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Letter To British Bank

David006
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David006 Gold Member

David006

Posted
Posted

Thought this would give everyone a chuckle....

> THE TIMES - - Letter of the Year:

>

> A SENIOR MOMENT - (I PRAY TO GOD THAT I HAVE THEM LIKE THIS......)

An elderly lady actually wrote this letter to her bank.. The bank manager

> thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times and this

> newspaper thanks him most sincerely.

>

>

> Dear Sir,

>

> I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I

> endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations,

> three'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque

> and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I

> refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an

> arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You

> are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and

> also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the

> inconvenience caused to your bank.

>

> My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has

> caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

>

> I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and

> letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal,

> overcharging, re-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

> From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood

> person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no

> longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed

> personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must

> nominate.

>

> Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other

> person to open such an envelope.

>

> Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your

> chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in

> order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me,

> there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her

> medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory

> details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and

> liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

>

> In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which

> he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be

> shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of

> button presses required of me to access my account balance on your

> phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of

> flattery.

>

> Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press

> buttons as follows:

>

> 1-- To make an appointment to see me.

> 2-- To query a missing payment.

> 3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

> 4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

> 5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

> 6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

> 7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer

> is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to

> the Authorized Contact.)

> 8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 8

> 9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be

> put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

> While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music

> will play for the duration of the call.

>

> Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an

> establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

>

> May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

>

> Your Humble Client

>

> Addendum from The Editor:

> IMPORTANT to REMEMBER that this letter was written by a lady who is a

> 98 year old woman; DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD!!!?

>

>

>

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endure Star Member

endure

Posted
Posted
I stand to be corrected but The Times doesn't have a 'Letter of the Year' competition. A link to the Times website would be helpful.

its only a bloody joke mate....lighten up

Ah - it's a joke. Pity you didn't make that clear when invoking The Times as a source.

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nakachalet Silver Member

nakachalet

Posted
Posted (edited)

endure

won't you nominate the letter too?

it is really everyone's experiences encountering increasing impersonal services and stresses mostly created by institutions and banking services alike....

but i wonder a wonderfully expressive lady at such a tender age won't have one of her favorite child expressed her frustration in writing on her behalf....

nevertheless, it is a wonderful reading for me anyway.... will email to my son as well.... so we can have a good laugh together.... :)

Edited by nakachalet
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endure Star Member

endure

Posted
Posted
endure

won't you nominate the letter too?

it is really everyone's experiences encountering increasing impersonal services and stresses mostly created by institutions and banking services alike....

but i wonder a wonderfully expressive lady at such a tender age won't have one of her favorite child expressed her frustration in writing on her behalf....

nevertheless, it is a wonderful reading for me anyway.... will email to my son as well.... so we can have a good laugh together.... :)

Do you really think this was a letter written by a 98 year old women to her bank? It's just another glib round robin written to stir up bad feelings.

It's not an experience I've ever had with my bank because I don't allow them to treat me that way.

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David006 Gold Member

David006

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Posted
I'm nominating endure for "Bore of the Year"! :)

Seconded......He seems a real bundle of laughs.

If that's the mind of thing that amuses you then you're easily pleased :D

mind of thing??

Bet you get invited to lots of parties hugh ?.... just for you wry wit, critical thinking and sense of humour no doubt.....please just take the post in the spirit it is intended ...if you don't care for it then...well... have a lovely day mate :Dboor of the year...lol

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