How Thai Girls And Thai's In General Think?

[yesdavy]

Amazing! How could anybody find any girl in any bar in any country and entertain thoughts of a relationship beyond pay as you go for services rendered? Why would anybody go into any bar in the first place? To drink? Rather put my feet up at home and sip away. To talk? With whom, people I don't know that don't have enough self respect not to smoke, about totally inconsequential small talk? Rather Skype up with somebody intelligent and exchange ideas about enterprise strategies or catch up on that medical issue they were dealing with.

But, it should be perfectly obvious if you have been here for more than a month that even if you date a girl that does not work in a bar, you will lose her respect immediately if you are generous. The tighter you are with your money the more she will respect you, the principal being, if you are easy with your money she turns on the afterburners, lit by her family, because you are an easy mark and she wants to clean you out before somebody else does.

The first sign is the emergency. "My aunt needs an operation and our family does not have the money." "My brother was in an accident on the other side of the country blah, blah, blah." It is always an emergency designed to tug at your heart strings and the first amount is usually around 3-5K baht, always in the form of a loan with a promise to pay you back.

In Isan, girls have been seen sitting in internet cafes chatting online with several, maybe 5, one and onlies, keeping them all believing they are in a committed relationship while the Thai husband sits nearby picking his nose and telling her she'd better get X baht or else. If not the Thai husband, the Thai mom or father.

If you want an interesting scenario, explain that in your culture the wife's family pays the husband to marry the daughter because it eases the financial burden on the family. Women shouldn't work, after all, and the husband is doing the family a favor by easing the financial burden of having a daughter at home.

You are best to apply the taxi principle in any foreign country when it comes to girls...you always choose the taxi, never let the taxi choose you, and same goes for the women.

[StreetCowboy]

Amazing! How could anybody find any girl in any bar in any country and entertain thoughts of a relationship beyond pay as you go for services rendered? Why would anybody go into any bar in the first place? To drink? Rather put my feet up at home and sip away. To talk? With whom, people I don't know that don't have enough self respect not to smoke, about totally inconsequential small talk? Rather Skype up with somebody intelligent and exchange ideas about enterprise strategies or catch up on that medical issue they were dealing with.

But, it should be perfectly obvious if you have been here for more than a month that even if you date a girl that does not work in a bar, you will lose her respect immediately if you are generous. The tighter you are with your money the more she will respect you, the principal being, if you are easy with your money she turns on the afterburners, lit by her family, because you are an easy mark and she wants to clean you out before somebody else does.

The first sign is the emergency. "My aunt needs an operation and our family does not have the money." "My brother was in an accident on the other side of the country blah, blah, blah." It is always an emergency designed to tug at your heart strings and the first amount is usually around 3-5K baht, always in the form of a loan with a promise to pay you back.

In Isan, girls have been seen sitting in internet cafes chatting online with several, maybe 5, one and onlies, keeping them all believing they are in a committed relationship while the Thai husband sits nearby picking his nose and telling her she'd better get X baht or else. If not the Thai husband, the Thai mom or father.

If you want an interesting scenario, explain that in your culture the wife's family pays the husband to marry the daughter because it eases the financial burden on the family. Women shouldn't work, after all, and the husband is doing the family a favor by easing the financial burden of having a daughter at home.

You are best to apply the taxi principle in any foreign country when it comes to girls...you always choose the taxi, never let the taxi choose you, and same goes for the women.

Thanks very much indeed for staying out of the bars. You do us all a favour, and the girls more so.

SC

[StreetCowboy]

Who do I never see a topic about what Thai men in general think? Or how nice the trees in Thailand are or the war between Burma and Thailand in the past? Thailands involvement in WO2?

Why is it always about girls?

There was a fascinating thread about ferrets...

SC

Thai girls are much more interesting than trees or ferrets, but to each their own.

True enough, but the threads on the topic border on the repetitous and tedious; and there was nobody cynical or jaded with their ferret on that thread, nor feeling inadequate or cheated by their ferret, though possibly led astray...

I'd been hoping that the mods would see their way to a field sports sub-forum, but maybe that would be sailing too close to the wind

SC

[eurasianthai]

How do Thai's think? with their brain

Right.

But well, it does not really mean they think like you...

[My Friend Same]

I agree with the dude who says stay away from girls with tattoos. I can add to that as well. Try and get a girl who did in fact make it out of the 8th grade. I can add to that even.

[eurasianthai]

Well, below 8th grade, they can have a tattoo, over 8th grade, they can't.

Not too sure about that.

My wife has a tattoo.

And so does Angelina Jolie.

No, I'm not Brad Pitt, the reason I can show her tattoo without asking you to pay for viewing it...

Edited April 20, 2010 by eurasianthai

[StreetCowboy]

Well, below 8th grade, they can have a tattoo, over 8th grade, they can't.

Not too sure about that.

My wife has a tattoo.

And so does Angelina Jolie.

No, I'm not Brad Pitt, the reason I can show her tattoo without asking you to pay for viewing it...

I thought that was a sell-by date when I first saw it

SC

[basjke]

Well, below 8th grade, they can have a tattoo, over 8th grade, they can't.

Not too sure about that.

My wife has a tattoo.

And so does Angelina Jolie.

No, I'm not Brad Pitt, the reason I can show her tattoo without asking you to pay for viewing it...

I thought that was a sell-by date when I first saw it

SC

It's the barcode.

[eurasianthai]

I thought that was a sell-by date when I first saw it

SC

The translation does not really matter.

Just animist/Buddhist superstition.

Helps you understand better the Thais, I think, and Angelina Jolie...

(I think my wife is going to kill me after reading this... )

Edited April 20, 2010 by eurasianthai

[Valdezugar]

After reading all of this I'm now totally confused

So you're all saying that the girl I met there only wants me for whatever money she can get from me? So far she hasn't asked me for a cent; calls me regularly; we haven't has issues about me not able to answer my phone; no tattoos and doesn't smoke; actually currently in school and willing to relocate to my miserable country without any marriage proposal.

I guess proceed with caution is my motto from here on; though I want to give her the benefit of the doubt.

dam_n! What's a guy to do?

[enginerevision]

Just go on man, think with your OWN brain. Just keep the money on your side ok, in case anything might happen.

[Soutpeel]

and willing to relocate to my miserable country without any marriage proposal.

And there you have your answer....she had a long term plan, ultimate goal... another passport, thats why she is not asking for money etc etc...I assume here she hardly knows you...dont tell me a year is a long term relationship...but she is willing to up root herself from Thailand and travel to a miserable country...

[Soutpeel]

I agree with the dude who says stay away from girls with tattoos.

The typical streotypical/bigoted/generalisation response I have come to expect on TV.

Per the tattoo shown...Mrs Soutpeel has one similar which was done after we were married, prior to meeting me, she had none, so where does that put your theroy now ??

Usually the farangs who shout the loudest about girls/tattoo's/Issan/Bargirls etc etc have the most to "hide" about their relationships.....

[canuckamuck]

I agree with the dude who says stay away from girls with tattoos.

The typical streotypical/bigoted/generalisation response I have come to expect on TV.

Per the tattoo shown...Mrs Soutpeel has one similar which was done after we were married, prior to meeting me, she had none, so where does that put your theroy now ??

Usually the farangs who shout the loudest about girls/tattoo's/Issan/Bargirls etc etc have the most to "hide" about their relationships.....

why fight a generalization is with a generalization.

[StreetCowboy]

8>< NESTED QUOTES DELETED ><8

why fight a generalization is with a generalization.

That's always a mistake

[Soutpeel]

I agree with the dude who says stay away from girls with tattoos.

The typical streotypical/bigoted/generalisation response I have come to expect on TV.

Per the tattoo shown...Mrs Soutpeel has one similar which was done after we were married, prior to meeting me, she had none, so where does that put your theroy now ??

Usually the farangs who shout the loudest about girls/tattoo's/Issan/Bargirls etc etc have the most to "hide" about their relationships.....

why fight a generalization is with a generalization.

touche'...

[Loz]

After reading all of this I'm now totally confused

So you're all saying that the girl I met there only wants me for whatever money she can get from me? So far she hasn't asked me for a cent; calls me regularly; we haven't has issues about me not able to answer my phone; no tattoos and doesn't smoke; actually currently in school and willing to relocate to my miserable country without any marriage proposal.

I guess proceed with caution is my motto from here on; though I want to give her the benefit of the doubt.

dam_n! What's a guy to do?

Depends on the guy?

Some would do extensive background reading on Thai/farang relationships. Some would just jump on on gut feel. Others still would stand back and watch a little with trepidation. Up to you...

[StreetCowboy]

After reading all of this I'm now totally confused

So you're all saying that the girl I met there only wants me for whatever money she can get from me? So far she hasn't asked me for a cent; calls me regularly; we haven't has issues about me not able to answer my phone; no tattoos and doesn't smoke; actually currently in school and willing to relocate to my miserable country without any marriage proposal.

I guess proceed with caution is my motto from here on; though I want to give her the benefit of the doubt.

dam_n! What's a guy to do?

Depends on the guy?

Some would do extensive background reading on Thai/farang relationships. Some would just jump on on gut feel. Others still would stand back and watch a little with trepidation. Up to you...

Rely on generalisations and stereotypes. Trawl through pages of thaivisa on relevant and irrelevant topics, and choose the most entertaining, or relevant, as you see fit, stereotype, and then behave accordingly.

Its better than relying on the mischievious guidance of bitter and twisted strangers lurking on an anonymous forum.

Actually, that puts me in mind of a money-spinning opportunity of arachnid proportions...A long-term scheme of such appalling complexity and implausibility that it defies insanity to resist...

SC

[IanForbes]

Thai girls are much more interesting than trees or ferrets, but to each their own.

Not always true. In this situation I'd rather have the tree and you can have the girl and the ferret on the ground.

[ralphlsasser]

The OP is obviously young or he wouldn't be asking those questions. Thais think (or DON'T think) a lot differently than westerners... but they still have the same wants and needs.

Girls talk to their girl friends. Most of their friends don't have any more information than those asking the questions. But, in the normal Thai manner, they feel required to give an answer... usually an incorrect one. Women traditionally act or react on emotions. Young women act irrationally on a regular basis. Young Thai men are no different, and for an example, look how they ride dangerously on motor scooters. Young Thai women seem married to their cel phones. They live and breath with phones stuck to their ears. It doesn't dawn on them that some people might be otherwise occupied and not be able to answer the phone 24/7.

Young gals hear how somebody who knows somebody had some sort of success on Facebook, or some other dating site. That is how they get the idea that all farangs are wealthy, stupid, ATM machines ready to be milked. Actual reality has no part in the process.

All you can do is stick to your own principles and speak the truth. Don't settle for lies or let yourself be manipulated. Just be pleasant, smile and don't react to tantrums. Explain you won't be manipulated, but do it with a smile on your face. Never get upset because it will do no good. And, never, ever, ever invest in something you can't just walk away from with few regrets. That includes relationships as well as financial situations.

Very true and I CAN vouch for that to the tune of $28,000.00 USD. I was a fool once or maybe twice.

[Sisaketmike]

I have been married to a Thai woman for the past 18 yrs.

I still can't work her out.

It's very complicated. However, I will say that there are a number of obsrvations I can share:

1. Your wife/girlfriends group of friends will pick-and-choose the best bits of all the husbands/boyfriends and expect you to be all of those things.

2. They will often say how clever, handsome, hardworking, all of your friends are, but never tell you how ..clever, handsome, hardworking you, or the children are.

3.They will leave the stickers on expensive items!

4.They wont clean the house above shoulder hight.

5. They are incapable of organising anything.

6. They are obssesive about smells!

7. Everything is dirty!

I can't remeber why I'm still married, but....there must be something there!!!!

8. Ghosts are more visible than you.

9. Playing cards with friends losing your money isn't bad for them, because it was yours.

10. Whatever happens in her family is also affecting your life.

11. They're walking on high heels like elephants on roller blades.

Now I started to think why I got married.

[Sisaketmike]

and don't bother to wai older people.

The wai issue is a total minefield, you must never initiate a wai with anyone below your social status .... makes you either low class or a fool.

I only initiate a wai to my mother-in-law, me being old and high-so means they have to start!

Most foreigners make a total ass of themselves with an inappropriate wai.

(If in doubt, don't do it)

What total Rubbish....a wai to anyone shows respect....of course the timing is important as when a child wai's you, you simply return the wai; if walking into a room with elders you 'initiate' the wai and also when leaving....."minefield", "fools"....hmmmm

You sound like one of the people who wai doorman and tuk tuk drivers-fools!

Seems you are one of the Super heroes in this country. I've just seen a foreigner who made a wai to a motorbike Taxi driver, like it was a King. Normally you don't return a wai to a child, I guess you're also 'waing' monks, right? Why do you wai so much?

Edited April 21, 2010 by Sisaketmike

[ralphlsasser]

I have been married to a Thai woman for the past 18 yrs.

I still can't work her out.

It's very complicated. However, I will say that there are a number of obsrvations I can share:

1. Your wife/girlfriends group of friends will pick-and-choose the best bits of all the husbands/boyfriends and expect you to be all of those things.

2. They will often say how clever, handsome, hardworking, all of your friends are, but never tell you how ..clever, handsome, hardworking you, or the children are.

3.They will leave the stickers on expensive items!

4.They wont clean the house above shoulder hight.

5. They are incapable of organising anything.

6. They are obssesive about smells!

7. Everything is dirty!

I can't remeber why I'm still married, but....there must be something there!!!!

8. They take you to the expensive restaurant in town and order four or five dishes and eat only two or three!!

That's for Farang suckers. Hopefully, no one would put up with that for 18 years, let alone 18 days. I had that pulled on me a couple of times. Now, they go to my choice of restaurant, if I am paying, which is always.

I pay, so I say comes to mind.

[StreetCowboy]

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Seems you are one of the Super heroes in this country. I've just seen a foreigner who made a wai to a motorbike Taxi driver, like it was a King. Normally you don't return a wai to a child, I guess you're also 'waing' monks, right? Why do you wai so much?

Its the diet

[lodchong]

And finally

Please don't pick on bar girls, they behave in exactly the same way as most other girls, the girls working in bars are just a little more 'up front' about what they are after. Those that differentiate often lose their shirts.

I don't agree with above, sorry.

NOT Bar girl!

[deejah]

good thread folks

perhaps my two cents are redundant

perhaps a bit off topic as well

i have been here long enough

and been exposed to many different scenes, environments, and situations

i have been fortunate to experience such a gauntlet and variety that i can say i have met all kinds of people making a very wide type of relationship scenarios avoidable

possibly even more of a variety than back in the usa

where i dont get as exposed to as much variety of class types and backgrounds

i have met wonderful people (many of them gals) from all walks of life in thailand

if this is not the case for you you might consider finding a way to expand your social and experience circle

which is limited only by ones lack of creativity

when the thai gals get to meet farang from all over the world, that too plays a part in their 'education'

with all kinds of mixed results

thailand has been a land of opportunity for me

and after years, it is still not boring or disappointing at all

BTW in general

this country is run by women!

they do a good deal of the grunt work that keeps the cogs greased

look at who is on the buses and sungtows in the am going to work and pm coming back

a large percentage of WOMEN from all walks of life

they are a hard working lot

that gets a lot of respect in my book

is it really an issue of how someone thinks?

its what they say and primarily what they do that has impact

often their voice, thai or english, indicates quite a bit

how they treat you and other people tells all

personality can be fun but character marks relationship ability

kindness, respect and integrity being key

i will leave all the crazy psycho dating stories and major frustrations aside

[marquis22]

Quote:I am back again since the Thai girl games have been stepped up a notch and now with the Protesters, I am really wondering if the Thai's actually think ahead, or just worry about the moment? (don't get me wrong, I am not bashing the Thai's, I love Thailand and Thai people but I am just trying to figure out how to adapt to them)

Some sure don't think too far ahead or with logistic reasoning.

Met Thai friend at train station, she came on her motorbike.

She had a friend bring her car so she could take me and my bags to hotel.

Friend comes in car too, I book into hotel and friend of friend drives off.

I asked friend why didn't she drive her bike to hotel or go back in car to get it?

I got blank look as she said " we go get motorbike in tut tut" geeesuzzzz

[lioness]

they learn alot of their behaviour and situational responses from brain dead soaps on t.v.

they can be changed, but it takes a lot of work, and the girl has to be worth the investment.

yes, you have to choose wisely and carefully, in my experience, i suggest starting with a girl

who doesnt smoke or drink or have tattoos, that will point you very far in the right direction.

It must be a strange quirk of human nature, that one meets a prospective partner, who must have something going for them in the first place for them to be attracted and then someone wants to CHANGE them. I have seen men and women do this in many cultures usually after marriage. It's most unpleasant.

I like the approach of what you see is what you get and if it doesn't suit then bye bye.

[kevozman1]

What the OP really seems to be asking is; why he can't find a normal relationship in Thailand. Well for one thing his concept of normal is not the same as then one held here. So what he is actually looking for is an unusual relationship in Thailand. He is looking for someone he can relate to, someone who will get him, and not keep doing things opposite to what makes sense to him.

The entire process here is warped by the difference in how westerners think, feel, decide, and act, compared to how Thais think, feel, decide, and act. And of course these things also vary person to person.

A major barrier to westerners finding simpatico relationships here is that in the west people meet others through interaction in their own social and work environments. This gives an opportunity to make reasonable judgments about what kind of person someone is before the potential relationship stress moves in and ups the ante. Westerners also share similar decision making abilities and most are are used to making independent choices.

In an east west situation this sort of thing just doesn't happen very often. In Thailand the westerner is always the outsider, the exotic, the atm, the sugar daddy, or some other possibly unfair stereotype. And even if your lady doesn't really see you that way herself and the two of you have developed some understanding; her friends will continually pour advice into her based on their own stereotypes and perception. This is the minefield, Thais and the advice of peers is major source of frustration to the westerner.

I won't pretend I fully understand this problem but what I have seen is Thais are very uncomfortable with saying I don't know. Because of this, discussions about life's little problems are usually driven by the first suggestion that comes up, no matter how ridiculous it may be. Apparently it is not proper to discard anyone's suggestion (among peers) so whatever advice comes up first is usually just supported and accepted as the best way to go. So instead of carefully thought out advice you get knee jerk reactions being accepted as wisdom so no one loses face. This problem is magnified when the person giving advice is a superior. A boss, a parent, an older sibling, or an official, has tremendous power over the decision making of individuals here. This leads to the situation where the advice or commands being given may not even logical, in fact they might even be contrary to what the individual believes, but will still be carried out without hesitation.

So if you want to have a relationship with a Thai, remember that you are entering into a complex situation and you have to leave a lot of room for misunderstanding. It is like dating someone with split personalities, you never know how any situation will be processed. If you have no patience, you should quit now.

Best post i have read on Thai Visa.

[F1fanatic]

What the OP really seems to be asking is; why he can't find a normal relationship in Thailand. Well for one thing his concept of normal is not the same as then one held here. So what he is actually looking for is an unusual relationship in Thailand. He is looking for someone he can relate to, someone who will get him, and not keep doing things opposite to what makes sense to him.

The entire process here is warped by the difference in how westerners think, feel, decide, and act, compared to how Thais think, feel, decide, and act. And of course these things also vary person to person.

A major barrier to westerners finding simpatico relationships here is that in the west people meet others through interaction in their own social and work environments. This gives an opportunity to make reasonable judgments about what kind of person someone is before the potential relationship stress moves in and ups the ante. Westerners also share similar decision making abilities and most are are used to making independent choices.

In an east west situation this sort of thing just doesn't happen very often. In Thailand the westerner is always the outsider, the exotic, the atm, the sugar daddy, or some other possibly unfair stereotype. And even if your lady doesn't really see you that way herself and the two of you have developed some understanding; her friends will continually pour advice into her based on their own stereotypes and perception. This is the minefield, Thais and the advice of peers is major source of frustration to the westerner.

I won't pretend I fully understand this problem but what I have seen is Thais are very uncomfortable with saying I don't know. Because of this, discussions about life's little problems are usually driven by the first suggestion that comes up, no matter how ridiculous it may be. Apparently it is not proper to discard anyone's suggestion (among peers) so whatever advice comes up first is usually just supported and accepted as the best way to go. So instead of carefully thought out advice you get knee jerk reactions being accepted as wisdom so no one loses face. This problem is magnified when the person giving advice is a superior. A boss, a parent, an older sibling, or an official, has tremendous power over the decision making of individuals here. This leads to the situation where the advice or commands being given may not even logical, in fact they might even be contrary to what the individual believes, but will still be carried out without hesitation.

So if you want to have a relationship with a Thai, remember that you are entering into a complex situation and you have to leave a lot of room for misunderstanding. It is like dating someone with split personalities, you never know how any situation will be processed. If you have no patience, you should quit now.

Best post i have read on Thai Visa.

Agree apart from "discussions about life's little problems are usually driven by the first suggestion that comes up, no matter how ridiculous it may be".

I find they listen to the advice given by someone telling them what they want to hear - never mind how ridiculous it may be.