Would You ?

[tilakatm]

Hi i have a problem what is bothering me every day, an american guy who ive known for three years but never been out drinking with him or had anything to do with him in the past, about 5 months ago we got chatting and we got on like a house on fire and eventualy we went out for a bevy or few and had a great time, he is married to a cambodian lady and she is 24 he is 30, he does everything for her and showers her with gifts etc etc and he loves her to bits..

He introduced his wife to my wife and slowly the ladies started going out together and the men done their own thing at times, after a few times of going out my wife told me she goes out and is pulling blokes for sex not for money but just sex, ive heard rumors about this lady of his but never took it seriously because rumours are just rumours untill proven, so ive stopped my misses going out with her, any how this guy is asking me why is my misses not going out with his wife anymore and i dont really know how to tell him the real reason. his misses like to brag about it to her friends in the condo so everybody really knew about it apart from him and me as a fact.

He works abroad 3 months on and 3 off and she is obviously going into overdrive know that he is not here. all the thai ladies knew and know but according to them they dare not speak nothing, im British and my idea is to tell him. but how is the best way of doing it, he loves her like crazy and has a small 2 year daughter. she is even claiming that she is going to dump him and has started to show off her newly got fellas around the condo, i tried to tell him before that he should check his wifes phone because fellas keep calling her and when he did so she gave him a black eye and bit his lip. after all that he not have a clue whats going on. for me many sleepness nights have gone by im not to sure what i should do or should i turn a blind eye and still be friends with him, what do you think

[Moonrakers]

Keep out of it.

If you say anything it will backfire and your wife and yourself will end up as the bad guys, even if you do have proof. If you do feel that you should say something, then consider doing so anonymously.

Edited January 26, 2010 by Moonrakers

[jrbkk64]

I would tell him if you trust your wife's side of the story and/or if you have actually seen her do it.

[poldebol]

Keep out of it.

If you say anything it will backfire and your wife and yourself will end up as the bad guys, even if you do have proof. If you do feel that you should say something, then consider doing so anonymously.

He probably knows already.

[geriatrickid]

If it was me I would want to know. However, most people do not want to know, so just keep quiet unless he asks you.

Men usually know when the missues has a lot shipping traffic in the love canal. You are not the canal master so leave it be.

[GuestHouse]

If he was a very good friend of mine I would have no qualms at all in telling him, but he sounds like a casual friend so I'd stay out of it.

Meanwhile, I've seen too many instances of Thai women grassing up foreign men who are cheating on their Thai wives to believe that Thai women have even the slightest doubt over to tell or not to tell. You might find someone else takes great delight in telling him.

[Tonto21]

Tough call…..Dammed if you tell, dammed if you don’t. Could you still go on seeing this bloke you now see as a mate, for a few beers and shooting the shit with. What you would be doing is essentially lying to him by not telling him what you know! Or, you can tell him. If, and it’s a big if he believes you, the friendship is well and truly over.

From what you say he thinks the world of her. Just out of the embarrassment that every one has known what’s been going on, and hurt this guy will feel, he will, I think metaphorically, shoot the messenger and cut himself off from all who know him and her as a couple.

You ask the question: Would You? Yes, you’ve not known the guy long but from what you write, you obviously like the guy, and think you see him as a friend, or you wouldn’t be posing this question, would you? You have to tell him. I’m sure it won’t be easy, and he probably won’t believe you, but this is the price of friendship. Good luck, I am glad it’s not me having to tell him.

[manarak]

Pff. That's an easy one, really.

Just arrange for your wife to (covertly) tell you when and where it happens and turn up at this place with your friend to have a few drinks...

You didn't know the wives were at that place - pure coincidence.

Instruct your wife beforehand to make phony tries to save the situation.

Then lean back and watch: either the guy knows already or observe his face as it will slowly dawn on him.

Edited January 26, 2010 by manarak

[Eazy-Going]

I'd keep well out of it mate, it'll only back-fire on you when it hits the fan, if you add your two-penneth. May be hard but I would distance yourself, at least going out as a foursome. I'm sure if she is bragging about it as much as you intimate, it'll all come out soon, just be around to be a sympethetic ear when it does...he must have some sort of an incline...but then again, he may not even care and that may keep their boat floating in the bedroom!!! If he were a close friend of long standing, no doubt tell him, but as he isn't, don't get embroiled in it all....that's my advice for what it's worth.

[duceahearts]

if it was my wife playing around I'd want to know, if I found out my buddy knew but didn't tell me I'd be well pissed. how you going to feel if he gets HIV or the like?

[thunder30101]

Well if you did her too I wouldnt say anything.

[givenall]

If I was your wife and you and she is sure about all these <deleted>… around then I would tell her that you let your friend, her husband know about all these bull shit and make her to confront it herself this way you are directly responsible and at the same time you do the right thing

[IanForbes]

Like others have said, it's a tough call. He WILL find out eventually. Maybe with some skillful discussion you could let him find out on his own, like putting a slight suggestion in his ear about infidelity of spouses when husbands are away. I happen to know another bloke it is happening to and he's already starting to get the picture, but I stayed out of it because he is not a personal friend of mine. I happen to know the lady quite well and I know her friends who have told me. But, I NEVER mess around with anybody elses woman, and never have despite many opporunities. It's just not worth it no matter HOW tempting. It is for this reason alone that I would never have a permanent relationship with any so called "nice woman" again. We can all be friends... but from a distance. I don't have a jealous bone in my body and don't mind sharing my ladies of the night with the customers that they choose to spend time with... just so long as I have my time alone with them.

[gvallee2]

happens to like half of the westerners living in thailand

mai pen rai

Thai man no good

farang jai deeeeeeee

Edited January 26, 2010 by gvallee2

[manarak]

happens to like half of the westerners living in thailand

happens to half the westerners living at home too!

LOL

[DP25]

Tell him, he's only 30, he can easily find better and you can help save him decades of misery

[needforspeed]

Some advice, i had the same thing going on about 5 years ago.

This was a good friend, they planned to married and just a few before i saw his GF intens kissing with another foreigner.

Didnt talked with her called my friend for a beer and told him the story.

After he never called me back till i saw them at a restaurant i walked to them and both start yelling to me.

I was the bad person.

Told him that only try to help him, he didnt understand.

I walked away.

They married few month later.

Happy.

Got a baby 1 year later.

Divorced 1 year later.

Send me a e -mail 2 month later if i couldt help him out with some money,

I told him to F@@%ck off.

Lesson be be learned:

Lost a friend for telling the true.

Advice just give him small hints and one day he will understand.

Good luck

[bobo42]

If this guy is a really good friend (meaning there is a good measure of trust between you) then I would definitely tell him. Sounds like this is a casual acquaintance though, so I would probably just stay out of it unless he becomes a good friend.

I think telling him is morally the 'right thing to do', but unless he's in a position to truly believe what you have to say, then best to steer clear of such topics. Don't lie to him, just keep quiet unless he asks you about it specifically.

[calibanjr.]

What about an anonymous letter with cut-out script from magazines, like the ransom notes in the old movies? Other than that, I'd stay out of it.

[Harcourt]

if it was my wife playing around I'd want to know, if I found out my buddy knew but didn't tell me I'd be well pissed. how you going to feel if he gets HIV or the like?

What if he finds out only when he catches something?

Find a way to let him find out before it's too late. Drop hints etc.

[GungaDin]

if it was my wife playing around I'd want to know, if I found out my buddy knew but didn't tell me I'd be well pissed. how you going to feel if he gets HIV or the like?

What if he finds out only when he catches something?

Find a way to let him find out before it's too late. Drop hints etc.

Exactly, drop hints or an anon note along the lines of "Your wife is screwing around, big time, we know, but you don't, wake up!"

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT]

Arrange to get a few photos, send them to the guy no return address. He will know what is going on but you are clear.

[zzaa09]

Keep out of it.

If you say anything it will backfire and your wife and yourself will end up as the bad guys, even if you do have proof. If you do feel that you should say something, then consider doing so anonymously.

He probably knows already.

It would probably be more embarrassing if he didn't....

[Will27]

I know someone in a similiar situation.

I told him but he's gone to the big

river in Egypt......he's in denial

This is true though, I honestly don't

know why he stays. Apart from the

infidelity, she treats him like crap.

Regards

Will

[sgunn65]

I was having this discussion recently with a few friends. It was just theoretical (we all hope!!) and the general consencus was that we would want to know. In fact we all thought the friendship would be lost if we found out that one of us knew and didn't tell.

[Bartman]

Had a similar situation about 1 year ago. We were not close friends, I told him and we are not friends at all now...

[MrJohnson]

No good deed goes unpunished

[tonywebster]

Just for research purposes, where do you live, what does she look like?

I would tell him but only tell him when I had proof, or the other alternative would be to tell him you heard something about her, you asked your wife and she backed it up. tell him you want to keep out of it and that's why your wife no longer goes out with his wife. tell him you are not 100% sure as you have not seen this with your own eyes but feel it is important to let him know what is being said.

[Loz]

Tony Web is ver diplomatic.

You want to tell him, right?

Firstly. Does his wife KNOW that you know?

if so, you need to make sure he finds out before she tells him all about how you knew all along and were laughing at him too. You know Wife trumps mate, and like any fool with a hard on, he'll buy her story. You will become the enemy and their love will grow stronger cos she grassed you out...

Stranger than fiction, mate. Stranger that fiction.

Good luck.

Ps. Maybe he is reading this thread... (or was that your intention all along )

[Loz]

Tony Web is ver diplomatic.

You want to tell him, right?

Firstly. Does his wife KNOW that you know?

if so, you need to make sure he finds out before she tells him all about how you knew all along and were laughing at him too. You know Wife trumps mate, and like any fool with a hard on, he'll buy her story. You will become the enemy and their love will grow stronger cos she grassed you out...

Stranger than fiction, mate. Stranger that fiction.

Good luck.

Ps. Maybe he is reading this thread... (or was that your intention all along )