Married In Bkk, Divorcing ?

I was married in Bangkok in July 2001, somewhere around Sri Nakarind (??) in the registry office there

I've been living in New Zealand, with the kids, for the last 5 years, my wife joined us 2 years ago.

Last year, around March, after much searching, dating, sleeping around etc my wife left me for another bloke.... hooray

So there I was, in blissful ignorance, thinking that after 2 years separation I could get a divorce even without her acceptance.... but I've just realized that this may not be the case.

• Can I get a divorce in NZ or do we have to go to BKK?
  

• When can I get one? (with her ok / without her ok)
  

• I'm getting a custody order for the kids (NZ: "Parenting Order")... will Thailand recognize this?
  

• She's spent a lot of my (our... even though she didn't do anything, hardly looked after the kids at all) money, can anyone recommend a fair priced / good lawyer... do I even need one? I guess it might depend on whether she agrees to it or not.
  

Thanks