Why Marriage

[relaxed]

I had very a good marriage of 20 plus years. My wife passed away 3 years ago and now I am wrestling with the idea to marry or not again. At this point I can not seem to think of any reason to marry again. Getting girls are no problem here in USA or Thailand where I split my time. I have gone out with many very sweet and so nice ladies but can't commit to a long term relationship. I am 51 years of age and retired and having very good and fun life but wondering if I will ever get the marriage bug again.

[tonititan]

Sorry to hear about your wife. I don't think that you need to decide right now if you ever want to marry again. I think it would depend on if you meet a woman who you love and connect with. If you do, then you can decide if you want to marry that particular woman in that particular point in time. Yes, there are pros and cons of marriage, especially at your age (no offense, but the variables are different than when you are 20), but I don't think you need to weigh those until you are sure that there is someone you actually want to possibly marry. If you make a decision about marriage right now, you could miss out on a great relationship, or alternatively be disappointed if you don't find someone you want to marry.

I'm sure you'll probably get some replies from posters trying to convince you that marriage is horrible, that you'll only get hurt and taken advantage of financially, or that marriage is like prison and there's no reason to do it anymore. Obviously, though, you had a good marriage so know that not all of that anti-marriage talk is true. Good luck!

[Loz]

Its a very personal choice.

SHould it feel right, like it did before, maybe you will give it a go. No need to go looking for it. Just see what comes your way.

[cdnvic]

When and if the time is right you won't have to ask. Till then enjoy the single life.

[how241]

There is a saying that goes something like this: Don't marry a person you can live with, only marry a person you CAN'T live without.

[wasabi]

I ask myself this question everyday. However I am already married so I guess I know the answer.

[ozzieovaseas]

My condolences mate..i hope you find happiness in whatever way you decide to go.

I hope this doesnt seem insensitive to be asking now, and if so id hope others would confirm these questions...but..

If you are married in Thailand is it true that if your wife dies then your rights to stay on are gone and you have a certain amount of time to leave the country??

UNLESS you have children, then you have to go through a huge rigmorole to arrange a different visa??

I only ask because i think this is a bit rough. I know of a thai girl that was married to an aussie guy and they mooved/lived in Aus for 2 years until the guy unfortunately passed away of a heart attack.

As far as i can see the woman now has the right to stay here for the rest of her life, if she so chooses, and can collect welfare and have all the benefits of a citizen until she dies....and i might add...doesnt have to check into immigration, probation style every three months.

Ive thought of the possibilities of marrying Thai, but if these things are true then it seems you have no further advantages than a short stay tourist...

I guess it sounds a bit rough from our perspective but at least Thai's have the good sense to protect their interests without all the political correctness BS

[IanForbes]

You couldn't pay me enough to get married again... but then I'm quite comfortable looking after myself. I have enough money to look after myself, but not enough to look after a spendthrift wife, or a wife who has a family that needs to be taken care of. Very few men or women over the age of 30 come without baggage. Very few marriages between couples of widely differing ages have much chance for a happy ending. And, once you get past the age of 50 it is certainly harder to find someone you are physically attracted to that has all the attributes you want in a mate. Most of us have to settle for second or third best.

There is certainly no lack of company in Thailand. I have friends for fishing, friends for social events, friends to go dining with, friends to go hiking with, friends who are interested in the arts, friends for great sex, friends who like to travel and friends who just like to sit and BS. Some of those friends share several of those things with me and others are just specific in what we share together. NONE have all the same interests as me.

But, I am past my breeding years and I no longer need to raise young children. That is for the young married couples.

Everyone's needs are different and nobody is right or wrong with their choices in how to live. I'd certain closely examine what your goals in life are if you are starting to think about another marriage.

[hawthorne]

You will know if it is to be.

I would not even waste a thought on it. It will consume you like it did 23 years ago.

[louialive]

Sorry to hear of your loss.

Guess there are a couple of issues really. Is being married what you want to happen? If it is are you ready emotionally from what you have been through to move on and commit to someone new?

From my perspective in life and on certain issues I always think of the phrase "never say never"

Good luck with whatever you decide

[villagefarang]

I have met some older guys who got remarried later in life. Perhaps they were looking for companionship but ended up starting the whole child rearing thing all over again.

If it is what you really want, that's fine. Personally I can't see spending your twilight years changing diapers. Make sure you think things through before making commitments.

[Gary A]

I agree with cdnvic, when the time is right you will definitely know it. It took me ten years here before I found the right Thai lady. Just don't get married because you are in lust.

[villagefarang]

It took me ten years here before I found the right Thai lady. Just don't get married because you are in lust.

You work quickly, it took me more than twenty years to find the right one. Sure had fun looking, however.

I say get a life first and then if you find someone who fits into that life, you may just have something.

[eurasianthai]

I had very a good marriage of 20 plus years

So you sure know the answer to your question far better than most of us do...

[relaxed]

You couldn't pay me enough to get married again... but then I'm quite comfortable looking after myself. I have enough money to look after myself, but not enough to look after a spendthrift wife, or a wife who has a family that needs to be taken care of. Very few men or women over the age of 30 come without baggage. Very few marriages between couples of widely differing ages have much chance for a happy ending. And, once you get past the age of 50 it is certainly harder to find someone you are physically attracted to that has all the attributes you want in a mate. Most of us have to settle for second or third best.

There is certainly no lack of company in Thailand. I have friends for fishing, friends for social events, friends to go dining with, friends to go hiking with, friends who are interested in the arts, friends for great sex, friends who like to travel and friends who just like to sit and BS. Some of those friends share several of those things with me and others are just specific in what we share together. NONE have all the same interests as me.

But, I am past my breeding years and I no longer need to raise young children. That is for the young married couples.

Everyone's needs are different and nobody is right or wrong with their choices in how to live. I'd certain closely examine what your goals in life are if you are starting to think about another marriage.

thanks for thoughts. At this point I could not agree more. I just wanted some input on why men want to get married because at my age I can't think of any. I am not thinking about marriage at all but I would say the majority of the girls I go out with certainly are and I understand. Anyways, yes I am having fun being single. I retired at age 49 and the only regret is my wife not around to enjoy the wealth we built together. Thanks

[eurasianthai]

Anyway, yes I am having fun being single.

I had very a good marriage of 20 plus years

So what is best, tell us...

Edited February 17, 2010 by eurasianthai

[relaxed]

Anyway, yes I am having fun being single.

I had very a good marriage of 20 plus years

So what is best, tell us...

well my experience at this point is at the age of 26 I can think of many reasons to get married. Starting a family together, making money, sharing life experience and hopefully growing old together etc. At age 51 I have to think long and hard for reasons for marriage. Being single at this point in my life is very good but remember not by my choice. I would have to say at this point and my experience its an individual thing and where a person is in their life.

[eurasianthai]

Ok, I give you my take on it.

Being single is fun, indeed, but it is being single.

Having nobody who really cares about you and nobody you care about.

But with time, being single is being alone.

You know the saying "Bachelors live like kings and die like paupers. Married people live like paupers but die like kings"

And you're getting older...

Edited February 17, 2010 by eurasianthai

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT]

well I for one could not imagine life without my wife. She is smart, pretty, sexy, fun and most of all my best friend. There is nothing I would not do for her and I know she feels the same. Life is fantastic and it is mostly because of her. We have been married over 35 years. I'm 76 and she is about a decade younger than me.

If you can find the right one go for it, but keep in mind finding the right one can be very difficult. It took me three tries to get it perfect. But companionship gets more important as you get older. Someone to look after you for love and not for money is hard to beat. Good luck whichever way you go.

[eurasianthai]

But companionship gets more important as you get older.

Indeed

And congratulations for the 35 years, not that common these days.

Edited February 17, 2010 by eurasianthai

[Travel2003]

I love my wife very much, and married her because if I would die without us being married, she would end up with nothing.

She would be back to square one, after many years in a relationship.

Not marrying her would simply be too selfish of me.

[relaxed]

well I for one could not imagine life without my wife. She is smart, pretty, sexy, fun and most of all my best friend. There is nothing I would not do for her and I know she feels the same. Life is fantastic and it is mostly because of her. We have been married over 35 years. I'm 76 and she is about a decade younger than me.

If you can find the right one go for it, but keep in mind finding the right one can be very difficult. It took me three tries to get it perfect. But companionship gets more important as you get older. Someone to look after you for love and not for money is hard to beat. Good luck whichever way you go.

thank you. Very well said and wish you and the wife continued happiness. Appreciate everyone's opinion.

[joorakee]

I suggest OP reading "So many girls! So little time!" by Chuck Wilson. The advantages and disadvantages of being married are described in Chapter 4.

[bifftastic]

My two penneth...

something like marriage, when viewed as a concept, can have pro's and cons like any other concept but as it is the union of two people then, in my opinion, until those two people are together then the question cannot be answered.

If you are finding the women you 'bump into' if you'll forgive the pun, are 'looking to get married' then that, for them, is a goal in itself rather than two people meeting and then finding that marriage is the result of their partnership rather than the realisation of an ambition 'to be married' which rather implies that it doesn't really matter who you are married to.

It must be very difficult after a long and happy marriage which ended in such a sad way for you to contemplate repeating that in any way. It would, I imagine, conjour up thoughts of replacing your wife with another, which is impossible, and could make you feel guilty as if, somehow, betraying your previous marriage.

If you meet the right person who loves you for who you are then, I think, you should not be afraid to marry her. Having said that I don't think it should be on some sort of list of things to do.

Apologies for a post with contradictions, but it is that kind of subject which doesn't really have a definitive answer.

All the best

Biff

[Chaimai]

I think the OP has it sorted.

He recognises what he had and, even it that cannot be repeated, he will know if/when the time is right.

Good luck, sir.

[IanForbes]

My two penneth...

something like marriage, when viewed as a concept, can have pro's and cons like any other concept but as it is the union of two people then, in my opinion, until those two people are together then the question cannot be answered.

If you are finding the women you 'bump into' if you'll forgive the pun, are 'looking to get married' then that, for them, is a goal in itself rather than two people meeting and then finding that marriage is the result of their partnership rather than the realisation of an ambition 'to be married' which rather implies that it doesn't really matter who you are married to.

It must be very difficult after a long and happy marriage which ended in such a sad way for you to contemplate repeating that in any way. It would, I imagine, conjour up thoughts of replacing your wife with another, which is impossible, and could make you feel guilty as if, somehow, betraying your previous marriage.

If you meet the right person who loves you for who you are then, I think, you should not be afraid to marry her. Having said that I don't think it should be on some sort of list of things to do.

Apologies for a post with contradictions, but it is that kind of subject which doesn't really have a definitive answer.

All the best

Biff

Well said, Biff. Your post doesn't really have contradictions at all because, as you said, there is no one definitive answer for everyone. Everything we do in life is a compromise... you give up one thing to get another.

I commend those who have had a long, happy marriage. But, I believe there was a bit of good luck in it happening and a WHOLE LOT OF WORK to keep it that way. My parents were married for over 60 years but they fought the whole time. I was married to a woman I probably didn't love, and yet we stayed together for 20 years. Her affair that eventually ended it was probably the cause of me not showing enough love for her. My second marriage only lasted 7 years, but there wasn't a day that I didn't try to show how much in love I was with that lady. Unfortunately, her son was a druggy and she couldn't accept it. It tore our marriage apart. In any case, she gave me back my freedom by leaving, and today I wouldn't have it any other way.