Marriage

[sua yai]

I've posted on this before - dowrys etc etc - but there's a new twist.

Basically, we both want to get married but sin sod is involved. Not too much. Because of financial committments in the UK, I can't meet the deadline for July. The Buddhist ceremony has to take place between the 7-20 July, otherwise a wait until November. This part of the equation is inviolate. BTW, we've been together for 18mths.

My gf has suggested that we get legally married first and then respect the Buddhist blessing later - including sin sod. I'll be going to the temple probably on Sunday to talk to her Mum about this. She's a Mai Chee there and I think this compromise has been at her instigation.

Has anyone out there been legally married and then followed up with the blessing, rather than the other way round?

[pnustedt]

Has anyone out there been legally married and then followed up with the blessing, rather than the other way round?

Yes, I did. Thought this was normal.

[Nordlys]

I did too.

Had church wedding and bridal party 5 months after registering marriage.

[mrbojangles]

Yes I did. Got married in BKK and then went to the wifes home villiage near Chaiya Phum for the Monks blessing. We did the blessing at pretty short notice and so we only had 6 Monks attend but i think having to wait until November is a bit strange. Anyway, i think what she wants to do is very normal.

[wolf5370]

I got married during the Rainy Season, so the Monk were holed up in the Wat. We had an Amphur, legal, 'wedding' on the 2nd July, a family wedding for the family on the 5th July and went to the Wat for a blessing on the 6th July. So 3 weddings really. We only celebrate the middle one as our anniversary (5th) even though the Marriage Cert. says the 2nd!

Oh, gave Sin Sod on the 5th at the family/friends wedding and got it back - minus the party costs which I agreed to pay for - on the 6th (I spent it on new white goods etc for her parents, but wasn't required to).

[eddie11]

Has anyone out there been legally married and then followed up with the blessing, rather than the other way round?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes, I did. Thought this was normal.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Got married in 1999 , went back to UK .

Getting blessing when we move back July

[Totster]

I don't think it really matters which way round you do it, as doing one does not obligate you to do the other.

totster

[mpdkorat]

I don't think it really matters which way round you do it, as doing one does not obligate you to do the other. 

totster 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I got married, missed the blessing, got divorced; no monks attended.

[Ken]

I don't think it really matters which way round you do it, as doing one does not obligate you to do the other. 

totster 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'd say Totster is right on with that statement....and really just wanted to reply to Totster to say that I "love" your new avatar. "Far out" as we used to say.

[Heng]

Wedding reception and Buddhist ceremony only for us. No legal registration planned.

[mpdkorat]

Wedding reception and Buddhist ceremony only for us.  No legal registration planned.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thats the best advice, wish I had taken it

I lived with two girls for 18 months, in the end they moved out, got fed up with me. ( I was naughty) They moved in together, but now they have split too. Cost me nothing and was a lot of fun.

[Totster]

Thats the best advice, wish I had taken it

I lived with two girls for 18 months, in the end they moved out, got fed up with me. ( I was naughty) They moved in together, but now they have split too. Cost me nothing and was a lot of fun.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This has nothing to do with the OP.... you just wanted to tell us all didn't you..

totster

P.S Cheers Ken..

[daleyboy]

Yep i got married legally 4 years ago still havent had the blessing yet will do that when we have a bit of cash, family said whenever we were ready.

When we registered the marriage in bkk i didnt even know we had got married!!!! We went with a firm that specialises in translations,visa applications, marriages etc. She took us to the office to do what i thought was some paperwork then i signed some paperwork, the woman then comes back and says congratulations you are now married i was like what the &lt;deleted&gt; how did that happen, i look back now and see the funny side, so just a word of caution, if you go to an office with a strange woman be prepared to come out married

Edited June 11, 2005 by daleyboy

[aaaaaa]

I lived with two girls for 18 months,

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yeah - tell us all ! how naughty ?

[Thomas_Merton]

Got married in 2 hours (translations, via applications everything) in BKK.

2 weeks later blessing in village, eating lots of pig meat and chicken, drinking Lao, monks could't come, nobody cared, everybody ate too much and got paralytic.

6 years later the party is still the talk of the village.

[CarlBkk]

I had trouble raising the funds for sinsot in time for the wedding too. I ended up buying the gold on my wife's credit card and "borrowing" a few grand from my own UK credit card for a few weeks. It's very important to negotiate HOW much of the sinsot/gold they're planning on giving you back AT or AFTER the wedding. In our case my wife made sure I got back the gold plus 75% of the sinsot...therefore I paid off the credit cards with no interest and saved the face of the family at the wedding by appearing as if I was a rich young b*****d! Now at least we can afford to drip-feed them a few thousand baht per month if they so require it without giving them a bucketful of cash to waste.

[mpdkorat]

Thats the best advice, wish I had taken it

I lived with two girls for 18 months, in the end they moved out, got fed up with me. ( I was naughty) They moved in together, but now they have split too. Cost me nothing and was a lot of fun.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This has nothing to do with the OP.... you just wanted to tell us all didn't you..

totster

P.S Cheers Ken..

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Is this forum not about sharing things? So what if it was off topic, most posts are. Most conversations are. Do you not agree? To be pedantic so was the post I quoted off topic.

Edited June 11, 2005 by mpdkorat

[mpdkorat]

I lived with two girls for 18 months,

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yeah - tell us all ! how naughty ?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Unfortunately naughty enough.........

[Eastender]

I recently got married, but sod that, tell us about the two girls.

[sua yai]

Thanks for all your replies.

Mum has flatly refused to allow us to get legally married first. We're currently talking about the sin sod and spreading the payments.

Somewhere, deep down, I don't reckon her mother trusts me which is a shame. The more I get that feeling, the less likely I am to trust her. The g/f and I are just trying to be together!!

[mpdkorat]

Thanks for all your replies.

Mum has flatly refused to allow us to get legally married first. We're currently talking about the sin sod and spreading the payments.

Somewhere, deep down, I don't reckon her mother trusts me which is a shame. The more I get that feeling, the less likely I am to trust her. The g/f and I are just trying to be together!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would not worry this is 2005, if you have no need to get married don't. It's a piece of paper that could cause you problems later. If you have a child that is a little different, but you can cross that bridge when you come to it. If the Mother in Law does not want you to marry; then that in my opinion is a win win situation. Just don't live to close to her.

[mpdkorat]

I recently got married, but sod that, tell us about the two girls.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

People are always aking these questions on marriage and relationships. I was trying to make light of the situation. The story is true, but costing me nothing was a lie. When I bought a telephone I had to buy two. When I bought gold I had to buy double the amount etc etc. But it was worth it!. The rest I will take to my grave and the way I'm going might not be so long

[sua yai]

Mum's a mai chee at a temple in town. So I guess it's a bit difficult to get away from her. Not that we really want to.

However, she is being a royal pain. I know she's looking after her daughter's interests and to a degree I'll fit in with that.

I will not be dictated to though.

Big conversations this pm at home and g/f's just gone to buy some food.

She's evidently not happy with what her Mum's saying and we're both trying to find common ground for the Mum.

I've basically said that I've got nothing to say to her mother at the moment.

G/f friend has told me that if we're not Buddhist married next month, she's got to become a mai chee also. So that's bye,bye.

Why do these things have to be so difficult??

There's really only one problem and that's the mother.

[mpdkorat]

Mum's a mai chee at a temple in town. So I guess it's a bit difficult to get  away from her. Not that we really want to.

However, she is being a royal pain. I know she's looking after her daughter's interests and to a degree I'll fit in with that.

I will not be dictated to though.

Big conversations this pm at home and g/f's just gone to buy some food.

She's evidently not happy with what her Mum's saying and we're both trying to find common ground for the Mum.

I've basically said that I've got nothing to say to her mother at the moment.

G/f friend has told me that if we're not Buddhist married next month, she's got to become a mai chee also. So that's bye,bye.

Why do these things have to be so difficult??

There's really only one problem and that's the mother.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Your not going to like this but I think that this situation is all going to end in tears. Sua Yai it's your life and very dificult to advise you.

[tuky]

We are legally married, but have not had a ceremony. She wants one but I do not. I guess later we will have a party, but it is not a bigpriority, she just wants the ceremony for "face"

[Boo]

we were going to have the buddhist ceromony but the dates weren't good when we could do it & the MIL got a bit nervous, so we decided we will do it in a few years time. Instead she bought a voodoo man to come & do some chanting etc & spit candle water over us (nice!) don't really know what it was about & hubby said to do it to humour her (she is ultra into buddha, voodoo, yolay (type of buddha inspired reiki) & all other good stuff issan women of 60+ are into) We legally married nearly 2 years ago & use this as the date of our annaversary

[Totster]

we were going to have the buddhist ceromony but the dates weren't good when we could do it & the MIL got a bit nervous, so we decided we will do it in a few years time. Instead she bought a voodoo man to come & do some chanting etc & spit candle water over us (nice!) don't really know what it was about & hubby said to do it to humour her (she is ultra into buddha, voodoo, yolay (type of buddha inspired reiki) & all other good stuff issan women of 60+ are into) We legally married nearly 2 years ago & use this as the date of our annaversary

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh yeah.. the dates.... we had to rush the planning of our ceremony a little bit because of the dates... but it made "mair" happy

totster

[Boo]

the biggest problem I had with the dates was that none of my freinds could make the dates she wanted & the ones I wanted weren't good for buddha/good luck, so we said, forget it, we will do it later. she was happy with that & the fact that I laughed when she offered me a sin sod

[sua yai]

As, I hope a final word from me on this topic, everyone had a big talk yesterday at the temple.

It's agreed that we can get legally married first, as long as it's between the 7-20 July (the 13th is no good). She can then move back in.

The Buddist blessing will be on the 4th Nov, with the 50,000 sin sod spread over 5 months. No big party. No monks as her mother can perform the ceremony.

Needless to say, we're both very happy. It's taken a long time, but finally everyone saw sense, particularly the mother when she finally realised that it wasn't a good idea for her daughter to get married, only to find that the first few months would be financially difficult for the two of us if the sin sod needed to be paid in one go.

Years ago, when working in the UK, I regularly negotiated major advertising deals for newspapers with multinational companies and their advertising agencies. I have to admit that I've never encountered anything quite so tricky as this round of "talks". Especially so as this was personal. I'm sure many of you will understand that.

Thanks for the replies. They did help as I filtered them through to the g/f.