar girls for friends?

[SeanMoran]

Sorry for the delayed reply, NADTATIDA. I just got started when there was a knock at the door - Miss Nii and Miss Itt come to clean the room. I like to either help with the chores or get out the way if I'm not of any use, and so a quick trip back to Nikhom Pattana to pickup some more gear from the old apartment, and just got back twenty minutes ago.

What you mentioned about the possessive side of feminine nature is a very good point, and I must admit that I do have a natural attraction to pretty girls and being alone can get a bit tedious in a country like this, but having a friend who knows their way around this new town is a lot more important than a screw for a couple of nights. She just happened to be a pretty girl who works for a bar/pub sort of establishment. but it's not the sort of bar one goes to for a woman, but generally for a feed and a drink.

I never minded paying for the coffees or the food or the books or anything within reason to help out a friend. Same goes for a loan of a few baht if someone's honestly not been paid their normal salary. It's just when all the hangers-on who I don't know at all turn up expecting a whole lot of drinks and a feed as well that I get annoyed.

The interesting part is that having wound up close to broke for the next ten days already, which was why I drew the line at another 600thb on top of all the drinks I'd already bought yesterday, and wasn't keen on paying another couple of thousand baht for a girls' night out, I just gave notice at the old apartment to checkout tomorrow, mid month, and wasn't expecting anything but a portion of the deposit minus power and water, and the lovely Miss Nok from there calculated the number of days out of the month I'd no longer be there and offered to refund over half the monthly rent, so it IS a bit like ferris wheels and roundabouts; this amazing Thailand. In the end I could have afforded to be fleeced painlessly last night to the tune of a couple of grand anyway.

Bar girls are no good, mkay?

At 42, do you really need bar girls for friends?

I understand mate. It's just that I thought I'd made a friend who happened to work at a bar after lunch, but she seemed fairly decent. I still reckon she's okay but maybe just got our lines crossed last night. I guess I failed to explain to her yesterday at lunhch precisely how much of my fortnightly income I'd had to spend to change apartments midway through a month.

Too late now.

I must have caused her quite a lot of embarrassment in front of her friends. I just accept friends where I find them, and it happens that most of the public places I spend time in are hotels, apartments, restaurants and bars, so that's where I meet people.

[snowflake]

What kind of people do you all hang out with???

I have lived in Bangkok, I have lived in Pattaya, I have lived in Udon Thani, and now I live in NST, I have never been tricked to pay one bar bill or pay for the whole table... Sharing is caring... Yes, sometimes I foot the bill but most often my Thai friends refuse to let me pay...

New years eve latest, I went out with a friend (foreigner) and we met a Thai guy I know through another Thai guy (good friend)... He decided that he was getting drunk, we had Vodka and he wanted Whiskey... We were never allowed to pay for anything! He paid for mixers, and whatever else we wanted...

Now, I have paid when we have been out before, and it comes down to the real thing, are you a friend or someone to take advantage off...

Good luck and have fun...

[SeanMoran]

What kind of people do you all hang out with???

...

Now, I have paid when we have been out before, and it comes down to the real thing, are you a friend or someone to take advantage off...

Good luck and have fun...

It's like that, eh?

I've had friends of higher financial status and been treated to some good nights out and even a couple of weekends away in the past, although by the by most of the friends I've had in Thailand have been working class, like my friends in Australia, like myself.

As long as situation normal and reasonably well planned, I've no problem once or twice a week paying the check-bin for a night out with two or three friends, who I know don't have as much spare cash as I usually do, and in return they've helped me out if there've been any problems with ripoff merchants or angry drunks - anything uncouth that might come along. These sorts of friendships seem to be fairly equal overall. No problems.

Last night caught me by surprise though, because I thought I'd been invited to a private party at a the home of a friend of a friend, but that turned out to be an invitation to a nightclub/live music venue sort of place with half a dozen strangers all feasting away while the band played, and it was pretty clear after the first half hour that there was going to be a rather large bill at the end of the night, which isn't quite my definition of a 'party'.

That is why I found the door after one glass of beer, because I could understand enough of the conversation to determine that I'd only been invited for the sake of that bill at the end of the night, and much of it was ridicule at me when these strangers thought I couldn't understand their words. Quite honestly, after just paying the second monthly rent in two weeks on this new apartment yesterday, and a quick stopover at the pub to say thanks and 170 baht for a drink for two turning into yet another thousand in total, it wasn't the time get ripped off by those who were pretending to be friends, ie. friends of my friend.

Real friends wouldn't do that.

That's why I got home last night drunk as hel_l and rather angry about how things turned out, and started this thread on the 'Come to the Party' scam. Sometimes it's legit', and sometimes it's a rort. Last night would have been a rort if I'd not picked up on the insulting comments from those I left to pay for their own party.

[neverdie]

Bar girls are no good, mkay?

At 42, do you really need bar girls for friends?

Whilst I understand your point hammer, I was thinking as a teenager cut loose in Bangers that I didnt have use for BG's.....my good looks, smart moves and wit scored for me.

As the years go by, certain parts of the body move further south, my smart moves are outdated (bit like Saturday night fever movies) and my so called wit has been tainted, I could actually find very good use for a BG, at least twice a year, anyhows.

[mrtoad]

Bar girls are no good, mkay?

At 42, do you really need bar girls for friends?

Whilst I understand your point hammer, I was thinking as a teenager cut loose in Bangers that I didnt have use for BG's.....my good looks, smart moves and wit scored for me.

As the years go by, certain parts of the body move further south, my smart moves are outdated (bit like Saturday night fever movies) and my so called wit has been tainted, I could actually find very good use for a BG, at least twice a year, anyhows.

So you take one for 6 months and then exchange?

[IanForbes]

why does every other thread on here have to do with bar girls? (this is a rhetorical question)

it was a funny story.

It WAS a good story. It's funny because we've all been there at some point in the "game". And, MOST amusing stories entail the various relationships that farangs have with the ladies of Thailand.

The OP should be thankful that it didn't happen in the Philippines or he might not be here today to tell the tail. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER go to Philippines party if you haven't got at least 6 big, strong buddies to back you up... preferably with guns.

[IanForbes]

Bar girls are no good, mkay?

At 42, do you really need bar girls for friends?

Bar girls make great friends. Much better than wives who don't put out and constantly try to manipulate you. Just don't bet the farm on them and never expect anything in return. At least you know exactly what you are paying for and don't find out from some lawyer.

[siggie2]

Nice lesson! Better not to date a girl with below average income otherwise you would have to responsible for her life (financially). Sadly, most farang isn't attracted to high-so Thai women.

You mean High-so Thai women are not attracted to Farang men.

I must have dreamed about the wedding reception i went to last friday in bk,as my friend and his wife asked me to be the best man.Will not mention names but there was a few billion bahts worth of wealth in that room.

Was happy i attended but the night was not that good,due to the hi-so clan.Thank god i dont get involved in this act no more

[katana]

The other point, as another poster said, is in what country can an oldish man take 3 or 4 young women, who pretty much make their living out of their looks, out to a disco and expect them to split the bill? To think this only happens to farangs is a mistake. Many well off older Thai men are more then happy to be seen in the company of several nice looking young women and are more then happy to foot the bill for doing so.

TH

I think the difference is that the Thai man would do the inviting and arranging when there was an expectation of him paying, or at least have more of a saying in it, and not the other way around.