How Much To Put In The Envelope?

[bifftastic]

As the title says, my g/f's nephew is getting married next month. He's 18, second son of g/f's sister, marrying a local girl of the same age. I'm having this discussion with my g/f obviously, but I'd like the opinions of the members here too.

Don't want to put too much, but definitely don't want to put too little!

Anyone got any previous experience or suggestions?

If it's relevant, the family farm some land, grow tobacco and corn, live in a normal Thai wooden house, aren't rich but aren't dirt poor. G/f's sisters side of the family are from Korat, (I'm helping to pay for Mum to come up to Chiang Saen for the wedding) sister married into a local family whose land they all live on.

Any ideas?

Cheers,

Biff

[rfukata]

ceremonial situations differ. For instance, when I was working as an expat for 3 yrs in Bangkok, my department assistant got married and I enclosed $200US. I did have a conversation with a few local colleagues and the amount varied significantly within.

The amount I enclosed was on the high side but, as an expat I didn't want to look cheap nor put disrespect to my assistant's family.

I asked my Issan wife concerning your situation and she mentioned that she would not enclose too much maybe 1,000baht namely

due in part that your nephew couple may ask you for more money down the road...

[Chaimai]

My GF said, when I put 1,000 Baht in a Falang's wedding envelope, would you give over £20 in England to someone you didn't know.

I did say that I would normally buy a toaster for anyone's wedding.

I got the impression that 500 Baht would have been adequate for this Isaan ceremony.

Also depends on the circumstances of the betrothed - for Bangkok hiso's you would undoubtedly pay more.

[bifftastic]

ceremonial situations differ. For instance, when I was working as an expat for 3 yrs in Bangkok, my department assistant got married and I enclosed $200US. I did have a conversation with a few local colleagues and the amount varied significantly within.

The amount I enclosed was on the high side but, as an expat I didn't want to look cheap nor put disrespect to my assistant's family.

I asked my Issan wife concerning your situation and she mentioned that she would not enclose too much maybe 1,000baht namely

due in part that your nephew couple may ask you for more money down the road...

Thanks for your reply, I was thinking about the same amount too. As I'm helping with the costs (well, paying all of them actually!) of g/f and kids going to Korat for a few days and bringing mum back with them I reckon 1,000 is kinda 'ball park' right. But I don't want to look cheap.... might up it a little?

As for help down the road, they built two rooms under the house when I went to stay with them which g/f and kids now use. The plan is that when we get a house of our own, nephew and wife will move in downstairs. As far as sponsoring the new couple with regular payments, they can whistle for it! sponsorship is, and will continue to be, limited to; mum (gets a couple thou if we can spare it but not every month) kids (saving plan for further education) sister (gets a few hundred for gasoline if she's broke, but that's reciprocal) I paid the electric bill one month but Pi Sao payed it back the next.

They're a cool bunch of people and haven't asked me for anything.

Nephew works with the family, they rent the land they work and he has a couple of plots that he's 'in charge of' so I reckon they'll be ok.

Any more input gratefully received

[bifftastic]

My GF said, when I put 1,000 Baht in a Falang's wedding envelope, would you give over £20 in England to someone you didn't know.

I did say that I would normally buy a toaster for anyone's wedding.

I got the impression that 500 Baht would have been adequate for this Isaan ceremony.

Also depends on the circumstances of the betrothed - for Bangkok hiso's you would undoubtedly pay more.

Well, Bangkok hi-so's they ain't!

As for £20 to someone I didn't know... yeah I probably would, but I do know him and he's my g/f's nephew..

It's looking like 1,000 is about right. Thanks guys

[473geo]

My opinion is that for family 1k is about right.....too much may just appear flash......We went to a wedding recently, not a relation, and my wife dealt with the envelope.....but I noticed she put in 300 baht......I would expect that is the going rate for that type of wedding in our village......I would suggest your GF take care of the envelope, if she asks you to give something, give 1k, I would think if she thought that was too little she would either ask for more, or add a little herself!!

[bifftastic]

yeah, she'll take care of the envelope as, sadly, I'll be in England at the time of the wedding. Cool, I'll budget for 1,000

Thanks

[TheWalkingMan]

200US is a bit too much I think. I went to a wedding of my assistant in Tokyo and 200US is just about the amount I put in the envelope. I also went to a wedding in Issan and I put in about 500 baht, which seemed appropriate.

TheWalkingMan

[NADTATIDA1]

I attended a wedding last weekend and my partner put 300 bt in the envelope,on arrival we signed the book and gave over the envelope and recieved a little key-ring gift in return,all the donations where not opened at this moment and are normally opened in private also no names on the envelopes ...so nobody actually knows who gave what amount!

We arrived with about 7 other guests and where seated at a table and served lovely food beer and whiskey and soft drinks.

My understanding was that it cost about 1000 bt for each round table 8/10 people food and drink, and the donations at the wedding go towards paying for this.

[cmjantje]

My wife told me before our wedding that it is usual to put in the enveloppe the amount you should get back from that family in case they were your guests. Maybe that helps..

Edited March 8, 2010 by cmjantje

[bifftastic]

Thanks everyone for your input.

We've decided we're putting 1,000 baht in the envelope and privately contributing another 1,000 to the costs of the wedding, seeing as it's close family and they all live in the same house.

I doubt very much if he will put 1,000 in an envelope for me should the occasion arise! he's saved up the 30,000 baht sin sot and enough for one baht gold so I reckon that's him skint for a while now!

When I get them, I'll put some photos up on my blog page.

Cheers,

Biff

[Chaimai]

I attended a wedding last weekend and my partner put 300 bt in the envelope,on arrival we signed the book and gave over the envelope and recieved a little key-ring gift in return,all the donations where not opened at this moment and are normally opened in private also no names on the envelopes ...so nobody actually knows who gave what amount!

I would generally disagree with that statement. The weddings (and funerals) that I have been to have such immaculate records that they would not be out of place in a bank ledger. This is, of course, to enable the Thais to continue the ridiculous practice of paying the same (or a little bit more) when they attend a wedding or funeral of that particular family.

[NADTATIDA1]

I attended a wedding last weekend and my partner put 300 bt in the envelope,on arrival we signed the book and gave over the envelope and recieved a little key-ring gift in return,all the donations where not opened at this moment and are normally opened in private also no names on the envelopes ...so nobody actually knows who gave what amount!

I would generally disagree with that statement. The weddings (and funerals) that I have been to have such immaculate records that they would not be out of place in a bank ledger. This is, of course, to enable the Thais to continue the ridiculous practice of paying the same (or a little bit more) when they attend a wedding or funeral of that particular family.

Maybe,but i saw no marking of cards and we sat opposite the entrance and saw many more people do the same.One lady designated to accept the envelope for the family and that was it,i did wonder? but they were just all together in a box and she was in no way writing anything on them or anywhere else! her main objective was to give a gift to all who attended and gaurd the cards,maybe she had magic powers?

[Limbo]

My wife told me before our wedding that it is usual to put in the enveloppe the amount you should get back from that family in case they were your guests. Maybe that helps..

Yes, that's the system! The social-anthropologists among us will recognize it immediatly,

as it is rather universal: in relative poor communities like for instance villages in Thailand

everybody helps in covering incidental high costs, motto "today it's you, tomorrow me".

Marriages, new house celebrations, cremations, all the members of the community (or the

members of a sub-group of the community) give a little contribution and by doing so they

show that they are part of the system and thus they assure themselves of getting help as well

when they need it themselves.

It is a kind of mutual insurance, formerly under the umbrella of the church (read: the wat),

that nowadays mostly limits itself to provide tents, chairs, tables, pots, pans, plates and glasses.

The cooking brings the women of the village together and their devoted husbands refresh their

brotherhood for instance by helping the local brewer to get rid of his stock.

Envelopes are distributed, you put your name on it and a certain amount of money in it.

These amounts are written down in a book and this book is consulted when you are at the

receiving end.

Read the French sociologist Marcel Mauss 'the spirit of the thing given' for a better understanding

of the nature of gifts in old style rural societies.

But we are not members of these societies so we are classified after other criteria.

With 500 Baht you will belong to the toppers and with 1000 you might overdo things

as they would never be able to compensate you in a reciprocal gesture.

Leave it to your wife to decide, she knows best what is most appropriate for both of you.

Anyhow, have great fun!

Limbo

[sbk]

Sounds like biff wont' be attending the wedding, so be sure your GF writes both your names on the envelope.

I realize the South has a better income than Isaan, we gave our nephew 3000 when he got married. But, at other weddings, of which there are too many to count and I have stopped attending unless I actually know someone in the family (anybody! doesn't even have to be the bride and groom!), we still only give 300 baht unless its a relative. But for immediate family, its always higher.

[lannaman]

Quote:

"With 500 Baht you will belong to the toppers and with 1000 you might overdo things

as they would never be able to compensate you in a reciprocal gesture."

500 baht or even 300 is quite sufficient for the above reason.

[manjara]

Hmmm, looks like I have been over-generous from the replies on here. We started out giving the nephews and nieces (i.e. children of my wifes sisters) 1 ngarn of land on which to build a house. As it is land in the village it is a bit more expensive than rice land, but still not too much. It is usually 20-30k depending on location (and how much land you buy!). The rest of the money, wood etc to build the thing is up to them!

There's only 4 kids left unmarried now and we still have a spare rai in the village

[bifftastic]

Turns out the envelope is the cheapest part of it

Bus tickets for g/f and 2 kids Chiang Saen to Korat, stay in Korat for a few days when all the family she hasn't seen for years will 'drop by' and empty her (my) wallet for her! I don't think they'll get any money but I'll bet they can eat and drink a fair amount! And seeing as the wedding is so far away, it will be like a 'wedding warm up' Then mum travels back with them to Chiang Saen for the wedding, mum. I'm sure, will need to be holding a little folding on her arrival!

Bus tickets alone is about 8,000 so I reckon nephew will have set me back around 20K by the time everyone is wandering home drunk!

And I was worried about the envelope!

Anyway, thanks again for all the advice it's important to get these things right.

Oh, by the way, they haven't set the date yet, nephew's dad will consult the local Wat as to the best day.... how do they decide? Anyone know how the monks pick the best day for these things?

[PoorSucker]

Oh, by the way, they haven't set the date yet, nephew's dad will consult the local Wat as to the best day.... how do they decide? Anyone know how the monks pick the best day for these things?

Depends on what day they were born.

[somtampet]

Gave 2,000 baht at a hi-so wedding,and hated every second of it,so snotty and my poo dont stink type of attitude.

Been to 2 decent weddings and gave 1,000 baht and paid for a few drinks also.These 2 were great,everybody had fun and some great music.The above one was crap and all they did was have photos taken with some props,and stuck their 2 frigging fingers up all night for the photos.I have never been so bored in my entire life with those prima donnas,never ever again.

[villagefarang]

I have seen and heard a fair amount of this reverse bigotry in my years in Thailand. It seems okay to belittle and look down on those who have more, simply because they have more and especially if they are local. But, heaven forbid that anyone look down on me. "I'm not a snob but they are." It always makes me smile, or is it just gas?

Edited March 9, 2010 by villagefarang

[somtampet]

I have seen and heard a fair amount of this reverse bigotry in my years in Thailand. It seems okay to belittle and look down on those who have more, simply because they have more and especially if they are local. But, heaven forbid that anyone look down on me. "I'm not a snob but they are." It always make me smile, or is it just gas?

THOSE WHO HAVE MORE????

These hi-so who are office workers who think they are rich.Maybe i should have said wannabee hi-so.

[Limbo]

I have seen and heard a fair amount of this reverse bigotry in my years in Thailand. It seems okay to belittle and look down on those who have more, simply because they have more and especially if they are local. But, heaven forbid that anyone look down on me. "I'm not a snob but they are." It always make me smile, or is it just gas?

THOSE WHO HAVE MORE????

These hi-so who are office workers who think they are rich.Maybe i should have said wannabee hi-so.

Dear Somtampet,

Only one category is worse than middle class Thai and that it is the kind of 'Farang' that tries to

act like high class Thai. It is really embarrassing to see them on their imaginary stage.

To use a Dutch expression: "My pants fall down!"; it causes vicarious shame.

Limbo

[cmjantje]

Correct Limbo, Too many forget that we "Farang" (Oh I hate that word!) are guests here and they should behave like guests. Besides that... Many people in the Western world can learn a Lot from a.o. Asian people!