Ex "re" Married

[t.s]

so the mother of my child got married after our relationship blew up. we were never wed.

after we parted, she met someone and has since married.

The child lives with me, because when the mother moved out we agreed i was better set up to take care of it.

now, about a year later, after some growing pains, we have all agreed the child comes first, and the mother and i have never got on better. i actually quite like her new mate, as does the child, and they are a daily part of its existence.

i apologise for not posting my angst here on thaivisa at the time, but i was busy dealing with the situation.

i would love to hear the stories of other people who have had challenging life experiences and worked through them with dignity and discretion.

[moe666]

When you have a child with someone you are never done with that person. There will be birthdays, weddings, xmas, and grand children. Good for you that you both are adults and get along.

On this subject I speak from experience.Sixteen years divorced I get along with the ex and she has been invited to my house for xmas and we have been together when visiting the grand baby. But I donot want a conversation with her on a daily basis.

[Garry9999]

Reads like something from the Addams Family.

[t.s]

ok, now i am frightened, how do you know my real name?

[TheJoker12]

you cannot trust another man with your children. he might act one way in public and another at home. i don't know your particular situation but a Thai woman having children with a farang that she can't take care of sounds very bad. my wife is inseparable from our child and it really makes me think lowly of women who do not care for their children.

[t.s]

a year ago i would have agreed with you.

she never walked away, but she agreed we had issues we could not fix.

i had a house, when we parted she had nothing (largely out of pride - hers that is), and she agreed that i was better equipped. she walked away from me, not her child. she has always been there, and i think she made an admirable sacrifice. it could have been ugly, but we made it amicable.

As for never trusting another man with your child, i agree again, but a year of scrutiny has led me to err in the direction of trust. that does not mean that i am not ever vigilant.

Edited February 3, 2010 by t.s

[IanForbes]

As long as you keep it civil between you and your ex then everything should be fine. Only a tiny percentage of men are bad with children. If the mother and the child get along and the man is in agreement then nothing should be the matter. Just explain to the child as it grows older that you both love her equally and sometimes nice people just can't live together. I did that with my two kids and it worked out for the best. I'm now good friends again with the mother and I truly like the guy she is with now. It certainly makes things easier during holidays. Kids today can understand mixed parents and grand parents. It's only the adults that can screw it up.

[t.s]

It's only the adults that can screw it up.

i am a little disappointed. a post that was troll-like, intended to irritate, results in a simple, beautiful truth.

ian, your optimism still irks me.

[t.s]

Only a tiny percentage of men are bad with children.

i reckon most are either good, bad or indifferent.

bad or indifferent are the norm, good requires validation.

but i am a cynic.

[hawthorne]

My ex is the devil...No way in hel_l do I want to be in the same country as her let alone have any communication on any level. I was away for a time...came home to see she bought new boobs, face lift and her virgina rebuilt on my dime. She took the kids to eat out for every meal. She could not even spend the time to cook for them while I was away. She tells me how tough it was. She did drugs every day. She was diagnosed bi-polar. Threw about 10 knives at me and I woke up one morning with her standing over me with a large rock over her head getting ready to smash my head.

The courts would not award the children to me. I have not seen my kids in two years. She has never worked since divorcing. Teh courts have done nothing to enforce visitation. I am going once again in a few weeks for contempt against her. The courts awarded her $6000/mo permanent alimony until her or my death or she cohabitats. We were married for 7 years!!!!! I do not want to tell you how many lawyers I have set up over this whole ordeal.

The strange thing she wants me back...to torture me I am sure.

My wife prayers for her hoping she can find happiness.

I met my present wife after we separated. My wife was actually having an affair with an airline pilot two doors down while I was away until his girlfriend got wind and went ballistic. those two got married and moved. For my kids sake because I felt she was unstable I moved upstairs and said this is not a marriage but I will not leave my kids for your crazy arse to raise. Well I could no longer even see her any more. When I filed the courts said by staying in the house I forgave her and the affair could not be in play during the hearings.

yeah yeah I screwed up big time thinking I would do my best for my children.

No way in hel_l would I talk to her unless I could talk her into jumping off a tall bridge.

[needforspeed]

t.s. nice to hear about your story, good for the child but also for you and your ex.

The only thing what is strange is that she left your child, that isnt usual for Thais.

And how could you manage this all, i mean do you still work?

Any how, you did it, my compliment to you,

Excellent job.

[louialive]

LS does your child have a gender because referring to your son or daugther as an "it" is not very respectable. Though I am sure you love him/her dearly

[lioness]

Yes, I was wondering about the It, a bit like a thing or object, strange to refer to yur child that way.

[ExpatJ]

Happy that the situation works out for you and your ex. But I would be very suspicious of a woman who was happy to 'give up' her kid like your ex has done- even if she sees him daily for an hour or so. Sure you have the nicer house, but i would expect a mother to go out of her way to want to be with her own child e.g. asking you if she could have the house and live with her child for example. Can't imagine my wife , if she became ex- ever agreeing to be apart from her/our kid like this.

[Samuian]

Thanks the "almighty" a million times I never had the "luck"

to be a father and non of my aquaintances the fortune to be

the mother of a child of mine!

Thank you, I'll never forget!

[Garry9999]

Thanks the "almighty" a million times I never had the "luck"

to be a father and non of my aquaintances the fortune to be

the mother of a child of mine!

Thank you, I'll never forget!

And you'll never know what you missed.

[Slaps]

First thing that struck me was the "it" bit, Not on mate!

I'm with Hawthorn except for the the bridge bit

Sounds too nice for my ex

[Loz]

Funny,

I don't know T.S. But as soon as I read "it" I thought this was a wind up. Its a lovely story otherwise but I never met a human that called their child IT. I know people that call they car him or her, their Bike her (sometimes him) even dildos have pet names.

Maybe we are all hooked on finding something wrong in this TV world but, IT smacks you in the face with a wet kipper in reference to ones spawn.

[purplehaze]

Yes, I was wondering about the It, a bit like a thing or object, strange to refer to yur child that way.

True,also using "the child" twice as if he/she was created in some cellar laboratory.Nothing wrong with my daughter/son or our daughter/son.

[geriatrickid]

Nitpickers upset over the use of "it", pffft. Try growing up in a house where your father calls you first by a brother's name, then the dog's name, then the cat's name until he finally gets your name right before he yells at you to stop making noise while one of the brother's who's name he didn't call, is busy pounding the crap out of you.

[Chonburiram]

First thing that struck me was the "it" bit, Not on mate!

Nice Avatar, by the way

[Slaps]

Nitpickers upset over the use of "it", pffft. Try growing up in a house where your father calls you first by a brother's name, then the dog's name, then the cat's name until he finally gets your name right before he yells at you to stop making noise while one of the brother's who's name he didn't call, is busy pounding the crap out of you.

Having a bad day geriatrickid, upset over the use of "it"

Your post reminded me of this Monty Python sketch

You were lucky

(Four well-dressed men sitting together at a vacation resort. 'Farewell to Thee' being played in the background on Hawaiian guitar.)

Michael Palin: Ahh.. Very passable, this, very passable.

Graham Chapman: Nothing like a good glass of Chateau de Chassilier wine, ay Gessiah?

Terry Jones: You're right there Obediah.

Eric Idle: Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Chateau de Chassilier wine?

MP: Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of a cup o' tea.

GC: A cup ' COLD tea.

EI: Without milk or sugar.

TJ: OR tea!

MP: In a filthy, cracked cup.

EI: We never used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.

GC: The best WE could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.

TJ: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.

MP: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, 'Money doesn't buy you happiness.'

EI: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to live in this tiiiny old house, with greaaaaat big holes in the roof.

GC: House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of FALLING!

TJ: You were lucky to have a ROOM! *We* used to have to live in a corridor!

MP: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a corridor! Woulda' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House!? Hmph.

EI: Well when I say 'house' it was only a hole in the ground covered by a piece of tarpolin, but it was a house to US.

GC: We were evicted from *our* hole in the ground; we had to go and live in a lake!

TJ: You were lucky to have a LAKE! There were a hundred and sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road.

MP: Cardboard box?

TJ: Aye.

MP: You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got home, our Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!

GC: Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work at the mill every day for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!

TJ: Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the shoebox at twelve o'clock at night, and LICK the road clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife.

EI: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, (pause for laughter), drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing 'Hallelujah.'

MP: But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.

ALL: Nope, nope..

[Dakhar]

I wish us all luck.

[t.s]

t.s. nice to hear about your story, good for the child but also for you and your ex.

The only thing what is strange is that she left your child, that isnt usual for Thais.

And how could you manage this all, i mean do you still work?

Any how, you did it, my compliment to you,

Excellent job.

i work from home, i have a nanny, who is here 6 days a week and my ex picks the child up from school everyday and drops her off here.

i have alot of help.

[t.s]

First thing that struck me was the "it" bit, Not on mate!

Nice Avatar, by the way

"it" is gender non-specific, the sex of the child has no relevance to the content of my post.

[t.s]

Happy that the situation works out for you and your ex. But I would be very suspicious of a woman who was happy to 'give up' her kid like your ex has done- even if she sees him daily for an hour or so. Sure you have the nicer house, but i would expect a mother to go out of her way to want to be with her own child e.g. asking you if she could have the house and live with her child for example. Can't imagine my wife , if she became ex- ever agreeing to be apart from her/our kid like this.

i am thankful my ex does not meet your expectations, but then why should she?

have you any idea how many children in this country are raised by grandma and see their mother once or twice annually?

my ex sees her child daily, has her sleep over whenever her work schedule allows, and has unfettered access anytime she wants. the child has a stable loving home, an education and constant care that on her own the mother could not provide.

where exactly is the downside for the mother? she is free to pursue her life and her career as well as raise her child.

i do not see her as having left the child, nor does the child feel like she has been "given up".

while we could not agree on how our relationship would work when we were together, we very much agree on how we want our daughter raised.

[too true]

Perhaps the OP was concerned that if he revealed "the child" or "it" was his daughter, this discussion would move away from his original point about relationships with ex partners and be littered with responses from posters trying to tell him that if he has a daughter, the mother's new partner will be molesting her for sure, and how could he even think of allowing his daughter to spend time with another man.

Just a thought.... but admit it - now that you know his child's a girl, it changes things, doesn't it???

[Slaps]

First thing that struck me was the "it" bit, Not on mate!

Nice Avatar, by the way

"it" is gender non-specific, the sex of the child has no relevance to the content of my post.

Well I'm sorry mate but IMO "it" is not the way to describe your Daughter or Son,

my child, my baby, my offspring, my little one etc

But "it" Never!

But "it's" your child

[ExpatJ]

Happy that the situation works out for you and your ex. But I would be very suspicious of a woman who was happy to 'give up' her kid like your ex has done- even if she sees him daily for an hour or so. Sure you have the nicer house, but i would expect a mother to go out of her way to want to be with her own child e.g. asking you if she could have the house and live with her child for example. Can't imagine my wife , if she became ex- ever agreeing to be apart from her/our kid like this.

i am thankful my ex does not meet your expectations, but then why should she?

have you any idea how many children in this country are raised by grandma and see their mother once or twice annually?

my ex sees her child daily, has her sleep over whenever her work schedule allows, and has unfettered access anytime she wants. the child has a stable loving home, an education and constant care that on her own the mother could not provide.

where exactly is the downside for the mother? she is free to pursue her life and her career as well as raise her child.

i do not see her as having left the child, nor does the child feel like she has been "given up".

while we could not agree on how our relationship would work when we were together, we very much agree on how we want our daughter raised.

Didn't mean to criticise you- i just think its sad that in this case your ex is living in the same town as her child but chooses not to live with her child- i.e. she places her freedom and new marriage over her desire to be with her child (with support from a nanny/family member while she works). But the child is the most important thing, and she should be with the parent who is capable/willing of taking care of her in the best manner (clearly you in this case- as you say).

[nasajsc]

Reads like something from the Addams Family.

or Jerry Springer