Soooooo Hard Being A Hertero Male In Bangkok

[britmaveric]

^ you would be surprised, making small gestures like buying a drink could spark interest other than a job as you state it. You can become mates... and being mate certainly doesnt cost you a lot. In fact you would be surprised - the gesture is often returned.

[canuckamuck]

^ you would be surprised, making small gestures like buying a drink could spark interest other than a job as you state it. You can become mates... and being mate certainly doesnt cost you a lot. In fact you would be surprised - the gesture is often returned.

Well mating is the point I guess

[britmaveric]

^Mate=Friend, but I am sure you know this.

[ozzieovaseas]

Why wouldnt you buy the ladies drinks? This is tantamount to taking them home... they earn a bit of dosh while they are chatting with you. Anyways pretty rude going into a gogo and not buying drinks especially if they are talking with you. Now I didnt say every one that comes up to you, but couple drinks isnt going to hurt you.

Anyways as I said you do not need to drink in these situations to have fun - misconception of the highest order.

I know I dont need to drink to have fun, been doing it all my life. But I just dont get the whole "buy a lady a drink" to talk to me thing. She sees me as a big baht note, not a person. She is told to get men to buy them drinks for the bar, its just her job. I am simply completely incapable of buying the illusion that she has any real interest in me or talking to me, which ruins it for me. I might as well light 200 baht on fire for all it will do for me to buy a woman like that a drink. This is just me, I'm sure it is great fun for others.

Im with you on that one mate.

I get called a cheap charlie for it, but i also dont see the sense in paying for someone to talk to you, especially since it will most probably never go any further, and some other guy will be doing the same 10 minutes after you've left...and its not like their having a real drink after all..they drink iced water and charge you for vodka and then take the mickey out of you being a stupid farang.

They are nothing but a bunch of well dressed beggars in my books and the whole idea is no better than when you see the old thais in the karaoke rooms paying thousands to have young girls sit on their knees and drink overpriced whisky and then go home.

SO LM, having taken note of your post mentioning your "olympic" skills, maybe we should put our heads together and start a new thread entitled..."How to get laid in BKK when you're a cheap charlie"

[canuckamuck]

^^

North Americans still find the term amusing.

we'll grow up some day

Edited March 2, 2010 by canuckamuck

[Curt1591]

On the few occasions that I do socialize with drinking friends, i now see them in a different light and see loud, rude, know it all, argumentative people.

You see that's the problem. Non-drinkers tend not to like drinkers, so why should drinkers like non-drinkers.

While drinking, most drinkers aren't too discerning; that's the beauty of alcohol.

As far as liking or disliking someone goes, under the influence, that often changes with the direction of the wind!

[Ijustwannateach]

A lot of people have a lot of 'real life issues' that they want to escape from in Thailand- drinking and prostitution are both good ways to avoid reality.

but really- what are you GAINING from these groups of friends? You say you want to 'perform' well in the sense that you pretend to be amused by them- but you never ever really want to BE there- so what's it doing to your self-esteem that your social time is spent around people who are all in denial?

I think the reason you keep doing it is that it is a good way to avoid YOUR reality problem, which is the shyness you mention. I don't know how much Thai you speak, but there's no reason not to meet normal Thais in discos- if you do it the way the Thais do (you may need to watch carefully and see how it's done). Then you've got to try it the same way. What alcohol could be good for is reducing some of that shyness of yours, but if you're not willing to drink even a little you're just going to have to come up with the nerve- maybe by imagining yourself spending another 5 or 10 weekend nights with 'the boys' in those locations you dislike.

I understand the quandary of the loneliness, though- many of my initial groups of friends in Thailand had some reality problems, though some of them have moved on- and it has taken time to find replacements of the right sort, but it is possible.

[britmaveric]

^I think those that drink or partake in the nightlife are actually no more real than those who do not.

[ariesram74]

Get hobbies - stuff you just love doing. It's been said a lot already. You're bored? Go do volunteer work.

[kpmsprtd]

Live and let live. Each year I make the pilgrimage to Thailand to experience it once again. You, Mr. Laughing Man, are clearly in the wrong country. I am almost certain that you are from the U.S. I will happily contribute U.S.$20 to help fund your return to Amerikana--where judging others is a way of life.

[w11guy]

Jaideeguy, (crappy handle)

Its not the not drinking but the 'my shit don't stink' attitude non drinkers seem to get especially here.

I find it funny when I see chaps belting off about 'Expats who spend all day in Bars' when thats probably what they did during their first five trips here and little else.

Drinking isn't an evil unless you're a Methodist dick like one finds in Lancashire. Yorkshire and many parts of the US.

It's just something people do.

For some, especially the English (and our offspring) the Germans and the Scandic nations it's a cultural activity.

By decrying our drinking, you are debasing our (and probably your own) culture.

Seriously, if you lack the imagination to live without alcohol then you guys have the problem, not we Band of Stumbly Brothers

I think it is you that has a problem and not the original poster. You claim that non-drinkers are sanctimonious, but I've never found that to be the case. You sound like you have a really problem with alcohol. They way I can tell is that you are getting angry because some other people don't want to drink. That is a sign of alcohol addiction.

I don't care either way. I used to drink regularly (a few times a week) and then gave up for thre years and now drink once every week or two. I find this is what suits me best. I don't do it because I think I'm better than people who drink every day.

Someone else pointed out that there are three types of people - real drinkers, occassional drinkers and non-drinkers. I have been all three and know all three and I can say that they ones that seem to have the most proplems are the ones that drink very regularly. I have nothing against them and if that makes them happy then good for them. I have friends like this and get on well with them, so I've no need to say anything against them. Bet there are few, like you, who get really angry when they come across a no-drinker. I think this is because deep down you know you have a problem and being in the presence of a non-drinker highlights the propblem in your mind. So it's easier to have a go at them than face your problems.

It's only when I gave up drinking for 3 years that I really realised this. Occassional drinkers didn't have a problem with me not drinking. Some even said they wished they could do it. But the regular drinkers were the ones who got angry and had a go at me. They claimed I was being stupid, etc. It seemed to boil down to the fact that they thought I couldn't enjoy myself if I didn't drink. I have enough activities to keep me busy and happy without having to drink. These drinkers were obviously saying what they though - that is that they couldn't enjoy themselves without a drink.

You sum it up in your earlier post where you say a woman would have a rubbish night out if she didn't drink. If you really think that then you really need some help. I know many women who love a night out with a man that doesn't drink. You don't realise how much some of them appreciate it after having had so many dates with people like you who can only function if they have a drink. Please get some help, for your own sake.

[w11guy]

Why wouldnt you buy the ladies drinks? This is tantamount to taking them home... they earn a bit of dosh while they are chatting with you. Anyways pretty rude going into a gogo and not buying drinks especially if they are talking with you. Now I didnt say every one that comes up to you, but couple drinks isnt going to hurt you.

Anyways as I said you do not need to drink in these situations to have fun - misconception of the highest order.

I know I dont need to drink to have fun, been doing it all my life. But I just dont get the whole "buy a lady a drink" to talk to me thing. She sees me as a big baht note, not a person. She is told to get men to buy them drinks for the bar, its just her job. I am simply completely incapable of buying the illusion that she has any real interest in me or talking to me, which ruins it for me. I might as well light 200 baht on fire for all it will do for me to buy a woman like that a drink. This is just me, I'm sure it is great fun for others.

I think your main problem is that you have the wrong mates and hang out in the wrong places. You need to get a new set of friends and do things you enjoy. I know this may be easier said than done because of your shyness, but there is help out there. Try reading the book Goals by Brian Tracey. This is great for working out what you want out of all aspects of life and setting goals to get yourself there. Your goal would be to make new friends, do new things and find a nice wife. The book with show you how to break this down into manageable tasks.

If you're shy it also helps to do things every day to overcome this. A year or two I read a book about how to meet girls. It gives advice to for the most hopeless of men. I don't remember all the advice but the jist of it was that you need to do something everyday. So for example, if you just can't go up to women and talk to them during the daytime, then on day 1 you have to do something like talk to 20 women but just say something like 'excuse me do you know what time it is?' or 'excuse me, do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?'. You don't attempt any other conversation. If they say 'it's 2pm' you just say thanks and carry on walking. If you do this 20 times every day you will soon getting so used to it that it will seem normal. You then move on and start adding a sentence or two extra. But only when you are comfortable enough. You then build on this until talking to them seems normal. 20 a day may seem like a lot, but you could easily do this in an hour. There is also another one I remember that you can start with and that's to just go out walking and catch women's eye as you walk past them, but don't stop or say anything. You will still have made a little connection. And made the women feel good because you will have noticed them.

One thing about buying the girls drinks though. You say you don't want to, but just think of it like leaving a tip at a retaurant. The girls there are only doing it for the money. They serve you and you leave a tip. The bar girls only want a tip. Just buy them a drink and don't think about it. I think maybe you are spending too much time thinking about the rights and wrongs of things. Just buy them a couple of drinks and forget about it. It's only money.

I'll be moving to BKK in May. So if you fancy meeting up to do some non-drinking things, I'd be happy to do that. Same goes to other posters here. I only drink occassionally, but can happily drink with the best of them or not drink for months. Depends what's going on in my life and what I feel like at the time. It's a great feeling not drinking for months and getting fit and healthy. But it's also great having a few drinks. So I'm happy to make friends in both camps.

[TheLaughingMan]

Thanks that was some good advice.